He was alone, and in the dark. Luckily, one of those problems was easily fixed.
He grasped one of the small hand-flares at his side and tossed it forward. It ignited mid-air with a crackling hiss, blue light flashing out to reveal a narrow, natural stone passage, the flare's metal frame clinking gently against ghostly pale stone. He raised his weapon, then advanced down the cave, tossing additional hand-flares as needed, his hooves ringing out like small, rhythmic hammer-blows against the rocky floor below.
Eventually, the passage opened up, revealing a much larger room. The walls and ceiling were dotted by glowing, humming green crystals, and small patches of light-gray-and-green barnacles crusted the corners and walls of the space. He raised his flare gun and pulled the trigger, and a second later, a massive section of the shadow gave way to brilliant white light, exposing the sheets and ledges of the cave - along with the glittering veins of red crystal that he'd been hoping to see.
"MOLLY!" he called, and a short metal spike with a blinking blue light appeared beside him with a crunch. He listened, but didn't hear the beeping call he was expecting, or even the faint rhythmic clanking of the robotic minecart's mechanical legs. Oh well, that probably meant she was just far off - given time, she'd arrive.
He set to work, grappling to stand atop the vein of red crystal and chipping away at it with his pickaxe. For obvious reasons, the section he stood on was the last one he broke, and he was already grappling toward the next vein before he hit the ground.
By the time he'd cleared out the cavern, Molly still hadn't arrived. And, to make matters worse, he'd just spotted one of his main objectives - from a section of the wall in an isolated corner of the room, there sprouted a large patch of what looked like purple roots. Much as he would rather have waited for Molly to arrive, he knew that the longer he stayed, the more difficult survival was going to become.
So, he approached the roots and began to swing his pick. The stone squelched as it gave way, and the roots tore free with wet pops that sent rivulets of dark fluid leaking across the floor of the cavern. After a few chunks, the stone vanished entirely, revealing a pocket of dark, squishy, fibrous substance that almost felt like flesh. He kept digging, until finally, his prize popped free of its bed: a key-ring bearing a single key and a dongle, both branded with a logo that changed every time he blinked.
The whole cavern shook, and in the deepest depths of the cave, there came a howling wail that only grew louder with every echo. As he stepped into the cavern proper once again, the flares on the ceiling flickered and died, just as the stone began to shift on a patch of the ceiling. He equipped his flare gun and fired.
When the light of the first flare passed over the patch of churning stone, it revealed a living carpet of teeth and carapace and long, pointed legs. In the light of the next flare, the mass of enormous bugs began to crawl down the wall toward him.
He pulled a pair of pistols to his side, took aim, and fired. The bullets disappeared into the tide of fangs and legs without apparent effect - until he reloaded, and a wave of bugs shattered into pale carapace and green goo.
He kept firing. He retreated along the edge of the cave as the bugs advanced, trying to kite them around the edge of the cave, but they just kept coming. Shouldn't there be a drone here, helping him to shoot them down? Shouldn't Molly have arrived by now?
There were just too many of them. He grabbed a canister off his hip and tossed it into the center of mass, and the swarm turned on itself in a wash of yellow-green gas. He fired a few volleys into the mass from his pistol, but they barely made a dent - more of them were erupting from the ground, and he lobbed another grenade into the mix, hoping to come up with a strategy while the bugs were busy eating each other.
The bugs were the wrong color, he realized. They were supposed to be various shades of brown, but instead, these came in two color patterns. Some were bright green, and the rest were a deep purple. And despite his knowledge that the color schemes were wrong, they felt somehow familiar.
A rolling blur of flame and ink-black carapace, somehow more jagged than it should be, erupted from a tunnel at the far end of the cavern and careened right toward him. He grappled over top of it just as the last of the gas faded into wisps, and the swarm turned towards him all at once. Grimacing, he hurried into the tunnel that the rolling bug had come from, almost slipping on the steep downhill of the cavern. Behind him, something loosed a deep, ululating roar, and he groaned in exasperation. A Bulk Detonator was the last thing he needed right now.
...Or was it?
He hurried down the steep hill of the cavern, and as he heard the crackling rumble of the rolling bug closing in behind him, a fear that was far stronger than it should've been. He felt his heart begin to race in his chest as the ground trembled beneath his hooves, his vision darkening and his knees beginning to jitter as the living boulder behind him grew ever closer, waves of heat rolling off its flaming chitin. And somehow, the only thing he could think of was a number, a five-digit number that began with an eight and rested just above his signature on a piece of paper.
He was getting so damn tired.
The exit to the tunnel opened ahead of him, and with a yell, he aimed his grappling hook and pulled the trigger, the air of the larger cavern blessedly cool against his face as he rocketed ahead of the boulder. He turned and unloaded his pistols, reloading and diving out of the way, and part of the roller disintegrated into a shower of green gore and black iron, which clattered against the stone to his side.
There was no time to rest. The bugs poured from the cavern entrance, and as he turned his pistols upon the horde he found them empty. Swearing, he switched to his grappling hook and shot to another edge of the cavern, firing off the last of his flares before grappling away from the half-shattered roller again.
His legs were shaking, and he could barely run, but he wasn't without firepower. Not yet. The long, slender rifle slung across his back was a precision tool, and though it couldn't hold back the swarm, he had another option.
The tide of familiar-colored bugs continued to pour into the cavern, and as he grappled around the edges of the cavern, they formed into a tight bunch at the center of the cavern. The last stragglers emerged just as he passed the entrance to the cavern, and he halted their screaming pursuit with the last of his grenades, already grappling away as they turned upon each other again.
A section of the wall disintegrated, and for just a moment, he stumbled to a halt as he saw the fiery, throbbing bulk of the gigantic bug. Its face was all wrong - instead of the massive maw of crooked, jagged teeth, it had a face that was nauseatingly wrong, and yet too familiar to deny. He knew that snub muzzle, knew the gray streak in its mane and the bags beneath its eyes. Lapis saw them in the mirror every morning. He was dreaming, wasn't he?
Lapis continued grappling around the edge of the cavern. Midair, he raised the rifle and planted shot after shot into the massive bug that wore his face. As one of the glowing, pulsing warts on its back shattered into goo, the Bulk opened its mouth, but instead of roaring, it whispered, and those whispers echoed around the cave more forcefully than a scream.
"You've failed," the Bulk said, and Lapis gritted his teeth as he kept shooting. "They're already drowning."
Lapis dove to the side as the roller rattled toward him, then grappled away just as the Bulk's legs came down, a wave of flame washing out from the thing in a circle as Lapis spun and aimed his rifle.
Another wart shattered. "Can you hear them?" the Bulk asked, turning to glare at Lapis. "They're asking what's for dinner. Tonight, it's breakfast cereal. Tomorrow, it'll be nothing at all."
"Okay, that's enough out of you," Lapis said, raising the rifle again. "Shut up, please."
The Bulk didn't even stumble as the bullets hit its side, and Lapis was forced to grapple away from the screaming, green-and-purple tide of smaller bugs.
"They will," the Bulk said.
Lapis grimaced, fighting down a shock of annoyance and dread, and pulled the trigger again. The last of the Bulk's warts shattered, but it continued toward him as he kept circling the cave, the still-living roller hot on his heels.
"They'll shut up," the Bulk said, ignoring the hail of bullets sinking into its body, "and it'll be your fault. You signed that paper, and now that you're gone forev-"
The Bulk halted, as a pair of white blasts seared into its side, encasing it in sheets of ice. Lapis followed it, and saw a pigeon flying into the cavern, calling out a series of notes that should've come from a machine instead.
Lapis took the opportunity, dumping four quick charged shots into the Bulk's side, chips of its frozen body flying off the points of impact. After a few moments, the ice shattered, and the Bulk started toward Lapis again.
"I get it, alright? This is a dream, and you're my doubt, or guilt or whatever. I read you loud and clear, and I'm going back home," Lapis said, and one last bullet flew from the barrel of his rifle, embedding itself into the Bulk's side. It stumbled and sank into a crouch, but instead of the ascending howl it should've released, Lapis only heard the Bulk laugh.
