//------------------------------// // 1: Vs. Nightmare Moon // Story: Funkin' Friendship // by Goldstar //------------------------------// Several feet in the air, some distance away from the Castle of the Two Sisters, a portal opened and closed almost as quickly. Two ponies dropped out, one an earth pony and the other a unicorn. They both had a rough landing on their faces. “What the hell?!” The earth pony stallion shouted. “Boyfriend? Are we ponies?” The unicorn mare asked. “You know what Girlfriend? Yes, we are. How did that happen?!” They both took a closer look at themselves. “I know we got banished here by my parents, but they wouldn’t have also changed us into ponies. So, you know what that means? We might be in a land full of talking ponies. Oh my gosh, I can hardly wait to meet them!” Girlfriend started to bounce around. “Your parents can be real dicks at times, no offense.” “None taken.” “They got salty because I out rapped them and everyone else they sent after me.” “They were going to banish just you, but I wasn’t going to leave you behind.” “Your dad wouldn’t just leave it be after I schooled him within three rap battles in a row. Then he sent Pico after me, then I dealt with Mommy Mearest on top of a speeding limo, then they both held up Santa at a mall. And then we get trapped in a dating sim game because of Daddy Dearest. We better get back from this. And when we do, I’m going to destroy them... in a rap battle of course! What? I can’t do much else.” “Why do we have symbols on our butts?” Girlfriend asked. Boyfriend had a bit of trouble trying to see his. His cutie mark turned out to be a cross out sign, just like his favorite shirt had. He had a white coat with spiky cyan mane and tail. Girlfriend’s cutie mark was that of two demon horns. She had a red coat with brown mane. “You know?” Boyfriend pondered, “We’re totally naked, fur notwithstanding. And that’s just weird. Like, kinda hot that you could spread your legs and probably easily expose your pussy, but weird because we’re also both animals. It’s not like I look at a dog and think, ‘yeah, that’s hot, I would totally want to nail that’.” “No matter what form I take, you can lust after me anytime,” Girlfriend smiled, then frowned, “Unless someone casts a de-aging spell on me.” “I better be able to rap battle our way out of whatever trouble we encounter here.” “I wouldn’t worry about that Boyfriend. I think any situation involving us must be solved that way.” “You really think so?” “I know so. Even when Pico was trying to shoot you, you out rapped him and got him to back off. You dodged his bullets while keeping your cool.” “I hope you don’t have any crazy exs I have to worry about. That’ll be funny. Boyfriend vs. the World and there’s like seven crazy exes who can only be defeated in rap. Anyway, we should get a move on to find some place to go.” “The only place of interest I see is over in that castle.” Girlfriend pointed toward it. “Yeah, let’s go there, because it’s just trees as far as the eye can see, which isn’t very far with all these trees in the way. Hey, our eyesight is the same, isn’t it?” “No difference here, despite our eyes being bigger, at least yours are.” “Yours too babe.” “We better get used to walking on all fours while we head to the castle.” Girlfriend suggested. Boyfriend tries to walk on two legs before falling over. “Shit! Man, look at these. How can I hold a mic with my hooves? I can’t put it in my mouth and rap at the same time.” “You bring up a good point. I wouldn’t worry about it too much given how many opponents we faced who didn’t have a microphone. I’ll try to pick it up.” Girlfriend reached a hoof out to do so and it stuck to it. “How did you do that?” “I dunno, I just wanted to pick it up and I did. Can you do the same?” Girlfriend had to wiggle her hoof a bit to drop the mic. Boyfriend tried picking it up and after a moment, it worked. “This is so weird! I focus on it a bit and it’s almost like I still have a hand. But I don’t think I can walk on three legs without faceplanting again. I hope my back can hold it.” “By the time we get to the castle, we should be used to this.” They both began to walk over. Within the castle, Nightmare Moon was laughing at the six ponies who had failed to stop her. “Your Elements of Harmony are worthless! Your nothing but another failed student of Celestia!” Nightmare then laughed. “I did everything according to the book. Why didn’t it work?!” Twilight panicked. “Nothing can stop me, except a lyrical battle. But I bet none of you six can step up.” “I can break into random songs, but not raps,” Pinkie confirmed. “This isn’t fair!” “Too bad you can’t do this very specific thing to stop me. It’s not like a pony will suddenly show up to... hey, who are these pipsqueaks?” Nightmare noticed the arrival of Boyfriend and Girlfriend. “Oh my gosh! See?! Other colorful talking ponies!” Girlfriend gushed. “What’s going on here?” Boyfriend asked. “It’s simple boy. These six have failed to stop me because they can’t rap their way out of this. The night shall last forever!" She followed up with some evil laughing, complete with thunder sounds and lighting in the background. “Good thing I’m here then.” Boyfriend grinned, whipping out his microphone, but not before slapping himself in the face with in. “Dammit! Going to take some getting used to these hooves.” “And who are you two?” “I’m Girlfriend and this is Boyfriend,” Girlfriend introduced. “What laughable names. Okay Boyfriend, put up your pathetic raps so I can continue to enjoy my victory.” Three, two, one, go! “Night moon moon night night moon ever ever night moon ever.” “Bop beep beep bob bob beep be be bop beep be.” “Hold it!” Girlfriend