//------------------------------//
// Ch 10: A Price too Low 
// Story: Meta Gamer in Equestria Bonus Chapters: Archimedes's promise 
// by reflective vagrant 
//------------------------------//

Diary was twisting and turning in front of the mirror, looking over her newly changed fur that was so random and patch jobbed it put a calico cat to shame.  She shifted between a spot of actual calico fur, to a section of her face that seemed to have the temperature sensitive fur of a Siamese, to a single patch on her neck that was still her original orange to one that was more woodland bobcat like stripe to pure white, to pure black on the other back paw.  That was just the fur patterns I could recognize from house cats.  She also seemed to have a patch dedicated to every wild feline I could recognize too, and some I couldn't.

"Oh, yes!  Mommy likey!"  My amulet translated her ancient language with a thick accent, as it did with all non Modern Equestrian languages.
She was positively ogling herself, not even caring that the other tobaxi had started to object at her removal of her undergarments, forcing her to keep them on.   "Mommy likey a lot!"
"Ahem..."  The head guard came in carrying the robe she had dropped off in the main hall to visit the one room with a mirror.  "I'm glad you like your new look, but you will need to stay covered and out of sight until we secure the rifts, Diary.  You're too mission critical now.  We can't risk the enemy recognizing your now positively unique appearance."
I could only shake my head as she reluctantly re-clothed herself.  It was odd how I had gotten used to the "clothing was optional" mentality in Equestria.
"Why didn't I have a drastic change when I was bonded?"  I asked, then quickly added, "I mean you were there when they did it to me.  And you know more about this stuff than me."  At one point he told me I had been changed immediately as I was taken from my world, which would have been long before they bonded me to him.  I was also told that the bonding was the very last thing Oghma's followers did to me before sending me to Equis.
Archimedes took a moment to respond.  "Did you not see your hair line for the last nine years?"
I brought my hand up to my all but bald scalp, feeling only the sides of my head having hair and finally connected the dots.  I couldn't help but blush, not that any creature would notice.  I hadn't put much thought to it compared to all my other changes.


"Are you alright?"  I heard Ebony Nexus call from behind me, once again speaking her fluent English.
I turned to see her, mostly prepared for the evacuation.  The hiding spot had been used for too long and they needed to abandon Toad Oil's cave before it was discovered with them in it.  The fact that they were going to battle at the same time would be used as a cover for non combat personnel to get away while the enemy attention was drawn elsewhere.  This naturally included their local council mare.
I nodded as I infused the last bit of healing potion, barely feeling the sting in my fingertips as borderline discomfort instead of pain as my magic was almost recovered from the harmonic noise. "I'll be fine.  I just hope you guys will be too.  I'm helping the troops by brewing up as many of my version of potions as I can from the supplies you granted me in the time I have, but they will only be good for today."
She shook her head as she came up next to me and my make shift alchemy station.  "Well, I thank you again for the potions, but I have seen too much to believe you that easily."
She sat her hind end right on the ground next to me, not even looking for any kind of seating, and offered a bat pony wing of embrace in an eerily familiar manner.
"I saw your memories during my Astral Judgement of you.  While I had to prioritize other things I learned from it, I was happy to find dream walkers will continue to be inclined to help in the future.  That's something dream walkers tend to desire to do in this time too..."
She shook her head and forced herself to inhale in frustration.  "At least most of them."
At this point she had returned her wing to her side, having seen me reject it, and continued.  "You still live a self imposed troubled life in your modern day, despite having so many creatures that see you as family and care about you.  Why is that?"
I set down the vial I had been holding, closed my eyes and finally put my face to my knees.
"You know the nature of the being I serve better than any other pony ever has, even more than my previous dream walkers.  So while I don't want to explain the background of my faith to you, I guess I don't have to.  You already know it, and what I did wrong."
I brought up my face again, barely holding back the tears.  I briefly glanced at Bunny Angel looking over some expensive diamonds that were brought in for one of his spells like a tactician and talking to the ranking officers gathered at the base.  "I violated something I should have considered sacred.  I know members of the resistance did what was basically the same action, but at least they were not of my faith.  So it doesn't apply to them, at least in the same way."
I took a breath to steady myself, as my hands had started to shake.
"It was because I had my faith I shouldn't have done it.  That power was supposed to be for the all mighty alone.  How would a king or queen of a country act when a soldier loyal to them breaks into their vault and steals a magical trinket only meant for the reigning monarch, then used it for their own personal gain?  It would be less hanus for a foreigner to do it because they had no loyalty to begin with.  The supposedly 'loyal' soldier still put their own personal interests above their loyalty to their monarch and betrayed the trust between them."
I gripped the cloth of my trousers to keep the increasing need to shake in check.
"There's no going back to how it was before, after that.  I didn't revive her because it was the right thing to do.  I wanted her back for selfish reasons.  Being emotionally distraught isn't an excuse.  I directly violated my faith and that's all there is to it."
At this point, I turned and looked at Ebony Nexus with as cold a face as I had ever given any creature.
