//------------------------------// // 1: Settling In // Story: The Life of Illusion // by Goldstar //------------------------------// Next stop, Ponyville. What better place to settle down then where random shit goes down and the most special ponies in all Equestria live. It’s been quite some time since I’ve done what I wanted to do, so I guess hardly any pony will know me and I’ll just blend into the background. That’s the plan, at least when I’m not trying to draw attention to myself. Maybe I won’t enter town at a time where ponies are fighting over a doll or Parasprites eat half the town only for it to be good as new days later. Rather then take a train, I did some long distance walking. Ah, hello there, you, yes, you reading this. You may be wondering who I am. Are you sure you want to know? My story isn’t for the faint of heart. Alright, that’s probably a yes, since you’re here, so lemme keep your attention before I lose it. You’ll be finding all so much about me very soon. Meanwhile to help you visualize me, I’m a gray unicorn, with a black and white wavy mane and tail, and blue eyes, which is also the color of my magic. My cutie mark is a white impossible triangle with a black outline so it’s visible on my gray coat. It’s nighttime, perfect for me to settle in when most of the ponies are sleeping, especially her, Pinkie Pie. I know she’s coming and she’s going to put the spotlight on me. Well, I am prepared for this. Have at me! Err... not like that, not in an aggressive way. I’ll just wave at any nearby ponies and keep a low profile, as much as you can in a small town at night, so easy enough. Here I am, in a rather simple house, but it’s all to myself. And I can take off this dress and face veil. I’m keeping my window curtains closed so hopefully nopony peaks inside. I really value my privacy and lots of personal space, neither I’ll get from Pinkie. But once I survive Pinkie, things should go mostly smooth sailing. Although ultimately, I am here to meet the Mane Six, because I think they’ll be among the most useful toward helping me with a very odd problem. You probably already know what that is if you’re here, but if not, well, you’ll know very soon. And yes, I am in fact calling it a problem, at least for myself. Anyway, bedtime. I wonder if Princess Luna will ever meet me in my dreams. That’s both exciting and scary, the former because she could maybe help me and the latter that a princess would know about me. I doubt she’s been around modern Equestria enough to be as hopefully progressive as her sister. Now it’s bright and early in the morning but not that early. I’m not a farmer or animal caretaker, so I rather sleep in some. In fact, I got much of the day to myself till sometime after the kids are out of school. I took work off today, but tomorrow I’m transferring to my new work location in Ponyville. Pinkie is going to be too busy teaching at the School of Friendship to notice a random pony she hasn’t met yet. How do they even do their day jobs and teaching at the same time? Busy, busy ponies. I guess they really are just that special, Elements of Harmony and all, including a princess. This is the last of my bulky dresses that hasn’t wore out yet. Surely Rarity would help me once I’ve explained my situation to her. But would she be okay with what... who I am? She should be, but creatures tend to dislike, fear, or even hate what they don’t understand. But then wasn’t the whole point of all the different creatures coming together was to finally overcome our prejudices? Those statues of Queen Chrysalis, Lord Tirek, and Cozy Glow must count for something. Well, at the very least, Pinkie shouldn’t be negative towards me because of this aspect about me. Then again, she’s a once in a lifetime pony. I should be able to put on a show at the inevitable party she’s going to throw for me later. Okay, now it’s time for stuff to start happening. It’s afternoon, schools are over, and it’s only a matter of time before Pinkie notices me. But how soon... “Hello! You must be new in town because I never met you before.” I nod to her. Can’t I finish a thought in my head first? I’m close enough to smell her breath, which is like baked goods. I thought candy would be it, but close enough. Also, personal space! I would say something, but not out in public where I risk others hearing. I could perhaps get Pinkie for one-on-one time, talk to her more about myself, but I’m going to need a lot of energy for the party that’s to come. I shake her hoof. “What is your name, new friend?” Well, Pinkie is pretty much a free friend unless I really screw things up. I use my unicorn magic to start spelling out letters made from... magical display stuff that only lasts a moment. ‘Illusion’ is what I spell out. “Nice. Any who, I’ve got a party to plan, so have fun!” And she bounces into a bush that I do not see her come out. Okay then, even when you expect it, it’s still jarring. Not that I didn’t believe other ponies saying how random she is but seeing it for the first time is an experience. I almost shout out to her to wait, but then my voice would blow my cover. I just nervously wave at other ponies who are nearby, not saying a word. I really hope she isn’t planning the party at my house. Ah shit... she probably