//------------------------------// // Merry Christmas? // Story: Thine Own Self // by Doctorparadox13 //------------------------------// ''So what exactly am I supposed to do with this Lyra?'' I said examining the smooth blue bowling ball I held in my hands, ''Just watch me closely, see those white pins at the end of our lane?'' Lyra said levitating a bowling ball ''Um, yeah.'' ''Watch and learn.'' Lyra said smugly, the ball she levitated in her hands flew at the pins at amazing speed, knocking down all but one of them. ''Dang it!'' She yelled kicking a nearby seat ''Why so mad? theres always a next time, besides, this is my first time. I'm positive you'll win.'' i said smiling at her, she smiled back at me. ''Its your turn, lets see how yo do.'' I had another sip of Undertow and levitated my ball in the air, trying to control it, I launched the ball at a very fast speed, only to do something pretty stupid. I accidentally launched my ball into somepony elses lane. ''Ha ha! yeah! I got a strike!'' A dark blue earth said exictedly hopping up and down. ''That wasn't even your ball!'' A black pegasus yelled at the dark blue one. ''Oh yeah, if it wasn't my ball, then whos was it?'' The dark blue pony asked the other ''It was that guys ball!'' The Black pegasus said pointing his hoof at me. ''Who me?'' I asked trying to act innocently, Lyra just sighed. The black pegasus marched up to me and started yelling at me. ''you helped him win! How many bits did he pay you to cheat? 30? 50?'' he yelled. Jesus, were all pegasi like this? Except for Fluttershy of course, sweet little thing. ''What are you talking about?'' ''I have 200 bits riding on this game! I'm not gonna lose them to a cheater!'' he growled ''What makes you think I did that on purpose?'' ''Your a monkey! A monkey that lies! I know you did that on purpose!'' ''Samson is not a liar!'' Lyra shouted defending me. ''I've never met a monkey that told the truth!'' The black pegasus protested. ''Have you ever met a monkey that spoke before?'' I ask. the pegasus thought about it for a few seconds. ''Well... um, no. I haven't'' ''How about a monkey that ever told the truth or lie?'' ''Um... No, I haven't.'' ''Then you don't know if I'm being honest or not, I did do it, but not on purpose, and I'm sorry.'' The pegasus bowed his head at me. ''I'm sorry I accused you of cheating, it won't happen again.'' ''Your forgiven, um, whats your name?'' ''Thunderlane.'' he said ''Alright, well, I'm Samson, so just mind your business and we'll mind ours.'' I said turning away from him. ''its your turn Lyra.'' I said to the green pony who kept looking at Thunderlane. ''Can you believe it? Ponies accusing you of lying!'' ''Lyra, he apologized to us, lets just get back to the game.'' ''Alright Samson.'' Lyra said levitating another ball. ''hey Lyra, what should we do after this?'' ''i don't know... The bar?'' *An hour later at Lyra's favorite bar ''The Prancing pony show''* ''This place seems old fashioned.'' I said to Lyra as we walked through the western style doors. ''Yup, its almost like an Apploosan salt bar. Rustic isn't it?'' Lyra said with a chuckle. We were greeted by a number of heads turning our way. There was a few quiet gasps when some laid eyes on me, I was pretty much used to this. then they went back to their conversations. ''Um, should we sit at the bar Lyra?'' ''Of course.'' From behind the bar we were greeted by light brown earth pony named Rum Run. She was a mid-aged mare, though a bit younger than the mayor. Her cutie mark was an inverted rum bottle splashing out some of its brown liquid, most likely rum or whiskey. “Evenin’ mates.” She said smiling, heh,, she had an accent, it wasn't like that southern accent Applejack had. it was... um... let me think... the only thing that comes to my mind when I hear her accent is ''A dingo ate your baby.'' I don't even remember what a Dingo is those but words just kept flashing in my mind. ''I brought you a new costumer. I know he'll love this place.'' Lyra said hopping up on a stool. My, you’re tall one. You’re also that new human that everyponies been talking about, thought it was just a rumor.'' ''Nope, I'm real as real can get.'' I said sitting at the bar next to Lyra. ''Well, what can I get ya?'' ''hard cider, big mug.'' Lyra said plopping a bag of bits down at the bar. ''And how bout you human?'' ''My names Samson, and I'll have the same thing Lyra's having'' ''Two mugs of hard cider comin' right up.'' ''Yo Samson!'' A familiar voice yelled from not to far away, I spun around in my seat to see a familiar black pegasus I met a few minutes earlier. ''Oh, hey Thunderlane.'' ''What