//------------------------------//
// 1. Five Years Absence 
// Story: Sun, Moon and Starlight 
// by FoolAmongTheStars 
//------------------------------//

The last time I saw Starlight was five years ago.

I stopped hearing from her directly about two years ago—if impersonal postcards from somewhere out in Griffonstone or beyond the Dragon Lands could be considered news. It was never the same place twice. I couldn’t tell you why she stopped sending me letters, perhaps she simply didn’t feel obligated to do so, didn’t feel fettered to me anymore, or maybe it was the universe giving me a taste of my own medicine. I think I cried when I realized the letters weren’t coming anymore. 

I’ve kept up with her through second-hoof information. Sometimes Twilight would let something slip. Most of the time Cadance would tell me a tidbit while I was over with her, Shining Armor, and the baby, or what used to be a baby. At five years old, Flurry Heart considered herself a full-grown mare, and she got into more trouble than a filly her age should. I don’t envy Shining and Cadance one bit in that regard.

But I’m getting off-topic…because I’m avoiding the reality that has crashed landed on the life I had so painstakingly created for myself. 

This time it wasn’t letting something slip, it was Twilight coming to me, telling me Starlight had been hurt by some kind of jail-break nonsense that happened when she was trying to use her magic on some Diamond Dog for information. She was in some sort of magical coma, they were working on it, but bringing her here seemed like the best course of action. Bringing her to me seemed like the best idea.

Again, I hadn’t seen Starlight in five years.

Five years ago, after Twilight took the throne, after the celebration, after a few more moons of working in the school, we’d started getting into the habit of sleeping in the same bed. The excuses were always the same, too tired, too cold, there’s so much work to do, too much paperwork to move into the living room or someplace more neutral like the library. No matter the excuse, it was just sleeping though, sometimes intertwined, but always innocent, bodies pressed together in comfort rather than desire. She never pushed me, rather, it was me that pushed us over the edge one night, with the moonlight reflected in her half-lidded eyes, smiling that smile I swore that was just for me, one she reserved only for moments like these—which spread on her face and wrinkled her nose in the most adorable of ways—that urged me to take action.

So I pulled her to me like I usually did before we went to sleep, and leaned my muzzle into hers, capturing her lips with the intensity built from what felt like a thousand years of loving her. She let me kiss her like that. She let me roll on top of her. She let me touch her. I wasn’t slow, I wasn’t patient, I was greedy and took everything I wanted from her. It wasn’t like us at all—with Starlight so quiet and me so selfish—but something deep and dark took a hold of me and I did nothing to stop it. Looking back, I knew I didn’t give back enough, but Starlight being Starlight didn’t reproach me. However, I was ready to learn, I wanted to know how to give back, how to please her, and show her how much I cherished her. But I made a mistake. Words had never been my strong suit, despite all the reading and writing I do, I couldn’t utter those three little words when she needed to hear them the most. In a day she was gone.    

A pair of royal guards brought Starlight to the Empire and in my infinite cowardice, I let them install her in my house without me, claiming business at the school that anypony could tell you I didn’t really have. Yes, I’m still working as a teacher, though I also double as the Head-Stallion of this small branch of the Friendship School here in the Crystal Empire, it was a lot of responsibility, but it was nothing I couldn’t postpone to see the mare I’d loved for almost half my life. I sat in my little office, staring blankly at my desk, trying to tell myself that I didn't love her anymore and that when I eventually saw her those feelings would be cemented in my heart. I tried to picture that scenario for hours, willing it to become reality, with little success.

This Friendship School I run was small in comparison to the one in Ponyville, with barely one hundred students to fill its halls, but they made quite the commotion when Twilight finally found me and practically dragged me back to my house. Well, she didn’t drag me so much as she gave me a look that promised dire consequences if I didn’t follow her orders. It was hard to be defiant when an alicorn glared down at you. 

On our way, the Princess gave me the rundown of what happened and her theory as to why Starlight was affected. The Diamond Dog that attacked her used some kind of cursed artifact, which exploded in his paw and sent them both slamming against the walls and into a deep slumber, but the Diamond Dog woke up on his own after a few days while Starlight did not. Twilight’s theory was that the curse had latched onto her former pupil’s magic, creating a magic loop that feed on Starlight’s powerful magic which serve to make it stronger, turning the ordinary stun spell into a curse. Obviously, there weren’t many models for this, and at this point, it just looked like Starlight was in permanent slumber. A real-life sleeping beauty.  

