One of the nice things about a world with ridiculous amounts of magic was that a magical accident like a school exploding was fairly easy to fix. That said, the freak thunderstorm that day had led to lots of accusations against the weather service. The ability to manipulate reality is not always all it’s cracked up to be, case in point, manipulating the weather by having an extreme emotion.
Now that the star of the show was a student at the school, I was curious to see what would happen. Once summer break was over, I still had my job, a universette to run, and one or twenty surprises to deal with…
I had an odd dream; I was in some sort of wood-paneled office. The person behind the desk was an and cream blur, I couldn’t make out anything else about them except for the fact they were humanoid … with yellow eyes? Hey, He said cheerfully. Just checking up on you. You haven’t killed anyone in years, you haven’t blown up a planet for a few millennia, you must be getting better!
I groaned. I recognized the voice. Hello, Smug.
Smug chuckled warmly. I’m surprised you haven’t figured out my name yet, you’ve had plenty of time. … I’m worried about you; you tend to spend too much time alone. May I check up on you?
Only if it’s been a really bad day and seeing you would actually improve it. Wait. Can you physically manifest in my universe?
In a way, I am your universe. See you soon!
I woke up, sat up, and groaned. I glanced over at the Thorax plush Smug had gifted me and my amazing, mostly empty castle.
Go ahead, say it… I groaned.
“Only if you do,” Apep said, placing a paw on my shoulder.
I buried my face into a pillow. I’m incredibly lonely. Don’t get me wrong, you two are good company… I’ve never really been interested in a relationship, outside of a best friend I could spend the rest of my life with.
Apep chuckled and handed me an arrow and an ace of spades.
Har, har.
“You’re not broken, Boss. Just a little different. With all due respect, you’ve been alone for billions of years. There is such a thing as a queerplatonic relationship, you know, and you are deserving of love, no matter what you think.”
I rolled my eyes. Oh, sure. My soulmate is out there in the universe right now, facing his older brother in single combat in a misguided but well-meant attempt to toughen him up.
“That’s … weirdly specific,” Alexis commented.
I just mean that if there was someone “out there” for me, I would have met them by now.
“That would involve actually looking for them,” Alexis commented. I threw a pillow at him, naturally missing. My aim wasn’t much better, even after all this time. Alexis sighed. “Why don’t you go and see the stars? You could use a chance to talk to somebody besides the two of us.”
I nodded, and headed out.
I was walking in space, a thin crystal bridge underfoot stretching off into the distance. Things like time and space could change on a whim here, and it wasn’t my whim. I could spend five minutes walking to get where I was going, or five hundred years. It was very much a case of “we get there when we get there.” How long it took depended on how much my hosts wanted to see me or not, and they weren’t overly fond of me at times.
I finally came to the City of Stars, it hadn’t taken very long to get there this time, they must be in a good mood.
The gates of the city had a definite stellar theme to them, and opened smoothly and soundlessly to welcome me in. I stepped through. I still loved this place, no matter how many times I came here.
It was amazing. The architecture was frankly impossible in three dimensions, with impossibly tall towers corkscrewing and leaning through each other, each spanned by bridges and catwalks. Most of the buildings looked like they’d been designed by M.C. Escher, with stairs that led nowhere or everywhere, and columns that disappeared and reappeared as you counted them. There was an open-air bazar with wares from across the universe being hawked for equally fantastic prices. The night sky was ablaze above us in all its glory, for as much as the city had an “up.” Directions got mixed up and randomly changed, the floor might in fact be the wall, ceiling, or even a door that didn’t look like one.
The … people who lived here were flocking towards us with interest. Some were humanoid, some weren’t at all. They were all various shapes, sizes, and colors, but the one thing they all had in common was that it looked like they were made out of fire. They were all chattering excitedly, they didn’t exactly get many visitors.
I waved at them. Stars were flaming balls of gas moving through space and dragging planets along with them. But they’re also born, they have a predictable lifespan. They develop … quirks, personalities. They have minds, and sometimes their minds … wander. So, they come here. To gossip, shop, … have … relations. Just normal people thing…People watch the stars, but the stars watch back. We’re sort of their soap operas, I thought with a chuckle.
An Alicorn made of yellow fire approached me. “Hello, Trickster…” the former mage said with a grin that light poured out of.
Hello Midas. Enjoying your wish?
Midas nodded. “It’s a pity you turned me into a star, I went from living in my basement to living in the universes penthouse.
Midas, you are the only person in this universe to screw me over twice, I said with a laugh.
I spent some time there wandering and talking, taking in the sights and sampling some of the food.
“Oh! Before you go!” a red dwarf called. “We have a gift for you, for your prophecy. You might not want to make too many of those.” The stars held out their hands, and a stream of light flowed from each of them and formed a long thin object in front of me. It bent at a few right angles and was made of dark metal.
A … crankshaft? I asked in confusion.
“So that you can wake Nightmare Moon.”
My jaw dropped. You want me to BEAT her awake?!
The stars laughed. “It will make sense at the time. Thanks for visiting. Don’t hurry back…”
I nodded. The stars have good reason to not want me around. Among my many other titles is ‘Starsnuffer.’ I create stars, but I also destroy them on rare occasions. I also invented black holes near the beginning of time. A black hole is essentially a dead, inside-out star. Instead of projecting light and warmth, it consumes everything around it. Despite the fact it’s dead, it still exists, and it’s in pain. From a star’s perspective it was horrifying.
When I was done visiting the stars, I wandered through my castle, admittedly feeling better for the social interaction. I would up in my family gallery. There was a portrait of Discord and I on one wall.
Opposite that wall was a wall crammed full of lots of smaller portraits. They weren’t pleasant to look at. On first inspection, they all looked a horse skull over and over again, but on a second look, it wasn’t quite a skull. Some had patches of flesh on them, and all the eye sockets had a glowing red star in them. Each skull had a long curved red horn, and teeth like a mouthful of razor blades. Where there was flesh showing, these things had fluffy dark grey fur, black manes, and red eyes. They were all incredibly similar to each other, but there were slight differences.
