//------------------------------// // Ch. 9 - Doubt And Wonder // Story: The Fluffy Girl With a Heart-of-Pink // by DogSomeOre //------------------------------// Anon admires Pinkie's caring smile, she seems so vulnerable, so content; and Rainbow, she said? Anon had no idea Rainbow would go talk things over with Pinkie, let alone tell Pinkie how he felt. Reality comes back to him, what feels like a couple minutes, clocks into seconds as Anon takes Pinkie's darling face in. "I... never knew." Anon finally speaks, still a bit dazed from the surprising encounter; he pets her mane delicately, her face burrowed in his chest. "I've been wanting you to know, for so long, Nonie." Pinkie backs away, interrupting Anon's petting; she looks up at him, puppy dog eyes in full display, it's so hard for Anon to look anywhere else. Her mannerisms look so relieved, like this whole chapter of cat and mouse is at a complete end. "I know it's hard to see me as anything more then a comedic joke, or a girl that isn't very serious about, well, anything." She looks down, clearly troubled about how she always acts, like she wants to be more then that. "But I can try. I can be that girl for you, I- I want to!" Pinkie's fears come back, she doesn't want to lose Anon, and she so badly wants him to know how she feels. In the absence of them speaking to each other, her mind always makes sure to bring her down, her anxiety, pain, guilt, she doesn't deserve any of it; but she's doomed to face it. Anon doesn't know what to say, this different version of Pinkie, so foreign to him. "How long has she been like this?" He thinks. "How long... have I not noticed?" "How long have you felt this way.. about me?" Anon's curious, he wants to know how long she's seen him this way, how much time has passed since he's been here, that he just never recognized the signs. Pinkie shuffles around nervously, but why? She already made it a point that she does like him, why then is she still afraid? Anon questions in his mind just how much he knows Pinkie, how much he could've helped her when he wasn't there. "To be honest, Nonie." She hesitates, hooves and body still shuffling, her tail flowing back and forth, the look on her face says it all, she just doesn't know how to be herself around others, perhaps she was never given the chance. "Ever since you first came to Ponyvile, as silly as it sounds. I just felt something I never had felt before. You're the only thing in my life, that has genuinely made me feel... I don't know?... Alive?" She's not quite sure if her choice of words are an accurate description, her own feelings always too confusing to understand. "But... what about your friends?" Anon pauses. "You care about them, don't you?" "Of course!" Pinkie retorts, partly offended that Anon would question such a thing. "I love my friends, they're the bestest-best friends a pony like me could ever have!" She sweetly describes. "But with you-" She walks up slowly, her pitter-patter of hooves coming down on the grass. She stops right before Anon, holding out her hoof, she waits for Anon to take it. "With you I feel different- not different in a bad way of course- but- like I feel comfortable being around you; I know it doesn't make any sense, I know I may be coming on to strong but I-" She lifts up another hoof, placing it over the hand Anon has grasped her other with. "I want to be with you, for as long as this pink pony can take I.... I can show you how I feel Anon, how I really am. I'm just- I'm just-" She can't say it, in her mind she always thought. "If I ever told anypony what I'm actually like, what I'm actually feeling; will they still like me the same?" She doesn't want to place that burden on anyone, especially the one's she cares so deeply about. How would they react knowing she's not just a caricature? Not a one dimensional personality who goes through, what everypony goes through? "Scared?" Anon finishes. Pinkie is taken aback for a moment, but nods almost robotically, like a door has been opened up right in front of her and the path only leads to misery and sorrow. "But I don't have to, I don't need to show you who I really am; I know that's what you said but... is that really what you want?" Her words sounding almost like a plea, like Anon could come tumbling down like a stack of dominoes at the faintest sign of Pinkie showing that other side to him. "It's everything I want, Pinks." It doesn't matter how she really is, he wants her to know that he'll be there for her no matter what; if that means learning a hard truth, or having to sacrifice his emotions for the happiness of his pink mare, so be it. "Ok, if it's something you really care about..." She trails off, wanting to bring up another topic. "I have to know though, Nonie; why do you care about how I feel? It's not like I'm any mare that's important enough for- well, understanding how I feel." Anon can't believe she would say something like that- and so casually. "Isn't it obvious?" He wants to tell her; he doesn't understand why she would even have to ask, but she does, and it hurts him