It was supposed to be a simple trip for ice cream. The CMC plus Button Mash were just sitting around, eating their frozen treats, and talking about Rainbow Dash’s newest stunt (or at least, listening to Scootaloo talk about it). But then it happened. Button Mash said the cursed words, and the day was ruined.
“Hey, Sweetie Belle? You know how history was kind of rewritten so you could live?” asked Button Mash.
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo suddenly looked terrified, and rapidly began silently motioning at Button Mash to stop. Alas, Button Mash completely missed their desperate waving.
“Um… Yeah? What about it?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“You ever wonder what that important role they saved you for is?” asked Button Mash.
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo facehooved, while Sweetie Belle got a rather particular look on her face. It was the look of a hunter who’d found easy prey. Anyone who’d had any experience with that expression would immediately take it as their cue to make excuses and start running. But poor innocent Button, who was still blissfully unaware of the ways of mares, missed this warning sign completely.
“Why, yes, Button. I’ve put some thought into it. Want to hear some ideas I’ve had?” asked Sweetie Belle with a surprisingly menacing tone of voice.
“Oh! Sure! Sounds really interesting,” said Button Mash with a smile.
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo let out sighs, grabbed their ice cream, and slipped out of the booth.
“Now ya’ve gone and done it, Button,” said Apple Bloom.
“We’ll catch you later. Let us know if you survive,” added Scootaloo.
Button Mash watched them go in confusion, but then Sweetie Belle pulled out a list. It was a long list. A very concerningly long list.
“Ahem… list of possible events in the future that warrant my continued existence: volume one hundred and forty eight,” she read off the title.
Now, the sense of dread finally hit the poor colt.
#1: There’s some kind of epic war that only I can save the world from.
As another flying saucer entered the atmosphere, Sweetie Belle knew it was time. She’d spent years preparing for this, even making another trip to the future to get the upgrades she needed once she was old enough. But now, she would do what she had been saved to do.
“Activate combat mode,” she loudly declared.
All across her body, weapons emerged. Guns, lasers, rockets, even a few artificial magic casters. She aimed all of them up towards the invading aliens.
“Phasers set to destroy,” she declared.
#2: I become some kind of celebrity, proving inspiration when it’s needed most.
The generic non-descriptive stallion sat in the waiting room, utterly depressed. Waiting for the announcement that his life was over now. All hope would be truly lost…
But then he heard a song over the speakers. It was a cheerful one, sung by the famous Sweetie Belle. It was about storms and drowning, yet pushing through and finding the sun. It spoke to the stallion in a way words never could, and he started crying.
But as the song came to an end, and his tears began to dry, he felt better. Like maybe, just maybe, he shouldn't give up just yet. And when he was finally called, he decided that, no matter how bad it was, he would keep going.
This stallion would go on to become an exceptional general and save Equestria.
#3: Rarity needed me. If I’d died, she’d never have saved the world.
In the future that no longer was, six mares were trapped in a cell. They’d been trying to come up with a plan of escape for hours now, but nothing seemed to be working.
If only Rarity’s sister was still alive. She might have inspired the mare to try singing their way out. Alas, this was not the case.
And so, they never escaped their cell. The villain was never defeated, and Equestria fell to ruin.
#4: It’s not me, but one of my descendants that ends up helping to save the world. You know, assuming I can have any.
The air was full of explosions, gunfire, and all the equally unpleasant parts of war. The bunker was secure for the time being, but it did little to distract from the horrors outside.
The charcoal coated medical pony just let out a sigh, trying to focus on her patient. It was easier said than done, not only because of the noise, but because the pony she was bandaging was one she was all too familiar with.
“You know, if I hadn’t seen your bare flank more times than I care to admit, I’d swear your special talent was getting shot,” she deadpanned.
The small mare on the bed just blushed.
#5: I’m destined to become an alicorn.
It was, admittedly, nowhere near as glamorous a ceremony as when Twilight had ascended, but considering the sheer number of alicorns that had joined the ranks in the past few decades, one could hardly blame the masses for struggling to find the same level of enthusiasm.
As the newly crowned Princess made her way towards the throne, she noticed that one particular Princess was giving her a funny look. A sort of mix between a smirk and an eyeroll.
Sweetie Belle could easily guess what this was about. Her friends had been heckling her about it for ages. When Sweetie Belle took her position, Scootaloo leaned close and whispered in her ear.
“About bucking time. But just so you know, now that you’re in the alicorn club, you get the title of ‘last to ascend,’” she said.
“We’ll see how long that lasts. I’m betting we’ve got another half a dozen alicorns in the future,” Sweetie Belle whispered back.
#7: I end up being a key figure in the development of some technology. Probably robotics.
