Do you know what the definition of insanity is?
-Insanity
"Up and atom Star," I nudged Starlight a bit.
"Five more minutes..."
"Star you're gonna miss the totally cool and not Illegal hay pancakes I made,"
"You can't even cook mom..."
"Well if you don't wake up right now darling I'll cook you instead."
With that Starlight shot up and almost hit her head on the roof of her tent, then fell back down with a thud.
"Hey! That isnt funny... Mom...?"
"BWAHAHAHAHA HOLY FUCKIN SHIT THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE! HAAHAHAHHAH-" I was suddenly smacked by Starlight with her hoof, "Ow! That hurt,"
"Yeah and that's what you get for trying to impersonate my mom," Starlight crossed her forelegs and shook her head, "wait you made hay pancakes?"
"Yeah, I had some help." This idiot can't even cook pancakes right Starlight, like how- shut up.
"...help?"
"A little birdie taught me how,"
"... Hey did I buck you too hard last night?"
"Psh, you couldn't even kick me right, didn't hurt at all." 'My head still hurts, I need to get the voices out of my head ASAP,'
'Zero can you deactivate the elements skill or something?'
The elements skill has not been activated.
'... Noted'
'Awwww, you don't like out company?'
'I do but you guys can't just put your own words into my sentences okay?'
'You're no fun,'
And suddenly the voices disappeared. Well, all except for one or two.
*Munch*'Oh wait they left?'
'Yeah... The rest left because Rimu doesn't want them for a bit.
'Of course the only one's left are the eldritch monstrosity and the king or curses, fantastic.'
'You flatter me,'
"Uh? Trixie? You there?"
"I- uh- huh?" I haven't noticed but I was now at a table with the hay pancakes I made infront of me on a plate. When did I get here?
"You kinda just set the table and stared into nothing... Not complaining though," With closer inspection I realized that Starlight ate about half the pancakes I made.
"Hey! Save Trixie some!"
"Well winner takes all,"
"Trixie won that fight last last night!"
"Yeah tell that to your crumpled chitin,"
"Yeah and to your ruffled mane too Star,"
"Oh shut it."
We sat there in silence, eating the hay pancakes. It wasn't particularly awkward, since we both knew we were starving. After we ate I grabbed the dishes and started to wash them at the sink nearby. Wait this tent is huge what, there's a table, a sink and a kitchen! How much magic did Starlight put into this tent?!
"Hey Star?"
"Call me Master, cult member."
"Yeah Master of what? Courting?" Starlight seemingly went red at that retort.
"Augh! Just call me Master! You're the first official member of my cult now so stop calling me Starlight!"
"Yeah yeah master," I think Starlight grew more red.
...
"Hey Master?"
"I-uh-huh-uh yes?"
"How much magic did you put into this tent?"
"Well let's just say a week was used up just trying to make this tent."
"Trixie thinks it's not impressive at all," Starlight whipped her head around to face me and glared into my soul. Seems like I struck a nerve with that one.
"Well let's see how you do it then?"
"Do what?"
"Make this tent? You know. Because you didn't think it was impressive?"
"Well fortunately for you, Trixie doesn't know magic."
"Wait what? You used magic though?"
"Trixie only used a miniscule amount of magic,"
"Well can't you just learn more? You look like a fast learner,"
"Well Trixie can't read." A moment of silence was shared between us as Starlight processed my statement, In the mean time I finished the last of the dishes snd put them on the drying rack off to the side of the counter.
"Wait you can't read?"
"Uh huh."
...
"I just lost to somepony who couldn't read..."
"What was that master?"
"Nothing."
...
"So... Trixie. Since you're the first cult member I have, what do you think is the best course of action to get more members?"
"Why are you asking Trixie that Master?"
"Well, I need ideas from my cult members, I can't just do everything on my own can I now?"
"Trixie thinks you're just too lazy."
"Oh shut it changeling."
...
"Well Trixie thinks we need to impress the populous." I replied, now facing her.
"And how do we do that?" Starlight said with a raised brow.
"Simple, Trixie thinks a simple display of powerful magic can sway the populous."
"Well you would be wrong, I already tried that."
"Well maybe you need to defeat a powerful beast to gain the respect of the ponies?" Mind you, I was just spewing absolute bollocks at this point. Well I kinda just took some aspects of the Trixie episode and how she impressed Ponyville (atleast most of ponyville).