Each portrait had a plaque underneath bearing a single word. “Hope, Joy, Youth, Peace Rest, Life, Dust, Ashes, Waste, Want, Ruin, Despair, Madness, Death, Cunning, Folly, Words, Wigs, Rags, Sheepskin, Plunder, Precedent, Jargon, Gammon, Spinach, and Tulkinghorn.” Discord’s older brothers. I meant to create Discord and formed him from a piece of my soul. I didn’t mean to create them. They just … happened. I did think of them as my sons, but they’re about as close to pure evil as you could get, and if I never saw them again, it would be too soon.What they did is unforgiveable…
Tulkinghorn’s portrait had a very large red X through it that made it hard to see anything of the portrait, but Tulkinghorn seemed to be the largest and strongest. Tulkinghorn’s eyes burned with hatred.
There’s was one final portrait. This equine wasn’t partly skeletal, he was all flesh, with a set of fangs that could exist outside a nightmare and green eyes instead of red. The plaque underneath started with the letter “S.”
After work at Celestia’s school the next day, Celestia came into my office. She looked me dead in the eye, and asked, “Were you ever going to tell me who you really are?”
“What do you mean?” I tried.
Celestia sighed. “Arachnos … you are a terrible actor,” she said with a laugh. “You only know how to be yourself. It was obvious. I knew who you were when I first met ‘Maroon.’”
“So why did you hire me?!”
“Because you really were the most qualified, and you wouldn’t take a day job on a whim. Something like that is anathema to you. Your students and coworkers love you, you’re quite brilliant at your job.”
I blinked. “Thank you. … Does this mean I still have a job?”
Celestia nodded. “Of course! Provided you don’t screw up too badly for a while again.”
I nodded. “Hopefully…”
It was a Saturday. I didn’t sleep, but I still objected to being pulled out of my home at some ungodly hour of the morning for a “Staff Assessment and Training Session.” Especially considering the pony doing the assessing.
I’d long ago tuned out Chancellor Neighsays presentation, my brain would have turned to Swiss Cheese. He’d wanted us in the Staff Lounge of Celestia’s school at 6 in the morning, and he hadn’t stopped droning on since.
He just kept talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no one had a chance to interrupt; it was really quite hypnotic…
I glanced at the clock. Three P.M. I’d been here almost 12 hours!
I glanced at Celestia, who as the official head of the school had been required to put this on her schedule. Her normal, practiced, serene smile had been replaced by a frozen rictus grin and her eyes were slightly glazed.
I’d spoken telepathically to Celestia before, but not as Maroon. Still, since I knew that she knew who I really was…
‘Want me to fake a heart attack? Small earthquake? I haven’t turned into a werewolf in a few centuries…’
Celestia blinked at the interruption before replying back on the same mental channel. ‘Uh. No, thank you. I’ve got this…’
“Thank you for that incredibly detailed and informative presentation, Chancellor!” she said brightly. “I’m sure we’ve all taken it to heart.”
The Chancellor blinked owlishly, clearly not happy to be interrupted. “I’m not finished…”
Celestia nodded. “I know, and I apologize. I completely forgot that I scheduled a dental appointment for 20 minutes from now, and I can’t wait to be rescheduled for six months from now. Perhaps you could send us your lecture summed up as a memo? I know the perfect place to stick it!” she said sweetly with a genuine smile.
Somehow I managed to disguise my laugh as a nasty coughing fit. “Sorry. We haven’t had a water, or a bathroom break today…”
The chancellor nodded. “I suppose the rest can be summed up. Thank you all for your – attendance,” he said with surprise at the instantly empty room.
“Oh, thank the Weaver that’s over!” Celestia groaned. She sputtered at winding up with a face full of salt.
I blinked. “Whoops. Sorry, your Highness, I meant to toss that over my wither, got a bit carried away.”
She could tell it was a genuine accident. “I suppose I’ll recover. May I treat you to lunch?”
I shook my head. “No, thank you. I haven’t been hungry lately, and I wouldn’t want you to miss your vital dental appointment. I’ll talk to you later.”
She nodded and left.
Early Monday morning I visited the campus greenhouse to collect supplies for my classes that month. I always paid fairly for what I took, was careful to not overharvest, and made sure to not touch too many plants. It was an arrangement the Botany/Herbology professor and I had reached.
I headed for my usual section. “Hello, babies!” I called to the plants and a few spiders hiding in the corner. They all waved at me.
As I got the clippers ready, I was interrupted by a sniff, and then a sob.
I turned. Sitting on one of the workstations was a perfect, single rose in a pot.
“Hello?” I called. No response. I sighed. “I know you’re in here. My heat-sensors can detect your presence…”
A 12-year old foal crawled out of his hiding place, dusting himself off. He was wearing a collar so starched you could have used it as a razor blade, and his cutie mark was a single red rose, drooping over.
“Hey there,” I said softly.
“Hi…” It was barely a whisper.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing!” he replied too quickly. “Just … allergies.”
“Hmm. Is that yours?” I asked pointing to the rose in the pot.
He nodded proudly. “Yeah!” He pointed at his flank. “I can make anything bloom. I just … only do roses. That’s all my parents want me to do. And they have to be perfect… But it’s fine! Everypony loves roses, right?” He gave me a bright smile.
I sighed. “It’s scary what a smile can hide…” I muttered to myself.
“What? I couldn’t hear you.”
“Nothing. No, roses are wonderful. And you do great work! Please excuse me.” I wandered off.
The young floramancer sat down and glanced at his rose before slumping down. He yelped when I slammed a pot down in front of him.
“Hey. Sorry for scaring you. … Everything I touch warps, which means plants die almost instantly. Would you mind making this grow for me?”
“Uh … sure …” His horn lit up.
He stared at what grew in front of him. Bright green, bulbous, and it quickly sprouted nasty-looking thorns. Finally, the cactus bloomed, putting out perfect scarlet flowers.
He just stared at it, and I didn’t dare break the silence. “It’s … beautiful!” he breathed.
“Yeah, it is…” I said with a grin.
He glanced up at me. “What do you mean that everything you touch warps?”
I sighed. “Best if I just show you…” I wasn’t actually an Earth Pony, but in an Earth Pony body I did have Earth Pony magic. I just never used it…
I walked over to a fruit tree. I concentrated, and my right hoof briefly glowed red before I touched the ground.
What looked like vines put out shoots around the bigger tree, quickly wrapping around it for support. They inched their way up and thickened quickly, draining the soil of nutrients. They wove over each other, forming a latticework as a crown formed above the host.