"After my act of greed, why am I still so surrounded by goodness?  I don't deserve such a good life.  Why wasn't more taken away?  Why wasn't I punished?  I didn't even get so much as a slap on the wrist in karma for what I did or why I did it."
The tears finally came as I saw her just absorbing what I was saying.  I wanted to put my head back into my knees, but this bond we had made an unique situation.   She actually understood me.  I didn't need to sugar coat it or protect her from my sin.  I actually could relate it to her without any fear.  So instead I forced myself to keep staring at her as the tears came.
"Just because I'm not getting punished now, doesn't mean I won't answer for it later.  You know how my faith works in how I am supposed be judged at the end of my days.  I know everybody sins and we can't 'earn' forgiveness, but without a reprimand of any kind, what's to keep me from slipping again?  What reminder would I have if I just go back to the happy life I had before as if I hadn't done anything wrong?"
At first she was silent and I thought that perhaps she had nothing for me.  Even that was comforting in that she understood I couldn't just make it all better by simply thinking it.
But then she picked up a stick in her mouth and started drawing a large circle with pictures in the dust like dirt that littered the cave with it.  It took me a moment, but I recognized some of the druid like symbolism of the servants.
She then spat the stick out and spoke to me.  "You're kind of right, in a way.  This symbol, among others, helps us understand the relationship we have with the world.  It represents many little factors, but the one I want to focus on is that things happen beyond our control."
She pointed to various parts with the clawed thumb like tip of her wing, carefully keeping it tilted to keep its crystalline sheen clean.  She showed different points that look like wild fires and other natural disasters, albeit simplified.
"We can mitigate disasters, prevent wildfires with controlled burns, prepare for earthquakes and store supplies for times of famine.  But ultimately they happen."
She pulled away from the picture and looked at me.  "When they do, creatures get hurt.  Some are fortunate with but a few scrapes, while others are not so lucky.   Preparedness helps, but we will always come up against something that catches us unprepared, or at least a crack in our preparedness."
She closed her eyes and continued.  "As much as most creatures don't want to admit it, death is a part of life.  Pain and suffering happen.  It's not a servant's job to prevent this specifically or to help those that get hurt recover.  It's our job to promote life and help our master be healthy.  On occasion we do help with disasters as there is some overlap between the two, but in reality, we often purposefully let them play out so as to let the imbalance that caused them to correct themselves.  I think your words for this would be 'tough love.'"
She then set her attention back to the drawing, this time pointing to the opposite side where there appeared to be no disaster.
"But sometimes the opposite is true too.  Where a creature will mess up and leave their guard down, but no predator attacks.  Where a crop is planted in poor soil but a flock of birds will give it just the right amount of fertilizer to save it without giving it too much completely by accident.  Some that we explain this to will compare this side of it to a cradle."
She withdrew her wing a second time and looked at me.  "In reality, it's most certainly not a cradle or a sign they were right or safe.  The greater forces may have some finer play in it in some subtle way, not too unlike your 'he sets all things in his ways' clause you explained to a future pony once.  But on a scale we can clearly identify, not just conjecture, and  have to work with in the end, it can only really be boiled down to one thing:"
She pulled out a coin with a symbol of fire on it and tossed it in the air.
With it landing square in the middle of her drawing, it landed on a side with the simple water drop symbol on it facing up.
"Chance.  You got lucky.  While you were kinda stuck on your system of karma, you were still kind of wise to realize luck isn't something to rely on.  I don't really understand all your judgement at the end of days stuff.  To be honest it kinda sounds like the Torilian gods and how they tried to preach to us, but you seem to understand that there will inevitably be consequences if you keep doing what you did.  I see it more in a here and now in this life sense, and you see it in an 'afterlife' sense, but it is still there.  In this life in your present moment, you got lucky."
She shook her head.  "I still don't understand your need to hold it over your head and punish yourself, but if that's what you have to do to keep yourself in check... Far be it from me to stop you.  But at some point you have to move forward.  When that point is, I don't know.  I still only got a general rundown of your faith.  As thorough as my Astral Judgement of you was, it didn't get every last detail.  But for a healthy life, which you will need if you want to be a practical servant for your master, you are going to need to stop letting this cripple you.  I'm not saying forget it, but let the wound heal over to a scar and keep going.  Otherwise the emotional paralysis is likely going to cause you to do or not do something you'll regret just as much, in some way or another."
After hearing her words, I couldn't help but want to shed another tear, but another part of my mind was nagging to not agree with her words just because they seemed to give an answer.  It made more sense than most anything else I had heard a pony tell me about it, but it still felt like a sweet little lie spoken not in experience, but in wishful thinking.
As she opened her eyes again, I met her gaze with an uneasy smile.  "I want to believe you, but what experience do you have on this?  I mean sure, you're living in a time of war and that makes people mature fast, but you're like... in your twenties?  I get that you're a counsel mare so you're probably a very mature mare in her twenties, but you're talking almost like a grandmother with those words.  Again, I want to believe them, but it sounds more like wishful thinking than solid advice."
I was surprised when she simply gave me a pained look, like she had expected an answer like this.