"At what cost?" it said, and then it exploded. The shockwave sent Lapis rolling across the floor, his whole world turning into a green-and-white blur as his stomach turned slower and slower circles. There were dozens of high screams as the Bulk's blast turned the rest of the swarm into paste, and for just a second, Lapis didn't get up.
When he rose, he found the crater was even bigger than he'd expected. And yet, the bodies of the other bugs in the swarm filled it completely. Their green-and-purple corpses glimmered in the fading light of the flares, and as Lapis looked, he realized why they were familiar. Spike's scales were exactly the same colors.
Too late, he heard the roller thundering closer from behind him, and turned to see its flaming black carapace filling his vision-
A thin, shining beam of blue-white light struck the roller from the side, and with a final squelch, it disintegrated, scraps of black iron falling to either side of Lapis in a clattering shower. The pigeon flew by again, then touched down in front of Lapis, looking up at him with deep, shining cyan eyes.
"Guilt," it murmured. Its voice was female, lightly accented, and so soft that Lapis almost didn't hear it. The pigeon cleared her throat, then looked at Lapis directly, suddenly speaking loudly enough that the ground beneath Lapis' hooves shook. "Unicorn, whence didst thou arrive in Ponyville?"
The corners of Lapis' mouth twitched upward, and suddenly, a laugh shuddered free of his throat, his back legs collapsing as he sat on his rump in the newly-peaceful cavern. "Okay. Sure. A Ye Olde Talking Pigeon. Why not?"
"We beg your pardon?" the pigeon asked, an affronted look crossing her face. Then, she looked down at her own feathery body. "Ah. We see. A simple misunderstanding, but our doing nonetheless. Allow us just a moment."
Then, suddenly, the pigeon dissolved into a cloud of twinkling indigo smoke, which curled around itself and slowly grew until it was taller than Lapis by about a third. Lapis frowned as a shape began to form within it - first legs, then a body, then a pair of wings and a long neck. Lapis watched as a long, narrow horn formed on its head, and his eyes snapped wide open in terrified realization as the last of the smoke curled into the alicorn's flowing, starry mane and tail.
"Are we now recognizable?" Princess Luna asked, staring down at Lapis with the same deep, bright-cyan eyes, Lapis' heart beginning to thunder in his chest as the world slowly went white. "We apologize for the confusion, thy dream was most- wait, please, thy panic is without need-!"
Lapis sat bolt upright in bed with a gasp, the blankets flying off his chest, sweat pouring down his face. His sheets were tangled like ropes around his legs, and his knees were still wobbly - whether from fear or phantom exertion, he was unsure.
"Shit," he said, his voice shaking. "Fuck."
Slowly, gingerly, he untangled himself, then climbed out of his bed and opened the window. It was a cloudy, windy morning in Ponyville - the chill of autumn was beginning to creep into the air, and between that, the humidity, and Lapis� recent dream, looking around gave Lapis the sort of cold, dark, clammy impression that would normally inspire him to remain under the covers for "just a little" longer than normal.
Unfortunately, that wasn't an option. Not today, and - if Princess Luna really had just stuck her nose inside his head - quite possibly never. I need to start sleep deprivation, pronto, until I come up with a plan. I need to find two bags of coffee, some protein powder, a live nettle, and bees. After that, it'll be a matter of willpower and - actually, no, this is a terrible idea.
Fuck. If my first thought was sleep deprivation, then clearly I need more sleep, not less.
Focus on today right now, come up with a better plan later. I wrecked Ponyville yesterday, and it's not going to fix itself.
The first thing that Lapis managed to repair was the hole in his floor that led into his basement, and the process calmed him down considerably. In the half an hour it took him to complete it, his knees had stopped shaking entirely, and he was about to make some breakfast and get moving when a knock came at his door.
Lapis peeked out the window, and was only a little surprised by the pony waiting on the other side. "Good morning, Ms. Mayor," he said, pulling the door open. "I'd ask what brings you here so early, but somehow..."
"Good morning, Lapis," Mayor Mare replied, walking over to Lapis' dining table and taking a seat. "And if your guess has something to do with yesterday's fiasco, then yes, you'd be right. You may want to sit down - I do have a game plan, but you're not going to like it."
"Seeing as it's my fault," Lapis began, but a sudden, enormous yawn cut him off mid-sentence. "Sorry. Long night, and I haven't had any coffee yet. Should I brew some up, or wait until you're done?"
"Oh, please, yes, coffee," Mayor Mare said, her eyes snapping wide open. "My Prench press cracked last weekend, and I haven't had a drop since."
Lapis chuckled, heading back into the kitchen. "Well, that sounds like a nightmare. You want any cream? Sugar?"
"A little of both," Mayor Mare said. "...Come to think of it, make that a lot of cream. The sooner it's cool enough to drink, the better."
"Agreed," Lapis said, already igniting the stove beneath the full teapot.
From back in the living room, Mayor Mare gasped. "Oh, I love that armoire! Where'd you get it?"
"Armoire?" Lapis asked, peeking back into the living room. He sighed as he spotted the armoire that Mayor Mare was talking about, a narrow construction of dark, faintly-reddish wood that sat up against the wall just beside the portrait of the mustached griffon. "...Yeah, that one's from my trip to Amberhoof. I wouldn't go there for furniture, though, most of what they've got is broken."
"If you say so," Mayor Mare said. "Was this difficult to find?"
"Nope," Lapis said, deliberately flicking his ears back upright as he reached for the bag of ground coffee beans. "Honestly, it just about found me."
A few minutes later, Lapis emerged from the kitchen, bearing two cups of coffee. Mayor Mare accepted hers with outstretched hooves, and wasted no time taking a long, deep draw from her mug as Lapis sat down. "Perfect," she muttered.
Lapis nodded, taking a more modest sip of his own coffee and doing his best to ignore the wardrobe in the room. "So, about that 'game plan' you mentioned?"
Mayor Mare nodded, closing her eyes and taking another drink of coffee. "...Yes. Well, Lapis, there's no easy way to say this, so I suppose I'd better just come out and say it."
She opened her eyes, fixing Lapis with a surprisingly convincing firm look. "I'll have to ask you not to charge for repairing any of the damage you've caused."
Lapis paused, his the gears slowly rumbling to life in his head as he tried to figure out how many bits he was about to lose from his debt-repayment fund. The number that he came up with was uncomfortably large, but then again, so was the amount of harm he'd done to Ponyville. "...Honestly, I was already planning to offer a massive discount and cover any replacement parts out-of-pocket, so that's just about what I was expecting. Is there anything you'd prefer that I fixed first?"
Mayor Mare paused, cocking her head. "...You're taking this a lot better than I thought you might."
"It's my fault," Lapis said, shrugging. "That means it's my responsibility to fix it, whether I get paid to or not."
"I'm sorry, but don't you get paid to clean up after what everypony else breaks?" Mayor Mare asked, frowning.
"...Well, not everypony can fix things with their own hooves or horn," Lapis said, setting down his cup of coffee. "But anypony who has bits has the ability to spend them, and throwing money at your problems is a pretty reliable fix. I'm just a step in the process."
Mayor Mare took a slow sip of her coffee. "That's certainly one way of looking at it."
"Well, to be fair, I only look at it that way for the first two minutes of a job," Lapis said, and Mayor Mare snorted into her coffee. "Anyway, yeah, is there anything you want me to prioritize?"
Mayor Mare thought for a few moments, then sighed. "Well, one Mrs. Spoiled Rich has been sending me some very strongly worded letters about her damaged siding since yesterday evening, and as much as I hate to encourage her, I'd be very grateful if you got her off my back."
"...Spoiled Rich?" Lapis asked, his eyes going wide. "Actual name?"
"By marriage, yes," Mayor Mare said. "As I recall, before she married Mr. Filthy Rich, she went by 'Spoiled Milk' instead. Frankly, both names suit her."
"Wow," Lapis muttered. "Also, ouch for her. ...Wait. Hang on." Lapis took a quick draw of his coffee, his eyes narrowing in thought, then spoke. "Wowch."
