//------------------------------// // Splitting the Work: The Six-Hundred Mile Cake // Story: The Time Ponies (Fail to) Take a Vacation // by My name is R //------------------------------// Starlight stared into the distance. The finite and measurable distance from the lands East of Griffinstone to the newly rising sun. She tried really hard not to think about distances that couldn’t be measured. “I’m so glad you and Not-Mayor got along!” Pinkie said, bouncing along. “Everycreature there can be a little grumpy when you wake them up from their naps, but they’re really sweet once you get to know them!” Starlight decided that ‘getting to know them’ was probably some sort of health hazard, regardless of their temperaments or opinions on the pony doing the knowing. And she wasn’t sure ‘sweet’ would have been her description of them, after spending… How long had they been there? It felt like an infinity, and yet also like no time at all. She hadn’t eaten since she and Twilight had their magic duel that morning, and the train had taken quite a while. Yet she still wasn’t hungry. Although, maybe it was as simple as the smell of fish quashing her hunger. “Hurry up, we’re almost there!” Pinkie called, jolting Starlight out of her thoughts. She set off after Pinkie at a canter, and looked down into the valley ahead of them. There was a picturesque little village, a bit like Ponyville, situated on a train line that ran East to West between the mountain they had come from and the one Starlight could see many miles ahead. Surely a place like that would be calm and peaceful, and they’d be able to take the railway wherever they needed to go next. As they got closer to the town, however, she started noticing cracks in the picturesque facade. There was an extensive logging operation just West of the town, and it looked like the trees were being used to build a giant wall between the mountains. As they traveled next to the wall she saw a large building, hastily constructed from the same rough-hewn logs as the wall. It was set against the wall up ahead, where the train tracks met the wall at an iron gate. There was even a pair of large cannons flanking the gate! When they made it into the village, things continued looking grim. Though villagers did walk through the streets, there were fewer of them than Starlight would have guessed, and there were also many uniformed guards. A pair of them stopped Pinkie. “Excuse me ma’am, but I’ll need to see your papers.” Pinkie tilted her head, then shrugged. “Okie dokie!” She pulled out a waxy roll, some cupcake wrappers, and a box of napkins. “Here they are!” The guard sighed. “Very funny. I mean your citizenship papers.” “My what?” “Your papers proving zat you’re a Prench national,” the other guard offered. “But I’m not,” Pinkie answered. “Alright, zen you’ll have to show your passport,” the first guard replied. “Why?” “Because we need to verify zat you’re not from Bitaly.” “Why?” “Because zat’s what our orders say.” “Why?” “Because zere’s a trade embargo against Bitaly.” “Why?” “I don’t know! I’m just a border guard. If you want to debate national politics, talk to ze captain. Or ze mayor. Frankly, I don’t care. Now do you have your passports or not?” “Well, no…” “Zen I’m afraid we’ll have to take you to ze courthouse. Follow me.” As he turned to go, the second guard whispered something in his ear. He sighed. “Droite. I’ll go do zat, you make sure zey get to ze courthouse.” And with that he trotted off. The remaining guard looked them over, nodded to himself, and said, “How much are you willing to pay if I just pretend you went to ze courthouse?” Starlight blinked. “What?” “Oh, maybe ten bits.” “Ten bits is outrageous,” Pinkie cut in, frowning. “Five bits is the right price.” “Um, Pinkie, I don’t know that we should-” “Well, I say zat it's ten bits. And as I am currently ze only one who can do zis for you…” “Five bits,” Pinkie insisted. “Ten bits,” the guard hissed back. “Five bits.” “Ten bits.” “Five bits.” “Ten bits.” “Ten bits.” “Five bits.” “Ten bits!” “Five bits!” “I insist it's ten bits or nothing!” Pinkie declared. “Five bits and zat's my final offer!” the guard countered. Pinkie grinned. “Have it your way, five bits it is!” She gave him five bits and hurriedly pulled Starlight away before the guard could notice what had happened. “The Massive Lute Bakery should be right over… here!” Pinkie came to a stop, gesturing at a well-maintained bakery. The sign did indeed picture a stringed instrument, though Starlight couldn’t tell which one or whether it was larger than average. As they stepped inside, the bell over the door announced their presence. A plump, yet subtly muscular, young mare stepped up to the counter with a grin. “Bonjour et bienvenue dans la boulangerie du luth massif! Que cherchez-vous aujourd’hui, bons citoyens?” Starlight looked at Pinkie. “Did you understand any of that?” Pinkie tilted her head thoughtfully. “Hello girls, the laundry is big. The healthy chef bounces?” The mare behind the counter held up a hoof. “Un instant, je vais chercher ma mère.” Then she hurried around a corner out of sight. “One moment, Mayor Sunset.” Pinkie tapped a hoof on her chin. “I didn’t know Sunset moved to Prance. I wonder if we’ll get to meet her?” “Pinkie, I think you lost your translation privileges.” Just then another, older mare walked in. “Zanks for your patience. How can we help you?” “We’re looking for some of your world famous Meringue!” Pinkie answered. After buying all the meringue Pinkie could need, they set off towards the wall. “The next ingredient is in Bitaly, but they don’t seem to like Bitaly very much,” Pinkie said. “I wonder if they’ll let us pass?” “Probably not, especially without any proof that we’re Equestrians, and not spies.” Pinkie stopped abruptly. “That’s a great idea!” Starlight glanced back at her. “What is?” she asked, worried what Pinkie would think of next. “We’ll need a suit for you too, do you think they sell spy-suits here?” “I doubt anything that’s labeled ‘spy’ anything is going to help us convince them