It normally took years for this kind of plant to grow, but in under a minute, I’d made a fully-grown … “Strangler Fig,” I said with a sheepish grin.
“Whoa!”
I grinned. “If you think that’s cool…” I took him over to where they kept the more interesting plants. A fly landed in one of them, and the plant snapped shut. “Fly traps. Carnivorous plants are fun…” I gave him a look. “Flowers aren’t meant to be in boxes…”
“But … what if…”
“There are so many different kinds of plants to nurture, sticking to just one is a waste of your talents. Your parents shouldn’t shoehorn you into doing something that makes you so miserable just to make a quick Bit. You could open your own flower shop and grow whatever you want!”
He nodded. “OK…” He glanced at the plants surrounding us and his horn lit up. Every plant instantly quadrupled in size and kept speeding up. I glanced up, let out a word that you shouldn’t say in front of a 12 year old, and cast a quick spell.
Celestia was visiting the school, meeting with a group of senior staff.
“How are you today, Princess?”
Celestia smiled. “It’s nice to come here to get away from the troubles of court for a while. Just a nice, quiet place without something going horribly awry every few seconds…”
There was a brief but powerful earthquake. The group stared in shock as every plant they could see grew to a massive size almost instantly. Celestia’s eyes widened. “Greenhouse!” she shouted before charging in that direction.
There was no longer a greenhouse. There was a small forest of various plants and a large amount of sand that moments ago had been falling glass shards.
From up in a tree, Celestia heard a groan followed by a familiar voice. Ugh. Yep, your talent is definitely floramancy. If you ever become a villain, you’d be terrifying… I half slithered and half fell out of my perch and dusted myself off. My eyes widened in horror when I saw Celestia looking at me with her mouth hanging open. “Uhh … I can explain!”
“This had better be good,” the Solar Princess growled.
I had explained my point of view, but I was currently explaining it to Chancellor Neighsay. Apparently Green Hoof’s parents wanted my head, and so my butt had been understandably hauled in for a hearing.
When I was done, the Chancellor sighed. “You … have a blatant disregard for any and all authority figures, and you seem to have the Princess wrapped around your little finger. … I can empathize with your reasoning for the actions that led to this incident. However, the students, their parents, and most of all, the student’s safety must come first at this school. I know firsthoof how good you are at what you do, since you helped me with my sleeping troubles, but … I can only come to one decision in this case…”
I walked in my front door, undid my bowtie and collar, and slammed the box holding my office down.
Apep was making something wonderful for diner. The wolf asked, “Hey. How did work go?”
I’m fired… I muttered.
Apep seemed to stretch, growing longer, and thinner, and … were those feathers?
I tried to not scream. Apep had warped into a full-on body horror cross between himself and Discord. He opened his mouth and in a mix of their voices said, “As if anyone could love you!”
I backed away, the kitchen walls closing in. The mix between my son and Id roared, “You let me fall!/You’re worthless!” at the same time. “IT’S YOUR FAULT!”
“N-no … I didn’t…” I protested feebly… “I’m not…”
My front door slammed open. Luna’s voice called out, “Arachnos! You are having a nightmare! Come with us and we will help you!”
I ran to her, only to rush into the vice-like grip of Nightmare Moon. “SIKE!” the villainess called out. Her mouth opened impossibly wide to reveal Sombra’s entire head in it.
“What she said!” Sombra cackled evilly.
I woke up screaming.
There was a knock at the door. I opened it to see Celestia to my shock. No regalia, no flying coach, just … her.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
I sighed. “I could have really hurt someone, I’m lucky I didn’t.”
“It wasn’t you, and you were just trying to help Green…”
“‘I was only trying to help’ is the single longest paving stone on the road to Hell.” I gave an annoyed snort. “I was so close to watching Dusk grow up, too… I’m going to miss everything, my students, my club…”
“So. Dusk was your reason for working at the school,” Celestia said with a small, sad smile.
“You have plans for him too. My plans were just to help with your plans.”
“Aren’t you going to ask for your job back?”
I groaned. “Chancellor Neighsay outranks you at the school, and his decision was final.”
“So, what will you do?”
I shrugged. “Get a cat. Go exploring again. Wait to see my family… My time as Maroon is over, I guess…”
“And yet you’re still living in Maroon’s house, and wearing his face…”
“No one likes a know-it-all, speaking as one. And don’t you go and cause some crisis at the school that only Maroon could solve.”
“I wasn’t going to do that!”
I snorted. “Then if I were you, I would sue my face for slander.” I slammed the door closed.
Celestia was right, I didn’t enjoy working, but … I did. I liked my job, and it gave me a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Without it, I was bored, and I was usually dangerous when I was bored. Worse than bored, I was moody.
It wasn’t even a week later that I got a panicked phone call on a certain number of mine…
I recognized the custom ringtone, the Let the Sunshine In segment of Aquarius by the Fifth Dimension. “Hello, Celestia…”
“There’s a Boggart in the school basement, and before you ask, no, I did NOT put it there, I swear on my mother’s grave!”
“You want me to deal with a Boggart?!” Before she could reply, I sighed and said, “I’ll do it, but it won’t be pretty…” I teleported to the school, looking like Maroon.
Boggarts weren’t inherently evil, but they fed on fear and could force you to relive your worst memories, so they weren’t exactly nice either. Even I didn’t know their actual form, on sight they turned into a physical manifestation of the viewer’s worst fear. If multiple people were looking at a Boggart, it would choose the strongest fear in the group. The really old, really nasty Boggarts developed a taste for the fear of children, which could then metastasize into a taste for children’s flesh. A Boggart in a school was certainly cause for alarm, no matter how young or sweet-tempered it might be. I hadn’t seen one for a few hundred years…
I nodded hello to my cowo – former coworkers and headed down. “Don’t open this door until I come out…”
They locked it behind me. I glanced at what form the Boggart had chosen; my human self.
That’s a low blow, I growled.
There was a snap and its form changed. Looking like my father is just going to make me kill you harder…
It changed again, this time to a pair of humans in dress shirts, dress pants, and ties on bicycles with black name tags and frighteningly bright and cheery smiles.
OK, anthropophobia, you’re getting warmer … Try agoraphobia…
I was surrounded by humans, cramped into the room like sardines. The boggart blinked with all its eyes in surprise when it found itself in a club.