Mayor Mare blinked, then chuckled, resting her forehead on one of her hooves. "Oh, goodness," she sighed. "...Oh. Lapis, there's one more thing that I perhaps ought to ask."
She cleared her throat, then looked at him directly. "Is it true that you almost had another Harmonic Cascade?"
Lapis paused, then slowly set his coffee down. "That's... yeah, it's true. Though, Lyra saved the day this time, so at least I'll be able to clean up my own mess."
"I see," Mayor Mare said, sighing and pushing her glasses up her muzzle with a hoof. "So, I suppose that means you still aren't feeling secure, in Ponyv-"
Lapis held up a hoof. "Please, just... stop, alright? I get it, you're trying to look out for Ponyville, and I appreciate that - both as the pony in charge of fixing it, and also as somepony who lives here. What happened yesterday was... I've got a lot to worry about, a lot more than one conversation can fix. I'm working on it, and thanks to Lyra, I think I've got some ideas for later. For today, can we please just stick to fixing Ponyville?"
Mayor Mare shook her head. "That includes you, Lapis. You�re part of Ponyville too-"
"No," Lapis cut her off, "I'm not. I'll live here, I'll work here, but when I'm done, I will go back home."
For a few seconds, neither of them spoke. Then, slowly, Lapis took a deep breath. "...Sorry. That came out harsher than I meant it to. It's been a long night."
Mayor Mare didn't reply for a second or two, simply sitting back in the chair. "Your home," she eventually said. "If... if it's not too much, Lapis, who or what is waiting for you there?"
"...Debt," Lapis said. "A couple different kinds. I owe a lot to my family, and I owe some other folks... more than what my family has. That's the big problem, that's what I'm working on, is there anything else you needed?"
Mayor Mare shook her head, then gingerly sipped her coffee. "No, that's all. I'm sorry, Lapis. And thank you for sharing."
Lapis nodded, but couldn't think of any reply, so instead he simply raised his mug to his lips.
Mayor Mare finished her coffee and left not long afterward, and before too long, Lapis had made and eaten some breakfast. He was just beginning to flip through the tall stack of request slips that had been tacked to his door when another knock came at his door.
Twice in one morning? Lapis thought. Guess today's gonna be one of those days. "On my way," he called, peeking through the window.
"Howdy, Lapis," Big Mac said, as he cracked open the door. "Ah was hopin' y'all hadn't left yet."
"Hey, Big Mac," Lapis replied, pausing and cocking an eyebrow as he set the stack of request slips on the table. "And hey to you too, Apple Bloom."
"...Hello," Apple Bloom said, after she looked up from the space where the hole in Lapis' floor had been.
Big Mac stepped inside, gently nudging Apple Bloom ahead of himself. "So, how busy are y'all today?"
"Pretty busy," Lapis said, patting the stack of slips on his table with a hoof. "The requests from yesterday are coming in fast, and since I'm the reason they exist, I'm taking care of them on the house. Why, what's up?"
Big Mac nodded. "Well, if that's what you're up to, then Ah've got a helper for you, if you'll allow it."
"A helper?" Lapis asked, cocking an eyebrow - and then there was a crunching crash from the middle of the room. Lapis winced, then looked over at the stool beside the table.
The stool had fallen over, one of its legs splintered in two, and Apple Bloom had fallen on top of it - Lapis realized she must've tried to climb on top of it, and had pushed it over instead, breaking one of the legs as she landed.
"...Sorry," Apple Bloom said, her bow rustling as her ears flopped back.
"Five-second fix," Lapis said, waving a hoof. "I'll patch it up when I get back. Speaking of which, Big Mac, you mind following me outside real quick? There's something I might need help straightening out."
"Don't mind a bit," Big Mac said, following Lapis out the door.
As soon as they were on the porch, Lapis closed the door and turned to face Big Mac. "Alright, can we talk this through for a second?"
"E-yup."
"You're trying to teach Apple Bloom a lesson here, aren't you?"
"E-yup."
"Okay. Cool. So why are you passing her to me?"
Big Mac shrugged. "Y'all're the pony she's causin' the most trouble for. The way Ah see it, havin' to find out how much work goes into cleanin' up might make her think twice before she makes another mess."
Lapis grimaced. "Alright, I can see why you'd think that, but there's a couple issues. First off, there really won't be much for her to do - about the only way I can think of to keep her busy will be to make her a gopher."
"Gopher?" Big Mac asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"Go for this hammer, go for that screwdriver," Lapis said, waving a hoof. Probably a dialect thing. "Anyway, that'll only last so long before she gets the idea to bring me the whole toolbox, and then she's just going to follow me around being bored for the rest of the day."
"E-yup," Big Mac confirmed. "That's the idea. Alright, Lapis, Ah know it's a lot to ask, and a lot more to drop on somepony with no prior warnin'. But she could've been hurt bad, and between the two of us, somethin' tells me y'all might have a better idea of how bad than Ah do."
Lapis winced, and for a moment or two he could hear the rattling rumble of the mana compressor bearing down on Spike.
"Ah want to make sure it doesn't happen again," Big Mac continued, looking Lapis right in the face. "Or try to, anyhow. Can Ah ask you to help with that?"
"...You got me there," Lapis said. "Alright, it's a deal. Just... if there is a next time, please warn me in advance."
"E-yup," Big Mac agreed. "Ah can do that. Alright, Ah guess we'd better head back inside, soon as Apple Bloom gets her ear off the door."
...Gets her ear off the door? Lapis cocked an eyebrow, then his eyes widened in surprise as the door to his workshop rattled in its frame. "Oh. Well, I think we're in the clear now."
“…So let me get this straight,” Twilight said, rubbing her forehead with a hoof as she stood in the center of the library. “It took you all day to reshelve one shelf?”
Spike laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. “…Well, I did have to do it twice.”
“I’m sure,” Twilight said, cocking an eyebrow as she ignited her horn. “And I’m sure the bowl full of sapphires in the fridge had nothing to do with it?”
“…Nope,” Spike said.
“So, if I get that bowl out of the fridge,” Twilight began, her sentence punctuated by the dull thunk of the fridge closing. “The whole thing will still be full of sparkling, tasty sapphires?”
“Well, maybe not full,” Spike said, as a large and completely empty ceramic bowl floated around the corner behind Twilight. “And again, I really did have to do it twice, so I wound up going to sleep before I could dust off the last few shelves.”
“Uh-huh,” Twilight said, setting the empty bowl down on the library desk, then turning to get behind the counter. “That was supposed to be a week’s worth of sapphires, Spike. I ordered them specifically from Canterlot, and they disappeared in one day.”
Spike groaned. “I know, I know, I’m sorry!” He sighed, turning to stare into the distance.
“They were just… so good,” he mumbled, a dreamy expression floating across his face.
Twilight rolled her eyes, grinning, then turned to stare out the window. …Huh. Well, those are some dense clouds. I thought today was scheduled for clear skies.
“So, why did you have to reshelve twice, anyway?” Twilight asked, as she started rifling through the space behind the counter for the weather schedule.
“Huh?” Spike asked. “Oh, yeah. So, there was this whole thing with a giant metal wheel… thing.”
“A giant metal wheel,” Twilight repeated, flicking through one of the drawers of a filing cabinet.
“Uh-huh, and somepony must’ve set it on fire or something, because it was definitely on fire,” Spike continued.
“Really.” Twilight pulled a waxed sheet of paper free from the drawer, checked the date, and frowned. Thought so. Maybe something’s up at the weather factory… Where’s Rainbow Dash, anyway? She probably knows what’s going on.
“Yeah, I stepped out of the library and it was rolling right for me,” Spike said, stepping onto Twilight’s side of the counter and hopping onto a small stool nearby. “Then, the next thing I know, some unicorn tosses me out of the way, right into the bookshelf, apologizes, then runs off with Big Mac!”
“…Big Mac?” Twilight asked, cocking her head. “Wait, Spike. That unicorn… what did he look like?”
“Huh?” Spike frowned. “Uh, he had kind of a white coat, with a blue mane and tail. And… I think his Cutie Mark was some kind of rock thing?”