"It never gets any easier, hearing somepony mistake me for a younger mare.  It was kinda fun for the first decade, but it got old fast after that."
She turned to her other wing and opened it, revealing a scar on her side that looked like it had healed over long ago.  Like, if she were in her twenties, it would have had to been given to her when she was two, if not further back than that.
"I've seen bad ponies get away with bad things, even being commended for good acts they had no part in.  I've also seen good ponies and creatures get punished for things they didn't do, or for things that did no creature any wrong, getting everything taken from them."
At first I thought she was cramping up from the old injury, but soon I realized it was the same shame I had on my face as she curled in on herself as if to withdraw to her own little corner.
"I know because I was one of those bad ponies.  It doesn't matter that I was trapped in a bad situation as a child or that I was exploited for my powers by other bad ponies.  I still did bad things, and some of them were actually of my choosing."
She seemed determined again, looking up with gritted teeth.
"But then I got a lucky break and I didn't hesitate.  I took it and never looked back.  I left my old life as the 'dream monster' Ebony Nexus behind, even if some of it still follows me today as others took up the mantle of dream monster by those bad ponies, and I took up a new life as a servant.  I was the only lucky one among them to get out."
Her gritted teeth were joined with pained eyes again.  "But even then, I suppose karma still caught up with me.  There's a catch to being the first and only member of a druidic circle.  Even if we servants don't focus on them on Equis, they do exist and there are factors involved with them."
She looked down at the dirt.  "Before I met you I had thought about telling him if we both survived the war, but now I know that isn't going to happen.  I first awoke as a servant when I was sixteen.  Due to my ability as a dream walker, it was natural I became a circle of dreams specialist.  I did so just before the eve of my eighteenth birthday.  After that, I practically shot up in power level as fast as my body and mind could handle it.  Not too dissimilar to how she leveled you up in the future as a shape shifting circle of the moon."
She looked over at the war table where the attack that would happen at the same time as the evacuation was being prepared, and at her lover doing his utmost to help where he could.
"Please keep this a secret until you get home, because I never even told Bunny Angel this part of my growth as a servant.  By the age of twenty one, I had advanced so high that I had unlocked a slowed aging process.  I may look to be roughly twenty six, but I'm actually closer to seventy years old, give or take.  You and Bunny Angel are the only ones here that even know my birth name or, now that I've told you, my past as a dream monster."
One of the camp workers popped his head in and asked, "Excuse me, but will you be joining us for the morning meal, counsel mare?"
She replied, with my amulet giving the translation in that same thick accent.  "I will take my morning meal in here, if that can be arranged, thank you.  I still have a few things to prepare and a few things to discuss with our escort volunteer here before the evacuation."
She sighed as she turned back to me.  "The resistance just call me their counsel mare at my request now, using my servant name only when they have to clarify me from another counsel mare.  They think I'm just wise for my years and lucky to look on the youthful side."
With a speed as if they had expected her answer, the resistance workers had her meal on a simple wooden tray brought to her like they had already had it prepared and set it down on the stump in front of her.  Even with a carefully measured amount of sugar for her, normally heavily rationed.
As they bowed and left, I turned to the mare that I now realized had a look to her eyes fitting her actual age.
"If you really are that old, then I will have to take time to chew on what you told me."
She nodded and picked up her porridge bowl.  "Naturally, that's how your mind works.  But thank you for not out right rejecting it.  Are you sure you won't eat any more than a biscuit before we go?"
I shook my head.   "My stomach will just toss up anything else I put down if we get in a scuffle.  It's best if I have very little in it for now.  In my old life I could have eaten twice as much as the next guy and been fine, but I have found this genasi stomach I have now is a good bit more sensitive to adrenaline."
She wiped her mouth from the porridge and went to her tea.  "I almost want to just give you my meal, knowing what I know, but I have to keep up the act to the end.  It has to happen or the events will unravel and the future I saw in your memories would no longer be guaranteed.  Still, this tea is my favorite.  It's nice to have even if it isn't served the way I like.  No pony can serve it the way I remember it.  It would be nice to drink it in that form one last time."
I looked at the cup and pondered for a moment before I saw her looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to ask the question.
"How do you remember it being served?"
With the first genuinely relaxed smile I had seen all morning, she simply answered, "Iced."
I nodded and brought both hands forward.  Feeling a slight shock, I carefully brought only a few fingers in as if making a fist while keeping others loose.  In response, chunks of ice formed in the tea.  Knowing I only cooled those ice chunks, I brought the fingers of one hand up and put a few of the fingers together, shaking them as if they were cold, and called out, "Hocus." With that, her tea was also chilled in a timely form.
She gave a nod in thanks as I flexed my hand to shake off the slight pain from the shock.  It was nice to know I'd not have to deal with that in a few hours when I might have to fight to escort the refugees.
While she brought the tea to her lips, I finally asked a question I wanted to ask her for a while.
"So, if you don't like your birth name being used, could you tell me your servant name?"
She finished sipping her tea in sheer enjoyment, gave a content sigh and looked at me with a smile.
With a gentle shake of her head no, she answered with a simple, "No spoilers."