Waking up in an unfamiliar environment is rough.
Waking up in an unfamiliar environment and hungry is way worse.
Compound all that with the realization you're in what looks and feels like a closed stone box, and the feeling you find is nightmarish.
So I hope it's not too shocking that once my brain caught up with all of the previously mentioned, my immediate reaction was to freak the fuck out because that is the exact scenario I woke up in. Shouting and beating my fists against the top of the box, I almost didn't notice it bounce a little, giving me hope I wasn't trapped or buried. With a little effort, I threw open what now seemed more like a rock casket and crawled out.
"Oh, thank god," I gasped as I flopped free onto the stony floor. Huffing and running a hand over my eyes, I suddenly realized how dark this room was and how freaky it was that I could still see.
"Yo, what the fuck?" I whispered as I looked all around.
I was in a cave full of purple crystals that glittered despite the lack of light. Even my casket was a large hunk of the same crystal, which made it a touch concerning that I could open it at all, seeing as the lid was one solid piece of rock as tall as me, four feet across, and maybe half that thick. I couldn't process the ramifications of that as my hunger exploded onto the forefront of my mind.
I felt like I hadn't eaten in a week, and my mouth was painfully dry, especially around the teeth and gums. The most disturbing and upsetting thing was that the more I became aware of the pain, the worse it seemed to get.
I thought I was going to go crazy and just moaned and writhed on the floor when suddenly, a delicious, tempting smell filled the air. I couldn't even understand what about it was so alluring, but it hit me right in the soul. Screaming for me to "come have a taste." Rolling onto my knees, I scrambled towards it like a lunatic. I couldn't see my face, but I could feel how manic my expression was, with my eyes wide and mouth hanging open. As I raced down the cave, practically blind to everything around me and just following my nose, I started to hear voices.
"Did they follow us?" One of them asked with a whimper.
"I'm not going out there to check!" Another, gruffer one snapped.
"I can't believe you left Stitch behind like that!" An angry feminine one, now.
"She said to go! What do you want from me?" The first snapped back. The voices became louder as I scampered, and I realized they were where that lovely smell was coming from. I hoped they wouldn't mind sharing whatever they had, but I also couldn't care, just like I couldn't care about their continued arguing.
I was starving.
"Everywoolly, please just stop! We made it this far together," a new female voice desperately popped up and caught my attention briefly. "We can't get caught up fighting now, or we'll never make it to Equestria!"
If the others gave her heed and stopped fighting, I couldn't hear. Too hungry. I sped around a corner and was immediately blinded, for at the far end of the cave I had erupted into was an incredible light. That didn't stop me, however, as I was just following that wonderful smell this whole time and was right on top of the source.
I must have pounced like an animal because I slammed into whatever it was and tumbled to the floor with my arms firmly wrapped and locked around it like I'd just found my lost child. More on desperation than proper manners or good sense, I sank my teeth into whatever I had a grip on, and immediately, the pain of hunger and thirst vanished. My ears were ringing, and my eyes were blurry, but every other part of me was just so damn comfy.
Then the screaming started, or rather, I finally noticed the screaming.
My eyes focused, and I saw a group of sheep huddled together in the corner of the cave. A group of three little sheep in little outfits sitting there, howling and weeping. One had a little vest and bow tie for crying out loud.
The wildest thing was from the tone of their shrieking and the occasional cries for mercy, these were the owners of the voices I'd heard until now.
I opened my mouth to speak, but the feeling of my teeth leaving something warm and wet caught my attention. Twisting my head to see what it was made my blood run cold.
A fourth little sheep with a little bell and red bow, looking dazed and paler than the others and with a deep bloody bite mark on her shoulder. I let go of the thing and rolled onto my back in shock. I wiped my mouth with my hand and discovered solid proof I'd been sucking the sheep's blood.
My mind was racing. I struggled to recall clear details about what happened, but it was all a blur.
Why would I bite something and suck its blood?
Why would I try to eat something while it's still alive?
Why did it feel so good?
Oh yeah, and why are the sheep talking?
"Quilt?" Speak of the Devil, and she will something or other. "Are you okay?"
"Cozy, get back! It's still moving!" Well, if you insist. I slowly tried to get to my feet and was surprised by the speed at which I did. I wasn't sure I even used my hands; it was like I just snapped upright. Probably accurate, based on 'Cozy's' yelp of surprise.
I slowly turned and looked down to see who must have been Cozy, a sheep with a pink and yellow scarf, hugging the floor and staring fearfully at me with big, teary eyes. Standing up straight, I realized how small these things were. Looking over the whole group, they all seemed about Cozy's size, and if she wasn't cowering, she'd barely reach my knees. Even the one I'd bitten was small.