Twilight looked over, her eyes widening. Wait, he isn't making up an excuse?! “You’re absolutely sure?”
“Pretty sure, yeah,” Spike said, scratching the side of his head with a claw. “Anyway, after that, I put all the books back up, and then I just kinda… grabbed a book and checked out for the night, I guess. That’s where the sapphires went.”
“Oh,” Twilight said, slipping the sheet of paper back into the drawer and sliding it shut. “Well, I’m sorry, Spike. I honestly had no idea you were in any danger!”
Spike waved a dismissive hand. “Well, yeah, but those were still a lot of sapphires.” His eyes glazed over again. “Mmm… sapphires.”
“I mean it, Spike,” Twilight said, walking over and wrapping him in a hug. “Don’t get into any more danger, alright? And if you do, then… well, consider it more important than snacks!”
“Okay, okay!” Spike grumbled, turning his head away. “Yeesh, you don’t need to get all mushy about it!”
Twilight grinned, briefly tightening her hug around Spike, then let him go. “I’ve got to go find Rainbow Dash for something. Don’t go stepping in front of any more metal wheels, alright?”
“You’ve got it!” Spike said, snapping to attention. “Nopony’s getting into this library without me knowing about it, no ma’am!”
Twilight rolled her eyes, grabbing a pair of saddlebags and draping them over her back. “See you, Spike!”
“See you!” Spike called, as Twilight walked down the library steps and toward the center of Ponyville.
As soon as she heard the door swing shut, however, Twilight picked up her pace, heading toward Town Hall at a trot and scanning the cloudy skies with a firm glare. She still meant to find Rainbow Dash, alright, but at this point, finding out what was wrong with the weather was just a sideshow.
Spike had been in danger, and Twilight strongly suspected that Lapis Print had something to do with it. And if she was right…
Well, then Twilight wanted to make sure he wouldn’t get away this time. And while sidestepping her magic and hiding from Pinkie Pie was one thing, outrunning the fastest flyer in Equestria on hoof was another matter entirely.
“So, uh, what-all do you get up to in your spare time, mister?”
Lapis was halfway toward the Rich family home, and he’d decided to take care of any jobs that were on the way. Presently, that meant he was lying on his back, trying to stick the leg back onto a table - the problem was, the splintered end of the leg had wound up buried in the dirt, and now Lapis wanted to get as much of the dirt out as he could before he tried to fix the table. “Uh, usually I go check up on my friends, or go tinker in the basement. Pass me the screwdriver?”
“Hold on.” There was a second or two of scuffling, and then Apple Bloom’s head popped into Lapis’ field of view, his screwdriver held in her mouth. Lapis took it, then started using the screwdriver as a pick to dig out the more stubborn patches of dried mud.
“Uh, yeah,” Apple Bloom said. “They’d be… Bon Bon the candymaker, right? And Lyra the musician?”
Well, this is awkward. “Yep,” Lapis said, wincing as the screwdriver slid right over the top of a narrower patch of dirt. “Hey, I need one nail, they’re in the little pouch on the outside of the left saddlebag.”
“Ah’m on it!” Apple Bloom disappeared from view, and Lapis took a second just to lie on the ground, staring up at the small crust of dirt that remained. Either Apple Bloom didn’t realize that this was a punishment or she was trying to work around it, because she hadn’t stopped trying to make small talk since the two of them had left Lapis’ workshop. At first, it’d just been about his work, but she’d already tried to steer it toward the equipment in his basement twice before - then suddenly veered away from the topic at the last second. Lapis' guess was that she was trying to pick his brain about artifice, while dodging the lecture about messing with magical power tools.
“Here you are,” Apple Bloom said, her voice distorted by the nail pinched in the corner of her mouth. “So, how did y’all meet each other, anyway?”
“Accidentally,” Lapis said, levitating the nail over and setting to work. “Bon Bon was carrying a big bowl of suckers to somepony’s office, and I wasn’t looking where I was going. I ran into her, the bowl fell off her back, it broke, lollipops went everywhere…”
Lapis scraped the last few grains of dirt free from the table, then slowly began lifting the rest of the leg back into place. “Anyway, I fixed the bowl and helped her clean up the mess, and then we were both on our way. That happened, uh, a couple more times, and eventually…” Lapis grunted as he crawled out from beneath the table, getting ready to actually fix the thing. “…Eventually, she asked me what I was doing. We got to talking after that, and the next thing I knew, I’d been invited to breakfast.”
Lapis jammed the table leg fully into place, ignoring the familiar flash of heat from his Cutie Mark and shutting his eyes as light flashed from the cracks of the table. When he opened his eyes, the table was good as new. “Perfect. Okay, let’s get-”
“WHOA!” Apple Bloom shouted, loudly enough that Lapis felt his ears flatten themselves against the back of his head. “Lapis, mister, your Cutie Mark - it glowed!”
“Alright, calm down!” Lapis said, waving a frantic hoof. “Yeah, it does that. As far as I can tell, it nets me a discount for all the Mend-All spells I keep casting. Not a big deal, you don’t need to yell about it. Let’s get to the next job, alright?”
Lapis slung the saddlebags back over his shoulder, hoping Apple Bloom would drop the subject and follow after him. She did, but it seemed she couldn’t remain silent for long. “So, uh, all that magical tinkerin’ you do in your workshop… that ain’t your special talent?”
Well, here we are again… I really don’t want to risk taking my emotions out on her, but someone’s got to have this talk with her. “No, it’s not, it’s just something I learned how to do,” Lapis said. “But, now that we’re talking about my basement, there’s a couple of things I wanted to go over with you.”
Apple Bloom quietly groaned, but Lapis pushed on. “So, pop quiz: what’s the weight of one cubic foot of pure metallic iron?”
“Uh… Ah can’t say Ah know,” Apple Bloom said.
“That’s okay, this isn’t a graded quiz,” Lapis said. “The answer is four hundred and ninety-one pounds. …And a half, if you really want to get picky, but that doesn’t matter. Now, around how many cubic feet of iron do you think went into the mana compressor that was rolling around Ponyville yesterday?”
“Oh,” Apple Bloom said, her ears flopping back. “Uh… two?”
“That’s pretty close,” Lapis said. “It was about two and a half cubic feet. That, times four hundred and ninety one pounds, equals roughly one thousand two hundred pounds total. That’s a little over half a ton of iron. Now: do you know what happens when half a ton of iron comes down on top of somepony?”
Apple Bloom remained silent, her eyes going wide.
“There’s a lot of things that could’ve happened,” Lapis said, stopping to meet her gaze. “To you, to your friends, or to anypony in Ponyville. You can sum up most of those things as crunch. Do you know Spike?”
“Uh, yeah,” Apple Bloom said, glancing to the side, and Lapis internally perked to attention. Alright, time to see if she gets how badly things could’ve gone wrong. If she doesn’t, then I’ve got an excuse to keep her far away - and if she does, then I can wrap up this whole thing and be done.
When next Lapis spoke, he tried to be as mindful of his tone and face as possible, keeping it as clear of anger and judgment as he knew how to do. “Well, crunch almost happened to him.”
At once, Apple Bloom went pale, and her eyes grew wide with horror. Oh, okay, well, she gets it, but that was way too much to drop on her. I need to run damage control, fast.
“He’s alright, and the fact that he was in danger was my fault, not yours,” Lapis added. “I’m the one who made that mana compressor, and I’m the one who had the bright idea of making it run off any bit of mana that went near it. So don’t worry about it too much - just know that it could’ve happened, and… y’know, maybe don’t go poking around any more workshops, alright?”
“Okay,” Apple Bloom said, nodding. She was still a little wide-eyed and pale, but she no longer looked like she was about to throw up, so Lapis decided he could let the matter drop.
“Alright, good,” he said. “Now, let’s get to this next job. Two more stops before the Rich family home, and that’ll probably be the hard part.”
Apple Bloom cocked her head. “...Wait, hold on. You, uh, didn’t say we were goin’ to Filthy Rich’s mansion, didja?”
“Well, I didn’t know it was a mansion,” Lapis said. “But yeah, that’s where we’re going.”