“You’re enjoying this!” it said with shock through multiple mouths.
I don’t get scared, I get angry… My older sons used to pull the ‘your worst fear’ schtick all the time. It didn’t work then either.
“I can hurt you!” the Boggart snarled.
Hmm. It’s not that I’m too kinky to torture, in fact I have a very low pain tolerance, but my messed-up brain interprets EVERYTHING as pain, so you’re talking to someone who’s in constant agony, and omnicidal-maniac level pissed at the world. Anyway, you actually can’t touch me unless I’m scared of you, I said with a grin as I booped it on the nose.
The Boggart growled again, changing into a white artificial Christmas tree with blue and silver ornaments.
I breathed out a stream of rainbow fire and the tree let out comical yelps as it scooted away. They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming… I said in the shape of a green-furred Krampus.
“You can shapeshift too?!” the Boggart asked in shock once it had put itself out.
🎶Anything you can do, I can do better, I can do anything better than you! 🎶
“Oh no. You’re him aren’t you? The First…”
I grinned wickedly. So, monsters still tell stories about me?
Quite a crowd had assembled outside the doors leading to the basement. Even Chancellor Neighsay had shown up, at Celestia’s insistence.
“He’s been down there for three hours! I mean … it has to have killed him by now, right?”
“He’s … tougher than he looks…” Celestia said.
At that moment, the door blew open, and Maroon, and … Arachnos walked out?! Celestia knew I could be in two places at once, but this was a bit odd, given the circumstances, and … Arachnos was drunk. She’d never seen me drunk.
Maroon gave her a manic, cheerful grin. “Finally found the form or what scares me most. He drank, we fought, it made its progenitors proud, I agreed to relocate it. If that’s all, it’s been a long day, and I’m going home…”
The Boggart chuckled. “You are without doubt, the most messed-up person I’ve had the misfortune of encountering, Daddy-O… Have you ever considered counseling?”
I sighed. “Ain’t nobody got time for that…” We headed off.
“Maroon is terrified of … the Weaver?” another teacher said uncertainly.
That explains a lot… Celestia thought to herself. She glanced at Neighsay. He nodded and walked off.
I was rather shocked when hours later the Chancellor was knocking on Maroon’s door.
“Did I leave something in my old office?”
“You … talked … to … a Boggart. Most people would have killed it. You are … a very unusual stallion…”
I grinned, my teeth looking slightly sharper. “You don’t know a tenth of it…”
“You don’t follow any rules but your own, and even those I’m pretty sure you make up and discard as you go… I cannot begin to convey to you how aggravating I find that. You’re frankly reckless, but … you care.”
“I don’t care about anyone,” I said a little bit too quickly.
Neighsay gave me a piercing look. “If anything, … you care too much. Anyway, if you can find a way to make restitution to Green’s parents, I’m offering your job back. If you’d still like it. I’ve been told it … keeps you saner.”
I blinked in surprise. “Thank you…”
“Well, whatever else you are… you’re damn good at your job,” the Chancellor said with a small smile. “And you care about your students more than most people in their lives. I think … we need that. I’m just going to need to stock up on aspirin.”
“I’ll send you a pallet…”
He nodded and walked off. “You’d better not give me another ulcer!” he called over his withers.
I smiled.
I got a surprise my first day back. A purple and green blur was suddenly wrapped around my foreleg. I chuckled. “The only reason you missed me is because I feed you,” I told Spike.
“Maybe, but he did miss you…” Celestia said.
“Mmm. He’s growing like a weed! C’mon you, I’ve got an Opal with your name on it…”
I was surprised that it had only been 2 years since Dusk had joined the school, it seemed much longer. Dusk was now ten, which meant a certain somepony was 15. I could deal with a 15 year old. I’d left him alone for over ten years from his perspective for one thing, but time’s a funny thing…
A brown earth pony with a slightly darker brown mohawk of a mane wiped the grease off of his hooves on his overalls. He hadn’t developed a talent for gardening, or for caring for animals, but at 15, there were few ponies in Ponyville who knew more about how machines worked than he did. He’d always had a deep dislike of magic, though he couldn’t say why, but give him a broken clock or car and he could make it sing. Lucky for him his adoptive father was a car mechanic…
He noticed a small spider dangling from its thread. “Hello, there…” he said softly, extending a hoof. The spider landed on it, and he set it on the ground. It quickly scuttled away and wound up at the hooves of… The pony screwed his eyes shut and hissed.
“What’s up, Doc?” I asked.
“My name is Time Turner, not Doctor,” he replied in his Trottingham accent. “Anypony who went around calling himself ‘The Doctor’ would be silly.”
“You’re just an ordinary Earth Pony, huh?”
He nodded. “Yes.”
I walked over to the counter and pulled a slim metal rod out of a coffee mug on the counter, switching it on. “An ordinary Earth Pony who made a sonic screwdriver when he was seven…” I concentrated. A car started up and hovered over. “… and who builds flying cars.”
“Oh, no, not again!” Time Turner shouted, not realizing he’d “fixed” the fan belt that well. Again. He looked at me with a nervous grin. “Sometimes I just fix things a little too well, that’s all.”
“Right. And the fact that you have two hearts and breathe with no lungs is just a birth defect, right?”
“H-how do you know about that?!”
I sighed. “I brought you to Ponyville when you were just a foal. Your, uh, quirks are perfectly normal, just not for a Pony.”
“I’m not a Pony?” Time Turner muttered weakly.
“No, you are Pony-shaped though. … You’re a Time Lord.”
“A what?”
I grinned. “It would be better to show you…” I held up a small black metal orb and pressed a hidden button. It whirred to life as a holographic display started up.
The planet Gallopfrey appeared before us, along with circular Gallopyfreyan script providing more knowledge than could be read in one sitting.
Time Turner blinked. “I can read that! What’s ‘Gallopfrey?’”
“Where you’re from. Originally.”
“I’m from another country? Before I was adopted?”
“More like another planet. You might want to sit down for this…”
“So … Time Lords are aliens from the planet Gallopfrey. They were incredibly advanced, and the first species in existence, as well as the first species to master time travel. And yet somehow, I’m the last one, because they wiped themselves out?” Time Turner said in disbelief.
