I pensively trot into the TARDIS slowly right after the Doctor. My mind and emotions is whirling with all of the crazy thoughts and feelings this entire adventure has evoked in me. So many unexpected turns and surprises. So many lessons and transformations that I've had to endure. I would do it all over again if I had to, but I guess inner discovery can be a rough ride sometimes.
Once inside, I get distracted from my inner complex thoughts and feelings by a metallic echo-y sound that issues somewhere inside of the TARDIS. I can't really pinpoint a central location for that sound. It seems to surround me and, for a moment, I grow concerned that the sound is indicative of some kind of malfunction or trouble. It seems unlikely to me, but just in case, I look at the Doctor with a confused and curious expression while also giving a vague point of my largest beige feather on my left wing to roughly indicate somewhere towards the center console.
The Doctor, having met my gaze for a second, then has his eyes wander about the TARDIS for a few seconds before meeting my gaze again then explaining, “That's just the sound of the TARDIS calibrating. It makes noises like that on occasion. One gets used to it eventually.” He grows a mischievous smile. “For the moment, consider this the TARDIS's way to saying, 'Hello' to you.”
“The vessel really is sentient?” I double check.
“Sure is,” the Doctor replies with an expression and tone that is a mix between pride and a scholarly lecture.
“Huh.” I blink. “No doubt this vessel is full of surprises then.” I grin while still standing close to the open entrance into this vessel. “Funny to think I first heard of it from Doctor Caballeron. He's the one who said encountering this thing was his primary objective. As a fellow archaeologist, I can understand the appeal of traveling in a vessel capable of visiting the past we love to study.” I shake my head while still wearing my grin. “It's ironic that I'm the one that ends up standing in here instead of him. He's the one who really wanted to find this thing.”
The Doctor squints at me as he says, “Well, to be fair, do you also recall that, after I asked him what he would hypothetically say to the pilot, he replied, and I quote, 'That I'd like a ride? Also, if I discover that Blue Box without any pilot and the thing is unclaimed, then I call dibs.'” He shakes his head. “In other words, he literally said right to my face that he'd steal this thing if he could.” The Doctor chuckles. “It amuses me to consider him to try to pilot this thing. The TARDIS is kind of picky about that anyway.” He shrugs. “Still, I promised him in return that, if I ever met the pilot of this ship, that I'd deliver his message.” He gives a grand gesture to himself along with a bow. “Lo and behold, I kept my word to him.”
When the Doctor looks back up at me, his expression suddenly turned a great deal more serious as he says, “I can be picky too whom I invite as my traveling companion on my journey. I can assure you that a pony like Doctor Caballeron doesn't make the cut. Even if he's somewhat competent at adventuring, I much prefer to travel with a companion I can trust.” He points out the still open exit to the ship. “The only thing I can really trust a pony like Caballeron to do is see dollar signs at every opportunity.”
I wince at him as I ask, “I assume 'dollar' is some form of currency?”
He nods at me as he says, “One particular form of it. I apologize with my choice of words. I should have been more clear.”
When I look down with a pensive expression again, I soon look back up at the Doctor with my eyes only but my face remaining directed down as he trots up next to me and applies his brown hoof to my shoulder.
“The criteria I have that rejects a pony like Caballeron is the same one that accepts a pony like you. Brave, strong, smart, resourceful, and most importantly . . . motivated to do the right thing for the right reasons. You're every inch the kind of individual I'd proudly invite on my journeys.”
I smile at him softly as I guess, “Is that your invitation to me?”
“In more than one way, in fact,” he answers with a soft expression in his eyes and a proud, beaming smile on his lips. “You're more than worthy, and I'm pretty sure you can recognize the opportunity that I'm offering you. This ship,” he waves around at it, “can go anywhere in time and space.” He gives a brief shake of his head. “So no longer do you have to merely imagine what history was like. I can help you go there and see it for yourself. I can also show you the future of this world or any other.
“I think we both know that you are a natural adventurer and I'm offering the opportunity of a dozen lifetimes. While we're at it, we can save the lives of any creature that needs saving which gives even greater meaning to our travels together. So what do you say?”
I keep staring at him as his offer gradually sinks in. Initially it feels overwhelming. Part of me actually realizes that I can't possibly fathom the total depth of what he is offering until I trot that path for quite some time, and even then it might be a struggle for awhile.
What he is offering seems to mostly agree with my inner heart, too. The part of me that I didn't even realize I had until I recently more fully realized that I yearned for a journey like this a long time ago. That part of me desperately longs to accept an exciting offer like that.
But . . .