Apple Bloom swallowed, and Lapis frowned. “Why, is there something I should know about the Rich family?”
“Uh, nothin’ in particular,” Apple Bloom said, hurriedly trotting ahead of Lapis. “C’mon, these jobs ain’t gonna do themselves!”
Uh-oh, Lapis thought.
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight called, from the ground below Rainbow’s cloud house. “Hello? Anypony home? Rainbow Dash!”
No response came, and Twilight groaned, putting her hoof to her forehead, then turned her gaze upward and walked away, scanning the hazy gray clouds for any sign of a sky-blue pegasus. Honestly, why is that pony never where she’s supposed to-
“Uh, Twilight? I’m right here.”
“What?” Twilight glanced around, checking the skies above her head - then, when she eventually looked around at level ground, she found Rainbow Dash standing right behind her. “Oh! I thought you’d be flying.”
Rainbow Dash shrugged, grinning. “What, like my wings are the the only things I exercise? Gotta put my hooves through their paces, too - I couldn’t have broken the sound barrier without them!”
“You sure your wings aren’t just tired from yesterday?” Twilight asked, cocking an eyebrow.
Rainbow’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second, then she closed them and waved dismissively, spreading her wings to hover a foot or two off the ground. “These babies, tired? Come on, Twilight! If I wanted to, I could pull off another Sonic Rainboom right now! I just…” Rainbow touched down again, folding her wings at her sides. “…thought I could balance out my day-to-day activity, yeah!”
“O-kay,” Twilight said. “And that has nothing to do with the weather today?”
Rainbow looked up at the cloudy sky and grimaced. “Nah, that ugly mess blew outta the Everfree last night. The cleanup crew from Cloudsdale should be on their way to take care of it before too long.”
“Cleanup crew?” Twilight asked.
“Yeah, there aren’t a lot of pegasi who’ll shove around clouds that move on their own,” Rainbow said. “The weather factory’s got a dedicated cleanup crew, but they sure don’t work for cheap. So, you come all the way over here just to bug me about the weather?”
“I wish,” Twilight muttered, turning to face Rainbow Dash head-on. “No, I need your help finding somepony.”
Rainbow cocked her head. “Huh? Uh, Twilight, isn’t that more like a Rarity problem? She’s the pony who loves detective books, not me.”
“Well, I already know who I’m trying to find,” Twilight said. “The problem is catching him.”
“Whoa, hang on,” Rainbow said, waving a hoof and grinning. “Catching him? Twilight, this is Ponyville. It’s not like this pony’s going to run away as soon as he spots you.”
Twilight fixed Rainbow with a flat, fatigued stare, and the grin slowly vanished from Rainbow’s face.
“Wait,” Rainbow said, cocking her head. “Really?”
“Really,” Twilight said. “He’s gotten away from me once, and from Pinkie Pie a few times.”
Rainbow’s jaw dropped. “From Pinkie?! No way. Nopony gets away from Pinkie.”
“Apparently, nopony except Lapis Print,” Twilight said, turning toward the center of Ponyville. “And on top of that, I think he was involved with something that nearly got Spike hurt yesterday. Follow me, I’ll explain on the way.”
They arrived at Lapis’ workshop a few minutes later, and Twilight and Rainbow Dash stopped right at his front door.
“Hey!” Rainbow shouted. “Repair-pony! You in here? Open up, we’ve got some questions!”
“Hold on, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said, levitating a sheet of paper off the notice board. “…According to this, he’s probably not here right now, and… he made the wheel?!”
“What?” Rainbow said, looking over Twilight’s shoulder.
“According to this, it looks like he was doing some experiments with artifice, and one of them got loose,” Twilight said, narrowing her eyes as she read. “…And he’s fixing everything that his experiment broke for free. Well, at least he has a conscience, even if his lab safety is substandard.”
“So, he’s out in Ponyville somewhere?” Rainbow said, turning to look at Twilight. “What’s he look like?”
“Huh? Um, he’s a unicorn, and he has a white coat with a blue mane-”
“Yeah, yeah, that’s plenty. Stay put for a sec.”
“Rainbow-” Twilight began, but she was gone before Twilight had finished, a lingering rainbow trail the only sign she’d been on the ground a few moments before. Twilight looked up, and saw Rainbow hovering in the air about a hundred hooves off the ground, shielding her eyes with a hoof as she looked downward, her gaze sweeping up and down the streets of Ponyville. Her eyes narrowed as a scowl spread across her face, and a few seconds later she’d swooped down to land beside Twilight.
“No sign of him,” Rainbow muttered. “You sure he lives in Ponyville?”
“Positive,” Twilight said. “I know for a fact he was talking with Big Mac a week ago- wait, Rainbow, what are you doing?!”
Rainbow Dash pushed her hoof against Lapis’ front door, and it swung open. “Look, if this ‘Lapis’ guy lives in Ponyville, and I couldn’t spot him from up there, that means he’s gotta be inside somepony’s house, right? The way I figure, looking around his own house for him is the best way to start.” Then, as Twilight gaped, Rainbow pushed the door open and stepped inside Lapis Print’s workshop.
“…Rainbow Dash, you can’t just go breaking into ponies’ houses!” Twilight said, stepping inside after her and pulling a curtain closed before the windows. “What would ponies think if they saw us?!”
“Uh, that we’re looking for the repair-pony?” Rainbow said, hovering just behind the counter. “Besides, Twilight, this guy almost hurt Spike. Are you really gonna feel bad about poking around his stuff? Now c’mon, help me look for anything suspicious.”
Twilight groaned, then stepped around to peer beneath the bar. “Rainbow, this is an accounting desk. We won’t find anything here but standard office supplies.”
“Well, yeah, duh,” Rainbow Dash huffed. “But look, there’s notes and stuff! You read fast, do any of them look like he’s up to no good?”
Twilight cocked an eyebrow, then levitated a note up to her face and read it aloud. “‘Buy 3 more crates of request slips before winter.’ Dastardly.”
As Rainbow rolled her eyes and peeked inside the closet behind the counter, Twilight sighed, then took a better look around the repair-pony’s front room. It looked like Lapis had outfitted it as a combination living room and workspace, setting up a table and a set of cushions by the large, now-obscured window. Beside a doorway that probably led into the rest of the house, a large wardrobe made from dark wood stood propped up against the wall beside a portrait of… wait, is that Baron Gentry von Hoofber? Hm. Not the griffon noble I would’ve hung on my wall, but it’s not a bad likeness.
“Anything besides tools back there, Rainbow?” Twilight asked, as Rainbow pulled her head back out of the closet.
“Nah, just some empty boxes,” Rainbow said, looking around the room. She frowned at once, staring up at the top of the armoire. “Hey, is it just me, or is that a pigeon in the living room?”
“Pigeon?” Twilight asked, cocking her head, then looking up at the top of the wardrobe. Sure enough, perched atop the highest point of the reddish wood was a perfectly ordinary pigeon, staring down at Rainbow Dash and Twilight with beady, narrowed eyes. “Huh. Well, how’d you get inside?”
The pigeon’s eyes narrowed further, but it didn’t move from the top of the wardrobe, apparently content to glare down at Rainbow and Twilight as they kept looking around the house.
To her own surprise, Twilight was the first one through the open doorway, which turned out to lead into the kitchen, and then down a darkened hallway with three doors. The first revealed a bathroom, which Twilight didn’t bother investigating.
The second room was… a bedroom, but a near-perfectly clean one. The blankets were taut on the mattress, the nightstands were only barely dusty, and the chest of drawers looked as if it had never been used. Twilight felt her apprehension increasing as she stepped into the room and looked around, wondering how many laws she was breaking even as she wondered whether there might be any information inside of the dresser.
Neither, Twilight decided, was worth finding out. “Rainbow Dash, we really shouldn’t be in here,” she said, stepping out of the empty bedroom.
“Hang on, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash said, stepping out of the room at the end of the hall. “I found his bedroom, but I still don’t see any kind of blacksmithing doohickeys. Where d’you think he made the- huh?”
The flapping of small wings echoed down the hallway, followed by the soft click of a lightswitch. Then, the magical lanterns that had been lighting the hall flickered and faded, plunging Twilight and Rainbow Dash into darkness.
