“Scrappy!” You shouted angrily. “What are you doing?! What the heck was that?!” You said as you pointed at the snow pile with Smolder and Diamond. “I hope you know I was planning on showing you some mercy. But now? Oh no, that’s not happening now.”
Scrappy smirked as he shook his ass, as if he was ready to pounce. “Good, that’s what I wanted to hear. Glory is nothing without a good fight! And there will be glory. Oh yes, there will be a lot of glory. So much glory!”
Scootaloo, however, seemed to be more worried about him than anything else. “Scrappy! What’s wrong with you?! You could have hurt somepony! Why… Why do you look like your old self? What’s going on?”
Scrappy suddenly flinched as his ears curled back, He suddenly looked so subdued. “S-Scootaloo, no no! I’m not my old self. This is just a form I’m taking for this war. I didn’t mean to scare you! I-I hope I didn’t scare Master Applebloom. B-but, I-I…” But suddenly his gaze hardened as his bravado returned to him. “I have to win this fight, no matter what. Sadly, even Master Applebloom had to feel my might.”
“But why? Scrappy, why did you make your own team in secret? What kind of glory are you talking about?” Scootaloo asked, trying to plead with him.
“A very important one, one of much much honor. You see, I didn’t even want to fight at first, because I am a pet, first and foremost. I know everypony tells me differently, but I am a pet to the Apples just as I am forever my Queen’s captain. This war though, I fight for one, and only one. She told me I was more than just a pet, that I could handle any of you any day of the week if I wanted to, and that I should want to play too. This pony, I realized, she wasn’t talking about me. She was trying to convince herself. She’s grown too old for wars, her body cannot handle it any longer. I know the truth. THE TRUTH! So, for this war, I’ll tell you who I fight for.” Scrappy looked under his wings. Under them was tucked away a small pole. He grabbed it and stabbed it into the snow. It extended, and a green flag bearing the face of… Oh no…
“GRANNY SMITH! I WILL AVENGE YOUR HONOR!” He shouted as the flag flew high upon the pole.
You just stood there in horrid awe, silent, eye twitching. All that, all of that, just for her?! He got the two knuckleheads and rolled down a giant snow boulder because of her?!
Scootaloo started to tear up and smile, to her, that sounded sweet. “Awww, Scrappy. That’s really nice of you. I’m sure she’d be really proud of you right now.”
“Y-you think s-Ahrm, I mean, I know.” Scrappy said, trying to hide away any part of his dopey and softer side. “So, Scootaloo, can I expect you to fight your hardest? Super duper hardest?”
Scootaloo nodded. “Yeah, but you better watch out, Scrappy. I have a mean lesDZFZDGZSDRYHDRHDFH” Suddenly, Scootaloo is cut off as Scrappy suddenly spins his hooves in such a way that he machine guns her with snowballs. Hard enough to lift her off the ground and send her flying backwards as he cackled madly. She slammed into one of the fort walls and was utterly buried by his merciless assault.
…Well then.
“And now, there is only one. Anon, prepare to… Huh?” When Scrappy turned to face you, you were already gone.
“Nope! I ain’t doing this shit!” You said to yourself as you ran out from the inner fort and into the snow fields. You quickly ducked behind some trees and tried to catch your breath. You needed a plan.
“Okay, Anon, what are you doing? You’ve beaten this shrimp before, so why are you running now? Like, okay, you didn’t expect him to be able to throw snowballs like that but… Dammit, I don’t know what to do now! One false move and… Guh?!” When you looked up, you could see him looking down at you with a hideous smile.
“What’s wrong, Anon? Have you finally realized my superiority? Do you now realize why you can never stand up to me? Give up now, or feel the wrath of Granny Smith’s might through my power.” Scrappy said.
You didn’t answer, instead you panic-grabbed some snow and threw it up at him. But he dodged and zipped through the branches and landed back down onto the ground in front of you.
“You can’t win, Anon! Not at chess, not at snowball wars, not even bucking trees for sweet apples!” Scrappy cried as he began to machine gun throw snowballs at you.
“GYAH!” You ducked and rolled to the right and began to run up a hill as a flurry of snowballs practically traced through your previous positions.
“Stop running! I don’t have time for you to run! I have to go howl with Winona in twenty minutes!” Scrappy angrily growled as he began to give chase.
You needed to hide, you needed to hide until you could come up with a way to trounce him. Wait, what was that up ahead? A snowpony? Okay, it was a dickish move, but it could make for a good hiding spot. You rushed down the other side of the hill and jumped in through the side of the snowpony, and hoped it’d stay intact as you tried to think of a plan to beat him.
“Hey, Nonny!” Said a familiar voice. “What are you hiding in there for? I know I was making a snowpony, but it isn’t supposed to be a literal pony in the snow. Oh, are you playing hide and seek?”
Fuck, it was Pinkie Pie! You just continued to hide inside as you loudly whispered towards her. “Look, Ponk… Yeah, I am. C-could you maybe not give me away?”
You could swear you could hear her salute. “Okay! But just to let you know, there’s a giant snowball rolling down the hill towards us. Is that what you’re hiding from?”