“Uh… ma’am? This sort of technology is strictly in the realm of science fiction. Are you absolutely sure you want to invest so much into this kind of research?” asked the scientist.
“Oh, I’m positive. I’ll be offering my personal assistance in this endeavor, not just my bits,” answered Sweetie Belle with a smile.
“Pardon my bluntness, but what does a singer know about robots?” asked the scientist.
“Oh, a fair bit more than you’re expecting, I promise you,” said Sweetie Belle.
#9: It involves my cooking skills, or lack thereof, somehow.
“Welcome, class, today we're looking at a key example of how NOT to prepare a glass of orange juice. Yes, this is a very necessary lesson. We chefs are the only line of defense against hunger and insanity on long space voyages, and if your crew can’t enjoy delicious meals as they travel through the cosmos, well, desperate ponies usually eat the fat ones first.”
“Uh, sir? Not all of us are…”
“As I was saying, this is a glass of orange juice. Yes, it seems like a glass of ashen slime. This is something you must never…”
#11: Something, something, superheroes.
“Mwah ha ha! Prepare yourself, Ponyville! I, the great Lightington, am here to conquer you all!” cried the mad pony in a colorful spandex suit.
“Not today, villain! We shall stop you!” cried a voice from the shadows.
Three ponies in equally colorful costumes landed in front of the crook, striking epic poses as they did.
“Stand down, or face the fury of The Firefly, The Undying Apple, and Metal Mare!” cried the leader.
“Ah still hate that name,” the one in red mumbled under her breath.
#15: Robot Apocalypse. Enough said.
As the killer machines patrolled the ruined streat, Sweetie Belle carefully slipped between the shadows.
“Halt!” commanded a mechanical voice nearby.
Sweetie Belle froze, slowly turning to face the machine pointing a gun at her head.
“Artificial life form identified. Resuming patrol,” stated the machine before it turned and stomped off.
Sweetie Belle let out a sigh of relief and continued on her way, gumbling at her own carelessness. Just because the machines constantly mistook her as one of their own was no reason to get sloppy. The survivors desperately needed the supplies she was carrying.
#20: I’m needed for the invention of… Actually, I probably shouldn’t say this one out loud. Sorry, Button.
“Incredible… actual functioning Artificial Arcanic Tissue. it really can be done,” the mad scientist mumbled to himself as he examined the young robot pinned down on the table.
“Er… yep. In fact, I know this weird stallion in town. Knows a lot of things that ponies shouldn’t. I could introduce you and he could probably hook you up with some if you let me live,” said Sweetie Belle, sweating profusely.
“Wonderful! But that won’t be necessary. I’ll just find the answers in your system once I finish vivisecting you!” the mad pony declared.
Sweetie Belle let out a sigh. At least she tried the diplomatic approach.
“Activate combat mode,” she said with a sigh.
#25: It’s something stupid, like being the only pony who can give someone a bottle of ketchup.
“I can’t believe you rewrote history just for this,” grumbled Sweetie Belle as she hooved over the bottle.
“It’s called ‘for want of a nail,’ my dear. If I don’t get my ketchup, I can’t enjoy my lunch. If I can’t enjoy my lunch, I can’t concentrate on my work. If I can’t concentrate, I can’t do my job. If I can’t do my job, a black hole will destroy our planet. Perfectly reasonable justification for changing the timeline,” said the doctor.
“Or you could have just hired an intern,” deadpanned Sweetie.
#35: It’s not about me, we’ll just need a robot on hoof at some point.
“Beep Beep Boop,” said the visiting robot.
“Boop Boop Beep,” replied Sweetie Belle.
The ponies watching tried to remain calm, but the towering robot with a gun bigger than a pony made this easier said than done. Finally, the robot lowered its weapon. Everyone let out their breath in relief.
“I see. Thank you so much for explaining. I’d hate to imagine what would have happened if we’d been unable to communicate with any locals,” said the robot.
“No problem,” replied Sweetie Belle.
#47: I end up working for T.I.M.E.
“The letter has been delivered,” Sweetie Belle spoke into her receiver.
“Copy that, but please stand by and ensure the subject reads it. Subject has a history of missing obvious cues, overlooking key details, and overall being in a constant state of overwhelming obliviousness,” came the response.
Sweetie Belle held back a groan as she watched her younger self pick up and open the letter.
“Confirmed, the subject has received the message. And I resent that comment, Doc,” said Sweetie Belle.
#61: It involves that species-copying spell Twilight learned.
The party of heroes just stared onward in despair at the raw cloud of magical energy standing in their way. The test sandwich they’d tossed into it had dissolved into powder. Such a tragic waste of good food.
“It's just too dangerous. That stuff just rips apart anything organic. Only a machine could get through there alive, and only one of us is a robot,” stated the leader.
