//------------------------------// // Celestia's Suspicions, Part I -or- The Apostate Apprentice And Sweet Sedition // Story: The Discordant Days of Discord The Draconequus // by Roxxi //------------------------------// Discord awoke very early with a yawn, stretched his limbs and proceeded to fall off the ceiling where he had been sleeping in a guest room that Celestia, begrudgingly, gave him to use while he was staying at the castle. Rubbing at his eyes, Discord dragged himself to his feet and stumbled into the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. “Brrrrr! It’s like rubbing a penguin on your face, but not nearly as fluffy, or dangerous.” Discord said aloud, recalling his various encounters with the cute and cuddly demon of the far North. “Honestly, you rub one penguin on your face to see if it works as a towel and suddenly every one of the little buckers has a lifelong grudge against you.” Now fully awake, Discord began to compile a list of all the things he would need for his first date with Luna. Actually, it was his first date period. “Oh Luna, have I got a surprise for you! Let’s see…” The draconequus began mumbling to himself as he scribbled down a long list of various items. After a few minutes of thoughtful thinking about what he could possibly use to make his special date for Luna the best he could, Discord snapped his fingers, causing the scroll the to roll up and vanish in a puff of smoke. “All done, now the hard part, finding everything before Luna wakes up, after all it wouldn’t be a surprise if she found out early.” Discord proclaimed cheerfully as he strode to the door, pulling it open and stepping out of his room and running straight into- “Celestia? Why were you standing outside of my door? Moreover, what reason do you have for looking at me so witheringly? I thought we had gotten past that, hadn’t we?” Discord asked, raising an eyebrow. The solar princess merely glared harder at him and turned to walk down the hall. “Nothing Discord, I was just strolling through the castle when you opened the door. I didn‘t think I had to inform you of my morning walks, this is my castle after all.” She said dryly, looking back over her shoulder once more. “Remember, I am always watching you Discord, my sister’s suitor or not, always watching. Always. All the time. Never stopping. Ever. Constant vigilance. CONSTANT!” She exclaimed forcefully and galloped down the hall as if her mane were on fire. Discord blinked in confusion. “Good morning to you too?” He shook his head and walked down the hall in the other direction. “I always thought she’d go crazy, I bet it was all that tea she drinks.” Moments after the draconequus had vacated the hall, Celestia’s head poked around the corner, a camouflaged helmet on her head where her tiara usually sat. “I don’t know what you’re up to you fiend, but I assure you that nothing shall harm my sister, especially you.” She whispered to herself and tiptoed after the chaos lord, her thoughts filled with the things she had heard him saying just before he left his room. Earlier, The Castle Halls Celestia was making her daily rounds around the castle, it was more of a way to work off that ‘huge flank’ she kept hearing ponies whisper about than a recreational activity. She looked back at her rump with a concerned expression. “My flank surely is not that large, is it?” Celestia asked nopony in particular as she bit her lip. “I hope these walks are helping my figure, I can’t stand when-” Celestia stopped and pressed an ear against the door to her right, it was Discord’s room and she could hear him speaking to himself. “Oh Luna, have I got a surprise for you! Let’s see… We’ll need… A very lengthy coil of rope, a blindfold, a bottle of cider, a boat, a very large canvas, spear guns, a torch, sand bags, plungers, crossbows, stuffed animals, a bobsled, a cart load of water balloons, candles, anti-matter, string capable of holding aforementioned anti-matter without ripping the fabric of the universe into spaghetti noodles, duct tape, a bucket of chocolate pudding, cake, knives aaaaaaaaaand… Oh what the heck, I’ll throw in a guillotine for good measure!” Celestia recoiled from the door in horror. What despicable acts could he be planning with such a list of nefarious, and admittedly, odd tools? Her eyes darkened with protective rage, she would not sit idly as this monster tortured her precious Lu-Lu! No, she would- “Celestia? Why were you standing outside of my door? Moreover, what reason do you have for looking at me so witheringly? I thought he had gotten past that, hadn’t we?” Discord asked, raising an eyebrow. The solar princess merely glared harder at him and turned to walk down the hall. “Nothing Discord, I was just strolling through the castle when you opened the door. I didn‘t think I had to inform you of