Twilight was just about to light up her horn when something fluffy and heavy collided with the side of her head, throwing off her focus and knocking her to the ground. “Ow! Rainbow, was that you?”
“Uh, I think so?” Rainbow replied. Twilight winced - Rainbow Dash was speaking directly into her ear, from what sounded like only a few inches away. “What happened? Why’s it so dark all of a sudden?”
“I don’t know,” Twilight said, carefully getting to her hooves. “But I think maybe that bird turned off the lights.”
Rainbow grunted, and Twilight winced as Rainbow’s wing smacked into her face, throwing off her concentration again. “I knew that pigeon was looking at me funny! Ugh… where’s the light switch?”
“Well, if you give me a second- ow!” Twilight yelped, as Rainbow hit her in the face for the third time, this time with a blindly groping hoof. She staggered a few steps down the hall, holding a protective hoof in front of her horn as Rainbow Dash pushed her further on.
A dull, hollow thunk echoed through the hallway, and Rainbow Dash grunted again. “Ow… hey, wait a second. There wasn’t a door here, was there?”
“A door where? -Gah!” Twilight said, stumbling backward as she walked into a hard, vertical wooden surface. Instead of finding empty space behind her, however, Twilight backed up into Rainbow Dash, and then into another wood wall, just as solid and hard as the one she’d walked into.
“Watch where you’re going, Twilight. There’s a door or something right here,” Rainbow Dash said from beside her. “Y’know, in the doorway we came through? The kitchen floor oughta be right over here-”
Rainbow Dash’s hoof made a solid, quiet thunk as it collided with another wooden wall, this one directly adjacent to Twilight’s head. For a few seconds, it was quiet.
“Uh, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Is it just me, or is the hallway shrinking?”
“What?” Twilight asked, putting her front hooves out to the sides - and to her confusion, she found that wherever she and Rainbow Dash were, it was a much tighter space than the hallway had been. “Huh. Well, that’s strange.”
“Oh, yeah,” Rainbow said, an undertone of tension in her voice, Twilight wincing as something fluffy smacked into her side. “Definitely pretty weird, right? I can barely - spread my wings in here.”
“That’s because you’re trying to spread your wing through me, Rainbow,” Twilight said, feeling her ears flop back atop her head. “Hang on, let me see if I can just… there!”
Finally, Twilight managed to cast a Hornlight spell without being interrupted, and a cool amethyst glow poured out of her horn, revealing that the side of her head was almost pressed directly against the side of Rainbow Dash’s. They were standing side-by-side in a tiny room, only barely big enough for the both of them to fit in, made from some kind of dark wood. There weren’t any light fixtures, and the only crack in the walls was right next to Twilight’s head.
“Whoa,” Rainbow Dash muttered, her voice wobbling slightly. “Uh, this is way too tight. Twilight, tell me you’ve got a way outta here?”
“Give me a second,” Twilight said again, looking through the crack. “Wherever we are, I can see the living room and the counter. But that doesn’t make any sense, the only things that were over here were… oh, I get it.”
“Get what?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Twilight raised a hoof to the crack, pushing gently - and the wood to either side swung outward with a faint creak. The double doors opened, revealing the rest of Lapis’ front room as Twilight stepped through them and out of the wardrobe.
“Oh,” Rainbow Dash said, and she quickly followed Twilight back into the dimly-lit room. “…I knew that.”
“Uh-huh,” Twilight said, frowning over at the wardrobe. How did we even get in there?! “Now are you ready to leave?”
Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. “…Yeah, I don’t think he’s in here. Just that pigeon… hey, where’d that pigeon go?!” she added, taking to the air and glaring around the room.
Twilight looked around the room, then sighed and headed for the door. “Come on, Rainbow. We need to look around the rest of Ponyville-”
“Right, yeah. On it,” Rainbow said, and she was ahead of Twilight and out the door in a rainbow-colored blur.
“-And if that doesn’t work…” Twilight trailed off, as Rainbow disappeared into the sky. Wow, she really got out of here fast. Maybe that wardrobe thing spooked her more than I thought.
Twilight looked over at the wardrobe again, then shook her head and started down the road, briefly looking Lapis’ request board as she trotted toward Cantering Boulevard. The only repair-pony in Ponyville… I don’t even want to imagine what his schedule might look like. Honestly, it’s no wonder I can’t seem to catch him at his shop…
…So how does he manage to hang out with Big Mac?
Twilight frowned, and added a new item to the bottom of her mental checklist. If Rainbow can’t find Lapis, then we go talk to Big Mac.
“…Mister Print!” Apple Bloom panted, from a few steps behind Lapis. “Won’tcha slow down fer a second or two?”
“What? Oh, sorry,” Lapis said, slowing his pace - and then immediately stepping to the side, to avoid colliding with a stallion he’d accidentally cut off. Right. Kids have shorter legs. I need to watch my walking pace.
Apple Bloom caught up a second or two later. “Sorry for hollerin’, but Ah swear, y’all just disappear when you get too far ahead!”
“…Disappear?” Lapis said, frowning over at Apple Bloom. “What, like I turn invisible? Like magic?”
“No, Ah mean one second Ah can see you fine, and then the next second you’ve bobbed and wove through so many ponies, Ah’ve no idea which way you’ve gone!” Apple Bloom said, frowning and tucking back her ears.
Oh. Well, shit, I guess that’s another leftover Pinkie habit. “Sorry,” Lapis said, briefly shuffling through his order slips. “…If it makes you feel any better, we should be done with the street pretty soon. If this address is right, then I think the Rich family manor is right around the corner.”
“…Oh,” Apple Bloom muttered. “Great.”
Lapis frowned again, then looked up at the house in front of them. As mansions went… well, it wasn’t what Lapis had been expecting.
Most of the houses in Ponyville were stereotypical-medieval wattle and daub cottages with thatch roofs, and most of the exceptions were some variety of tree. Even among the standouts, though, the Rich family home stood out. For one thing, it had actual shingles - the clay variety, but painted to a dull black that matched the broad, gleaming shutters. The manor had decorative white planks for siding, the pristine boards set at just the right angle to provide texture to the walls without looking jagged. The windows, instead of being in the Ponyville-typical variety of curved or rounded shapes, were all perfect rectangles, and the door was a single solid item of vivid, yet unoffensive maroon. The property even had a white picket-fence.
All in all, looking at the property gave Lapis the distinct impression that a house-sized pocket of upper-class suburb had somehow followed him from America, and that knocking on the door would summon a woman with bleached-blond hair, sparkling high heels, and a pristine and entirely false smile. Unfortunately, Lapis was required to knock anyway.
To Lapis’ surprise, the pony who opened the door was the stallion of the house - an older, beige-olive Earth-pony with icy blue eyes and a jet-black mane, which he wore slicked back. He wore a navy suit lapel with a white shirt collar, atop which was a maroon tie that matched the door. Embroidered on his tie was a golden dollar sign, and even his Cutie Mark was a trio of bulging sacks, each marked with the symbol of wealth.
“Mr. Filthy Rich?” Lapis asked.
The stallion smiled a vaguely weary smile. “I prefer Rich. And you’d be the repair-pony?”
“Yep, that’s me. Lapis Print, here to get your siding back in order,” Lapis said. “Just wanted to make sure before I get started, is there anything I should know about the spot in question?”
Filthy Rich shrugged. “Besides that there’s a chunk taken out of the wall, not really.”
“Got it,” Lapis said, putting on his best customer-service grin. “Just wanted to make sure, in case there’s some paint I should get from the shed, or an extra-special flowerpot I need to not trip over.”
Filthy Rich nodded, considering. “Oh, of course. Well, there is the hydrangea over there, but it’s tough. Don’t uproot it, and it should recover. And for the shed, I think there might be a can of paint in there, but I can’t promise anything about brushes…” Filthy Rich trailed off, looking over Lapis’ shoulder. “Sorry, but is this little filly with you?”