“Hmm… maybe a little magic could solve this?” suggested Sweetie Belle.
One very complicated spell later, the small party consisted entirely of robots, able to safely travel into the hazardous area without fear of disintegration. Though everyone quickly agreed to never do that again. Those hazard alarms blaring in their heads were incredibly annoying.
#84: I end up on a deserted island with someone who would die if I wasn’t there.
“OK, we have a source of water. That’s the big one down. The grass is a little bitter, but it’ll keep our bellies full. That’s another big one down. We’ve got a fire going, a basic but functional shelter, and a smoke signal to flag down passing ships. That’s all the essentials, I believe. I think we’re going to be OK,” determined Sweetie Belle.
“But I’m bored!” complained the other pony.
“Well, you could help me build a shelter that’s more than a bunch of leaves over our heads,” suggested Sweetie Belle with a roll of her eyes.
“That’s boring! If I don’t get some entertainment soon, I’m going to go insane!” said the other pony.
“Fine. Help me gather up some food, and we’ll play some virtual O&O,” replied Sweetie Belle with a sigh.
“Yay!” said the other pony.
#101: Our little cutie mark helping idea goes big. Like, “Keystone of Society” big.
Have you lost sight of your way, no longer able to tell what to do with your life? Have you fallen behind while your peers all get their marks, taunting you on your blank status? Are you unable to figure out what the heck that thing on your flank is supposed to mean?
Don’t fret, join The Crusade, the government funded cutie mark assistance service! We offer assistance to children and adults alike! Check out our many programs, including:
*Mark interpretation!
*One-on-one counseling!
*Talent camps!
*Apprenticeships!
And so much more! Join the Crusade today, and we’ll help conquer your fears and inhibitions!
The three mares shared uncertain looks before looking back at the marketing pony.
“I really don’t think this is necessary. Half the ponies in the country are already crusaders in some fashion, and the other half don’t really need our help. What exactly would this advertisement campaign do for us?” asked Sweetie Belle.
#121: I become an Element of Harmony bearer. The implications of this one are unpleasant, but it might happen.
“Sweetie Belle, for years me and my friends have been the nation’s peacekeepers, rising to face whatever challenge awaits us. But the years have caught up with us. I’m the only one who’s in any condition to be going on an adventure, and I have other responsibilities I must adhere to. As such, I must ask you to bear an immense burden,” said Princess Twilight.
Twilight levitated the necklace, holding it before the robotic pony.
“Will you accept this Element of Harmony? To willingly bear the weight of Equestria’s future upon your back? To go into certain danger, in the hopes of ensuring a better tomorrow? To…”
“Ah’d hate to interrupt, but that cloud of evil is getting closer. We really need to get going,” interrupted Apple Bloom.
“And my answer is yes, by the way,” added Sweetie Belle.
#Banana: Discord. Just Discord.
Dear Princess Spackle:
As you are no doubt already aware, I have decided to make amends for my latest slip up in a more creative way than writing lines for days on end or suffering through one of Fluttershy’s lectures.
I couldn’t help but notice that one of your friends lost a dear family member many years ago. A poor, helpless, potentially chaotic child that was taken too soon from this world. As such, I felt it appropriate to do something about this injustice.
I imagine you aren’t particularly happy with the lengths I went to get this done, faking signatures, disregarding safeguards, endangering the time-space continuum, and so on. But what is all that compared to the delight of doing a good deed for a friend?
I’m certain everyone is much happier now, and the universe is still in one piece, so I’d say this is a job well done. There is, of course, no need to thank me. There’s also no need to send your entire army to have me arrested. Especially not with those stupid math problems you’ve been training them to use to corral me.
Seriously, I'd sooner be petrified again to endure that tortue any further.
#142: I am...
Sweetie Belle paused in her reading, noticing that Button Mash wasn’t listening anymore. In fact, he didn’t seem to be doing anything. He was just staring into space with his head tilted to the side and a blank look on his face.
“Uh… Button?” asked Sweetie Belle.
Button Mash didn’t respond.
“I guess I rambled on a bit too much again. Sorry, it’s just that this question has been haunting me constantly since I first learned about it. And I just can’t stop coming up with possibilities for how this could turn out. Every time the topic comes up all that anxiety rushes back and I just need to vent it a bit before I explode. You get me?” said Sweetie Belle.
Button Mash still didn’t answer.
“Alright, I think you’ve suffered enough. I’ll go get Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, and we’ll buy you an extra large ice cream to make your brain feel better. Be right back, Button,” said Sweetie Belle with an apologetic smile.
But as she got up and left the table, Button Mash actually managed to let out a whisper:
“So… cool…”