I flailed around in the dark for… a while… figuring out it was just dark and I wasn’t blind again. That’s happened more than twice. Then somepony said something. “Hey Frank, something pony shaped just moved”
“Dammit, Steve!” I assume that’s Frank. And Frank and Steve have hornlights. Yay, my button eyes can still see. And goddammit that’s a lot of legs to put on a bug pony…”There are not, and have never been ponies in Decanter. Pony city up there. We live down here. Probably just one of the nymphs playing ‘Changeling’. You know how they’ve been since it came back.”
“They want to live with the ponies.” Frank snorted. Goddam, but he has all the legs. Any and all ponies with no legs… I swear it's his fault…
“I think it might be a pegasus foal. If we take it to the surface, we’ll be heroes!” And damn if Steve doesn’t have all the teeth.
“It’s just one of those foal size dolls.” Frank rolled his eyes… I think… it’s hard to tell because compound eyes. Also “foal sized”? Luckily not moving is a very easy doll-thing, but am I Bigger… or is the world smaller?
“You are both equally terrifying.” I want to open on a high note. I succeed when Steve screams in response.
Steve has a very high pitch scream. And did I mention all the teeth? He doesn’t even have fangs, which makes it more disturbing. Like a bug-horse with rows of teeth like a shark, but flat horse teeth. So naturally I swing and flail like Kermit the Frog havi a seizure while screaming at the top of my lungs. And this sets off Frank, who proceeds to run in circles trying to surround me, and he’s almost but not quite long enough to do it. All the while he’s screaming what I will generously term as a “battle cry”. And I’m not sure when we all three just fell over laughing…
“Oh thank the gods,” I laugh, “Changelings! I loves me some changelings. So if you're feed-off-love changelings, I will totally help you out.”
“First, eww,” Frank screws up his face in disgust, “Feed off love? Who does that?”
“Also we’re not changelings…” Steve smiles with a shrug.
“Insectile pony-like creatures,” I pretend to count off non-existent fingers, “I heard you just say you can shape-shift. Like just now, you said that. You don’t feed on love… so you share love?
“Dude, why do you keep making this weird?” Frank squints. Those compound eyes sure can squint.
“Give the little guy a brake, bro.” And does Steve have to smile everytime he talks? Does he not own a mirror? “Pony’s aren’t supposed to know about the Underhive! Ponies are reaching out! Just like we heard about how they were reaching out to other ponies!”
“How did you know we were down here?!?!” Frank was suddenly suspicious.
“I randomly appeared here. I have no idea where here is in relation to anywhere I am familiar with.” This is actually a problem. “I’m guessing we are ‘down’ from Zephyr Heights. And I stayed in a hotel in Zephyr Heights this one time…”
“So… you are not a pegasus foal in a ragdoll costume?” Steve is adorable… that smile is whack, but Steve is great.
“I was gonna guess really short, old earth stallion in a ragdoll costume.” Frank scuttled his way too many legs in agitation, as he do. “Bro, that is an old earth pony voice.”
“Dude,” I have to point out, “That’s sorta racist.”
“You’re the one who keeps on assuming we do weird things with love like some kind of changelings!” And I have clearly upset Frank.
“Fair enough.” I have no idea where I am. I might as well admit that. “I don’t even know where I am, and until you two found me I was lost in the dark… So… thanks for that?”
“No problem little dude.” Steve smiles. Dammit Steve, do you know how unnerving that is?! I kinda wanna say somehin’, but Steve just comes across as a really great guy, and I don’t wanna be mean, Welcome to the Decanter Underhive. I’m Steve and this is my brother, Frank.”
“Why are you wearing that stupid doll costume?” Frank is considerably less chill than Steve. I think he’s trying to be intimidating… but honestly he’s trying a little, too hard.
“Frank!” Steve burst into my defense. “Be nice!”
“I AM being nice!” Franks snapped back. “I didn’t also tell him his doll costume is also ugly, which it is. And it’s a totally legit question! An old, midget earth pony shows up in the Underhive dressed up like a ragdoll, I’m allowed to ask questions! That’s suspicious as hell bro!”
“Whoah, it’s cool, it’s cool.” I wave my noodly arms in a placating fashion. “Fair point. Thing is it’s not a costume, I’m an ancient, cursed, living jinx doll. Most ponies just call me Ragdoll.”
“You're a living ragdoll named Ragdoll?” Frank cocks his head and shuffles his many hooves in agitation. “That’s stupid, and no Steve it’s not being mean to tell the truth. Somecreature needs to tell him his name is stupid, so that he will be aware of it and pick a less stupid name! I am being nice, and helping our new friend improve himself.”
Steve heaves a long suffering sigh. “Well, at any rate we need to report this to the Queen.”
“And of course it’s five minutes before my lunch break, and now I have to deal with this.” I am 100% sure Frank is rolling his eyes. “Thanks a lot, Ragdoll!”
“Don’t mind Frank,” Steve chatters happily, “This is gonna be great! We don’t get many visitors down here, and you’re gonna get to meet the Under Queen! She’s super nice!”
“And don’t worry, we don’t put ponies in cocoons and feed off their weird feelings,” Frank grumbles, “That movie is super racist. We actually have laws against that!”
“Which is kinda weird,” Steve muses, “Why do we have laws against that?”