do you want now?'' Lyra asked menacingly ''I just wanted to buy you a drink as an apology.'' Thunderlane said approaching me an Lyra. ''Did you win your bet earlier?'' I asked him ''Actually yes, I'm 200 bits richer!'' he said happily ''I got a fun idea, how about a drinking contest, just a friendly one.'' ''I accept.'' ''Ooh! can I join in?'' Lyra asked ''Of course Lyra.'' i said ''Sure Lyra.'' Thunderlane said ''Well, what are we waiting for? Afternoon tea? lets get this party started!'' I said plopping myself down a a nearby table. *A few minutes later, third person point of view* Everypony stared at the drunken human that slurred random things , amazed. He had 20 drinks, and was as drunk as drunk could get, while Thunderlane the black pegasus was passed out on the floor. ''Oh Mah god! I love me some ponyville! Ah never wanna leave! Awesome Magic pony land.'' No pony knew what to think. Then Applejack, pinkie pie, and twilight walked in. ''Howdy rum run, a glass of, what the hay?'' ''Well, I gave Samson a few free drinks to see how much a human could take. turns out.. a lot. More than Thhunderlane there'' Rum rum told the three. They all looked at the drunken human who had an equally drunk green mare careening in his arm on the seat next to him. The pair were engaged in a deep philosophical debate on the subject of love and beauty, the likes of which had not known for centuries since the legendary unicorn scholars of the pre classical era or the ancient Greek philosophers of the Ancient Greece era. Alas, our myopic, unsophisticated comprehension of linguistics and subtlety could only precieve the groundbreaking revelations as the following: ''Your sexy.'' Samson slurred ''No... Your sexy!'' The drunken green unicorn slurred back ''No no no no no,I think your the one thats sexy!'' ''My shexyness levels are not as good as yours.'' ''I think you maybe a tiny bit more sexier than *hic* me...'' And so on and so on... ''How many drinks did he have?'' Twilight asked rum run ''Bout 20'' Rum run replied polishing a glass at the bar. ''20 shots?'' Applejack asked ''20 entire mugs of hard cider.'' Rum run replied. ''20 MUGS?'' The three asked surprised. ''Eeyup, Thunderlane only had 3 mugs.... weak.''' ''Is Samson alright?'' Pinkie asked worried ''Does it look like hes alright?'' Twilight asked Pinkie ''ugh, I think you'd be good in bed Lyra.'' Samson said smacking Lyra's flank, everypony grimaced at that moment. ''Maybe we should *hic* test it, human boy.'' Lyra slurred ''Argh, I love you Lyra.'' Samson slurred kicking over a chair. ''I agrees with you Samson!'' Lyra said before passing out. *Switching back to Samson's POV* I looked at twilight and applejack and pinkie for a brief second, then resumed my conversation with the unconscious Lyra, I noticed she fell asleep and i was merely talking to myself and then I got up and stumbled over to Applejack, never been drunk before, than again, I don't remember if I ever got drunk before I came here. All my thoughts were screwed up. Ugh... ''Well howdy doody there applejackie!'' I said grabbing her hat from off her head. ''Hey give that back!'' She said hopping up to grab her hat, I quickly moved away from her. ''Hey don't touch me! I was Captain America's sidekick damn damn fucker!'' I then put on Applejacks hat and dance around the on the tables. ''Hey look everypony I'm Jesse James pew pew pew pew pew! I then tossed Applejacks hat across the room like a Frisbee and pick up some random ponies bottle. ''Whos Captain America and Jesse James?'' Pinkie asked, but still I ignored her and continued dancing on the tables like an idiot. ''Samson, your drunk, you need to come home right know.'' Twilight said sternly ''Oh wait! I had something really important to tell you three!!'' I said drunkenly hopping down from the table ''And what might that be?'' Applejack asked who had retrieved her hat. ''Ooh! A recipe for cupcakes?'' Pinkie asked excitedly. ''he says its important! maybe he remembered something about himself!'' ''Oh yeah, now I remember.'' I said grabbing a nearby bottle, ''Um, what was it, oh yeah, merry Christmas!'' After that drink the entire world went black. *Switching back over to 3rd person* . The three watched as Samson drank down the strongest stuff rum run had in a few seconds, the the fell over and knocked over a table, sending a bunch of bottles and shot glasses flying. ''Oh my gosh!'' Pinkie ran over to the unconscious human, ''Twilight we have to help him!'' ''We have ta get him back to your library!'' Applejack said slumping Samson on her back. ''alright, lets get him back home.'' Twilight said walking