"There's guards in this town Trixie, a beast isn't gonna get past them."
"Well how about a stampede of beasts?"
"Well... Actually that could work."
"See? Trixie is much smarter than Master." I swear everytime I say master Starlight almost chokes on her spit. Can't complain, shits funny.
"The problem is to get a stampede... Hey Trixie can you make a stampede or something?" Starlight asked.
"Trixie is not that powerful."
"Well, maybe you can get a reward if you do it?" Starlight blushed as she said this.
"Well Trixie still doesn't care," Starlight snorted and looked away from me.
"Well... I could buy you a beer from the bar-"
"Deal."
"... That's it?" Starlight looked perplexed, she probably didn't expect me to accept with that condition. Well I technically had a job there but I'm too lazy to go back.
"When does Trixie start?"
"Preferably right now."
"You're funeral," I used overdrive and teleported to the outskirts of the town.
"Wait I was joki- and she's gone... Buck."
***
I popped into existence outside of the town near a herd of buffalo. 'perfect.'
'You should've accepted her earlier offer. I'm curious on what she could do~'
'Hey! There's kids reading this cursed!'
'Hey no 4th wall breaking Pinkie.'
I inspected the herd if buffalo, not going to lie there's a fuck ton of them. Not sure if Master can handle this many. Well her funeral.
"HEY BULLS! THE GREAT AND MAGNIFICENT TRIXIE IS TALKING TO YOU!"
The herd almost immediately just ran straight towards me, guess that's the power of annoyance.
"YEAH COME AT TRIXIE LIKE THE BULLS YOU ALL ARE!"
'Pause'
'Unpause!'
I quickly galloped towards the town at the speed of a train. I'm just joking, I wasn't that fast. The buffalo's were hot on my tail, ready to just munch on my pony self. You'd think being herbivores makes you not want to tear someone's skin off, you'd be wrong, and I really don't want to prove you wrong.
"STARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh you have got to be kidding me," Starlight deadpanned at me as she watched an entire herd of buffalo chase me towards the town, "Sweet Celestia please guide me through this idiots antic's." She then gallops towards me.
***
"So you actually... Did it huh?" Starlight asked while huffing, she galloped all the way to me and was now running with me towards the town with the herd.
"Of course! The great and magnificent Trixie shall not disappoint her master!" I said with a sly grin. I was loving every and each part of this. That includes the part where Starlight looks pissed.
'They grow up so fast... *Sniff*'
'Yeah! One moment their 14 the other their 0! Isn't that neat?'
'Darling that's the opposite of growing up'
"So... What's the... Plan... Trix?" Starlight looks like she was about to collapse any second now. She definitely was not the athletic type. For now, atleast.
"I thought you had a plan?"
"What?!... I... Didn't... Have... A... Plan?!" Starlight was now both panicking and pissed at me at the same time. A sight to behold.
"Well I have one but it isn't pretty,"
"And... What's... The... Plan?..."
"We go in the town, I do my cool tricks, stop the herd, and you get credit." The plan was simple really, but the way to execute it was not.
"And... Why... Isn't that... Pretty...?"
"Because Trixie's gonna shed blood to make it work." Starlight looked green after I said this. Who knew a future bad guy was not a fan of blood.
"Wait... Like... A lot of... Blood...?"
"Trixie's going to fill a city with blood." Ok that made Starlight almost vomit. It didn't help that I said it with the most emotionless face known to pony kind.
"You're in or...?"
"Yes... I'm... In..." Well gotta rap this up, Starlight's getting tired.
"Well hold on for a second longer, we're almost there."
* * * * *
"Okay master you- oh you're tired tired huh?" Starlight was panting heavily.
We just about barely made into town, the guards tried to stop the herd but you can guess what happened. The herd was about 2 minutes away from me and Starlight.
"Just... Get... It... Over... With..." Starlight sat on her rump and exhaled loudly.
"Better get me that cider then,"
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" A mare exclaimed.
The herd was now at the gate of the town, and I took this opportunity to do another anime reference.
