//------------------------------// // Chapter 1 // Story: E-Q-stria // by BitTune //------------------------------// The depths of space were quiet as ever. The vast expanse had a sense of surreal tranquility, almost complete emptiness except fiery clumps of hydrogen and helium undergoing nuclear fusion, suspended in mid-space, nearly completely still. Through this tranquil expanse rumbled the Enterprise NCC-1701-D, the flagship of the United Federation of Planets. Majestically sailing through this void like a great wooden ship on water, about as much was going on within her as without. Captain Jean-Luc Picard, having left his bridge to his First Officer, had retreated to his quarters to continue a book about exoarchaeology which he had never before found the time to finish. The book provided an interesting diversion for about forty-five minutes, but after that he quickly found himself…unoccupied again. He tapped his combadge. “Picard to Engineering.” “La Forge here.” “Geordi, how long until the holodecks are back online?” “Not for a while, sir,” crackled the voice on the other end. “It seems as soon as we had untied one knot, we discovered another one in a completely different part of the system. The good news is that I’d say we’re about 75% done. The bad news is that it’s going to take at least another five or six hours to take care of this one.” The captain sighed. “Thank you, Mr. La Forge.” The holodecks had been offline for a few days now. Fortunately, it was a nonessential system which had failed, plus they had plenty of time to fix it, seeing as even at Warp 5 it would take them about three more days to get to Starbase 229. Unfortunately, the lack of holodecks made most everybody on the Enterprise, to use a technical term, bored out of their skulls. Captain Picard, for lack of anything better to do, made his way back onto the bridge of his ship. Everything there was exactly the way it was when he had left it. Nobody seemed to have even moved. “Has anything come up, Number One?” “Negative, Captain,” replied Riker. There was a pause, and then Riker tapped his combadge. “Riker to La Forge.” “La Forge here.” “How long do you think until the holodeck systems are—“ “Five or six hours,” the captain finished in a bored monotone. “I’ve already asked him.” There was a long pause again. “With your permission, Captain, I’d like to say something.” “By all means, Number One.” “Ever since the holodeck went down, things have been rather…dull…on the Enterprise. “Oh, I agree totally, Number One.” “As do I!” chimed in an all-too-familiar voice. A theatrical whooshing filled the room, and once again the members of the bridge crew were face-to-face with one of their greatest adversaries. “Q, what the hell are you doing on my ship!?” barked Picard. “Well, you have nothing to do, and your primitive little houses of mirrors are broken, so I thought I’d drop by and spice things up a bit!” Smug as usual, the entity put on a false look of indignance. “And you’re treating me like this?? Why, the NERVE! I thought I’d be welcomed here! “Q, you know you’re about as welcome here as smallpox,” Riker snapped. “Now, get off the ship—NOW!” “Oh, why do you have to be so…unfriendly all the time?? Why is it that you never welcome me?” “Q, you tried to put us on trial for the crimes of humanity, you forced us into contact with a hostile race with technology far superior to our own, you are IRRESPONSIBLE and ERRATIC and ARROGANT and CONNIVING—" “All right, I did some things that were not so nice! But can’t you forgive me? “Q, that little incident with the Borg nearly DESTROYED the entire Federation! Because of that incident, you put the very existence of COUNTLESS SPECIES in jeopardy!!” “And I am truly sorry for that, mon capitan!” “Hmph!” A grumbling voice gave a snort of skeptical derision. The Q turned around. “Ah, my dear Klingon! I do hope that you’ll be able to forgive me for all the nasty things I’ve said about you...if your species has any such concept, that is!” The Klingon gave a low growl, causing the omnipotent entity to grin even more. The Q then turned around and addressed the rest of the bridge with a put-on look of disappointment. “I truly am SHOCKED, SHOCKED and APPALLED, at the way that all of you treat someone who’s only trying to be friendly! All of you...you, Picard, could use a lesson or two on the value of friendship!” “Since when did you know anything about ‘friendship’!? You’re DETESTED across the galaxy!” “Oh, you’d be surprised, mon capitan!” Picard was about to make a rebuttal, then sighed and decided that it wasn’t worth it. He sat down in his chair. “Okay, Q, since you obviously have no intention of leaving...what is your little game now?” “There’s BIG ADVENTURE! TONS of FUN!” Q beamed, characteristically theatrically. “And what’s more...” He leaned into the Captain’s face. “Magic makes it all complete,” he concluded in a whisper. “‘Magic’?” muttered the Captain. “Ah. Illusion, sleight of hand, perhaps the perceived reaction to technology far superior to one’s own native technology--” “Oh, no no no no no, dear Data, you’ve got it all wrong!” The Q interrupted. “This kind of magic is very, very real. More real than any diversion you’d find on your ‘holodecks’.” “MAGIC DOES NOT EXIST,” stated the Captain firmly, standing up from his chair. Q smiled. “There are more things in heaven and earth, Picard, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” The entity snapped his fingers, and the crew of the bridge vanished in a flash of white light. It was quiet in the Sculpture Garden today, and Hayseed the gardener was tending to the hedges of the garden’s labrynth. He then noticed something--or rather didn’t notice something--in the corner of his eye. He stopped his work and turned to look at the empty space behind him. “Hay,” he said to himself out loud. “didn’t there used to be a statue or something here?”