My face and gaze are drawn back to the exit of the TARDIS. Soon after I turn about and trot a few steps closer to it until I'm right at the edge of the exit. As I stare out the exit, I contemplate how I reached this point of safety at the end of this particular journey, but there were others who weren't so lucky. Terminus, Trump Card, Doctor Grazy, Leg It, and finally Tanon Burrows. Each one didn't make it to the end for different reasons. Right now I can take a little comfort in knowing that Grazy and Leg It are finally and fully at peace. The holy water washed away all the corrupted worms from their system which restored them both to their new rightful state, that of a natural corpse. I made sure of that before I accepted the Doctor's invitation into this vessel. He knew what I would encounter but didn't blame me in the slightest for double checking.
I lower my head, close my eyes, and use my right wing to drag my new hat to the center of my chest as I take a silent moment to mourn the dead. During that time, I notice that the Doctor also maintains that respectful silence. He's likely certain why I am doing this.
This isn't some empty gesture I'm making either. While I hold that pose, I think about each and every one of them carefully and how I feel and felt about them. One by one, I thank them all for what they have taught me and vowed to uphold their brave and heroic stance from here on forward. I'll make sure I remain worthy of that trust, too.
My mind also skims across the still living members of this journey as well, particularly any of them that had a strong emotional impact on me or taught me something important. As I do so, it dawns on me how young and naive I was at the beginning of this journey. That realization didn't cause me to blame myself for who I was. In fact I feel proud of the intense degree that I've grown across this journey, but it's also daunting to contemplate considering the sheer degree that I've changed. I've become a completely different mare. If this happened to me once then I'm living proof that it could happen again. That's scary to think about, even if those changes are ultimately for the better.
Not knowing who I will be.
Not being able to trust that anything I am currently will permanently endure.
Life is always changing. Sometimes to minor degrees and sometimes in major ones.
For all that, I'll simply have to trust myself and the pony I will become. With a map in one hoof (even if it's a blank one at first) and a compass in the other, I shall venture boldly ever onward. As I change because of my travels, I think it's important to forgive and understand myself for changing. By the same token, I need to forgive and understand myself for being different in the past.
Whatever may come; I shall face it with courage and acceptance.
Finally, after I don't know how long, I open my eyes, raise my head, replace my hat on my head then proceed to shut the door.
“You certainly do know how to tempt a mare,” I venture to say in a way that shows only the barest hint of how attracted I am to him. What I said, though, I largely meant in a deeper sense. The offer he makes calls to my inner spirit. The chance to be an explorer and a hero at the same time. To think and feel that while knowing it is one-hundred percent my choice. It feels so good to finally be confident in myself even if I don't know where the next step will lead me. That doesn't really matter. Exploring and growing because of that journey is the entire point. I face that with a sense of excitement.
I turn to face him with a profound look of gratitude on my face. I then trot up to him and touch his right cheek with my left hoof with tender affection. My eyes sparkle as I gaze deeply in his eyes. This stallion, who kept encouraging me and standing by my side without being too intrusive. A stallion who showed me the door and inwardly promised exciting things await me if I bravely open that door and trot through it. I wonder if he'll ever know how much I needed that.
But, while still meeting his gaze with deep affection, I quietly tell him, “No.”
A look of concern and confusion claims his face while staring at me and asks me, “No?”
“I appreciate your offer very deeply, but I reject it,” I clarify. The hoof that I had tenderly touching his right cheek returns to the ground as I go on to say, “Don't misunderstand me. I shall ever be eternally grateful for you lighting a bit of a fire under my flank and in my heart. For teaching me and encouraging me on this journey. I don't know if I ever would have reached my full potential without you.
“But you're not the only one who taught me a lesson. I used to be like a naive little filly who stubbornly always looked up to other adventurers as if they could do no wrong. I praised them and respected them because they have something I was secretly longing for. Something I used to think I wasn't allowed to have.
“One by one, however, they each showed me the folly of my former beliefs. How this lifestyle can be so much more complicated and nuanced than I originally thought. I used to think that all I could ever want and know about adventuring could come from books alone, but there are a lot of potential filters in there that obscures the reader from the truth, including the readers own imagination. By putting all of these ponies on a pedestal, I didn't see them for who they really were. Like everything and everypony else in life, life is a lot more complicated once we take a closer look at it. Every single one of my former 'heroes' show their own unique strengths and flaws in their own way. All of this has taught me that I can't take the truth for granted and there is no substitute for the real experience.
“As I continued this journey and finally recognized each of their individual flaws, I gradually started to realize my own, too. I got swept up in the classic fantasy of being the damsel in distress who needed to be rescued from a high tower. That's the role society taught me, at least at a subconscious level. It's so easy to take for granted all the little influences that swept under our notice.
“On this journey, however, I was confronted with a mirror that revealed some harsh truths that I wasn't comfortable facing at first. That wasn't easy but it was necessary for my personal growth.
“Adventurers come in all shapes, sizes, and motivations, just like any other profession in life. 'One size fits all' is a poor adage for pretty much anything. Some have the motive to do good but not the means and others are the opposite for one reason or another. You are the rare exception that I might not ever encounter again. In fact, you're too perfect and that is why I'm rejecting you.
