“Oh wait, she’ll probably rescue me at the last-” Lyra hit the lava, and after a few moments of pure agony, died.
Luna looked down at the pool of lava which had destroyed the unicorn. “Fuck.”
***
Pewdiepie and Stephano were back into a corner. Static began to cloud both of their visions, and Pewdiepie gave up all hope of surviving. Pewdiepony recalled back to the days of his youth in Sweden.
“Alright mom, I’m off to school!”
“Beben hoben scooben blobben!” His mom answered back in swedish.
Felix opened the door only to be buried under thirty feet of snow.
Pewdiepie smiled. “Ah yes, good times.” Slenderman slowly closed in on them, and Pewdie closed his eyes.
“Kiss me, Pewdie,” came Stephano’s voice. Pewdie leaned in close, and shed a single tear as his lips closed on Stephano’s golden face. Slenderman stood over them, and then ripped off his suit.
“You’re not Slenderman! You- You’re... SEXUAL OFFENDERMAN!” Pewdie threw Stephano into a corner and kicked his hind legs. He was ready to fight off this rapist as a moments notice.
With a dull thwack, Sexual Offenderman fell over. McPixel stood above his, smiling, and holding a pastrami on rye.
“I found my sandwich.”
MCPIXEL!
***
Luna flew into down the tunnel she thought led to Pewdiepie. She hadn’t dwelled on Lyra for very long, reasoning that there was nothing she could do anyway. She was soon confronted by a winged shadow.
“Hello? Who’s there?”
“Ah, if only you knew...” The voice was distorted, as if a french donkey with a sore throat was trying to speak through a muffin.
“Mother, is that you? You owe me three thousand years of allowance!”
“No, you idiot! Your mother’s dead. And you were adopted.” Luna’s mouth dropped open. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way, but...” The shadow moved, and rounding the corner came...
Lyra Heartstrings.
“Luna... I AM YOUR MOTHER!”
Luna gasped. “What? NOOOO- wait, didn’t you say you were dead?”
Lyra nodded. “I am. I fucking fell in lava. And you could have saved me. Oh well. You done goofed.” Lyra disappeared in a burst of smoke.
Luna fell to her knees, sobbing. “I’m sorry mother.... If I had known, I would have spent more time with you...”
Derpy, who was running a hologram projector in the background, facehoofed. “And she’s supposed to be running Equestria part time...”