we aren’t a threat.” Pinkie shook her head, then pointed at a hot air balloon descending near the wall. “We’re gonna sneak across.” Starlight weighed the pros and cons of sneaking across a militarized border. On the one hoof, they probably couldn’t make their way through legally, and it was sure to be a long detour to go around. On the other, she didn’t think Twilight would approve of criminal activity in the pursuit of baking a cake, no matter how good. On the third, they could get in a lot of trouble if they were caught. And on that final hoof you could never stand on by itself, but that was vital for keeping the others steady, they were apparently already criminals in the eyes of Prench law just for not having the right papers. She stared into Pinkie’s eyes. “Promise me that you’ll never tell Twilight about our adventures for this cake.” “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” she answered, slashing a hoof across her neck then setting the other against her eyelid. “Alright, what did you have in mind?” “We’ll sneak up to the hot air balloon, use it to cross over to Bitaly, then land at habit grass, where they make the best mascarpone ever.” Starlight nodded. “Well, let’s double check their defenses for anything that could take down the balloon first, but if not, sure.” They slunk through the streets, each hiding in their own way. Starlight walked down the alleyways in a generally Eastern direction, acting as though this were a perfectly normal, everyday occurrence, aside from her occasional furtive glances. Pinkie, meanwhile, had the opposite approach. She prowled about the rooftops, dressed in a black suit that would have been the perfect camouflage at night, but stood out like a sore hoof in the bright daylight. Yet somehow she was never there the few times a guard bothered checking the sky, so they both reached the Eastern edge of town without being spotted. Starlight cast a binocular spell and scanned the fortifications. It appeared that while they had a pair of cannons at the gate, they didn’t have any on the rest of the wall, and those two were stationary, pointing through little holes in the gate. They were probably set up to aim at the train tracks, certainly not to fire on balloons. The guards were primarily earth ponies and unicorns, though she could see at least one pegasus just from her current position. Then she looked over at the balloon. It was moored in plain sight, but away from most of the guards. In fact, the only pony that appeared to be paying it any attention was a black clothed earth pony with a pink mane. Starlight sighed and teleported into the basket. A moment later Pinkie stuck her head over the rim. “Wow, you’re good.” “Just hop in before somepony sees you.” Pinkie obliged, and Starlight began surreptitiously untying the ropes holding the balloon on the ground. Fortunately, the fire was still lit from the previous flight. Pinkie turned the dial up just a bit. As Starlight was trying to untie the last rope, peering through the weaving to try and work out the intricacies, they heard a voice calling from the nearby guards. “Sir, I found two ponies wizout papers wandering ze streets, and while I was escorting zem to ze courthouse, zey fled!” There was another voice, but Starlight couldn’t make it out. “One was a purple unicorn, and ze ozer was a pink earth pony.” Starlight finished with the rope, and they started floating upwards. “That’s our cue to leave.” “Hey, somepony grab zose mooring lines, ze balloon's gotten loose!” While Starlight turned the flame to full, Pinkie popped up and tossed a small bag of bits over the side. “Sorry for taking your balloon, but we’ll give it back when we’re done!” Starlight glanced over, and saw the bag impact a pegasus who’d been flying to intercept them, causing him to veer towards the ground. Then she lit her horn and began pushing them East as hard as she could, thankful that the wind was helping at the moment. Unfortunately another pegasus had caught up to them, and swooped up from below the basket, only for Pinkie to set off her party cannon, literally blowing him away. A third flew up behind them until he was level with the balloon, but didn’t approach. Instead, he lifted a long wooden stick and pointed it at the balloon. “What’s he going to do, throw it?” Starlight asked. Pinkie shrugged. “Maybe, but it’d be a pretty hard throw.” He pulled something on top of the stick back with his teeth, and Pinkie gasped. “Get down!” Before Starlight could comply Pinkie yanked her to the floor of the basket. Then there was a loud crack, as if from thunder, even though the sky was clear. “What was that!?” “A musket! It’s like a tiny cannon!” Starlight poked her head over the rim, and saw the pegasus preoccupied with loading his musket. With a simple yank of her telekinesis it fell out of his hooves, spiraling as it made its way to the grassy plains far below. But just then she heard a ripping sound from behind her and spun around. She leaned over the forward side and peered up. Sure enough, there was a long gash in the fabric, and behind them a second pegasus had joined the now retreating musketeer. Starlight refocused on the gash and sealed it with a crystal. Then she glanced behind them, but no more pegasi were chasing them. She slumped back in a corner and closed her eyes. “Um, Starlight?” Pinkie asked in a nervous tone. “Yes Pinke?” “We have a runner.” Starlight peered over the rear rim of the basket, but saw nopony. “Where?” “Up there.” She pointed at the hole Starlight had sealed, which had grown on both sides of the crystal, though the center was still held shut. As she watched it continued to grow slowly, but to fix it properly she’d have to cancel her current crystal, which would only let it expand. “Pinkie, please tell me you know how to land a hot air balloon.” “No problem, we just lower the flame, then raise it again when we near the ground.” “Great, let’s get low, so if the balloon gives out we won’t fall too far, then hover there as long as the wind is favorable.” “Okey dokey lokey!”