//------------------------------// // Part Three: Room 78 // Story: Masquerade // by McPoodle //------------------------------// Masquerade Part Three: Room 78 Um, Pinkamena here. But of course you already know that. (Stupid! So stupid!) So I don’t really know if anypony is actually reading this, or if Pinkie Pie’s playing an elaborate joke at my expense. (As all of my so-called friends so often love to do...) I’m also not quite sure what you look like. Pinkie Pie showed you to me twice, and you had a completely different appearance the second time. I’m going to assume you’re the ones with the hands, because frankly, the ones with the tentacles creep me out. So here we are, in Room 78. Princess Celestia is lying in the remains of what was once a quite nice couch. The mechanism of the...device is slowly resetting itself. (I refuse to call it by the ridiculous name Pinkie Pie gave it. There is no way that it is a clown hammer!) Waking Terror and Professor Stein walked into the circle from opposite sides, and knelt down to be on each side of the alicorn, who almost immediately began to wake up. “Wha...what happened?” she said, her eyes still shut. This isn’t some cheap horror movie, so she was obviously speaking in Princess Celestia’s voice, but at the same time the diction was different. It was like she was doing an impression. Of a very intelligent, newly-cutied filly, perhaps? (And yes, Pinkie has shown me cheap horror movies. That mare has no self-restraint when it comes to satisfying her whims to experience anything and everything, as well as no apparent long-term memory to be traumatized by any of them. But let me tell you this: I remember all of the idiotic things she has done, and the emotional scars cut to the bone.) We appear to have here a problem with names. Pinkie Pie resolved this with copious use of parentheses, but now we have an element of the unknown, namely who is currently possessing Princess Celestia’s body. For the immediate future, let us adopt the following contradictory standard: When I say “Princess Celestia”, I mean the being who looks like Princess Celestia but in fact is the new mystery character, while when I say “Twilight Sparkle” I am referring to the being with the mind of Twilight Sparkle but the physical appearance of Professor Stein. Remember that at this moment nobody in Equestria knows that Stein is actually Twilight. “It’s OK,” Twilight said soothingly to the Princess, as she ran a hoof through her mane. “Ow, my head...” Celestia said, trying to reach the back of her head with one hoof. Twilight gently reached forward and grabbed the moving leg near the fetlock and brought it forward. This was in hopes of delaying the inevitable realization for a few seconds longer. Twilight made a conscious effort not to use her magic as she did this. “You appear to have...blacked out?” said Miss Terror, watching the scene between the alicorn and unicorn with some trepidation. She was desperately trying to think of things to say that did not reveal the true situation, things that somepony finding a member of their own, possibly non-pony species, overwhelmed by hallucinations of imaginary creatures, would say. Twilight nodded in approval at Miss Terror’s words. “Yes, and we are here to help you.” “Hmm...thank you,” said Celestia in a relaxed voice. Her eyes fluttered open, but appeared to be out of focus, as her eyelids began lazily winking out of sync of each other. Miss Terror, wanting to delay the moment when those eyes came into focus as long as possible, waved a claw out of the sight of the alicorn, causing the wall Celestia was looking at to glow an uncomfortably bright white. “Aaaa...” Celestia groaned in annoyance. She tried to cover one eye with a hoof, and only succeeded in bonking her face rather hard. Twilight winced. Celestia tried to focus on the appendage right in front of her. When she found that it was too close (and her eyes were still not completely functional), she lowered it, and focused instead on Twilight. Twilight grinned nervously. “Aaahh!” Celestia exclaimed, pointing at her with a hoof. “You’re a pony!” “I am?” asked Twilight. Technically, she wasn’t lying yet. Yet. Celestia swiveled her head, and pointed excitedly at Miss Terror with her other forehoof. “And you’re a dragon!” “Really!” exclaimed Miss Terror with a raised eyebrow. “Is that what you see me as?” This wasn’t quite as much of an equivocation as Twilight’s reaction, because Miss Terror was in fact not a dragon. She just looked like one. In reality, she was a Nightmare, a spirit sent by the Supreme Will to corrupt Princess Celestia as her sister eventually succeeded in corrupting Princess Luna. But in this case the elder alicorn had the sad example of her younger sister’s corruption to warn her of what was going to happen, and she succeeded in befriending the Nightmare instead. Now Miss Terror fought willingly beside the Princess and against the Supreme Will or, as he is known today, the Dragon Emperor. Wait, Pinkie said I didn’t need to tell you any of this. I’ve completely lost you now, haven’t I? I’m the worst narrator ever. [Sigh.] “Yes!” Celestia proclaimed triumphantly, rising unsteadily to her hooves. “I tricked the Princess into trading places with me! You’re Waking Terror, and you’re...Celestia’s boyfriend. I forget the name.” “That went well,” commented Twilight with every smidgen of sarcasm available to her. “Give me a second to think of another plan.” “How’s this for a plan?” said Miss Terror with a glint in her eye, as she walked over to the wall with the red button. “I press this button, and turn both of you into jelly!” Um...ew. “What?!” demanded Twilight. Both Celestia and Twilight tried to move, but found themselves immobilized by Miss Terror’s magic. “That body can’t take two strikes in quick succession,” explained the dragon. “It will be destroyed, and this interloper will die.” “And what about Celestia?!” Miss Terror rolled her eyes. “Twilight, surely you know by now that alicorns can reconstitute their bodies at will.” “How did...?” Twilight began to demand at the use of her true name, but quickly changed tactics. “Why?” “Why?” the baby dragon asked incredulously, trying to reach up towards a button that was mounted too high on the wall for her. “Don’t you realize what this being is responsible