Pewdiepony and Luna slowly traversed the hallowed halls of the Passage of Convenient Sacrifice. At the end of the hallway, a golden light glowed, shining them down in beautiful light.
“Actually, I think that’s radiation.”
The two ponies entered the room where the magnificent barrel killing artifact lay on its pedestal. A chair was on the left side of the room, while on the right side was a comfortable appearing cushion and a very spiky looking cactus.
The magnificent weapon was simply a Nokia phone duct-taped to a stick.
Pewdiepie’s eyes shined. “Its... bootiful...” The gamer walked slowly to the artifact, and gave it a tender kiss. Then, he began to run his tongue up and down the wooden stick.
“That is so hot.” Luna drooled as she watched this erotic spectacle, and her hoof began to slowly travel towards the dark side of the moon(if you know what I mean). Just then, a small trapdoor opened from the ceiling, and a grey mare landed with a painful thump right on the cactus.
“God damn bros, can’t do a single thing right...” Derpy complained as she pulled thorns from herself. “Anyway, sorry to interrupt your little masturbation celebration, but I've got a Barrel King to protect!” Derpy pulled out a large, evil looking gun. “Goodbye, Pewdiepie!”
“NOOOOOO!” Luna jumped in front of the gun, and fell to floor with a painful crunch. Grabbing her knee, Luna rocked back and forth with a pained “aaahh...” every time. Derpy shrugged, aimed right at Pewdiepie, and pulled the trigger.
Nothing happened.
“Damn! I seem to have picked up Dinky’s toy gun by mistake!” Derpy scowled. Pewdiepie, who had been too busy molesting the artifact to notice what was going on, looked over at Derpy. The swede didn’t know much, but he knew that shit was about to go down.
Running to the other side of the room, the unicorn grabbed the chair. “Sorry Mr. Chair, but your time has come.”
“But Pewdie, I love you-” Pewdiepony threw Mr. Chair right into Derpy, where it smashed into a thousand tiny pieces, knocking the muffin-loving villain to the floor. The wall right in front of him slid down, revealing a large hill with several ramps, jumps, and fans. A bike with a child seat at the back was laying nearby.
Pewdiepie grabbed Luna(who was still groaning over her knee), grabbed the barrel artifact, and dragged Luna outside. Propping the bike up, he shoved her into the seat. Getting into the front seat, he began to pedal down the hill.
Derpy got to her hooves, one of her eyes blackened, and her temperament foul. “Bro! Get me a bike!” A bro rushed up and presented her a tricycle.
Derpy facehoofed. “Fine... I guess this will have to do!”
The grey mare jumped on the trike, and peddled down after Pewdie and Luna.