FUCK!
You dug yourself out of the snowpony and jumped away just in time as Pinkie let out an “EEP!” As she gets caught in the passing snow boulder.
Shit, shit, shit! That fucker wasn’t relenting at all. When you looked up, he was already in front of you, ready to attack.
Fucking Dammit! “Will you stop with the giant snowballs already?! Holy shit!”
“Okay!” Scrappy said happily as he raised a normal sized snowball up with his hoof. “Any last words though?”
You just slowly began to step back. You looked at the snow, but the moment you tried to make a snowball from it, Scrappy threw a snowball right at your leg.
“Dishonorable! I give you a chance for words but you just want to try to attack the undefeatable! Fine! Prepare for all the snowballs, Anon. ALL OF THEM!” Scrappy shouted as he began to bombard you with his snowball barrage.
“Not today!” Said… Smolder?! She came rushing towards you from out of nowhere and turned away from Scrappy as she raised her arms and wings. She was… Blocking the barrage, and standing her ground.
Woah…
“What?! Impossible! IMPOSSIBLE! I saw you go down! No! I can’t lose! I CAN’T!” Scrappy cried as he began to throw harder and harder, faster and faster, trying to knock Smolder down.
You were just standing there, befuddled by it all. “S-Smolder?”
“Gngh, Yeah? What? Mngh!” She winced as she shook with every snowball that smacked into her back. “Anon! I don’t have time for you to just be standing there. I’m a dragon, okay?! GNHG, t-that’s all you need to know! Now do something already, I can’t hold on forever!”
Do something? Right, right… Scrappy was focusing on her now, trying to rectify his mistake. But if you go out there, he’ll just retarget you. He seems to be extra emotional today. Maybe if you…
“No, never mind, I got a new plan. Sorry, Anon, it’s the only way.” Smolder said as she suddenly reached out and grabbed your sides.
“Wha, hey, what are you QWFSDFFSDFD” Smolder, without warning, grabs you by the sides and quickly turns you around. She uses your head like a battering ram, and charges through the barrage with a battle cry as your head shields her from the snowballs.
“HYAAAAHHH!” She yelled out as she charged at Scrappy. Scrappy didn’t relent, and threw as hard and fast as he could, and yet your head was able to deflect all of it as Smolder drew closer. Holy fuck, your head may have been invincible, but the brainfreeze was terrible!
“Take this!” Smolder cried out. She slammed your head into the snow in front of Scrappy and then yanked you upwards by your hindlegs. The force from your head rising up was like that of a million shovels as snow flew up and began to fall towards Scrappy like an avalanche.
“Am I dreaming?” Was all he could ask himself. He was in sudden disbelief as the snow smashed back down onto him in a giant pile.
Smolder tossed you aside as she looked upon her handiwork. A grin slowly grew across her face until she suddenly jumped, arm in the air, with excited cheer. “WE DID IT! Yeah! Anon, that was awesome! Right?!”
You were half buried in the snow, head first, dizzy as all fuck.
“Oh, yeah, sorry.” Smolder said as she casually walked up to you and pulled you out. “You should have been more ready though.”
“Ngnh, geez…” You whined, until you noticed the battle was over. “Wait, hold on, did we just win?”
“Uh, yeah? Weren’t you paying attention?” Smolder said, standing and posing cooly as she gave you a smug smirk. “We’re the winners. Really? It was just too easy.”
Was it? How did she…? “Wait, hold on. But I-Wait! Is Diamond okay, what happened?!”
Smolder gave you a more cool reassuring look as she waved her hand at you. “Relax, relax, she’s fine. I pulled her out and told her to stay put while I come and save your butt. She tried to do that herself, but that snow boulder kinda messed with her sense of direction and stuff.” Smolder said, before suddenly fumbling down and kneeling. “Ngh…”
What?! “Smolder?! Are you alright?!”
“Y-yeah, just tired. Might as well admit it, he got me pretty good. He was throwing so hard and so fast, I was using all my strength to hang on. What about you? You look fine. Is your head okay?” She asked, genuinely worried that she may have overdone it.
“Ungh, sorta. I just hope I don’t get frostbite on my brain or something. Although…” Wait a second. Where was Cozy? She was… Still flying high. Why hadn’t she declared a winner yet? “If we won, why is Cozy still flying around up there?”
“No idea. Maybe she GYAH!” And before you knew it, Smolder got hit by a giant wall of snow, sending her flying backwards and into a pile of snow.
“Scrappy!” You cried as you faced forward, ready to take him out.
But… It wasn’t him.
Standing in front of you was a green mare, scrawny and wrinkly looking, her white hair tied up in a bun neatly, and adorning a golden mask over her face. On her back was a giant snow shovel, like it was some sort of sword… Okay, hold on a second. “Granny Smith?!”
“What now?! I ain’t no Granny Smith, I’m the Snow Avenger. And you must be the last no good varmint I need to take down.” The masked figure said, prepping herself for a fight.
No… Just… No!
“TIME OUT!” You cried.
Fuck no, this is bullllllshit…