to no end. "Because you're my fri-" Anon stops himself, clearing his throat. He needs to say something more then that, heck at this rate, they're anything but just friends; Anon needs her to know that. "I know what it's like to bottle everything up, believe me." Anon tightens his grip on Pinkie's hoof, getting her attention. "Nobody should have to do that Pinks, especially somepony who cares so much about others. You deserve to be happy just like everyone else." Anon pets Pinkie's head, comforting her. "You... you really think so?" Pinkie shyly asks, she seems so lost, like this isn't even real. "How could somebody ever care about how I feel?" She'd always thought. "I know so." Pinkie hopes Anon understands what he's saying, what he actually wants out of her, she's never had a pony to lean on- let alone another creature. How hard will it be to express everything that's been troubling her? Neither Anon nor Pinkie have the answer to that, but they'll both find out, one hoof print at a time. -------*------- "How long have we been out here?" Anon asks as the shadows around them begin to breach the tinted color of the sunlight. They both sit side by side, periodically looking over at each other. "I'm not sure Nonie." Pinkie says casually. "It was quite a long walk here though." "Are your hooves alright? I mean do you feel good enough to walk on them?" Pinkie inspects her hooves, seeing if there's anything wrong or broken. "I should be good, it's not like I stepped on a poisonous snake this time or anything." She concludes. "'This time?' When did you step on a snake?" Anon questions her, curious as to why this is the first time hearing of such a significant situation. "In my dream... in Cloudsdale- happened about a couple months ago, and I had wings!" Pinkie exclaims excitedly. "Oh, Pinks." Anon laughs comfortingly. "A snake in Cloudsdale?" He inquires lightheartedly. "Yeah, it was a scary one too! One of the weirdest I've ever seen!" She explains further, the whole predicament so serious to her. "Well it was just a dream after all Pinks, your mind can come up with the craziest of things, you know?" Anon assures her, playing along with Pinkie's overzealous moment. "Yeah, I know Nonie, our brains can be really scary sometimes huh?" Pinkie childishly suggests. "You said it." Anon pats her back, reveling in Pinkie's silly story. "Come on, we better get you back to your place. We don't want any snakes biting our flanks in the real world, do we?" Anon winks comically; Pinkie gasps at Anon's words. "Oh my gosh your right!~" She agrees with alertness, thinking that any snakes could actually come out of nowhere. She gets up with the help of Anon, pulling her back up on her four hooves. -------*------- "Pinkie, did you leave the lights on?" They both arrive at Sugarcube, the walk back being nothing short of uneventful, but the comfort of each other still being enough. "Oops." Pinkie shutters, knowing that if Mrs. Cake was here, she would've certainly not of been too thrilled. "In any case, I'm glad we got back in one piece." Anon tells her. "Really! It's a miracle we were able to see anything, with the spooky darkness creeping up with creepy creatures, I thought a snake would have gotten us for sure!" Pinkie's excitability echoes throughout the otherwise quiet Ponyvile. Pinkie looks for Anon to say anything back, but he quietly just looks at Sugarcube, no words to be said. "Anon? What're you looking at?" "Nothing, just thinking." He states plainly. "Huh." Pinkie eyes him with admiration, trying to peer inside that head of his. "You know, Pinkie-" He turns his head, looking right back at that pink fluff ball. "Tomorrow, are you working?" Pinkie takes a moment to think, trying to see if she actually does have free time. "Nope." She casually voices. "Oh, really? Great! I mean, that's great- really." "Something on your mind Nonie?" Pinkie says back. "Yeah, sort of." He admits. "I'm not really good at this kind of thing but..." Anon hesitates with his speech, trying to find the right way to put it. "Would you want to-" "Absolutely!" Pinkie shouts; she almost flings herself into space with how high she jumped. Anon looks at her, confused. "I may have said that a bit too prematurely." She chuckles bashfully to herself. "But I'm fine with anything Nonie, wherever you want to go, this party mare is ready to follow! Though now that I think of it, there aren't really too many places to go in Ponyvile if it's not an event. I mean, we can go to Vinyl's place but I don't know if she's throwing a party tomorrow; maybe Twilight's library? I may not read a lot but maybe you could-" Anon bops Pinkie on the head, taking her out of her incessant rambling. Like a remote she responds accordingly, only looking a bit dazed for a second before realizing she's going off on another ramble. "I sure do talk a lot, it is a bit of a bad habit of mind I guess." Her playful demeanor pokes fun at herself, not looking any offended by saying that. "It's more of a blessing, if you think about it the right way." "Really? How?" Pinkie curiously demands. "Well- not