“This is Apple Bloom. She helped make the mess, so she gets to help clean it up,” Lapis said, gesturing to the wide-eyed filly. “She’s been with me all day, and she’s done good work so far. Don’t worry, Mr. Rich, I’ll keep an eye on her.”
Filthy Rich chuckled. “Responsibility, I like it. Alright, let me show you your work, and then I’ll get out of your way.”
Lapis relaxed as soon as he saw the siding. Truth be told, he’d been expecting far worse - the board definitely had a chunk missing, but all the pieces were right next to the wall. Even the paint hadn’t worn off yet.
“So, how bad?” Filthy Rich asked.
“Ten minutes,” Lapis said, carefully levitating all the pieces off the ground.
“Ten minutes?” Mr. Rich cocked an eyebrow. “You must be on good terms with the lumberyard.”
“Probably not,” Lapis said. He pressed two of the splinters together, and they melded in a flash. “I think I cost them half their work.”
Mr. Rich regarded Lapis’ work with surprise, then he laughed. “Oh, easily! Alright, I’ve got taxes to work on, so I’ll get out of your way. Come knock on the door when you’re ready to sort out the bill.”
He departed, and Lapis was left alone with Apple Bloom.
“…So, uh,” Apple Bloom began. “Is there anything Ah can do?”
“Not right now,” Lapis said, putting another pair of splinters together. “I mean, unless you want to dig through this mulch for any spare chunks of Mr. Rich’s house?”
“Oh. Uh, no, Ah think you’ve got them all,” Apple Bloom said, scuffing her hoof against the grass. “But, uh, there aren’t any tools Ah ought to go get?”
“My saddlebags are right…” Lapis began, but then he realized that they weren’t on his back. He paused, looking around, his eyes passing over Apple Bloom just as she nudged something brown and distinctly bag-shaped around the corner of the building with her hoof. Lapis cocked an eyebrow at Apple Bloom, who realized he was looking and quickly copped an innocent smile.
Lapis paused, then snorted, resting his forehead on a hoof as he chuckled. “God, you’re just like-” He cut himself off, then shook his head. “Never mind. You know what, sure, go get my saddlebags. Take your time, I probably don’t need anything out of there. Just don’t wander too far, we’ve still got work to do after this house.”
“Thank-yuh-mister-be-right-back!” Apple Bloom said, and she was around the corner in a blur of cream-and-red fur. Lapis shook his head again, then resumed putting the siding back together.
Luna, he thought. How am I going to deal with her… Sleep deprivation isn’t the answer, so maybe dream deprivation? I know NyQuil stops people from dreaming, but even if NyQuil is a thing here, there’s gotta be an option besides drugs. Maybe tea, or-
“Excuse me, sir?”
‘Sir?’ Lapis looked over to see another little filly standing beside him, neither Apple Bloom nor one of her friends. She was an Earth-pony, and she had a pale-pink coat and a lavender mane with white streaks. Perched atop her head was a silver tiara - an actual tiara, diamonds studding its peaks.
“Hi,” she said, and something in her voice made Lapis instinctively wonder where his manager was. “Um, sorry to bother you, but do you know where Apple Bloom is?”
“Can’t say I do,” Lapis said, frowning. “Friend of yours?”
The new filly cocked an eyebrow, and her mouth twisted unpleasantly before curling into a smile. “Um, yes! We’re very close. I thought I heard somepony say she was here, and I was just wondering if we could catch up.”
Yeah, bullshit. “What’s she look like?”
“Oh,” said the new filly, confusion briefly flashing across her face. “Well, she’s hard to miss…” She leaned in, and Lapis frowned. “She still doesn’t have her Cutie Mark.”
Oh, it’s you. Well, that explains a lot. “Okay, and?”
Diamond Tiara - how did I miss that, she’s literally wearing her name on her head - scoffed. “Excuse me?”
“I mean, that’s a pretty big category,” Lapis said. “You’re gonna have to get more specific. Are we talking an Earth-pony, a pegasus, or a unicorn? Tall, short? Interests, hobbies, what?”
“I-” Diamond Tiara paused, and Lapis was surprised to see a look of genuine confusion crossing her face. “…She’s an Earth-pony, I think, and she’s always wearing a red bow?”
“You think she’s an Earth-pony? That’s a big thing to forget,” Lapis said, turning back to his work. “I’d pay better attention to your friends, if I were you.”
Diamond Tiara huffed, and to Lapis’ amusement, she actually stamped a hoof. “Why aren’t you helping me! She isn’t that hard to pick out - She’s a pony my age, and she’s still a Blank Flank!”
From around the corner of the house, something scuffled in the mulch. Lapis remembered the door of his shop rattling in its frame earlier that day, and he glanced casually at Diamond Tiara, cocking a single eyebrow.
“And?” he asked again.
Diamond Tiara froze, then huffed and marched back toward the door. “Whatever!”
Lapis waited until he heard the door shut before he actually tried to get back to work. When he did, his thoughts were on a completely different path.
He didn’t know a lot about Cutie Marks, or what age most ponies usually got them. Hell, Lapis didn’t even know whether his Cutie Mark was really giving him a discount on Mend-Alls - for all he knew, it made them more expensive.
But Lapis knew enough about how much Cutie Marks mattered, and about how fiercely the Crusaders were looking for theirs, that his ‘and’ had been a lie. He’d lied to a child - sure, he’d lied before, and at least this time he’d prevented some possible bullying, but Lapis hadn’t needed to lie to Diamond Tiara. And what was worse, Lapis knew why he’d done it anyway.
I probably shouldn’t have, Lapis thought, as he put the last piece of the siding back together and started toward the front door of the manor. If Diamond Tiara sees me with Apple Bloom, then she’ll know I was messing with her, and that’ll put me on her shit-list, even more than I might already be. Which… probably won’t mean much, but her dad’s still literally Filthy Rich, so I might still have to keep a lookout.
Lapis knocked on the door, and Filthy Rich opened the door. “I believe that was seven minutes, Mr. Print.”
“I prefer my customers pleasantly surprised,” Lapis said. “…On that note, if you haven’t heard already, this one’s actually on the house, courtesy of the Mayor.”
Filthy Rich’s eyebrows shot up, and he glanced toward the corner of the house. “I’m not going to go back there and find my hydrangea destroyed, am I?”
“Not a chance,” Lapis said. “Not unless another stampede of wild bunnies blew through, anyway.”
Mr. Rich snorted. “I imagine I’d have noticed. Apologies for asking, but that little filly and her friends… well, they have something of a reputation.”
“…They mean well,” Lapis said, with some effort. He heard a smaller set of hoofsteps approaching from behind Filthy Rich, and glanced down to see Diamond Tiara standing beside her father, scowling intensely at something a ways behind Lapis and to the side. Well, that can only mean one thing. Welcome to the shit-list, population: me.
Oh well.
As Lapis finished up his small talk with Filthy Rich and turned back toward the street, he pondered whether he’d done the right thing. Sure, I stopped a couple of barbed words, but now Diamond Tiara’s just going to be that much more annoyed at Apple Bloom, next time they meet. Worse, I pointed out that Apple Bloom isn’t just a target dummy. So now Diamond Tiara might actually pay attention to Apple Bloom’s life, and start taunting her where it hurts.
Lapis rounded a corner, and found Apple Bloom waiting for him just around the corner of the Rich family’s fence, his saddlebags comically large on her back.
“So, I’m guessing you and Diamond Tiara aren’t friends?” Lapis asked, relieving Apple Bloom of the saddlebags.
“Well, uh… no,” Apple Bloom said, shaking her head. “Not at all. Ah… was really hopin’ Ah wouldn’t need to talk with her. That’s why Ah was tryin’ to get this over with so fast.”
“Yeah, I thought something was up,” Lapis said, turning back down the road. “Don’t worry about it. We’re not done yet, but it’s all downhill from here.”
Apple Bloom nodded, and they both started on their way, but as Lapis walked, he found himself wondering again. Even if I did do the right thing, was it for the right reasons? Did I help Apple Bloom because I wanted to help her, or did I just do it because of Amanda?
“Uh, mister?”