“Do you remember them?”
“No! I don’t remember anything before waking up in the Ponyville Orphanage!”
“They … removed themselves from history. I’m the only person who does remember them. They were led by the Lord High President, who somehow got it into his mind that it was the rightful destiny of the Time Lords to merge with all of space and time. So, he ordered them to do just that. Problem is, it worked. They’re everywhere, so from the perspective of the rest of us, they’re nowhere. You’re walking through them right now. It also had the side effect of working backwards through history, so they never existed at all.”
“And you just let it happen?!” Time Turner shouted.
“No, I didn’t want it to happen at all!” I said, shocked at the accusation. “That level of spell is catastrophically powerful, and by the time I got there, it was already being cast. If I had tried to stop it, I could have unraveled the entire universe. Or worse!”
Time Turner blinked. “So, they were an acceptable loss?!”
“NO! I didn’t want to lose ANYONE! I’m trying to explain! Do you think I haven’t tried to get them back?!! I just can’t!”
“Then you’re a miserable excuse for a whatever-you-are! I HATE YOU! DON’T EVER COME BACK HERE!”
“Please take it easy on Weyan’a, he did his best, believe me,” a voice broke in. “We’re lucky to exist.”
Time Turner glanced over, and his mouth dropped open. Doctor Whooves was looking at his younger self with a patient smile. “Hello. Pretty sure I don’t need to introduce myself. I would shake your hoof, but that causes … issues.”
Time Turner swallowed. “How?” was all he managed to get out.
Doctor Whooves grinned. “Time Lords. It’s in the name. Not magic, science. … Just a little more advanced than what you’re dealing with right now. I won’t force the issue, since heavens knows I remember being your age, and even this conversation, but please. Just give him a chance. Because despite what he may think, when you get to know him, he isn’t so bad.” The Doctor walked off.
“What just happened?”
“Your future self came back in time to give you some advice, a very useful skill to have, speaking from experience. And no, that doesn’t mean you’re destined to become him. It’s just a possibility. But I think you would be amazing, and there’s a whole universe waiting for you to explore up there.”
“Tell me everything.”
“I will, but why don’t you graduate high school while I do?” I said with a grin. “Lord knows ‘everything’ will take more than an afternoon to tell.”
True to my word, I did indeed tell the Doctor as much as I could and was willing to about his people. It helped that I could teach him how to use his touch-based telepathy to share the memories he had lost. I even got invited to a few family diners, which was … nice. Time Turner’s family were all wonderful, and I was happy he had ended up in that good of a home.
It wasn’t my place to tell his family who and what Time Turner really was, but when his adoptive father brought it up, I realized he was OK with telling them. His father joked, “It honestly makes a lot of things make a lot of sense…” He glanced at me. “Thanks. For … bringing him here. I never could have gotten to know him otherwise. Would you consider being his godfather? You know more about him than I ever could…”
“Hey. You are a great father, OK? He never shuts up about you once I got him to talk to me. If you would like me to, I would be honored, but I could never replace you. … I just wanted you to know that.”
He smiled and nodded.
I grinned. “And I’ve got the perfect graduation gift in a few years…”
The Doctor wasn’t the only Ponyville resident I checked up on that year. I had a hankering for apple fritters, so, two birds, one stone.
A small orange colt gave a squeak of alarm and ducked behind the food stall when I came up.
“Applejack!” Granny Smith shouted. “Where are your manners?”
“Sorry, he’s just scary…” Applejack replied.
“I appreciate the honesty. He’s fine, I have that effect. Must be the way I move. Two apple fritters please.”
She smiled. “Absolutely!” as she bagged up the pastry, her expression turned thoughtful. She then laughed. “Ah never thought Ah’d see the day…”
“Pardon?”
She smiled warmly. “We’ve never met, but Ah owe you my thanks. You rescued ma grandfather when he was a foal. Our family was looking for a place to put down roots, and he wandered off from the camp one night. Got mighty lost and was sure he’d be food for the ca-yotes. Then he says the strangest thing happened. A stallion made of light appeared and sang the stars out to guide him home. I always told him, ‘Grandpappy, nopony can sing the stars out!’ but he always said that day changed him. He said if I ever met you, I could tell it was you just by looking at you. He said you’d have a tell,” she said with a slightly mischievous smirk.
I tried to hide my red right hoof. “Oh, well, I uh…”
“Your eyes,” Granny Smith said with finality.
I blinked. “My … eyes?”
She nodded. “Grandpappy said you would have the oldest eyes of any living thing, but that they’d be sad from all the things you’ve seen. He’s right. … I’m sorry for whatever loss yer gettin’ over, but yer eyes are so heavy.” She passed me the bag. “On us. As a ‘thank you’ fer helping our family even be here. Ya probably don’t even remember that night…”
I smiled. “No. I do. I remember everyone. I just didn’t know who he was at the time.” I took the bag. “Many thanks. And next time I’m paying!”
Granny Smith chuckled. “Do ya think Ah’m running a charity here?! Come back and see us any time!”
I was busy giving a lecture on the ethical sourcing of reagents when the room seemed to shift. I blinked.
“Are you OK, Professor?”
“Nnnooo… Uh. Food. Could one of you call an ambulance? Why are you all spinning? I think I’ll go to sleep now, Bon Appetit!” Before I hit the floor, I shouted, “SAVE THE LIVER!”
I woke up in Canterlot General.
The Doctor walked in. No, not that Doctor, a medical doctor.
He gave me a reassuring smile. “Good evening. Do you know where you are?”
“Hospital.”
“Do you know what happened?”
“Low blood sugar?” I guessed.
“Extremely low. Mr. Flask, when was the last time you ate? Everything about you says you’re starving…”
I thought about it. “A little over a year ago…”
The clipboard dropped to the floor. “You haven’t eaten … for a year?!”
“I had some tea… One. Cup. It … slips my mind.”
The Doctor groaned. “Well, we’ll have to keep you for observation, and get you some nutrients.”
“And a talk with your on-staff psychiatrist?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“I understand.”
The Doctor left, and I banged my head against the bed a few times. “IDIOT!” I swore to myself.
I managed to talk my way out of a psych hold. Luckily the shrink understood that while I was certainly troubled, I wasn’t a danger to myself. Just … extremely absentminded.