“I assure you that your offer is tempting, but if I accept it, I'd just be continuing the same pattern that I've done since the start of this journey. I'd keep on looking up to you as if you're not my equal. I'd keep on trusting your judgment at the expense of my own. How am I to ever grow if I keep on deferring the challenges to you? You have the means and the motive to do good in this world. In almost every way that matters, I can trust you.
“But I need to earn that trust too. I need to be on my own so I can learn to be independent. Maybe someday I'll be ready to travel with you on more even hoofing. Perhaps I'll even encounter another on my journey that is equally trustworthy in terms of means and motive, but until then . . .” I give him a firm look as I state very emphatically, “I. Work. Alone!”
“I completely understand,” the Doctor replied with a tone of acceptance. “You wish to brush up on your own skills and build up your own confidence before you start relying upon others again, else you might fall back upon old patterns.”
I nod as I say, “I need to grow on my own. To choose my own course and fly with my own wings. There's plenty of skills I plan to pick up on the way such as first aid training, martial arts and, of course, I'll continue my personal education on history and archaeology. I'll need that knowledge and insight to prepare me for any potential traps I may encounter in any would-be dungeon. I know, from this experience, that the dangers of adventuring is nothing to scoff at and I need to take it seriously. I can do that, and I will.
“I will, however, join your little secret society; The Knights of the Hourglass. I may not travel directly with you for awhile but if you're little club stands against those who would abuse history by time traveling into it and meddling with it for selfish purposes then I'll proudly join any organization that stands against that. To me, history is sacred and I want to be prepared with sufficient resources to deal a blow against threats such as that.”
The Doctor nods in understanding as he says, “Then I'll make you something that will help show that you are a member of and represent the interests of the Knights of the Hourglass. I'll also create something that will help you get in contact with us. Both items might even be the same device.”
The Doctor clears his throat for a moment as he appears to debate something before he says, “Since you are joining, I can tell you that one of the secret members of the Knights is Princess Celestia herself. Like you, she is adamant of not setting hoof inside the TARDIS. She sees no point when she's always present and 'traveling through time' herself just by being here.
“On the other hoof, she is also proud of being a member of a secret society that stands against anything that threatens her beloved citizens.
“Princess Sunbutt made me promise never to reveal her membership among the Knights except to another fellow member of the Knights.” He nods at me. “When I do encounter another member, though, I'm free to tell them that they can write her a letter to apprise her of any threat that dwells in her lands. Be sure to seal that letter in wax the shape of an Hourglass cutie mark. That'll be a signal to her that the letter might be from a member of the Knights.”
I winced when he said “Sunbutt” again but I also nodded in gratitude to him when he finished and then say, “Thank you. I'll keep that in mind.” Then I grin as I add, “Funny enough, Doctor Caballeron once accused me of being a secret agent working for Princess Celestia,” I say with intense emphasis on her name to demonstrate how to say it properly. “He said that because I was too competent at adventuring and I knew too much about him, but now I'm wondering if I should make his fears a reality.”
“That's up to you,” the Doctor casually invites.
“Well . . . as long as she's not too strict about it,” I figure. “I don't want to limit my personal freedom like my parents once did, but I also wouldn't mind having trustworthy allies at a distance just in case I need them. I already knew the Princess has useful resources at her beck and call, but if that includes being a contact of the Time Walkers then I definitely think she and I need to at least remotely remain in contact with each other. I can tell her of any threats I've discovered in her lands and vice versa.”
“In that case, aside from what you just said, are you planning to resume any part of your old life aside from your education?” the Doctor wonders. “You've expressed an interest to be a writer in multiple ways. Both through your diary and through your maps.”
My expression grows thoughtful as I look over my shoulder at the exit of the TARDIS. I contemplate the answer to that question very carefully. I think about it for a few minutes before I look back at him and answer his question.
“Those who ventured through the Stargate earlier have no idea what happened to those left behind,” I muse. “Leg It and Doctor Grazy actually died. They might think the same happened to me, and perhaps that is for the best.”
“Really?” the Doctor reflects with an edge of surprise in his tone.
“Doctor Caballeron wasn't the pony I thought he was,” I explain. “He has a history I didn't take into account and I can see why it's also details he wouldn't write in his own book or allow another to do so if he can help it. He had connections to a mob boss and I can't help but wonder how far back that relationship extends. If Doctor Caballeron ever figures out that I survived this trip then that information may leak back to Colonel Panders or perhaps somepony even worse. I may have the confidence to hoofle such challenges now but that doesn't mean I'm fully prepared to face such threats yet.”
A look of concern sinks into my eyes as I go on to say, “There is also my family to consider. If the criminals knew I am alive, they can look up whom I'm related to, capture them, then threaten them into influencing me in any way they want.” I shake my head firmly. “I can't let that happen. Not when I have this chance to stop it now.”