my morning walks, this is my castle after all.” She said dryly, looking back over her shoulder once more. “Remember, I am always watching you Discord, my sister’s suitor or not, always watching. Always. All the time. Never stopping. Ever. Constant vigilance. CONSTANT!” She exclaimed forcefully and galloped down the hall as if her mane were on fire. He’s up to something evil, I just know it! I’ll have to tail him and see just what he has planned so I can put an end to it, and with luck, make Luna see he’s no good! Celestia thought to herself as she snuck down the hall after Discord, hiding behind every piece of furniture she came across just case he turned around. Ponyville, Sugarcube Corner Discord looked at the oddly shaped building in front of him with delight. “Oh that’s clever! It’s a house made of ginger bread! Literally! Oh, I just knew Ponyville would be the best place to find everything on my list!” He clapped his claws together and pushed the door of the shop open. Ding! “Helloooooooo? Is anypony home?” He called out to the seemingly empty shop. Discord looked around the bakery and frowned, scratching at his chin. “Hmmmmm… I was sure the sign said they were-” “Hi there! My name is Pinkie Pie and I’m here to” Pinkie started as she jumped up from behind a counter before catching sight of who was in the room. “Help… You…” She stared blankly at him and Discord waved nervously at the pink pastry chef. “Ah… Hello Miss Pie, I was wondering if you could help me find a bucket of chocolate pudding, cake, candles and knives.” He said with a slightly awkward smile. Pinkie looked at the ground and spoke slowly, a tremble in her voice. “You… Want me to help you? Well… All I can say is…” Pinkie reached down to pick something up, never looking up at him. Discord began to back up, he wasn’t ashamed to admit he was scared, this pony was obviously crazy. And not in that fun way he enjoyed being. More like the ‘chop you up and turn you into pastries’ kind of crazy. “Eh, actually I’m gonna go, you seem busy and all, soooooooo I’ll just be going now, okay?” He asked with a smile, frantically searching for the doorknob so he could get out without turning his back to the psycho pony behind him. “What kind of pudding? I’ve got unsweet, semisweet, bittersweet, dark, light, white, and my favorite, super duper extra mind-blowing, melt your tongue, burn your lungs, fry your taste buds, lava style spicy!” Pinkie beamed at him, placing several very large buckets on the counter. “Excuse me?” Pinkie continued beaming at him, once again highlighting each large bucket. “What kind of pudding?” “Er… Dark chocolate? My special somepony has a very sweet tooth, so I’m sure she’d love the dark chocolate.” He finally answered after blinking at the earth pony in bewilderment. “A special somepony?! OH NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! This chocolate won’t do at all! It has to be even sweeter! Who is it?! Tell me! Tell Auntie Pinkie Pie before I drown you in a sea of frosting!” Pinkie demanded, leaping across the counter to tackle Discord to the floor and plant her hooves firmly on his shoulder, getting extremely close to his face with a manic look in her eyes. Sugarcube Corner, Moments Earlier, Outside Celestia had successfully managed to sneak into Ponyville completely undetected, it seemed that nopony had seen through her clever disguise yet and- “Hey, aren’t you Princess Celestia? I‘m Scootaloo and I‘m trying to earn my Private Investigator cutie mark! You must be in dis… dis sky… hiding without showing your face!” Proclaimed a small pegasus filly with an orange coat and magenta mane, a little on the tomboyish side, but adorable nonetheless. Celestia jerked around, startled by the filly’s sudden appearance and did the first rational thing that came to her sage mind. “BANISHMENT!!!” She screamed and with a flash of magic, Scootaloo was gone. Celestia inhaled deeply and tried to still her racing heart as she snuck closer to Sugarcube Corner, the last place she had seen that despicable demon enter. She pressed her face against the glass and gasped in anger and horror. The on the floor, with their faces mere centimeters away, were Pinkie Pie, the Element of Laughter, and her nemesis, Discord. It looked as thought they were about do something Celestia did not want to imagine Discord doing with anypony. “Oh no… I’m going to be sick…” She groaned as the thought inevitably wormed its way into her mind. She crawled over to a bush and promptly emptied out her stomach on the ground, but in a dignified, princess like manner. “HERFGLUR!!” Oh yeah, totally civilized and proper. Present Time, Inside Sugarcube Corner Pinkie was busily rushing from room to room, dragging things, throwing things, drilling holes in the ceiling, mixing things, and just confusing the life out of our