everybody can talk that much, and I guess the case with you..." He tries to think of what to say, having a hard time concluding his rebuttal with something solid. Pinkie waits intently for a response, her smile negating any thoughts Anon could have formed. "-You're just a good talker... that's fine, right?" Pinkie looks mildly disappointed at the conclusion. "I suppose; I was looking for something a bit more concrete though- like something with... piz-a-... pizz-aa... uh..." She struggles with saying the word, getting tongue tied all the while. "Pizzazz?" Anon suggests. "Yeah, 'Psh-ash'! That's the one!" Pinkie throws her hoof up with satisfaction. "She almost got it at least." Anon mutters to himself. "With that aside-" Anon pushes Pinkie's self victory away, preparing to tell her what he'd been trying to say from the beginning. "No Pinkie, it's not really somewhere like we went today." "Oh?" Pinkie's ears twitch, thinking of what mysterious place Anon could be referring to. "Ooh~ somewhere spooky? All this snake talk has me feeling the same way Nonie! But where in Ponyvile is there something spooky? I know! I heard there's this one super-scary-" Anon bops her on the snout, she scrunches at the sudden surprise, quickly recovering. "My house, Pinkie. Just my house." Anon gets his words through. Pinkie looks up at him with understanding. "It's not like I don't like your long talks Pinks, but it is really late and to be honest with you, I'm pretty exhausted." Pinkie waves her hoof, snorting weakly but with the same cute Pinkie flair. "No harm done, Nonie! We really have been talking out here for quite a while!" She confesses. "So, will I see you tomorrow?" He asks, wanting to finalize the conversation. Pinkie hums sweetly with a nod. "Alright *yawn* I'll see you then." Anon turns around, waving his goodbyes. "Wait! Nonie!" Pinkie calls for him, her voice coming through for one last breath. "Woah, alright, alright, I get it!" Anon laughs giddily, Pinkie closes in tightly for one last hug. -------*------- Pinkie Pie enters the silent bakery, the only noise being present is of the door coming closed with a jubilant thud. She peers through the blinds, smiling happily whilst seeing her special person walk away into the night. "I hope he gets home alright." She worries. "Maybe I should've asked him if he wanted me to walk him home? No, that's too clingy!... Or is it?" Even though the whole day was practically spent with Anon in her presence, she can't help but still think solely about him. The long walk, the beautiful view- "I wish I could've kissed him for longer." She sighs, a bittersweet smile staying on her face as she watches him vanish out of sight. Pinkie goes around the bakery, checking to make sure the establishment is in proper order; dishes being thoroughly washed, sugar being put away and cleaned up respectively, Pinkie makes sure no stone is left unturned with the required maintenance her job ensures of her, so that every little thing is where it should be. "*yawn* Oh!" She covers her mouth. "Looks like Nonie isn't the only one who's tired." She heads upstairs, turning off all the lights she encounters as she does so. Like every night, she heads for the bathroom, making sure to wash up before going to bed. "A lot of stuff really has happened today, hasn't it?" She recollects the time spent today. It isn't usually the type of day she's used to; drama, serious talks, a gorgeous set piece to spend the day at, and of course, romance. Against all odds she was somehow able to convey utterly how she feels towards Anon, she isn't all too confident in her ability to be 'mare friend material', with her childish and rambunctious personality possibly getting in the way of how one's typically supposed to act- "But I'm not just like that." She thinks. "If me showing another side to him is what he really wants-" She has doubts, doubts she can make it work, doubts she can keep Anon, doubts about herself. But what of Anon? Surely he doesn't think how Pinkie thinks he thinks? Even still, she's doubtful in her ability to be somepony he can cherish, somepony that's right for him. She's good at throwing parties, good at cheering others up, but to what extent does her 'good-ness' go? It's inexperience for sure, she's learned how to treat others good after all, but for how long can said person actually tolerate her, actually stand her, actually want to be with her? It's something she isn't used to, and she's terrified to find out. "And if he doesn't like that side of you, then what? Pretend like nothing happened and move along with your life, you always find a way to be good at that, don't you?" It's those thoughts again, despairing, agonizing, grueling thoughts that always keeps her ego in check, out of every single creature Pinkie's ever come across, why is she her own worst enemy? Staring herself in the mirror, she sees what no pony else can see through, a closed off, sad girl, whose only mission is to make a little foal's or filly's face light up with vigor; a luxury she only dreams she could have experienced.