Once I was released, I was in my office during lunch, catching up on my grading. Someone cleared their throat to get my attention. I glanced up and saw a member of the Royal Guard. He was awfully young, I thought to myself.
“How can I help you?”
“I’m supposed to escort you to lunch, and make sure you eat, sir.”
I blinked. “On whose order?”
“Princess Celestia, Sir. She’s … concerned about you.”
“So, she assigned me my own Guard? To make sure I eat?”
“Yes, Sir.”
I faceplanted on the desk and let out a stream of curses in multiple languages that ended with, “THAT FEMALE!”
“If you’ll accompany me, Sir?”
“Don’t call me ‘Sir,’ I’m not your Capti – SHINING?!” It finally clicked why he was so familiar to me.
“Sorry?”
“You’re Shining Armor, right? Dusk Shine and Spike’s older brother?”
Shining’s jaw dropped. “You’re that crazy professor who broke the door down!”
I nodded. “In person! Have you caused the Princess extreme stress or harm to get yourself assigned to me?”
He cleared his throat. “Permission to speak freely, Si-?” he caught himself in time.
“Granted.”
“The Princess’s exact words were, ‘If you can deal with him, you can deal with anything.’”
“She’s not wrong there…” I glanced at him. “You’re awfully young to be a Guard, have you even finished High School yet?”
Shining cleared his throat. “Yes. I’m 18. They did let me in a bit early though. I passed the exams with flying colors.” He grinned. “Something that runs in the family, it seems…”
“Proud of your little brother?”
Shining smiled fondly. “Absolutely!”
“Mmm. I can’t wait to see what the three of you grow into…” I muttered.
“What was that?”
“Nothing. Cafeteria?” He nodded.
I grabbed a daisy sandwich, something I always had to choke down anyway, pony or not pony. “Right, I’m eating, your work for the day is done. I believe a certain someone would like to see you,” I said, pointing out a purple colt who looked like he was trying not to explode with joy.
“Hmmf. You should have more….”
“One step at a time, kiddo…”
“If you’re sure…” A cafeteria half made of teenage mares with a cute Royal Guard walking through it? I’m pretty sure those swoons were practiced. I mean, sure, Shining was good-looking if you were closer to his age but get a grip!
The three brothers had a fun little reunion, which I watched with interest, I’d never observed their family dynamic. Lord, I just sounded like a stalker again…
Life returned more or less to normal, with the addition of a white Unicorn sticking to me like a shadow for a few hours each day.
Truth to be told … I liked Shining. I was hoping we could be friends … a tall order given my first impression, the fact he was being taken away from real work to essentially foalsit me, and the fact that the only reason I was even a teacher at this school was technically to manipulate his brother’s upbringing, even if it was for good reasons.
…
God, no wonder I didn’t have friends…
To my surprise, one afternoon Shining stuck around long after the lunch hour. When I asked why, he told me that Celestia had said I had a surprise for him. I wracked my brains before I realized the date. Yeah, he’d like this…
I led him to a certain room that was my domain twice monthly.
Shining’s jaw dropped. “My brother’s nerd school has an Ogres and Oubliettes club?”
“We’re not a nerd school!” I protested. “We’re THE nerd school! This is the club I sponsor. It’s … surprisingly popular…” I grinned. “Care to sit in?”
Shining wandered over to the shelves of minis and supplies. “I shouldn’t… I have things to – SWEET CHEESE CURLS, THIS SOURCEBOOK ISN’T EVEN IN STORES YET!”
I grinned. “I know a guy…”
Shining cleared his throat. “Um. One … quick session couldn’t hurt, right?”
4 Hours later…
“Sorry, all, I have to kick you out, it’s way too late…”
The students and Shining all groaned. “There aren’t enough hours in the day to fit any story in…” one grumbled.
“Sorry. See you next time!”
“Does that include me?” Shining asked with a smirk.
I chuckled. “See what Celestia says…”
“OK, just tell me something about yourself…” Shining pressed again.
“I’m a very private person…” He rolled his eyes. I laughed. “OK … let’s see, what can I tell you without having to silence you?” I joked “… I taught myself to read when I was 3. By kindergarten I was reading on a college level. So, at the age most children are reading Go, Jane, Go! I was reading Bradbury, Pratchett, Gaiman, Lovecraft, and Poe. … Which admittedly colored my outlook on life…” I sighed.
Shining chuckled. “Sounds like Dusk…”
I nodded. “There are absolutely similarities…”
“Anything else?”
“My family is … strange. We haven’t spoken for quite some time. My fault. What about you?”
“Well, you know my brothers. My family is lower-middle class in Canterlot, so … we tend to get looked down on by the Snobs. Dusk has the brains, I guess that makes me the brawn. My cutie mark is for protecting what I care about, actually. I’m not as good a spellcaster as Dusk, but I’m better at shields and wards than he is…” Shining said with a proud smirk. “So … I joined the Royal Guard. I enjoy it. I’m learning a lot, and I’m making good friends. I’m hoping to move up through the ranks as I get older.”
“I’m sure you’ll go very far. Is there a special somepony in your life?” I asked with a grin.
To my surprise, Shining actually blushed. “Y-yeah. But … she’s a little out of my league. She’s not rude about it though, but … I mean. I’m basically the Royal Guard’s equivalent of an Intern, and she’s …”
“Pretty?” I asked with a grin.
Shining nodded. “Beautiful, inside and out! … You’ll laugh, but I have dreams of living in a Crystal Castle with her someday.”
“Crystal Castle, huh? Pretty lofty goal, but … no, I won’t laugh at that.”
Shining gave an annoyed snort. “I don’t even know why I have that dream! There’s no such THING as Crystal Castle…”
“Not for a long time,” I muttered with a wince.
“What was that?”
“Nothing important… Don’t give up on your dreams, OK? That’s coming from someone who believes Hope is poison, so if I say it…”
Shining nodded. He then looked concerned. “What happened to-?”
I sighed. “Life. Life happened, and it completely broke me. Reality SUCKS. … Even a reality made out of fantasy… It’s nothing you need to worry about, I just have issues.”
“OK. What kind of music do you like?”
“Hmm. Do-wop, oldies, classical, I LOVE jazz… I don’t like a lot of modern music, but some pop is OK… Hate rap, hip-hop, and R&B … funnily enough, music that’s designed to hurt you like acid techno actually relaxes me… Again, I have issues.
