“He had to pee,” said the bartender. Which led to Carrot Top and I posting up outside the door to the tavern’s single lavatory, waiting for my counterpart to exit.
Except he didn’t.
“Maybe the whole magic portal thing gave him indigestion?” I ventured after ten minutes or so.
“Maybe.” Carrot Top said. And, with the tact of the typical earth pony (which is to say, none), she banged a hoof on the rickety door. “Hey! Sentry! You alright in there!”
No answer came. Not a flush, or a dismayed protest, or even the organic sounds of gastronomical distress. Carrot Top frowned, then wasted little time in kicking the restroom’s door in, revealing the place to be decidedly empty, with a narrow window to the outside yawning decidedly open.
“Give me a boost, Sentry.” Carrot Top said, and soon enough I was hoisting her through the open window before I followed through myself. By the time I crawled out, Carrot Top already had her nose to the ground as she squinted at several sets of intertwined hoofprints in the dirt. Some old earth pony trick, no doubt.
“You must have scared him off.” I said. “I mean, crawling through the bathroom window is certainly something I’d do if it came to it.”
“Maybe. But you’d fly if you did.” Carrot Top said. “Look-- there are at least three, maybe four sizes of horseshoes here. The other Flash didn’t run, he was kidnapped.”
“By who?”
“I don’t know, but we’re going to find out.”
And that’s how Carrot Top and I wound up following those footprints into the Everfree Forest, because of course that’s where they went. Then again, it’s not like there was anyplace else near Ponyville that was suitable for nefarious deeds. Carrot Top plunged into the dense woods with her typical fearlessness, while I followed along with my typical knee-shaking fearfulness. It’s not as if I had any other option; returning to Princess Twilight’s palace without my counterpart would raise entirely too many questions.
After an hour and a half of bushwhacking, we found the cultists. You could tell they were cultists on account of the cloaks they wore, the ancient ruin they’d taken up in, and the fact that they had Fake-Flash gagged and chained to a weathered slab of granite. Terribly predictable, cultists.
“Behold!” the cultist with the fanciest cloak threw his hood back and held up a shining relic with both hooves. The old thing had the look of a shield-- though one far too small to be of any use hiding behind. “The Vessel of Valor! Now that it is in our possession, we can drain the courage of Equestria’s mightiest champions, then use their power to seize control of the realm! Mwa ha ha!”
The other cultists cackled in turn.
“I hadn’t thought we would be so lucky, to capture a vaunted Hero of Equestria so soon! And once we drain his courage, it’ll give us the power we need to conquer Twilight Sparkle herself! Mwa ha ha!”
More laughter. Though I couldn’t help but smile.
“Joke’s on them.” I muttered. “If they’re counting on a hero’s courage from me, they’ve got another thing coming.”
“They’re not counting on you, Sentry. They’re counting on him.” Carrot Top pointed to Faux-Flash, bound up on the altar. The cultist leader turned and held the Vessel of Valor above my counterpart’s chest, and the relic began to glow, drawing threads of golden magic straight out of my doppelganger.
Drinking up all the fearless bravado of an idiot teenager.
“Follow my lead.” Carrot said, and leaped into action.
The cultists had Carrot Top outnumbered a dozen to one, and on top of that, several of the ponies pulled wicked looking knives and sickles from beneath their cloaks once they saw her spring into the clearing.
They didn’t have a chance.
The beating was a classic showing from Special Agent Golden Harvest, which is to say, thorough and efficient. There was hardly a wasted moment as Carrot Top went from one cultist to the next, twisting limbs, breaking bones, and otherwise proving herself a terror, each blow backed up by long trained skill and corded earth pony muscle. She sprung for the cultist leader and bounced his head off the side of the ancient altar, and the Vessel of Valor fell to the ground and stopped glowing.
Meanwhile, I slunk around the edge of the fray and scooped up a discarded dagger, which I used to cut my counterpart free. He goggled up at me, then spit the gag from his mouth.
“Your Carrot Top knows kung fu?” he said, watching Carrot Top dismantle his captors.
“Yours doesn’t?”
The rest was cleanup.
Carrot Top tied up the unconscious cultists, and then rubbed her chin as she looked them over. “I guess I’ll stay here and keep an eye on them until a relief party comes. You two go back to Ponyville and sort the rest out.”
“You think they’ll escape?” I said.
“Not likely. But I’d rather not them get eaten by some monster before we can interrogate them, see if there are more cultists lurking somewhere.”
“What about this thing?” Faux-Flash poked the Vessel of Valor, wary.
“We’ll give it to Princess Twilight, and she’ll find someplace safe to put it. That’s usually the best way to deal with these weird magic artifacts.”
“Wait, so you’ve done this before?” Other-Flash stared at me.
“Several times. Which is why you should let me do the talking.”
Princess Twilight was quite shocked to discover my counterpart and I had slipped out of her Palace without her knowledge, but any indignation she had was quickly forgotten once we presented her with the Vessel of Valor, as well as a well-prepared story about how the two of us had gone out to see the sights of Ponyville, only to charge off heroically after some suspicious looking characters slinking into the Everfree forest. Said suspicious characters had tried to drain our heroism with that relic, but they weren’t a match one Hero of Equestria, much less two.
Classy Flashy balderdash, tinged with just enough truth to make it believable. I’d convinced my counterpart to go along with it, since otherwise the alternative would be to explain to Princess Twilight how he’d been abducted from a tavern bathroom.
Explanations made and accolades given, it was finally time for Other-Flash to go home. We all gathered in front of that damned mirror portal to bid him goodbye, with the appropriate hugs and well-wishing and what have you.
“Thanks, Flash. I’ve learned a lot today.” And from the guileless earnestness of his voice, Fake-Flash meant it, too. “And thanks to everything you’ve taught me, this essay is totally going to get me an A!”
I blinked. “Wait, what?”
“I mean, I can’t really write about, like, the pony world and stuff, but this has given me a lot of perspective on my own life, so I can totally write about my personal goals for the next five years! Mister Bookbinder’s gonna love this.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think I heard you correctly. Are you implying that you harnessed a magical portal and traveled to another dimension in order to do your homework?”
“He did!” Princess Twilight chimed in, proudly. “It’s rare to find such devotion to academic excellence these days.”
The corner of my eye began to twitch.
Thankfully, before I could throttle my counterpart, he finished his goodbyes and disappeared through the mirror. Good riddance.
I made my own farewells as soon as politeness allowed, and headed out of Princess Twilight’s palace. Carrot Top soon joined me, emerging from wherever she’d been lurking to fall into step at my side.
“You alright, Sentry?” she asked.
“Of course I am. You’re the one who did most of the work fighting those cultists, anyway.”
“Not that.” Carrot Top said. “I can’t imagine it was easy meeting … yourself.”
“That wasn’t me.” My answer was quick. Vehement. “Just a pony that looked like me. Though technically he wasn’t even really a pony. I think.”
“You didn’t like him.” Carrot Top said. It wasn’t a question.
“Why would I?” I said. “The lad’s an idiot who doesn’t even know what kind of trouble he’s going to get into. He’ll likely get himself killed doing something stupid, and then they’ll probably put up a statue of him after the fact.”
Carrot Top mulled over the question for a moment, then closed her eyes as she leaned against my side. “Well, Sentry. I just want you to know that I still like you. Even if … “ she trailed off, then shook her head. “Nevermind. Just remember, I like this Flash Sentry a lot better too.” She nuzzled upwards and kissed me on the cheek.
“I should hope so.” I said.
“Now come on. Applejack owes me a jug of brandy, and I figure this is a perfect time to collect.”
“Why darling, you really do love me.”