poor draconequus hero. “I still don’t see how dynamite helps make pudding, but if you think Luna will be impressed… Then by all means, blow yourself to smithereens.” Discord said, watching in disturbed wonder as Pinkie donned a helmet and began welding two clumps of fudge together with frosting. “So, you’ll deliver the pudding to the castle at exactly 3:01 p.m. and not a second later or sooner?” He asked once more, to make sure the pink party pony had heard his orders correctly. Pinkie nodded and grinned at him. “Of c-course! A-and th-the ch-chocolate st-statue w-will b-be r-ready a-as w-well! F-Free o-of ch-charge f-for y-your sp-special s-somepony!” She warbled out, riding upon an industrial jackhammer now as she pounded a large hunk of marble chocolate into dust. Discord said nothing more, fearing even he would go insane if he stayed another minute, and left the bakery as quickly as he could, throwing the door open a little harder than necessary. Outside Sugarcube Corner Celestia sat back up on her rump and groaned piteously again. “C-curse those fools… It is their fault I ate so many pancakes… They were so divine… And now, their delectable tastes are coming back with a vengeance…” She stood up shakily and approached the door, prepared to confront Discord and Pinkie in whatever sordid acts they were committing. She had one hoof on the handle and was about to pull when the door swung open forcefully. BLAM! Discord winced and looked at the door. “Whoops… Luckily nopony was behind that door, or else they’d be in immense pain right now, that sounded like it would’ve hurt.” He said matter-of-factly and strolled down the streets whistling a merry tune. The door to Sugarcube Corner swung closed and Celestia fell forward out of her alicorn shaped hole on the wall. “He’s trying to kill us both, I just know it…” She muttered and dragged herself across the ground after the draconequus. She never knew looking out for her sister would be so dangerous to her own health. Ponyville Public Library Discord knocked on the door of the town’s most esteemed, not to mention only, library and was greeted by a purple and green dragon. He sputtered in terror when he looked into the eyes of the tyrant and threw the door closed with all his strength. Discord, however, was quicker, and slipped past the door, sticking his tongue out at the young dragon in triumph. “Oh no, I won’t let another door slam in my face!” He crowed blowing a raspberry at Spike. “Now, how about you help me find what I’m looking for instead of-” Discord began, opening his eyes to see an old and very heavy leather bound book whizzing at his head. Discord sighed resignedly. “Aw nuts…” THWACK! Discord rolled on the ground clutching his snout in pain. “Oh buck that hurt! They said ‘Hit the books’ not ‘Hit somepony with the books’!” He growled as he sat up and glared at the shaking dragon who held yet another large tome in his claw, cocked back and ready to fire at the slightest sign of danger. “Spike? Did I hear a book hit something? I swear to Celestia, if you were throwing books again, I will make sure Rarity gets those photos of you wearing her dresses! I mean it! That better not have been a book hitting something Spike!” A voice rang out through the library and its owner, a violet unicorn, soon followed it down the stairs. Spike gulped and bolted out the nearest window. When Twilight reached the bottom of the stairs, she looked around the library and caught sight of the chaos lord still clutching his snout. Now it was Discord’s time to worry about Twilight’s wrath, if Twilight was as bad as Celestia, he could be in trouble here. Twilight sighed and levitated the book on the ground at his side back onto its proper shelf. “Princess Luna said she’d been working on a way to turn you back to your original form, but I honestly didn’t think it would have worked so soon.” She said, more to herself than Discord as she slowly paced around him, checking him over as if she thought he might have been a puppet instead of an abnormality of nature. “How did you know Luna was trying to free me? She didn’t even tell her sister for cake’s sake!” Discord said looking very confused and surprised, not only at the fact that Twilight knew of his love’s experiment, but that she had not yet baked him to a crisp with her magic. “We’re practically the only to ponies in Equestria who actually give a buck about science, of course we’d write to each other about any thing we were conducting. So, I can pretty much assume you aren’t here for a book, reading a set story isn’t your style, now is it? That leaves one possibility, you want something I have, what is it?” The librarian inquired, absent mindedly rearranging books to be alphabetically sorted by subject, title, author’s name, publishing date, and other nonsense only an egghead would care about. “Somepony’s being a smarty-pants, but yes, I need anti-matter, string that can hold it, and guillotine, preferably authentic if you have it.” Discord said with a smile that said ‘I have just asked you for completely normal things that anypony might ask for.’ Twilight frowned. “I am not a smarty-pants, and more importantly, what the heck do you need a guillotine for?” “Oh yes, question the medieval execution device, not the material that could theoretically wipe out everything in existence.” Twilight shrugged as she conjured several small orbs of the dangerous space material, a roll of silver string, and a slightly rusty guillotine. “It’s you; the less dangerous item is obviously the more dangerous of the two.” Discord thought about it for a moment and was forced to admit it was probably true. After all, if you can sink Atlantis and devastate the Seaponies with nothing more than pocket lint and a rubber band, you can most likely cause more damage with a rusty killing tool than unstable anti-matter. “Okay, fair enough. Can you pack that up for me in a small box, hm? I hate carrying large suspicious looking packages through town. You get the worst of looks, and quite frankly, I don’t need mysterious boxes to do that.” Discord remarked airily as he inspected his claws for dirt. Twilight scowled and set Discord’s puzzling pieces aside. “I’ll just have Spike send it to the castle when he gets back from hiding at Fluttershy’s like he does every time he thinks I’m going to give Rarity those embarrassing photos.” “The dress photos, right. Well, as much fun as I have being here in a library with you Miss Sparkle, I really must be going, things to do, ponies to baffle. You know, Discord stuff and all that funk jazz.” Discord winked as he gripped the handle of the library’s main door. Ponyville Public Library, Exterior, Moments Earlier Celestia couldn’t believe her royal eyes. Discord was in her student’s library, and Twilight wasn’t blasting him to paste with the Elements! A cold chill washed over the solar princess. “Could Twilight be… working with Discord?” She asked quietly to nopony with fear in her voice. First, it was Luna, and then it was Pinkie Pie, and now her most precious student Twilight Sparkle. Discord was taking everypony in her life away from her and using them for his sick games again. Celestia’s face darkened and she barreled at the door to the library, she was going to rescue her pupil and stomp that sneaky monster Discord into a bloody pulp even if it meant her life. WHAM! For the second time in a row that day, Celestia found herself bested by a door thrown wide open at an inopportune moment. Discord swam through the air out of the library in circles while strumming a ukulele that made a noise similar to a tuba when the strings were plucked. “Thanks again for your help Twilight Sparkle, I just know my dear Luna will be very surprised, and you get credit!” He called back through the door merrily. “Quit air swimming, and knock it off with that ridiculous instrument! Neither of those are natural or scientific!” Twilight yelled at him as she used her magic to slam the door shut again. Celestia pulled herself free of the crater in the side of the building her body had made. “If this persists, I may need saving instead of Luna.” Celestia whimpered slightly as she limped after Discord again, determined to stop whatever dastardly deeds he had planned at all costs. Author’s Notes And Other Junk This was actually up last week, but I forgot to publish it cause I was really tired when I finished it, so yeah... *goes off to hide my face in shame* So! I have officially decided this will be a roughly 2-3 part chapter, featuring each of the Mane 6 helping Discord with his plans for Luna and Celestia being shown the door, literally. Really, I can’t stop laughing now, it’s funny when people get slammed with doors. Anyways, I’m more or less doing this because I didn’t want to have a really long chapter right now, because I’d feel obligated to make every other chapter nearly as long, if not longer, and because I promised you your chapter. I hope you enjoyed this. Now for other junk, I got mine craft for the Xbox 360. I might be enjoying it a teensy bit too much. And before you ask, no, you may not have my Gamer Tag, I only give it to those lucky enough to randomly encounter me. Also, before you think you’re a hotshot smarty-pants, it isn’t ‘Roxxi’. I hope you all are enjoying this story so far, and I hope that by splitting this up, I have hooked your attention so you’ll want to read more. I promise to not make anymore multi-part chapters after this unless it is absotively, posolutely necessary, okay? Praying That Creepers Can’t Climb Ladders Because I Love My Sky Tower, Roxxi P.S. A cookie to anypony who catches the special reference in the story.