“How come you’re asking so many questions?” I countered.
“I want to get to know someone important enough for Celestia to assign a personal guard, I guess. Do you have someone special?” Shining asked with interest.
I shook my head. “No, I don’t like anyone like that. I don’t think I can.”
“Don’t let Cadence hear that, she’d take it as a personal challenge,” Shining joked.
“‘Cadence,’ huh?” I said, managing to sound like I didn’t know who she was. “Oh! Tomorrow for lunch, can we go to the Castle Sculpture Garden?”
“Why?”
“I have an appointment to keep, and it can never be predictable. I haven’t done it on a Friday yet this month.”
“OK…” Shining said in a confused tone.
The next day, I walked with Shining to the Gardens. I wasn’t interested in most of the sculpture, but…
“Discord, this is Shining Armor. Celestia assigned him to me to get me to eat, because … well, you know how I get. He’s a bit young, but I hope he grows up well! He’s in love with a Princess…” I “whispered” loudly with a wink.
“How do you know that?!” Shining shouted. “Wait… why are you talking to a statue?”
“I like to keep him updated…”
“Shining!” a voice called. A pink Alicorn walked into view.
“Speak of the Ram…” I muttered.
Cadence nuzzled her coltfriend before she looked at me. Her eyes widened and her pupils shrank to pinpricks as her wings fluffed up. She started to display all the typical ancient Pony body language when faced with a large predator.
“Cadence, what’s wro-”
“BACK, FIEND!” Cadence said, brandishing a small spider amulet at me.
I raised an eyebrow, and it burst into flames. Cadence shrieked and dropped it. “For future reference … don’t use the Weaver’s holy symbol against me, that’s just going to irritate me. Despite what you think, I’m not evil, though I can understand why you would think that. I’ll be way, way over here until you two are done. Thank you.” I slowly, carefully backed away, looking as non-hostile as possible to her.
Shining rounded on his marefriend. “The Hell was that?! I’ve NEVER seen you act like that!”
“That … thing isn’t a Pony! His aura was … negative. Like a black hole. It was horrifying!”
Shining gave an annoyed snort. “He’s a teacher, Cadence! How dangerous could he be?! For the Weaver’s sake, he teaches my little brother and helped teach us all how to raise Spike! … He’s … weird, yes, and even I think he’s crazy, but he’s not a monster!”
“I’m the Monster…” I muttered, although I was far away enough they didn’t hear me. Curse my supernaturally good hearing! Dang, they were close enough to Discord he could probably hear it all! … If he was listening. All my son could do these days was listen, but I’m certain he chose to tune me out…
I closed my eyes and managed to tune the rest of the argument out.
Finally, Shining walked over to me. “Sorry about that. I swear, I’ve never seen Cadence act like that! That was … very out of character for her. She’s convinced you’re some kind of demon or something,” he said with a nervous laugh. I didn’t reply. “You’re … not a demon, right?” Shining asked quickly.
“Demon? No. … Maybe something along those lines on bad days, it’s hard to tell anymore… … Please run along, I’ll catch up in a second.”
Shining did leave, even if he wasn’t certain he should. I sighed.
The breeze brought a familiar voice I’d been longing to hear for a very long time.
“My, a pony whose gift allows her to see straight through whatever mask you have on? That is just TOO wonderful! If only she knew just how close to the truth she was…”
My jaw dropped. In less than a second, I was in front of a certain statue. Discord?
“Oh, don’t worry, I’m still imprisoned. It’s taking quite a lot of my energy to even have this conversation. I just found that quite amusing. …
“The chains you built for me are loosening, I imagine I’ll be out of here in ten or so years…”
I’m not the one who put you in there.
“If you say so. You do know that once I’m free, I will make sure that each and every one of your PRECIOUS little ponies pays the price for what I’ve been through?”
A thousand years for you, much, much longer for me, and you’re still pissed. You DO take after me! I groaned. If you want to try for revenge again, I won’t stop you, or interfere unless I HAVE to, I’m just going to state for the record it won’t end well…
I sighed again. I love you, son… There wasn’t any response.
I walked away, before I heard a whisper of, “I know…”
On a whim, I shapeshifted to a Pegasus to visit Cloudsdale. It wasn’t long before I spotted two familiar faces. Lord, Butterscotch was a beanpole, even this young!
He and certain cyan pegasus were sneaking over to the weather factories.
“Are you sure about this, Rainbow?” Butterscotch asked. “I’ve heard that at night they chop up Pegasi who fail their flight tests here!”
Rainbow Blitz gave an annoyed snort. “Butterscotch, all those stories about the rainbow factory are just old mare’s tales they tell children. Besides, I’m here! What could happen?”
My hero, I thought with an eye roll.
“I always say, you’ve got to stick by your friends!” Rainbow continued.
They both crept in. I followed, unseen and unheard. I quickly worked out that Hoops and Dumb Bell had dared the two in here to scare them. Well, fair’s fair…
Something wet dribbled onto Hoop’s whither. He glanced up and let out a horrified scream. Some … thing with far too many eyes and teeth grinned down at him from the ceiling, still drooling over the tasty treat below. Hoops nudged Dumb Bell who also screamed, and the two colts sped out of the factory, running straight into Rainbow Blitz and Butterscotch.
“Woah! Hey, what’s wrong?”
“There’s a horrible monster in there!” Hoops screamed.
Rainbow puffed out his barrel. “I got this. Follow me guys!”
The remaining three followed him nervously. As they got deeper into the factory, something clanged nearby. Hoops looked about ready to pass out … until a black cat trotted out.
It glanced at them. “Meow?” it said in a confused tone.
Rainbow let out a snort of laughter. “Ooooh, so scary!” he teased.
“I’m telling you; it was there!” Hoops protested as he poked around. Nopony here but us shadows…
Butterscotch walked over to the cat and held out his hoof. The cat gave a cautious sniff, before butting his head against Butterscotch, who began to pet him.
Ohhh, yeeeahhh~ A little to the left… There! Right there! Was I purring? Yes, but this colt knew just how to make me melt.
Eventually, all four of them left, still bickering, and I headed out as well.
I was busily stocking supplies when I heard a pitiful whimper from behind me, informing me that an abused child had been left to starve.
