//------------------------------// // Thought I'd Try Hanging Out, Mix Things Up A Little // Story: Halo ODST: Feet First Into Equestria // by DontBeThatGuy //------------------------------// “What’s the proper protocol? I’ve never done this before,” Jennings said self-consciously, rather out of his comfort zone. “You have never been on a picnic before? How have you lived?” Pinkie Pie was quite distraught at this fact. “Life without picnics? That’s like life without frosting!” “In a constant state of fear and on the run from a genocidal alien race,” Jennings said without a hint of emotion. He had discussed all the necessary plans with the top brass of the Equestrian Armed Forces, and they had given him mandatory R&R while they went about building and creating what he had requested. Jennings wasn’t exactly keen on the idea. He preferred to be doing things, instead of waiting around. Besides, he’d had bad experiences with vacationing of late. “Jennings, could you lend a hoof with the set up?” Twilight asked, levitating towards him a checkered blanket. He grabbed out of the air, glancing between it and the ground. He finally placed it—unfolded—on the ground and promptly lay down under it. The other ponies there looked at each other, each having their own separate reaction. Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack all guffawed, Rarity erupted into ‘lady-like laughter,’ Twilight facehoofed, and Fluttershy looked like she was trying very hard to contain her laughter. “Oh silly, that’s not what it’s for!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed between outbursts of laughter. “And how was I supposed to know that? It’s a blanket, right?” Jennings said crossly, defending himself. It also wasn’t helping that he wasn’t wearing his armor anymore (and instead wearing a luxurious suit designed by Rarity), so they could see his facial expressions quite clearly. And he looked very confused. “Why yes of course Darling, but for picnics you don’t use it as a blanket. You lay it on the ground to prevent oneself from getting dirty!” Rarity demonstrated by sitting down on the other side of the cloth. “Oh.” He removed himself from under the blanket, instead sitting down on the blanket like the ponies were doing. Well, most of them. Rainbow Dash was hovering (literally and figuratively) by Jennings right shoulder. Sandwiches were passed out promptly. Jennings was about to take a bite when he saw what was in the sandwich itself. “What’s the matter, Jay?” Dash asked Jennings, noting that he had not yet taken a bite. “There’s grass in here. And I think I see some flowers,” he stared at the sandwich in disbelief. “Well, duh,” Pinkie said through a mouthful of sandwich. “What else do you put in sandwiches?” “I dunno, lots of things. Ham, cheese and mayonnaise. Roast beef. Probably peanut butter and jelly is the most popular.” He looked up, all of them staring at him in disbelief. “What?” “You eat meat?” Fluttershy said with a horrified expression. “Well, yeah. Humans are omnivores, not herbivores.” “Do you eat ponies? What about rabbits? Or deer? Or bear? Or-eep!” Fluttershy would have gone down the list of every single animal at her house had Applejack not grabbed her. “Not ponies, no. There are a few animals that are taboo, but most of that depends on the culture you come from. For instance, where I come from, it’s frowned upon to eat things like horses, ponies, dogs, etc. People from India hold cows up as something to be revered, while most other parts of the world have no qualms about eating them.” Fluttershy looked like she was about to pass out. “How barbaric,” Rarity shuddered. “Do you ever put other humans in a sandwich?” Pinkie asked. The other five ponies turned towards her with ‘what the hay, Pinkie’ expressions on their faces. “What? I’m just asking.” “Um… no. That’s definitely a taboo in all civilized parts of the world.” “What else do you put in a sandwich?” “Geez, I dunno. Lots of things. Once, we saved up the scraps from our meals until we made cookie and frosting sandwiches, but that was only a one-time deal.” Pinkie’s eyes grew as wide as saucers, images of various cookie sandwiches flooded her brain. “Any other horrifying aspects of your culture that we should know about?” Twilight, still a little unnerved by the whole ‘eating meat’ thing. “Hey, there are parts of your culture that are equally as weird to me. For instance, none of you wear clothes. What’s up with that?” “Wait, y’all have to wear clothes all the time? Like—100% of the time?” “Pretty much.” “Augh! That’d be so annoying! I hate it when I have to wear clothes, they’re so restrictive! They keep me from competing in top form!” Dash complained. “See that attitude right there? If someone competed naked, not only would they be disqualified, they’d be put in jail for ‘public indecency.’ ” “That wouldn’t be too bad,” Rarity said. “Seeing people in elegant clothing like that fine suit you’re wearing (if I don’t say so myself) all the time wouldn’t be bad at all. I wouldn’t mind living there, one bit.” “Yeah, I guess. But nobody wears these. Only to formal events. Most days, people wear jeans and a T-shirt.” “Jeans and a T-shirt?” Rarity said, sucking in air. “Forget what I said, I couldn’t bear that kind of torture. I’d rather wear fewer, more elegant clothes than be saddled with,” she shuddered at the thought, “jeans and a T-shirt all the time.” “So… you gonna eat that sugarcube?” Applejack stared at the untouched sandwich in Jennings’ hand. She had already finished her sandwich and was still hankerin’ for some more food. “Well, I do like salad. So I guess I can try it,” he said with a slight waver in his voice. It sure didn’t look appetizing. “If you’re going to eat it, eat it. If not hand it to me or Applejack.” “Oh no you don’t! I called it first, so it’s mine if he doesn’t eat it!” Her southern drawl was accentuated by her hooves, which were pointed at Rainbow Dash accusingly. “Oh, he’s going to eat it,” “No he ain’t.” “Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it,” Rainbow Dash chanted. Soon all the other ponies (except Applejack) joined in on the chant. Jennings closed his eyes, taking a big bite from the sandwich. Rainbow Dash cheered. “Woohoo! Go Jay!” “Well, watcha think?” Twilight queried. Jay opened one eye, then the other, chewing slowly and deliberately. “Well, it’s not bad. It’s certainly not a salad. It’s definitely eatable, but I prefer PB&J.” He looked up from his sandwich to find six sets of eyes fixed intently on him. “What?” “We’ve never seen an alien eat our food before,” Twilight said. “It was… interesting.” “I was really hopin’ you wouldn’t like it,” Applejack said disappointedly. “If he likes that, he’ll probably like pie, too!” Pinkie exclaimed suddenly. “How in the hay does a sandwich taste similar to a pie?” “Well, I guess it doesn’t. I just mean that he likes our food!” “And how does enjoying one sandwich mean he likes all of our food, automatically?” Jennings was apparently oblivious to the heated exchange between Applejack and Pinkie Pie. “I haven’t had a pie in… years probably. I was going to go to Naber’s parents’ house and get some Apple Pie, but plans sort of fell through,” he said shifting his eyes from side to side, not looking at any of the ponies in the eyes. “What do you mean by ‘fell through?’” “Things didn’t go according to plan.” “Hey now, no lying!” Applejack said. “What, I wasn’t lying!” “But you weren’t telling the truth either. I can tell when someone isn’t telling the truth.” Damn. “Ok, fine. Some things out of the ordinary happened.” “Like what? Party emergency?” Pinkie Pie asked innocently. “No, nothing like that,” he said still trying to evade the question. “Did somepony need your help?” whispered Fluttershy from the corner. “No, well… sorta. There was nothing I could do to help.” “Was there a-” “He was killed.” Jennings ran his hand through his close-cropped hair, staring off into the distance. “I- uh- I’m so sorry. I had no idea,” Twilight said apologetically. “Oh my…” Fluttershy was by his side in a flash, trying to comfort him. He appreciated the effort, but he really wasn’t used to being comforted by anyone—let alone a yellow, pink maned Pegasus. It was weird, to say the least. “Did your friends and family say come to the funeral to support you?” “There’s no one left. My family died when my planet was invaded, and my friends were all killed on our last mission. Naber was the last one.” Fluttershy felt like the worst pony in the world for bringing all this up. “Well, we can be your friends, if you want to that is.” “Yeah! We’ll be your friends, and we’ll have a party to celebrate having new friends!” Pinkie pulled a party hat seemingly out of nowhere (Jennings discovered later they were stored everywhere in case of party emergency, whatever that means). “No, I can’t let you. Everything around me dies. You don’t want to be my friends.” “Oh, ok. Can we still be acquaintances?” Fluttershy asked in a cowed voice. “That’s fine.” He felt a hoof on his shoulder. “Sugarcube, I don’t care what you call us, but I call you a friend. And you need some apple pie, pronto. Why don’t you come with us to Sweet Apple Acres, and we’ll get you something to make you feel better?” “I’ll take you up on the pie, but I don’t need it to feel better. I’ll survive another day inside my own mind.” ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ “I can’t believe I forgot to make cupcakes for Jay. He’s never had a cupcake! Do you know what a tragedy this is?” Pinkie Pie wailed inside Applejack’s house. “Pinkie, you can use my kitchen, if it’s really that big of a deal.” “I can’t! I picked out special ingredients for Jay! This is his first cupcake! It has to be special!” Pinkie buried her head in her hooves, utterly shattered that she had forgotten about this entire ordeal. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll be running the training camp for a while. You can bring them by then,” He lay his hand on the shoulder of the crushed Pinkie, patting it awkwardly. He had no idea what the appropriate custom here was. He could help people walk through the shock of combat no problem. It didn’t even phase him when he had helped fresh Marines deal with the loss of friends. And while the loss of ingredients didn’t seem that important to him, he wasn’t even sure what constituted great suffering for ponies. Hell, he didn’t even know what things civilians worried about on his own planet. “Pinkie, don’t worry about it. We’ll eat Applejack’s pies, then we’ll go back to Sugarcube Corner for the cupcakes. Easy-peasy.” That Twilight, she was always solving problems. Pinkie brightened, processing and accepting the situation. “Okie dokie lokie!” Jennings leaned over to Dash. “She sure bounced back from that tragedy quick.” “She does that with everything, it’s one of the things I like about her. Each of my friends have their own unique qualities that make them the best. Pinkie can recover from anything, Applejack will stick by you no matter the hardships, and while Rarity may look and act like a snob, she’ll go way out of her way to help you. You can go to Twilight with any problem, and she’ll stay up endlessly trying to research a solution. And Fluttershy? She’s just always there. She’s like the counselor of the group. And lately, you are like the super-awesome fighter who will go to blows for anyone you care about.” “I told you, you don’t want me to be your friend. Everyone around me dies or gets hurt in some way.” “And as your friend, I don’t care. Because that’s what friends do.” “But I don-” Dash cut him off. “And we are your friends because you don’t want us to get hurt.” Jennings was saved face by Applejack’s timely interruption. “Get som’ pie while it’s hot!” she said rather loudly, shoving a heaping plate of goodies in front of Jennings. He accepted the plate graciously, glancing around for a few seconds. “Whatcha lookin’ for?” “Well, I was looking for a spoo-” he paused suddenly realizing that they probably weren’t familiar with the concept of silverware. “Never mind.” He grabbed the pie with his hands, and wolfed it down in three bites. The six of ponies stared at him as he announced his appreciation of the meal. “You ate that… quickly,” Twilight commented. Jennings shrugged. “I did?” “Don’t ponies savor meals where you come from?” Rarity asked, slightly disgusted at the lack of manners displayed by the human. “I guess. For the last few years, most of my meals have come during breaks between firefights. I guess fast for me is different for you. Can I have another slice? I’ll try to eat it slower this time.” Applejack handed him another slice, much to Dash’s chagrin. “Wait, he gets two slices and I don’t?” she glanced from her single slice to Applejack, and back again. “Well of course. Have you seen how skinny he is? He could actually use a few extra pounds or so,” she paused dramatically, suddenly acquiring an evil grin. “Unlike somepony here.” “Oh you did not just go there.” “Darn right I did.” “Well at least some of us aren’t such heavyweights that when they box they each season they go up a weight class!” The others in the room watched on in amusement at the good-natured, verbal competition between the two already super-competitive ponies. “That would be you, right?” “You wish you were this thin.” “But at least-” Pinkie “Girls, girls! We can decide which one of you is fatter after we get cupcakes! C’mon!” Pinkie trotted merrily out of the room. Dash and Applejack stared at the door then at each other. “I don’t know how,” Applejack said, “but Pinkie won that one.” “Yeah. Seriously, what just happened?” That was all Twilight could take, she and Rarity were doubled over in laughter. Even Fluttershy looked like she was trying really hard to contain herself. It took a few moments before the room could regain composure and move outside to rejoin the impatiently waiting Pinkie Pie. Jennings was the last out of Applejack’s house, closing the door as he went. “Jay, are you ready for the best cupcake of your life?” “Well, I still haven’t had one. At this point, any cupcake is the best one of my life.” “Double the reason to get a move on, c’mon!” “Wait!” Jennings stuck thrust his arm forward, his hand forming the ‘stop’ signal. “What? Cupcakes are waiting!” “Does anyone else hear that?” The six ponies froze, listening carefully. “Yeah, I hear it. What is it?” Dash said. Jennings had heard the sound of plasma rifle fire too often to be able to mistake it for anything. “The Covenant are back.” He took off sprinting towards the Everfree Forest and the sound of weapon fire. Dash grabbed him under the arms, getting Jennings towards the sound of gunfire as fast as she possibly could. A cone of rainbow exploded outwards as they approached the site of the skirmish. Jennings pointed towards an elite towering over the wounded Shining Armor. At the last second, Jennings noticed the short blade of plasma held in the elite’s hand, being raised for a thrusting motion towards Dash. “Look out!” A/N: I have sort of adopted the following song as the theme song for Jennings. While I don’t think the lyrics match Jennings perfectly, they get the vast majority of his motivations. I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but I recently discovered this typography video and loved it.