“But if you support the story that this adventure killed you, wouldn't that information get in the hands of your family too?” the Doctor asks. “That seems cruel to allow them to think you died too.”
I wave a hoof at him as I say, “While it is true that I plan to distance myself more from my family for the sake of gaining more personal freedom, and that because I plan to make some choices that they wouldn't personally approve of, I also plan to send them a letter letting them know that I'm okay but I won't disclose my new address. They'll know that I'm alive but I need some personal space so I can grow on my own independently. Even then, I still plan on keeping my adventuring career a secret from them because I know they'll never approve, especially my mother. I don't want to concern her unnecessarily.”
The Doctor grins a bit as he says, “This plan is starting to sound more and more like a super hero with a secret identity. By day you may be a mousy librarian, but by night you're conquering another dungeon.”
“Well I'm not a comic book super hero. I'm a real pony!” I express brightly. “That said, though, I plan to sell my stories as an adventurer as if that part of my life is fictional. If everypony thought that, they won't seek out my real family and use them as a hostage against me. This is my life and I'll choose its course independently without endangering others as much as possible.”
“Interesting,” the Doctor expresses with a lift of an eyebrow. “But as an author, you'll still have your name out there. If you get more famous because of that, certain personal information may steadily leak into the public eye. Celebrities do tend to have trouble maintaining their privacy.”
“I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. For now, I don't even know how well my would-be books will sell,” I express. “I mainly want some record of me out there so I can be sure I'll be remembered in some form. The journey I take and the lessons I learn may benefit others, too.
“For now, however, I think I'll go with a pen name. Something authentic but less familiar to others.”
“Got any ideas on that front?” the Doctor asks curiously.
“I do have one,” I reply pretty quickly. “And I've been contemplating this for awhile, too. Believe it or not, I even considered this before the start of this journey. You see, I have a middle name that, until now, I've deliberately kept from the public because I had some bad experiences with it while growing up. That name is Yearling.
“However, across this journey, I've faced far worse hardship and now that name feels trivial in comparison. Until now, I've always said my full legal name is 'Agate Y. Keystone', but now I'm thinking of reversing that pattern to, 'A. Yearling K.'”
Both of us are silent for a moment as we both contemplate that. I actually notice a small shade of discomfort from both of us with that declaration.
“Actually, maybe I should change it to, 'A.K. Yearling',” I amend. “That rolls off the tongue better and strays a little further from my true name just to be on the safe side. My readers will probably think 'Yearling' is my last name when it's actually my middle.”
The Doctor nods in agreement as he says, “That sounds better.”
I suddenly give a shrewd look at the Doctor as I ask him, “Since you're a time traveler, do you already have a book of mine on this ship?”
The Doctor briefly closes his eyes as he shakes his head then opens his eyes again at me when he says, “If I do, the only thing I'll say about it is it's up to you what it says in that book. Speaking strictly of the here and now, however, I'm confident you'll find success in whatever you work to achieve. You have that potential for greatness and you always have. We all have that to look forward to as you gradually unveil that potential.”
I smile at him gratefully again as I say, “And I have you to thank for setting me on this path initially.”
“T'was my pleasure, my Lady,” the Doctor expresses with a graceful bow. “I've learned and grown from you too. Teaching has always been something endearing to me, too, but that's always a two-way street. The more I teach, the more I grow, and the more I have to teach the next student.” He whirls a hoof. “On and on the spiral continues.”
I give him a serious expression as I request of him, “By the way, don't forget to swing by and pick up Straight Arrow after dropping me off. He still needs a ride after we left him in the Tuk-Tuk village.”
The Doctor nods in agreement as he says, “I will do that and then some. We still have the Captain and some of his crew back on The Intrepid. Either I'll pick them up too and deliver them to Equestria or I'll go in reverse and deliver more of the crew from the Captain's ship back to him so that they can take their ship vessel to Equestria. In that case I might give them a donation of more coal, too, to further ensure they'll make it back safely.
“I have to say, though, that wasn't part of my original plan. I wanted to go largely unnoticed for the most part in this adventurer rather than revealing myself to be a Time Lord who pilots the TARDIS. However, this time, things got more complicated when the majority of The Intrepid's crew made their own way back to Equestria using a Stargate at an ancient temple.” He shakes his head. “I didn't see that one coming.”
“Isn't that the point of an adventure, though? To face the unknown?” I ask him with a daring grin.
“Well said,” the Doctor replies with a proud grin. He then takes in a deep intake of breath, lets it out, then makes his way to the center console as he says, “Well then . . . as I like to say in my current regeneration cycle, Onwards and Upwards, my friend.”
I pass that same daring grin back to the exit of the TARDIS as I say under my breath, “Another day . . . another dungeon.”