objected. “What the hell is that? Use your actual words. Okay, let’s take it from the top again.” Three, two, one, go! “The night is mine through my might. My victory is all but neigh.” “Eternal night isn’t cool. For one, it’ll throw all the animals’ patterns off.” “Oh please, they’ll love my night, they have no choice now.” “With no balance, no day, they’ll grow to hate the night.” “No, not this time, I waited a thousand years for this. They will love my beautiful night!” “By giving them no choice? How will the plants survive without sunlight? And who knows what else.” “Without... sunlight?” “You’ll completely disturb the order of life, just to boast.” “No, I am the night!” “What’s got you so mad?” “You try living a thousand years alone after being banished by your sister.” “Hot damn, that’s a crazy long time! What were you trying to do?” “I know right?! I just wanted to bring upon everlasting night.” “Time heals all wounds. You can make up with her now?” “No, only her complete and utter destruction is acceptable!” “Let go of your hate. Reconnect, heal old wounds.” “I cannot be losing to this kid!” “There must be some good in you.” “And why should I entertain that? I could just take what I want by force.” “Living in harmony, reconnecting with your sister on good terms, being better than long ago.” “This can’t be happening! Damn you kid!” “Relax, all is well now. Deep breaths.” “No, how could I lose?!” Nightmare shouted. A big display of magic happened, causing a lightshow that lasted for a few seconds. In Nightmare Moon’s place, Princess Luna appeared with a frown on her face. “I’m sorry. I became so jealous over ponies sleeping during my night that I just wanted revenge without thinking about the consequences.” “Really?” Rainbow Dash questioned, “It’s totally behind us now, way behind.” “Did anyone else see arrows floating up when the two battled?” Fluttershy asked. “So, it wasn’t just me,” Pinkie asked. “Ah think we all saw those,” Applejack answered. “I never witnessed a rap battle before, I should probably read up on them,” Twilight said. Suddenly, Princess Celestia flew in. “I knew you would use friendship to help bring back my dear sister back, Twilight,” Celestia praised. “Actually Princess, the Elements of Harmony failed. Boyfriend over here rap battled Nightmare Moon.” Celestia did a double take. “Really? And you made a boyfriend the same day you came to Ponyville? I’m surprised Twilight. I didn’t think you were into stallions.” “What do you mean Princess?” “The fact you kept starring at my ass for years. Don’t think I didn’t notice. You’re one of my only female students that haven’t talked about getting a coltfriend, although that isn’t evidence alone you’re into mares. The only romance books you wanted to read were of mares loving other mares. And then I sent you to the lesbian capital of Equestria in hopes you’ll make a marefriend. Right, I’m getting off track here.” “Not in front of the other ponies Princess, it’s embarrassing.” Twilight’s face turned red. “Hey you ponies, let’s focus. I’m the Boyfriend that the purple unicorn was talking about,” Boyfriend answered. “Does that mean she’s Girlfriend?” Celestia asked. “Yup,” Girlfriend waved. “We’re not from around here.” Boyfriend explained. “We kinda just shown up the moment we were needed. Funny how that works.” The company involved explained who they were on their way back to Ponyville. The Alicorn Sisters took their leave, leaving the Element Bearers and off world ponies with each other. “All you mares are hot!” Twilight suddenly proclaimed, “I really, really want us to get to know each other. I’m making the most out of being in this backwater town.” “Leave me out of it,” Girlfriend stated, “I belong entirely to Boyfriend and although you’re all cute, he’s all mine and mine alone.” “Right...” Twilight pondered, “Although, that still leaves the other five mares, who have yet to deny me.” “Really darling, at least get to know us for more than a whole day,” Rarity injected. “Even I’m not that fast,” Rainbow added. “We can be friends without it getting romantic,” Applejack confirmed. “What they... said,” Fluttershy agreed. “Day one marefriend?” Pinkie asked, “Count me in!” She then started bouncing around Twilight. “We’re going to hug and kiss and sleep together and have an all-around gay time.” “Right...” Boyfriend said, “We need a place to stay for the night.” “Make that many nights,” Girlfriend added, “We could be here for a long time. Let’s see. Based on what we learned during the walk back to Ponyville, let’s rule out options. I don’t think Boyfriend or I could handle the smell of farm animals at Sweet Apple Acres. That really factors into Fluttershy’s place also being unsuitable. Rainbow Dash’s home is simply not possible for us without cloud walking spells and that’s just too risky to maintain the whole time. The Cakes have babies. No thanks. Rarity’s place could be solid, but she has a little sister. Kids are cute, but also take all our energy. Living with the horny book pony, in more ways than one, might be our best option. Living with a baby dragon might be pretty adorable.” “I’m sure you’ll enjoy my books,” Twilight said, “I have plenty of lustful books...” “Keep your boners in check, damn!” Boyfriend hissed. “Alright, fine. So much for me going back to Canterlot. If I must live in Ponyville, I might as well try to start a harem with some of the hottest mares around. Although I’m so happy Pinkie is willing already.” “Maybe we should stay with Rarity,” Girlfriend said annoyed. “You’re going to try all this with your baby brother around?” Boyfriend questioned. “I’ll... work this out somehow,” Twilight answered. “Like pretend he doesn’t exist.”