A nurse would come as necessary for any mare-related issues, but other than that I was expected to take care of her and try to break the curse somehow. I might not be powerful, but magic is what I know best, so if anypony was going to figure this out it was me. I couldn’t tell her, but I was sure that as soon as Starlight woke up, or if I tried to reach her somehow, she would blast me without hesitation. Twilight would realize soon enough, I bet, but at least I’d get to see her and finally convince myself I didn’t love her. Or at least I will as soon as I stopped chickening out.           

I really hope Twilight didn’t notice the way I was holding my breath as we entered my house, as I heard sounds coming from a space that I rarely used. Each step felt like my legs were wading upstream a river of concrete, but I couldn’t let Twilight past me, so I urged myself forward, pausing only at the threshold before the door, taking a deep breath to keep myself from blacking out before I turned the corner.

The first thing I noticed was her hair. I had expected it cascading across the pillow, but instead, it was cut short, close to her ears, dramatically parted to the side as it swept across her forehead. She was absolutely beautiful, even with the rings around her eyes, the loss of shine on her coat. I had to lean against the doorway, my heart threatening to give up, to break or burst with both love and grief. “Starlight…” I didn’t notice I had reached out to her until my legs hit the edge of the bed. At least I didn’t throw myself over her and weep, though the urge was still there as I stared down at her and the soft, slow breaths she took, the only indication that she was alive.   

Twilight ignored my stricken behavior and walked into the room, restarting the conversation about Starlight’s rehabilitation. Her limbs needed to be exercised. Her body needed to be moved and repositioned to avoid bedsores. Luckily, they hadn’t resorted to a feeding tube just yet, since she seemed to still swallow on her own, but it was a slow process. One of the guards showed me the gruel they had been using to feed her and honestly, I was surprised she’d swallowed it at all, but I guess nutrient-packed didn’t equal delicious in most cases.

I’d have to be ready for ponies coming and going constantly, from doctors to nurses to anypony with a solid theory or ideas to heal her. Maybe I’d even have to prepare myself for the possibility of Starlight never waking up at all. No pony said it, but it was a thought present in everypony's mind, and from the look on Twilight’s face, it was a notion she'd entertained more than she wanted to.

The guards packed their things and left, Twilight told me that the nurse would come around dinner time and dawdled, hooves pacing slightly against the floor, looking down at Starlight, but more so, me. “She didn’t tell me why she wanted to quit the school.”

Oh, horseapples, here it is. I always dreaded this question or any incarnation of what happened between you and Starlight? “No offense, Twilight, but I’m not going to tell you either.”

She smiled wanly and shrugged, “That wasn’t a probing question, Sunburst, more an absolution of my own guilt. I'd always assumed you hadn’t known either."

I felt gutted, raw from the day, and knew that it was going to get worse from here. “I know.”

“Then is this going to be a problem?” She asked, appraising my face.

I raised an eyebrow, “Wasn’t that a question to ask before you brought her here?” I only paused for a second before jumping back in, waving my hoof at her. “It’s fine, Twilight. She’s here, I’ll take care of her, I still…care, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Again, the assessing, probing stare. “You’ll tell me if it becomes a problem?”

“Yes.” The lie of all lies right there. I think I’d rather let this kill me than admit that it was killing me.

Her sigh told me she didn’t believe a word I said, I didn’t expect any less from the Princess of Friendship. “I’ll be back sometime this week. Call me if there are any changes.” 

I gave her a thin smile and watched her walk out of the room, listening to her receding steps and the clack of the front door. 

We were alone for the first time in five years, and I was beyond terrified to look at her again. “Why do I still care?” I asked the floor, ears folded against my head as I tried to not hyperventilate. Keeping my eyes to the floor I started a lopsided circle in the room, pacing around the bed as if that was going to clear my head. It only aided in building up the anxiety, amping it until my heart felt like it was going to burst up through my throat.

That’s when I felt it, that little lapping pull of her magic, like a whisper from across the room. My eyes shot to her, her form still and statuesque. “Hi, Starlight.”