out, ''Say, who's merry Christmas?'' ''Drunken idiot.'' Applejack muttered under her breath. ''Wait girls! What about Lyra?'' PInkie asked from behind them. ''Bring her too, I have no clue where she lives.'' ''neither do I'' Applejack said ''Funny, I know everypony in ponyville, but not where they all live.'' Pinkie said as they trotted of to Twilight's Library. *Many years ago, march 5th* ''Ugh, this is a godforsaken place.'' A young voice said ''You can say that again boy, it is prison after all.'' An older voice said ''They just killed him... they fired into the crowd and killed him.'' The young voice said sadly ''I'm sorry for your loss, I too have lost someone to the damn empire.'' ''The Empire thinks they can do whatever the hell they want!'' The young voice yelled angrily ''Oi! Shut you gobs!'' Another voice yelled ''Damn guard...'' The older voice said ''When I get out of here, I'll kill them all.'' The young voice said to the other. ''I know someone who might help us, you have to trust me.'' The older voice said ''Alright, whats your name?'' The younger voice said ''Samuel.'' ''Alright, how do we get out of here?'' * approaching footsteps* ''Oi! you, you're brothers bailing you out. Let's go. *sound of jail cell opening* ''Um, alright I'm coming, sorry mate.'' *Punch landing* ''For Christ sakes, I stick my neck out for you for years and this is how you repay me, getting yourself thrown in jail.'' ''They killed Uncle Ben, Adam, and they shot into the crowd, someone had to do something.'' ''Aye, god bless his soul... but what about the guard's safety? Everyone was protesting and throwing snowballs and bricks, and one idiot even had a club! What if he had beaten one of the guards to death?'' The one referred to as ''Adam'' said. ''Speaking of guards, where were you?'' The younger voice said ''Patrolling the docks, I heard the gunshots from there.'' ''No shit, the entire city heard the shots, I wonder how many innocent people died...'' ''Well, they shouldn't have messed with the empire.'' ''Adam'' said. ''I swear...'' ''What was that?'' ''Nothing Adam.'' *present day, Samson's POV* ''Ugh... My head... where Am I?'' I thought to myself opening my eyes. Heh, just Twilight's library, in my nice, cozy bed. Ugh, what happened to me. Hmm, let me think, Lunch, Bowling, Pegasus, drinks, Lyra. Wait, where the hell is Lyra? I sat up with a jolt, Ugh, god my head hearts like hell. Wait, theres something else in the bed. I can feel it. I lifted up the covers, and next to me, sleeping snugly was Lyra. Wait, last night... or whenever, did me and Lyra? Ugh... no, we're just friends. I'm a human and shes a pony, is that even possible? ''Lyra, wake up.'' I said shaking her awake. ''Ugh... 5 more minutes.'' Lyra said groggily ''Lyra! wake up!'' ''Huh? What? Samson? where are we?'' She asked worriedly looking at me with wide eyes. ''What... were in bed... did we-?'' ''What? No Lyra, I still have my clothes on.'' ''But... Twilight?'' The green unicorn said looking away from me, I looked in the direction she was looking at and Twilight was standing in the door. ''You two look really cute together!'' She said smiling ''Ugh, Twilight, what happened last night?'' I asked getting out of bed ''You and Lyra got incredibly drunk and passed out, so I brought you two here.'' ''How long ago?'' Lyra asked getting out of bed too. ''You two have been asleep for an entire day.'' ''An entire day? oh no! Bon Bon is probably worried sick about me! I have go!'' Lyra said rushing out the door ''Don't forget to ask Bon Bon about me moving in!'' I yell after her quickly. ''I will! meet me at sugarcube corner later!'' I heard her call from downstairs ''Alright!'' i called after her ''Moving in?'' Twilight asked giving me a confused look ''Um, yeah, Lyra asked me if she could convince Bon Bon to let me move, would I do it, and I said yes.'' ''Don't you like it here Samson?'' ''Well, I do Twilight, but I wanna be closer to Lyra.'' ''You like her don't you?'' ''We're just good friends, nothing more.'' I said walking towards the door. ''Where are you going? Not back to the bar I hope.'' ''Nope, just downstairs to grab some books.'' I said walking past her. Just good friends? I... seem attracted to her, but shes a pony, no, what if she doesn't like me back like that. Ugh, get those kinds of thoughts out of your head Samson. That sort of thinking can kill your friendship with Lyra, then again she said all ponies were pretty forgiving. Ugh, no, just keep that though to yourself. ''hey Samson?'', Twilight asked coming down the stairs with me, ''Whats ''Merry Christmas?'' ''I don't remember.'' I said bluntly