When I was just a little filly my mother always told me "Ditzy, don't let other ponies put you down, you may be different. But everpony's different. There's no fun in being the same". Up until now that has been my guiding light. But since mother passed away 3 years ago now, I’m forgetting what it was like to hear her say that. No other pony says it like her.
I just don't believe it anymore.
When I moved to Ponyville I tried to start a new life. Away from all of the troubles that my life back in Manehattan had. I found a job in the mail service! I made some friends!
Unlike all of the other Pegasai in Ponyville I didn't want to live in Cloudsdale because I can't fly too well. I still sometimes visit, but my home is just outside of Ponyville. I really thought I found a new home here.
I thought I was doing all right,
Obviously not.
I know I’m not the smartest pony around, or the prettiest, or the coolest. But I thought that I was all right.
Ponies on the street would call me names; "Thick", "Dumb", "Stupid". I heard these on a regular basis, every time that I would deliver mail I would get yelled at from angry ponies form the ground below. Every time that I tried to apologise they all just raged on and on. I don't like it when ponies get mad.
After each encounter I would try and pick myself up again. I put on my brave face until the day was over.
Every night I would come back to my empty house and cry myself to sleep.
Every night.
This morning was no different to any other day. I put on my happy face, picked myself up, wiped away the tears and set off to work.
It was a dark and stormy morning when I got up. No sun, at all. The rain made deep puddles in the pot holes on the road to work. As I walked down the road to Ponyville I stopped to think "why? Why go to work? Every day is the same" I looked out at the grey Ponyville and saw nopony walking around. I shrugged and continued along the winding road to Ponyville.
Town was not too far away along the road. As I walked through the sea of closed doors and shut windows I approached Ponyville express. My work-place.
I freed myself of the water that had accumulated on my coat and mane. I pushed the door open with my fore-hoof and walked in to the dimly lit reception. I felt a droplet of water slide down my face and nestle in the corner of my eye, making it look like a tear. I was use to the feeling so didn't wipe it away.
I said good morning to the lady at the front desk and began to walk slowly to my office before being called to go to the manager's office. I felt butterflies in my stomach as I approached the glass door. I pushed it open and walked in.
Fired.
Finished.
Over.
The only reason he said was, that I had received too many complaints for delivering the wrong mail. So it looks like my days of mail delivery are over. I felt a tear well up in my left eye. I looked away from my boss and muttered a quiet "I'm sorry" then walked slowly out with my head hanging low and tears in my eyes.
I walked past the receptionist not bothering to look at her and said "goodbye Mrs. hoof" before running out into the rain where nopony could talk to me.
I began to walk along the winding road back to my house just outside of Ponyville. A carrage passed and went over a pothole and splashed me with cold and muddy water. Tears blurred my vision so I ran home to be alone.
I burst through the door and threw myself onto the bed. I grabbed a pillow and started to cry like never before. Soon enough the pillow was wet. Even though it was only 11am I decided to get some sleep to try and forget about this horrible morning.
I cried myself to sleep.
Again.
I woke up in the late afternoon, my eyes still red and wet from crying so much. I looked over at the clock. 3 pm. Great, what was I supposed to do for another 4 hours?
I made myself some lunch and then went outside to try and forget about the day. I went for a slow walk in the park. Whenever ponies would try and talk to me I would just hang my head and keep on walking. I didn't feel like talking to anypony.
An hour had passed and I thought of the one thing that may cheer me up. Muffins. I went over to sugar cube corner, still with a frown on my face. I approached the counter and was greeted by an overexcited Pinkie Pie "HELLO DER- I mean DITZY!" she yelled.
"Hey, Pinkie" I said in a trying-to-be-nice voice.
"What'll it be?"
"Oh, just the usual"
"Okie dokie loki!"
She slid open the doors covering the sweet goods and pulled out one chocolate chip muffin. She put it in a brown paper bag and took the one bit I owed her. "See ya later Ditzy!" she said waving her pink hoof at me while I walked out of the shop.
I held the brown bag in my mouth as I solemnly walked back home.
I slowly opened the door of my house and walked into the kitchen. I opened the brown bag and began to eat the delicious chocolate chipped muffin.
Usually when I eat muffins I enjoy them. This one however was different. It didn't make me happy. I just stayed sad.
What would cheer me up?
I began to think that I may never be happy again. I felt tears form in the corners of my eyes. I walked up stairs and decided to write about my events today, just to clear my mind.
I have a journal where I write everything about my life. It's brown with a white lock and bubbles on the front. I opened the book and began to read through my more happy days here in Ponyville. Like the day where I didn't manage to deliver the wrong mail, that was a good day.
As I read through the pages and pages of my life more and more tears began to fall from my face onto the paper, making it transparent and wet.
I got to the last page and I picked up my quill and started to write about today.
And that is what I just wrote about.
I signed my named, grabbed the key and locked it. Hiding it away under my bed. Maybe when I feel better I'll read today again, maybe.
It was 5pm now and I didn't want to go to any parties or night clubs tonight. I didn't feel up to it, to face other ponies. I just wanted to be alone.
I tried to cook myself some dinner but of course, it ended up burnt. Like it almost always does.
Celestia! can't I do anything right?!
I slumped down on the floor and began to cry. Again. I didn't know that a pony could hold so much water.
After a small puddle of tears was made on the floor I picked myself up and headed towards my bedroom up stairs.
I fell asleep hungry.
Maybe tomorrow will bring something better. Maybe it could even make me happy again. Maybe, just maybe.