I stupidly waited for an answer.

Nothing, not even another whisper from somewhere in my mind, but I still managed to stumble towards her bed, taking a seat next to her. “I like your hair.” Oh, by Luna’s tit, pull yourself together! But no, I had to make this as awkward as possible. “It looks like too much work, though, so I can’t guarantee it’ll stay that way. Maybe the nurse will be better at it.”

Should I touch her? Was I allowed? I looked at her hoof and put a tentative nail over it, feeling the warmth she radiated. “I…” if she hated it, I assumed she’d find a way to let me know so I clutched her hoof between mine. “It’s good to have you back.” I waited again, tightening my grip on her. “Dang it, I’m pathetic. You’re not here and I’m just talking to a corpse for all I know.”

My ear flickered when I felt a ping of pain, like a bug bite.

I ran a hoof over the ache, a small, trembling laugh escaping my lips. “Alright, I don’t know what you disagree with, but message received.” I drifted my hoof over her wrist, still somehow hopefully staring at her face for a change. But this wasn’t a fairy tale, nothing changed, no magic happened and dread started to close in on me again, strangling any of the normalcy I had created. “I missed you,” I choke out, “I feel like I both do and don’t deserve to say that but that doesn’t make it any less true. I missed you so much.” Crying came easily then.



That night I started my investigation into the curse, turning my library upside down for any and all materials on the subject and building a fort of books around me. Sleep spells were usually harmless, but the fact that it had gone on this long uncheck meant it had become corrupted, unsurprising since the caster had no idea of what he did or how he did it. Those that tampered with magic with no knowledge whatsoever are the most dangerous, to themselves and others. I was just glad he didn’t kill her on the spot due to his negligence.   

Despite the urgency of the situation, it was hard to concentrate, and I was finding excuses to get up and check on Starlight. There was never any change—as if I was expecting any—but I continued anyway. I guess I needed the reassurance that she was still breathing, still with me somehow.

Finally, around 3 AM, I gave up and went to bed. I pulled the sheets around me like a colt preparing for a nightmare, laying there and wondering how was I supposed to feel. You couldn’t be angry at a pony in a coma, could you? You couldn’t argue, you couldn’t reason, you couldn’t rehash the past. Instead, you had to swallow all of it down and either let it go or let it eat you alive. I was starting to feel like a gnawed bone.

I couldn’t tell you when or how I fell asleep, but it was one of those dreams that you swear you could feel. The grass tickled my hooves and the dandelions scattered in the wind with each step I took, dissipating into the dark as if I was in some open field. Maybe I was, but all I could see was the few feet of grass and flowers in front of me as I walked.

For a second, I was relieved. I’d assumed tonight would be plagued by one of my many common Starlight dreams or a distorted version of my current reality. A stroll through a garden didn’t seem too bad in comparison. But it didn’t feel right, even as the way became clearer and I was starting to see more around me, no matter how much I walked I felt like I was stuck in place. I half suspected that if I kept walking like this I would fall down a cliff.  

Or maybe it wasn’t that kind of nightmare since the next thing was a wind pulling at my cape, followed by a bright light over my hoof when I reached up to keep my cloak in place. I thought about screaming but it stuck in my throat, the only sound was the wind in my ears as the bright light pulled me forward. I had to run to keep up with her insistence, and then my hooves left the ground entirely, but I wasn’t scared. I narrowed my eyes at the light and I realized why. The light was vaguely pony-shaped, the hoof intertwined with mine being the most solid and clear. The purple color on her nail was the shade of purple she dragged me through six different stores to find, and the little scar on the side was from a dishwashing accident, a rogue knife in the sink she forgot was there.         

“Starlight?”

The light twinkled merrily. But it was sluggish, the process not really creating anything meaningful, just a disjointed but beautiful light show. The wind settled into a breeze and I fell, landing ungracefully on the grass. Even as her light dimmed, her hoof still clutched mine as if to squeeze the life out of my limb. It should have hurt, but it somehow felt anxious. As she let me go I turned my head upward, trying to catch a glimpse of her, but instead found myself staring at the ceiling, my legs tangled in the sheets.  

I was out of bed and across the hall before I could breathe again, flipping the light on in her room.

She was still there, motionless, like a princess inside a glass coffin.