"Let's get this over with."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Ryoiki tenkai"
'Hey it's a Jujitsu kaisen reference!-'
'Oh! Do I get to do the narrator voice?-"
'AWESOME!!!!!-'
'Ah'd get ready for blood if ah were ya-'
'Blo... Blood?!-'
'Aughhhh this is just plain dumb-'
'Oh dear-'
'Hey guys what'd I miss-'
Achievement unlocked! Shrine!
"Fukuma mizushi"
'Wait what the buck is Ryoiki ten-' I was cut off by a sudden gust of wind behind me and a sudden playing of music around me with people singing. I glanced behind me as Trixie stood on her hind legs and put her hooves together. A large shrine broke through the ground and with it a sudden dome of black engulfed the both of us along with all of the buffalo herd.
A felt the ground shake and rumble as a pile of pony, buffalo, minotaur and griffin skulls appeared into thin air, slowly making me and Trixie ascend a couple of feet.
'Is this how it feels to meet death?' I shivered at the thought, I was probably safe, but that didn't stop the primal fear that this... "Magic" gave me.
"Stand proud Starlight," A sudden stallion voice echoed around me, "because you are strong."
* * * * *
Blood. Just. Blood. The poor... Buffalo... Entire families getting shredded and tossed around like dust. An entire lake of blood was forming right infront of me.
'Is... Is this Trixie?' I asked myself.
"■ Fuga."
"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!"
"Well technically it means open but-"
A sudden pillar of flame shot up from Trixie's hooves, said flames quickly fell and she caught it. The other hoof stretched the fire and made a gigantic bow and arrow aimed at the remaining buffalo. One buffalo tried in vain to ram into Trixie but was cut up almost immediately.
"Try a little harder than that, you animals."
Trixie fired the flaming arrow, then everything was engulfed in flames.
"Hey, Star? You alright?"
...
'This is your fault curse.'
'How is it my fault?! I didn't do this to her!'
'Yah still controlled Rimu'
'He controlled me! Not the other way around!'
"Can all of you shut up, I'm trying to snap Starlight out her trance here?"
'See?! I can't control my voice here?!'
'You may not control him but you do know you influence him everytime he uses you, right?'
'I am going to punch you so hard right now-'
'Stop,' I put my hoof out to stop Suku- I mean Cursed, 'Let her cook.'
'Don't you dare use references while in a serious discussion Sombra!'
'Hey! I don't go by that name anymore,'
'oooo! Lore reveals! Hey AJ want some popcorn?'
'Ah would normally decline but yah right, this is getting interesting.'
'Hey leave me some too!'
'Of course Dashie! Here-'
'Now this is odd.'
'Oh hey princesses!'
...
'Hey wait why are both princesses here-'
'And close.'
*Poof!*
'...'
'You do not want this smoke Cursed, or should I say little Sukuna?'
'I will fold you like an omelette Sombra don't test me,'
'I'll destroy you're ass bitch.'
'We could do it right here Sombrero and I will cook you,'
'I'll give you an ass whooping so hard you're gonna wish you stayed in Earth.'
'Wanna test that Sombrero? Cause I will ride your donkey ass right here.'
'Pause'
'I would rather not clean your guy's mess up,'
"Wakey wakey eggs and dead ponies," I nudged Starlight a little.
"What... Was that..."
"I have no idea."
"All those families..."
"Don't worry I didn't kill them,"
"What?"
"I did some cool tricks and kinda just made them see what I could do," I gestured behind me, multiple buffalo's where now shivering and most of them were unresponsive.
"What... Happened to your voice...?"
"Oh horseapples hold on. Ahem. Ahem, there we go!"
...
"So... Is Trixie still getting that cider? Ey? Ey?" Everytime I said 'ey' I nudged Starlight. It was fun to do, not even gonna lie to you.
Starlight looked behind her only to see the shocked faces on the townsfolk's faces. All of them froze as Starlight gazed in their general direction.
"Trixie I don't think you're plan worked-" Starlight almost said, but was interrupted by a mare suddenly jumping out of the frozen crowd and onto Starlight.
"Thank you! Thank you!" The mare excitedly hugged the still dumbfounded Starlight, "You saved the town! Thank you! Both of you!"
"What...? But we... Forced the herd of buffalo here...?" I could feel Starlight's growing confusion by the second.
"Those buffalo were pillaging towns and farms nearby! Oh you save the whole area from starving, thank you!" The mare nuzzled Starlight to thank her even more. I relished the love that the townsfolk were handing out, but I relished Starlight's growing confusion even more.