Lapis looked down, and saw that Apple Bloom was smiling up at him. “Thanks,” she said. “For, uh, what you said to Diamond Tiara back there, about me bein’ more’n just some filly without a Cutie Mark.”
“…Don’t worry about it,” Lapis said. “Or her.”
Apple Bloom beamed up at him, then turned her gaze to the road and began speaking. “Hey, have you ever fixed up a treehouse? ‘Cause there was this one time Ah wanted to fix a treehouse up real good…”
Lapis looked ahead as Apple Bloom continued speaking, telling him about how she and the Crusaders had managed to salvage a splinter-laden treehouse somewhere in Sweet Apple Acres. It wasn’t an easy story to follow, as she kept going on tangents, but Lapis had practice listening to kids, so he managed to react in the right places. Mostly.
Maybe it doesn’t matter why I lied to Diamond Tiara, Lapis thought, as Apple Bloom continued her story. Maybe Apple Bloom wouldn’t care whether she acts like my little sister. Maybe she just knows that somepony she barely met yesterday called bullshit on the pony who picks on her, and maybe Diamond Tiara’s words won’t sting quite so much from now on.
Lapis nodded, then kept heading down the street. That’s the hope, anyway.
A few hours later, Apple Bloom stepped back into the Apple family barn, feeling only slightly more tired than she’d expected to be. Applejack and Big Mac were both in the living room, engaged in what sounded like a serious discussion.
“…Ah know it’s gettin’ cold a mite faster’n usual,” Applejack was saying. “Ah just don’t know yet whether it’s time to get the cider presses pressin’- Oh, Apple Bloom! Where’ve y’all been?”
Apple Bloom paused, glancing up at Big Mac, who shook his head. “Nope. You messed up, you get to tell Applejack how it happened.”
Applejack shot a confused glance at Big Mac, then turned to look down at Apple Bloom. “Messed up how?”
“…Oh,” Apple Bloom said. “Well… Me and the Cutie Mark Crusaders set a magic metal wheel rollin’ around Ponyville yesterday, and Big Mac set me out to help fix up the town today.”
“Oh, didja now?” Applejack asked, then she paused and took a deep breath. “Alright, Ah can see you’re plumb tuckered out, so Ah’ll save the lecture for tomorrow. Fer now, who else is gettin’ discounts on apples?”
“Spike,” Apple Bloom said instantly. “He almost got hurt real bad, and… well, Lapis said it wasn’t mah fault, but Ah’d still feel terrible if Ah didn’t make it up to Spike.”
“Mighty considerate of you,” Applejack said. “Anypony else?”
“…Well, maybe Filthy Rich,” Apple Bloom said, her ears tipping back a little. “Maybe. But definitely Spike more’n him.”
Applejack sighed. “Apple Bloom, Mr. Rich may have more bits to spare than most other ponies, but that’s no excuse to be less charitable-” She cut herself off mid-lecture, her eyes opening as something seemed to occur to her. “Hold on, who-now said it wasn’t your fault?”
“Oh. Uh, the repair-pony, Mr. Print,” Apple Bloom said. “He was the pony what put together the wheel in the first place, and he said the whole thing is mostly his fault for not puttin’ a stop on it, even if it was me n' Sweetie Belle what set it off.”
Applejack frowned, glancing briefly at Big Mac before returning her gaze to Apple Bloom. “And by ‘Mr. Print,’ Ah’m guessin’ you mean Lapis Print?”
Apple Bloom nodded, and Big Mac opened his mouth to speak, but a new voice cut in from behind Apple Bloom. “Well, I guess that answers that question. So you're the pony who got this 'metal wheel' rolling?”
“Huh?” Apple Bloom turned around, just in time to see Twilight walk into the room, accompanied by a yawning Rainbow Dash. “Oh, hey Twilight! How’s… uh… your letters to the princess going?”
“They’re right on schedule,” Twilight said, smiling down at Apple Bloom. “As it happens, she wrote me back recently, saying thanks for the special report.”
“Yeah, yeah, congrats on the straight A’s,” Rainbow Dash said, flying into the Apple family’s living room over both Twilight and Apple Bloom’s heads. “So Applejack, you know this Lapis guy too?”
Applejack’s eyebrows shot up. “As it happens, Ah don’t. It’s Big Mac who’s acquainted with the feller, and Twilight almost raised a fuss about us not bein’ able to catch sight of… oh, for Pete’s sake. Rainbow Dash, Twilight, y’all aren’t lookin’ for him again, are you?”
“And you’re not?” Rainbow Dash said, spreading her hooves. “Applejack, if Pinkie can’t find him, then there’s gotta be something up with this pony. Something weird.”
“Now hold on just a moment,” said Big Mac, and everypony turned to look. “We’ve done this song and dance before, and Ah’m positive Lapis ain’t up to no good. Ah watched him take the fall for that whole magic-wheel mess in front of the Mayor - hay, Ah helped him stop the darn thing in the first place, and he risked his own neck more’n once!”
“But you also said he’s definitely got something going on,” Twilight said, gesturing to Big Mac, “and you won’t even say what you think it is!”
“He’s nervous, Twilight,” Applejack said, a clearly exasperated expression on her face. “We saved Equestria, remember? We’re famous now.”
“Ooooh,” Rainbow Dash said, and she settled to the floor, grinning as she reclined on the couch. “Yeah, that makes sense. Hey, AJ, you got any cider?”
“No, that’s not for another week, Ah don’t think,” Apple Bloom said.
There was a pause, and suddenly everypony in the room was looking down at Apple Bloom. She cocked her ears back in surprise, then glanced awkwardly to the side as she realized the other ponies had forgotten she was there. “Oh, and, uh… Ah think Lapis is alright too. He seems pretty nice, and he’s repairin’ the damage for free an’ all, so, uh… yeah, Ah say he’s a decent pony.”
“Free?” Applejack said, cocking an eyebrow, and just for a second, Apple Bloom saw a hint of a strange look on Big Macintosh’s face “…Not half-off, or two-thirds off, but free?”
“No, Lapis is fixing the town for free,” Twilight said. “I saw it on his notice board. ‘As the responsible party for yesterday’s incident, the Red Repair Shop is covering all repair charges associated with damage caused by the runaway mana compressor.’”
Applejack blinked slowly, then groaned, resting her forehead on her hoof. “Aw, shoot. Well, now Ah have to find him.”
Rainbow Dash looked up from the couch as Big Mac sat beside her. “How come?”
“‘Cause between takin’ the blame and helpin’ discipline Apple Bloom, this is the second and third time he’s done the Apple family a favor, and we still haven’t managed to give him an Apple family welcome!” Applejack said, waving a hoof.
“Nope,” Big Mac said. “He’s up to the fourth time, now. He helped with the leftover apples yesterday.”
“Well, then it’s the fourth time,” Applejack said, waving the same hoof again. “…An’ how come y’all didn’t keep him over for dinner then, Big Mac!”
“He was gone ‘fore Ah thought to ask,” Big Mac said, shrugging. “ ‘Sides, Ah was thinkin’ of somethin’ else. Lapis, he…” Big Mac paused, shaking his head. “Well, it ain’t my place to say, but Lapis told me a thing or two about where he came from.”
“…And?” Twilight asked, leaning forward.
Big Mac shook his head again. “Ah said Ah ain’t mah place…”
He was silent for another moment, as the rest of the ponies in the room stared. Then, Big Mac sighed, shut his eyes, and spoke. “He was uprooted. It wasn’ his choice, and it was none too pleasant. He didn’ say much else besides, but he misses home.”
For a second or two, nopony spoke, taking a second or two to soak in that information. Then, Applejack’s face grew somber, and she slowly nodded.
“That settles it,” she said. “Ah’m findin’ this pony, and we’re havin’ supper with him if Ah have to hog-tie him for it.”
“Luckily,” Twilight said, “assuming Pinkie’s brunch plans work, you shouldn’t need to.”
Rainbow Dash raised an intrigued eyebrow, and for a split second, that strange expression flickered across Big Mac’s face. This time, however, Applebloom caught a good look - hey, wait a minute! That’s his chess-winnin' face!
But… wait, we’re not playing chess.
Are we?