is. I wonder if I can convince her to throw it at Sugarcube Corner instead. I could ask one of her best friends, but I’m already going to be dealing with all of them at the party, so let’s maybe not use up all my energy just yet. I could just go inside Sugarcube Corner and ask but screw it. I’ll just write a note and slip it under the door. Later in the evening, it is party time and my chance to properly introduce myself to Ponyville as myself. Well, one half of my identity. Okay, I gotta steel myself, this isn’t new for me. I’ve performed in front of audiences before, in small towns prior to moving to Manehattan. It’s going to be fine, it’s not like I’m in front of the Royal Sisters or whoever... but Twilight is here, and she is a princess, even if she likes to downplay that fact. At least I can enjoy some good junk food, after the party so I can keep my face veil on the whole time. Problem is I can’t afford to get too hooked on this food or I’m going to develop a figure I don’t want. Oh, sure Celestia can eat a seemingly endless amount of cakes without affecting her figure, if the reports are true. Just the many perks of alicorns. Pinkie could probably eat whatever she wants and still have the same figure, but the rest of us are not her. It’s show time. I clap to get every pony’s attention and then start using my magic to write out words. ‘Hello, I’m Illusion’, I write out. ‘And now to show you a performance!’ I use my magic to create ghost like images of ponies to act out slapstick humor like ponies bumping into each other and throwing pies in each other’s faces. At the very least it should amuse most foals except the ones with really high standards. My performance seems to be going well since I don’t notice any unhappy ponies in the audience. At least they haven’t called me a rip off of Trixie’s shows. I mostly use wacky sound effects with my magic. Voices are a bit complex for me, so I avoid those although I wish I were better at that, for my own sake. “Can she speak?” A filly asked. ‘No, I’m mute.’ I write. Well, that could have gone much worse and probably will if the foals know more about me. Great... Applejack seems to be second guessing my answer, but I’ll just keep on going with the show. I focus on more complex illustrations with multiple fake ponies flying together, crashing into each other, and getting into a silly fight with a cloud ball effect. It’s not easy doing this in such a small space, smaller than I’m used to. At least this isn’t in my home since I’m being very selective on who I let in, so good to know the note worked. The party finally ends some time afterward. Well, that took more energy than I’ve expected. I’m starting to feel tired, so I’m not going to be on my A game when interacting with other ponies. The Mane Six are still here, after every pony else left. “You were not entirely truthful about not being able to speak,” Applejack stated. And here we go. ‘It makes for a better show,’ I spell out. “Understood, have a good evening,” she replied. Ah good, off the hook with that. So, who do I talk to first? Pinkie as I’ve explained before, would be accepting, but I just don’t have the energy left to deal with more of her for now. Twilight might go into scientist mode and ask like a billion questions while taking many, many notes. Fluttershy would be a good choice, although I don’t think any animals she has taken care of have will have my condition. Rainbow Dash probably wouldn’t understand and I don’t exactly trust her to understand, loyalty or not. I risk Applejack not understanding either and probably being rather judgmental. Well, everypony will find out sooner or later, but I want to do this on my terms. I guess I could risk Rarity. Yeah, Rarity first, then Fluttershy, and finally, Pinkie. I do hope Rarity has some time. I do want this to be a one on one, without Sweetie Belle involved. I rather deal with her cooking, including burnt juice, than being publicly outed. ‘Rarity, can I get a moment with you?’ I spell out. “Of course, darling. Although I must say, your dress has probably seen much better days. I could easily fix it up.” ‘Yes, back at your home.’ And so, she leads me there as I wave goodbye to her friends, soon to hopefully be my friends. Once inside her home, I don’t see Sweetie Belle around, so maybe she’s already asleep. Oh dammit, the cat is hissing at me! “Opal, please settle down in front of my guest”, Rarity ordered. Opal didn’t stop. “Excuse me.” She then put Opal in a room and locked it up. “Sorry about that. I’ll need to get your measurements and I can fix up what you’re wearing tonight. Tomorrow I could work on a whole new dress.” ‘It’ll be fine for now, I don’t like to take my dress off in front of other ponies.’ I write out. I’m getting rather good at doing this fast. “It’ll be just for a moment, I’ll hardly look. Most ponies here are okay with normally not wearing clothes, but you’re from out of town, so perhaps you’re not. It’s fine.” ‘Thank you! Okay, so please don’t freak out.’ Here it is, the moment I admit to one of the Mane Six about who I really am, well any pony since years ago. I clear my throat. Here we go... come on, just say something. “Please... don’t freak out” I manage to say. Rarity looks shocked for a moment. “Oh dear, you have a very deep voice. Are you ashamed of speaking because of that?” “Yes, but not for entirely the reason you may think. How do I put it? I’m a mare, but not like most mares are. I... wasn’t exactly born a filly. I wear outfits like this to hide my stallion features.” “Ah, so you’re into cross dressing?” “Yes, I mean no, err... maybe? I don’t want to be a stallion. I want to be a mare. There’s a burning desire in my mind that is how I’m meant to be, but I was born the wrong sex. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a colt or stallion, it’s just not for me. But what to do? I tried looking up spells to help, but unicorns generally have a hard time using magic outside of their specialties. Even if I could use a mare illusion on myself, my horn would always be glowing, not ideal.” “I don’t mean to pry, but I am curious as to how this happened.” “Even I struggle with that. In my early foalhood, I was okay with being a colt, nothing really out of the ordinary there, but then once I hit my teen years, my body went through changes I didn’t like. I tried talking to my parents about it, but they just dismissed this as a phase that I would grow out of. Well, it’s been a decade since and this ‘phase’ is still going. “Once I was out from under my parents’ roof, I did some traveling over the years. One of the places I ended up was Equal Town, back when it was run by Starlight Glimmer. I stayed for some time, but everything just felt off. It was like no pony had any real personality. So, I bounced and got the heck out of dodge before I heard about Starlight going crazy. Thankfully you six reformed her. But even then, I didn’t quite return to Equal Town although it’s probably much better now. I wasn’t even allowed to use my illusion talents because other ponies couldn’t do it, therefore not equal or some crap like that. What a crazy cult, I tell you. Ahem... sorry about that little rant. At least that situation got better, unlike certain ponies. “Anyway, I’ve moved here because you six are here and I think this is the safest environment for me to be my true self. I’m still not ready to come out to the town yet. Hell, I’m still working up the courage to tell the rest of your closest friends. It would be the first time I’ve came out on such a large scale if I go through with it. Twilight seems to be the smartest pony in all of Equestria. Surely, she would know something about sex change magic? And please don’t let it be something that costs thousands upon thousands of bits, I don’t make that kind of income.” Rarity gives me a hug. This feels nice. “Oh, you poor thing. If you want, I could ask Twilight to help you.” “I hope your help doesn’t turn into pity because I don’t need any more of that. I already given myself tons. I try to be funny so I can distract from my awful situation that most ponies wouldn’t understand. It has crossed my mind to just walk into the Everfree Forest and provoke a dangerous creature into killing me. But don’t worry, I’m over that, mostly. I promise I’m not going to try to kill myself, but the thought has crossed my mind at times in the past. I think I want to speak to Twilight myself, tell her exactly how I’m feeling rather than you trying to explain on my behalf. So please, let’s keep this between us for now. I’ll probably bring this up to Fluttershy next and then Pinkie Pie.” “I want you to be happy and comfortable with who you are. I think Ponyville will be accepting since there are mares married to other mares in town.” “That’s... similar, but also not quite the same thing. Sexuality is one thing, my entire being of sex and gender is something else. And even if I do manage to make progress, it’s not like I can go up to a lesbian and be like, ‘hey there, want to make out with my feminine penis?’ Okay that was rather vulgar, but that gets my point across.” “Right... there are mares opened to both stallions and mares.” “That’s probably my best bet for now. Although I should also note there are ponies who will fetishize me for being a mare with something extra. Compared to being hated on, that’s not much better. Anyway...” I take my dress off, exposing my stallion body to Rarity. “Here, get my measures and get this dress fixed. I’ll probably lie down while you do that. I hope you have no late-night visitors planned. I’m still very much living a double life right now, with Illusion not being my legal name, at least not yet.” “Don’t you worry dear. I’ll get you looking like the prettiest stallion around.” “Umm... mare.” “My apologies, I’ll have to get used to ponies like you.” “I hope I didn’t come off rude. I know, deep down, I’m a stallion, like, that’s what my body is. But even deeper down in my heart, I’m a mare. I know there will be ponies and creatures who will see me as a stallion no matter how much I change myself. And how can I argue against them? My biology is male, and I’ll be hard pressed if any magic or science can change that.” “It shouldn’t matter. We’re more than our cells.” “I know, but stallions and mares are built differently. Like how Big Mac is one of the strongest ponies around. Like the only other ponies who could compare are alicorns, I think. I’m taking a nap now, once you have my dress fixed up, I’ll put it on and go back home.”