//------------------------------// // Part 1 // Story: My Little Devil // by Ficta_Scriptor //------------------------------// My Little Devil Rainbow Dash was led on a cloud fast asleep, dreaming of flying alongside the Wonderbolts. Soarin’ was spinning through clouds and Spitfire was karate chopping a group of seagulls as they passed them. She woke up and stretched. She felt a little woozy, but then eight cans of cider will do that to a girl. She stood up, and felt that she was somehow heavier than she was used to. ‘No matter,’ she thought, ‘If I start getting fat I’ll just do that purging thing that Rarity showed me.’ She leapt from the cloud and immediately began to feel a strange sensation in her stomach. It almost as if something was kicking it. She dropped to the ground as fast as she could, clutching her belly. ‘What do I do now?’ she thought. ‘I know! Pinkie Pie might be able to help!’ She swooped down into Sugarcube Corner where all of her friends were, eating vast mounds of cupcakes. Pinkie was egging them on. “This is my new recipe! Eat up as much as you want! In fact, you can NEVER EVER leave until all of the evidence… I mean cupcakes are gone!” Pinkie shouted, rushing to the front door with an enormous padlock. “You know, ah haven’t seen that Lyra around for a while,” Applejack murmured as she munched on the pastel green icing of her cake. “Rainbow Dash! You’re here too!” Pinkie exclaimed. “You can help us eat all of the cupcakes!” She slung the padlock around the door and swallowed the rusty 8 inch key. “I would love to, but I have a really bad stomach ache…” “Oh?” Twilight said, perking up. “How so?” “I feel like my stomach is being hit by something, like it’s going to fly out of my mouth.” “Oh I have stomach pains all the time,” Pinkie said, swallowing a keychain that unlocked the key to the key within the giant rusty ornamental key. “I just don’t know why.” “Hmmm…” Twilight prodded Rainbow Dash’s nose with concern. “Hang on, this could be serious.” She brought out a stethoscope and placed it against Rainbow Dash’s back-right hoof. “Oh dearest Celestia!” she gasped. “Rainbow Dash is pregnant!” All of them screamed in surprise, especially Rainbow Dash. “What?! I can’t be pregnant!” “Oh my goodness!” Fluttershy exclaimed. “I’m so proud of you Rainbow Dash. I knew that those horrible things everypony said about you weren’t true!” “Fluttershy, you’re the one who started those rumours,” Twilight said, glaring. “Now the question on mah lips sugarcube, is who is the father?” Applejack jumped in with. “I don’t know!” screamed Rainbow Dash, her cheeks growing red. “Spike? It wasn’t you was it?!” accused Twilight. “Of course not! There are only five ponies in this room that I’d sleep with and Rainbow Dash is NOT one of them!” “I hope Rarity gets here soon,” said Sweetie Belle. “She’ll be so happy to hear the news!” “You really don’t know who the father is?” Twilight asked. “No… I really don’t…” “Ooh! Maybe it’s like a mystery!” Pinkie shouted. “Was it Professor Plum? Was it Reverend Green? Oh, oh, I know! It was Professor Green!” “Calm down everypony,” Twilight said. “This is a delicate matter and we need to deal with it carefully. Now Rainbow Dash, what was the last thing you remember about that party eight and a half months ago?” “OK, I remember playing strip poker with Fluttershy. It got boring once we realised that we’re naked all the time anyway, so it would make no difference.” “Didn’t I beat you? Oh, I’m so sorry,” Fluttershy called out. “OK, next I remember Fluttershy daring me to set fire to a beehive.” “Those bees looked awfully cold, shivering all over the place. They simply had to get warmer.” “Then I remember Fluttershy daring me to break into the Ponyville sperm bank and eat as much as I could.” “You’d drunk so much cider Rainbow Dash and I knew you needed something to stop a hangover. I hate to see my friends with a headache.” “Then I remember Fluttershy with a hockey stick, and that was it.” “I really wanted to re-enact The Mighty Bucks but you fell asleep, so I took you to a cloud to rest.” Twilight furrowed her brow. “Hmm… I think I know what happened. In one of my books it says that 87% of pregnancies are caused by strip poker. I’m sorry Rainbow Dash, but I think the Jack of Diamonds may have taken advantage of you.” “Ah’m not convinced,” said Applejack. “Ah think that’s too obvious, there has tah be some kind of other explanation. Ah’m off to find out if mah suspicions are correct. See ya!” Applejack quickly left out of the back door. “The back door!” Pinkie cried. “I totally forgot about it!” She readied another padlock and forced a bucket full of keys down her throat. “Ah know it was you, so spill it!” Applejack shrieked. “I have no idea what you’re…” “Quit lyin’ tah me!” Applejack cracked the whip against Big Mac’s flank, his flesh splitting apart and blood splattering against the wall. “I didn’t do it!” “You just couldn’t control yourself, could yah? You just saw Rainbow Dash sleepin’ like a log and BOOM!” “No, I swear I didn’t!” “Maybe so. OK, I’ll believe you, for now…” Applejack shuffled out of the room and slammed the door. “Aren’t you gonna undo these?” Big Mac called as his bones buckled under the strain of the iron chains wrapped around his limbs. “Ah’ll think about it later…” “Welcome to the Jerry Kyle Show! Today we have Rainbow Dash. She’s pregnant and doesn’t even know who the father is! She’s utter scum, a waste of space, a piece of crap, a terrible excuse for a pony. But let’s let her have her say and not pre-judge her. We always want to have an open mind on this show. Let’s welcome Rainbow Dash!” The audience clapped their hooves as Rainbow Dash came onto the stage and sat in one of the available seats. “So Rainbow Dash, tell us why you’re here.” “I was…” “Well that’s not what I heard! According to what you told Graham before the show you used to drink at least six cans of cider every day and would often pass out on a nearby cloud!” “Wait a minute…” “I don’t want to put words in your mouth and I’m not going to say anything about your numerous run-ins with the law. Tell me, who are the possible fathers?” “I don’t know!” Rainbow Dash squeaked. “Well that’s funny because before the show you told Graham that you could think of at least six hundred and eighty three possible fathers! But let’s not dwell on what you said, who you slept with and how much of a complete disgrace you are. Let’s bring on your good friend Applejack.” Applejack took the seat next to her as the audience cheered. “So Applejack, what do you think about this situation? What are your thoughts?” “Well ah think ah know who done did her, but he ain’t spillin’ the beans as of yet.” Fifty miles away Big Mac lay hanging from a rope, desperately trying to cling on to his consciousness. “Ah trust mah friend not to sleep with anypony she don’t know.” “Well your friend Applejack just said that she thinks you’re a total slut. What do you have to say in your defence?” “But I…” “Yeah… A likely story. What I can offer you is a nice long session with Graham who’s going to talk you through your problems, and hopefully your child won’t grow up to be a prostitute or a drug dealer. And you’d better hold on to your friend here because she is an absolute diamond. Let’s give Rainbow Dash and Applejack a round of applause, folks.” The audience clapped as the two mares were escorted offstage by two hefty looking security guards. “Next we have a colt who sawed off his little sister’s legs, locked her in a wooden chest, threw it into the ocean and blew her up with limpet mines. We’ll be telling you why she got what she deserved, NEXT!”