"Trixie couldn't have dont it with my dear master here, Starlight Glimmer." My sly smile was hidden with my hoof. Oh don't change Starlight please don't change. Wait. Actually change a little please.
"What can we do to repay both of you?" The mare asked, "We will do anything that you ask!"
My smile grew wider and wider, "Well first..." I looked over to Starlight with a knowing grin, she looked at me with a terrified expression, completely knowing what I was gonna do, "We could have a..."
"No, Trixie don't-"
"PARTYYY!!!!!!!!"
'FUN! FUN! FUN! FUN!'
'Oh dear faust please get me out of this hell'
"Finally! I'm done with the last hive!" Chrysalis said while panting heavily.
As you can see (well read), Chrysalis has destroyed each and every hive in Equestria except her own. This war between changelings has been happening for 234 years, and now is the day that it finally ended. Chrysalis, along with three allied hives, has killed every other changeling in their path.
"I can finally start on my plan to rule over Equestria! HAHAHAHA!" Chrysalis said with the default villain pose.
"My queen! I have news for thee," Crystal, her most powerful, most agile and most talented of changelings kneeled down infront of her.
"What is it my dear Crystal?"
"It seems that there is another changeling queen,"
Chrysalis was stunned for a moment. Did one of them escape? Did one get hidden?
"What?! Where?" Chrysalis hissed.
"The fake queen is in Gravel mane as we speak your majesty."
"Kill her now! And don't take others, kill her yourself."
"I shall follow your orders my queen." Crystal quickly disappeared and left Chrysalis on her own.
'Dammit! I don't have enough love to maintain my mind control spells on my changelings!' Chrysalis looked on to where Crystal was a moment before and thought for a moment, a mischievous grin appearing on her face as she thought of a perfect plan.
"Im sorry Crystal, but it seems you have outlived your usefulness. I shall give you a burial fit for Celestia when you inevitably fail."
Chrysalis knew that Crystal would either lose, or seriously injured when she returns. Crystal may have been the strongest other than herself, but she was also the most emotional of her royal battalion. Always disagreeing with her and contradicting her plans to save more changeling lives. Pathetic.
"You shall not be missed, my dear 'friend'. "
Princess Cadence was trotting along the halls of the castle, looking for auntie Celestia. Or that's what she said when guards asked where she was going.
No, Cadence was out on a mission. Auntie would never let her learn combat magic when she was younger, but now that she was at the ripe old age of 16, she was now ready to protect her loved ones with force.
Cadence, or whoever she was, reincarnated into Equestria at the start of her life. At first she was rightfully confused. The last she remembered was getting interrogated by the enemy spy for information, the spy put a gun to her face and threatened her if she didn't leak any information. She thought it was a bluff at first, now she knew otherwise.
After she was born, she treated her life in Equestria as a dream at first. Well, that all stoped when her parents got crushed in a construction incident, almost killing her and them in the process. Princess Celestia came to the rescue however and stopped the debris from fully burying young Candice and her family. That's when she knew to stop treating her second chance as a game.
She was an avid watcher of MLP:FIM in her past life, heck, she even bought multiple toys. That all changed when a nuke was launched however. She survived the fallout, but was then drafted to fight the third world war. She hated every single second of it. Every drop of blood, every downpour of acid rain, every artificial meat that she ate. Everything.
Now that she had a second life, she wouldn't waste it. Not waste it anymore, atleast.
Cadence knew the entire story of MLP, she watched it all on repeat in collage after all. She also knew that she needed to get with Shining armour in the future, lest she would destroy the timeline that is. She practiced and studied as hard as she could, pulling all nighters like in collage. She even became an alicorn before the expected time. She was done messing around.
Cadence doesn't want her family or Celestia to know that she replaced their Cadence, that would ruin the series and her second life. She also wouldn't let them know that she was a male in her past life, with the same reasons as before but also because of embarrassment. She also never, EVER considered the... Baby alicorn in the room, or the wedding, or the relationship with Shining, or really with anything remotely mare like.
Cadence was always told that she was a 'tommare' all her life, but all of them can suck it now that she has access to battle magic! Oh today's gonna be a gooooood studying session. She knows it.