for? As a main character, she wrote your backstory! Every time you were teased, every time your parents told you you were worthless, every tear to run down your cheeks at an uncaring world—they were all her fault!” Yeah, that’s right, isn’t it? All my misery is this jerk’s fault! “And look at you now!” Miss Terror continued. “Trapped inside the body of a lunatic—that’s her doing as well!” Yeah! What a deespicable development! And not just us! Think of Fluttershy and her traumas! And Twilight—she’s the most messed-up pony of any of us! Squishin’s too good for her! What a total rotter! The red button moved down the wall to make it easier for Miss Terror to push it. Push it! Push it! “Well, this went south quickly,” Twilight remarked to nopony in particular. She then took in a big breath and let it out quickly. “First thing’s first. Waking Terror, I was just wondering: how does it feel to be under the control of the Supreme Will once more?” Miss Terror’s eyes went wide, and then she screamed and began banging on her head with her balled-up claws. “Get out! Get out, get out, get out!” One hand shot out towards the button, out of Miss Terror’s conscious control. She responded by teleporting to the other end of the room. (Teleportation was a sort of specialty of hers.) The part of her controlled by the current owner of the title of “Supreme Will” teleported her back to the button. She began popping from one part of the room to another in rapid succession, screaming in defiance the entire time. Twilight then directed a pair of doe eyes at the ceiling. She forgot that she was currently in the body of a stallion, so this ploy failed utterly. “Pinkamena, that’s you in charge, isn’t it?” she asked sweetly. OK, I suppose even as a stallion, that’s kinda cute. (In the background, Celestia could be heard crying out, “Pinkamena’s in charge when Celestia’s away? We’re all doomed! Doomed, I tell you! Dooooooooomed!”) “I’m your friend, aren’t I?” Twilight continued. “When you introduced yourself to me, I didn’t run away, and I didn’t demand you bring Pinkie Pie back. I wanted to know you for your own sake. I wanted to be friends with you and her.” Well, that is true. Whose side are you on, anyway? Oh hush, Mr. Turnip. Twilight’s the only one who got both of us presents on our birthday. That cube of calcite was the nicest thing that anypony’s ever given me. Well alright, that Twilight broad can live. But the jerk’s got to be jellified! Twilight, discovering that her paralysis was gone, stood up, but refused to leave Celestia’s side. “Now I suppose you have some cause to be mad at this poor misguided individual...” “I’ll change!” pleaded Celestia. “I’ll completely turn around the campaign. Everypony will be happy all of the time!” You’ll do WHAT? Twilight blanched, and waved two hooves in warning. “Not a good idea! Not a good idea!” “Oh...right,” said Celestia. “Well I’ll definitely do what I can to make things better. I couldn’t possibly treat you all the way I was, now that I know that you’re real. What do you think?” “Aha! Control is mine!” proclaimed the mind-controlled Miss Terror. She swatted triumphantly at the red candy-like button... Only to discover that I had turned it into a literal candy button. It cracked into pieces and fell to the ground. In shock at this development, the Dragon Emperor’s mind was easily shoved aside by Miss Terror, but not for long, causing the mental battle to start anew. “GET OUT AND STAY OUT!!!” And, saying this, Miss Terror blew a big ball of white hot fire into her claws, and plunged her whole head right into it, keeping her sensitive eyes open. She screamed in the utmost agony for ten seconds, and then with a “BING!” the fireball went out, and Miss Terror sighed in relief. “Much better,” she proclaimed to herself. Yes, mind-cleansing fireballs operate exactly like microwave ovens. I bet you didn’t know that. While this was going on, a piece of lined paper suddenly materialized in front of Twilight. “Hey, that’s mine!” Celestia exclaimed. Discovering that she could now move, she turned to confront the unicorn. Twilight looked over the page carefully to confirm that it did indeed reveal where Princess Luna was being held hostage. “Considering that this is the entire reason why you got into this near-death experience in the first place...” she began. “Yeah, alright, you can have it,” the alicorn grumbled. “Great!” exclaimed Twilight, walking over to join Miss Terror. “Vinyl and the real Princess Celestia should be back here any second now, so that leaves only one thing to take care of. Pinkamena, haven’t you wondered why this particular adventure has been so very strange?” Well, yeah, the thought had occurred to me. “How do you know how long to wait for the voice we can’t hear to respond?” Miss Terror whispered to Twilight. “I dunno. I’m kinda playing this by ear.” She then looked back up at the ceiling. “Well, I’ve got an explanation, if you’re willing to entertain it.” Sure, why not. “You’re dreaming. Both you, and Pinkie Pie, are dreaming. I mean, answer me this: do you remember what you were doing before Vinyl and I met? Cecil had just blind-teleported us to meet with the Dragon Emperor. Where did you end up?” That’s a good question. “Of course!” exclaimed Celestia. “This isn’t real—it’s all a dream! Stupid conscience, trying to make me feel guilty for giving Pinkie Pie an interesting backstory!” The red candy button suddenly put itself back together again and turned back into a real button. Twilight executed an epic face-hoof. Luckily for the jerk, the universe has an impeccable sense of timing, because at that moment there was a huge flash of light, and Vinyl Scratch took over Princess Celestia’s body, putting the jerk back in her jerk body back on Jerkworld. Standing beside her was... Pinkie Pie? “Yup, in the flesh!” What are you doing down there? “You’re never going to believe this, but we’re in the middle of a dream! And not just any dream, but a nasty Dragon Emperor–sponsored dream. And nopony ever wants to buy his products!” [Sigh.] Whatever. Just get this over with. “My pleasure! I will bring this tale to its conclusion by uttering the two magic words... THE END There, all done! Now there’s no reason to wonder where Vinyl and I went to! Um, I didn’t think that last sentence out loud, did I?