That, of course, called to mind that I'd just mauled their friend, even if she still looked alive.
I still wasn't mentally ready to broach that subject, so seeing as they all looked too shocked to speak up first, I decided to stall and just take in the area we were all in. The light at what I perceived to be the proper mouth of the entire cave complex was no longer glaring, but it was still brighter than I was comfortable looking at. The area was crystalline, like the room I woke up in, and dry with a faint glittering dust permeating the air, which I assumed flowed from the crystals littering the walls. Other than the sheep, the chamber was bare, so there wasn't much I could pretend to be interested in.
I sighed heavily, an act which audibly frightened the others present.
"Hey, uh-" was all I could get out before the screaming started. Fortunately, it wasn't due to me this time. It was due to the pack of dogmen that came stomping into the cave. Sure, why not?
"Here, here! I find them, I find them!" A skinny one leading the pack cackled. Three much bigger specimens moved past him and brandished crooked spears. They prepared to advance on the sheep but stopped dead when they saw me.
"What the hold-up?" The skinny one grumbled as he pushed into the cave before he spotted me. A few more waddled into the cave, and now there were eight: three puny pug-looking ones, the skinny guy, the three with spears, and a much larger bulldog-looking brute with a shiny curved sword on his hip and a crossbow at the ready. These latter four were the only ones armed and armored in crude but thick plate. Their fellows had ratty-looking vests and were carrying bundles of rope.
"What's that?" A squeaky runt queried.
"Smells strange." The skinny one retorted.
"Not sheep. Who cares?" The bulldog put forth with a rumble.
"Hey, listen-" I tried for the second time. The big guy just shot me, eliciting cries of shock from the sheep. I was too stunned to do anything about it, and the bolt nailed me in the chest. The sheep, the dogs, and I all pondered the metal missile stuck in me, and how nothing else seemed to be happening.
For my part, I was mentally fried by all this.
If I hadn't seen it hit me, I wouldn't have known there was a problem. No pain, discomfort, or anything. Just the visual of a foreign object lodged in my person. I gave it a test pull, and it simply slid out without so much as a ripple in my shirt, but Cozy fainted at my feet, at least. My brain must have been desperate for anything to divert my attention to instead of this physical anomaly because, for the first time, I realized what I was wearing.
"Fucking, huh?" I whimpered.
I was in a tuxedo, with a thick black bolo tie held by a brass clip bearing the image of a bat, knee-high boots, with the whole outfit framed in a flowing black cloak. Altogether, I was much sharper dressed than I'd been at any point in my life.
"What the fuck happened last night?"
As I genuinely tried to recall, I snapped back to reality or whatever this nonsense was. The bulldog had thrown the crossbow aside and was bearing down on me, sword whirling through the air. Still trying to cope with everything and not entirely comfortable with sudden mortal danger, I panicked and threw myself back, avoiding his swing by a wide margin.
He followed through, brought his sword overhead, and charged again. Having landed on my back, I sat up and desperately kicked my leg out at him, meeting him firmly in the gut.
To my shock and his woe, he went sailing to the mouth of the cave fifteen feet back, where the back of his head smashed against the ceiling with a crunch, and he went tumbling outside. And I could swear I saw the rock crack where he'd hit.
The entire cave was silent, and all eyes were firmly on the crumpled form of the big guy. I stood up, again almost snapping to an upright position, and slowly walked to the front of the cave.
The other dogs either collapsed and scrambled out of my path or dropped their weapons and fled outside. The skinny guy and two of the pugs were the only ones who remained. Ignoring the fleeing figures, I intended to check if the big guy was still alive but stopped short when I stepped outside into the light, and my skin started sizzling and smoking.
I leaped back with a yowl, slapping my body all over, but as soon as I was out of the sun, the burning stopped.
The others in the cave were now beyond terror and huddled into their separate groups against opposing walls, holding each other and whimpering. Cozy had even woken up in time to see me scream and nearly catch fire before she fainted again.
My mind was starting to piece everything together and fill in the blanks, coming up with an answer to at least one question that was on my mind.
Drinking blood? Check.
'Mortal' weapons failing to hurt me? You betcha.
Super strength, burning in sunlight, and dressed as cool and tacky as possible? How'd you guess?
Stupid as it'd be, the signs were all there, but spying the big guy's sword on the ground out of the light and noting its polished surface, I figured I'd do one final check.
Hefting it up, I gazed upon it and absorbed how it reflected the whole room and everyone in it. Everyone, that is, except me.
I dropped the sword and rubbed my face with a deep sigh.
"Oh my god, I'm a fucking vampire." I moaned.
Then they started screaming again.