I chuckled. “I’m not a food pantry, you know…” There was only a dying gurgle. “Use your words, please…”
“PLEASE FEED ME!”
I laughed and turned around. Spike was only a few years old, but had grown like a weed, and was speaking and thinking on the level of about a ten-year old at this point. Dragons were weird; instant childhood, normal teenage years, then centuries as an adult…
“Well, thanks for saying ‘please.’ What do you want today?”
Spike thought about it. “Emeralds?”
“I think I have some in stock…” I walked further into my supply closet. “How are you all doing?”
“You hang with Shining more than I do…” Spike grumbled.
I winced. “Sorry about that. … I’m not trying to take him away from you or anything. I’ll try and get him to be with you more when he’s … managing me.”
“Is it true you don’t eat unless he makes you?”
“Noooo…yes. I’m … sick in the head most days. It helps if someone reminds me of basic stuff like that. It won’t be forever.” I found the requested gems. “Ah! Here we go…” I reached up to get them, slipped, and fell flat on my back, the tray and gems flying off the shelf.
“OOF! Sorry, I’m extremely klutzy, it runs in the famil-” My eyes widened. The tray and gems were floating gently in a lime-green aura shaped like small flames.
Spike was holding his claws up his eyes wide as well. “Am … am I doing that?” he asked.
“… I’m not…” I replied slowly. “Levitation is almost instinctual…”
The tray and emeralds clattered to the ground. “Hoo, colt, I’m praying I’m wrong…”
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No! Not at all! It’s just…” I crouched down. “Hop on!”
Spike climbed aboard, and I dashed down the hall, arriving at the Enchantments classroom. “Give me a thaumometer!”
“Uh, what?”
“A thaumometer I know you’ve got spare; I’ll pay you back if I have to!”
I examined the small glass cube. I eyed Spike. “Could you levitate this for me?”
Spike glanced at his claws. “Uh, I don’t know how…”
“I got you. Catch!” I threw it as hard as I could at him.
Spike instinctively raised his claws to block the attack, and green flames licked into life around it. The thaumometer began to whistle like a teapot as it quickly pulsed different colors.
“Sorry…” I took the device out of harm’s way. “Uh. Am I reading this right?” I passed the other professor the thaumomoter.
His jaw dropped. “SWEET MOTHER OF – daffodils,” he finished, remembering Spike was a baby dragon.
“I was reading it right.” Spike understandably looked nervous. “You didn’t do anything wrong, OK? You’re a Sparksoul, Spike.”
“I’m a what?”
“A Sparksoul is a Dragon capable of casting magic the way a Unicorn does, only a lot stronger. They’re … unbelievably rare, less than one in a million Dragons are Sparksouls. There hasn’t BEEN one in over two-thousand years. If you were in the Dragonlands right now, you’d have just been decreed Dragon Lord, and been raised to take that position. It’s tradition, there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Oh, and in terms of raw power … you’re off the scale. You’re basically a Dragon Alicorn, if that helps.” I grinned. “You’re not a reincarnation of anybody, are you?” Seeing his blank look, I said, “Never mind. … I’m going to have to have a parent-teacher conference about this…”
“Spike’s a WHAT?!” Everypony shouted.
I thought of how to put it in terms they’d understand. “A Sorcerer? His bloodline gave him magic. It’d be interesting to trace, but we can’t…”
“Ohh!” Shining Armor, Dusk Shine, Twilight Velvet and Night Light said when the Ogres and Oubliettes reference clicked for the entire family. Celestia just looked confused.
I chuckled. “Verse 25: And Nerd Begat Nerd, and it was good…”
Dusk was thrilled. “I can teach Spike magic!”
“Actually, Dragon magic is very different from Unicorn magic. Dragons don’t have horns, so they channel their magic through gestures and words. In Draconic, is the problem. Do any of you speak Draconic?” Everyone shook their heads. “… I’m fluent… I also know the gestures for most of the spells …. I spent a lot of my youngers years in the Dragonlands. I can teach him after school? With supervision, since I’m certain you’d require that. I’ll do it for free too, it’s actually an honor to meet a Sparksoul, even a young one…” That last part was true for me.
“May I speak with you in private?” Celestia cut in. I nodded. She practically dragged me to an empty classroom. “What do you think you’re doing?” the Princess of the Sun hissed.
I blinked. “I just thought it would help if I taught him magic, since none of you know how it works for dragons. I – do you think I’m going to manipulate him for my own ends or something? I’m a bad influence, but-”
“Have you forgotten what happened to the last child you raised?”
The atmosphere got frosty, literally as the temperature plummeted and the room got covered in ice. YOU DID NOT JUST GO THERE WITH ME. Celestia stammered something out. I would pick your next words VERY carefully if I were you, but as long as we’re laying our cards on the table…
A tarot deck sprang into existence and shuffled itself, appearing in an arch before a selection shot out at her. My evil plan is just to help with your evil plan. Or were you going to pretend you don’t have plans for the entire family?
Celestia stared at the cards. The Sun, with a picture of her; followed by the Moon with Luna; Starswirl as the Magician; the Stars with Dusk ascending to Alicornhood; the Lovers with Shining Armor and Cadence in their wedding clothes in the pose they banish Chrysalis with; the Elements of Harmony (the gems, not the Bearers) as the Wheel of Fortune; Sombra as Death; Discord as the Hanged Man; an older Spike as the World; Yours Truly as the Devil; and finally an older Dusk Shine on the Throne of Equestria as the Emperor.
Look familiar?
“How … do you know all of that?”
My maternal great-grandmother was Fey, remembering the future before it happens runs in the family…
“Arachnos…”
Saturday-morning television? I tried.
Celestia sighed. “I won’t get a clear answer, I’m used to that with you. Yes … I have … hoped such a future might be possible since Luna…”
I nodded. And the last few pieces just so happened to click into place when Dusk hatched Spike?
Celestia chuckled. “Yes. Does it … happen?”
I shrugged. Speaking as the person who invented time travel in this universe, the past is more or less immutable, but the future is never certain. I know a future, that doesn’t mean it’s the future, it’s just a possibility. But it’s the one I like best, trust me, I’ve looked at many others.
“So, your offering to teach Spike the way dragons cast magic was…?”
What I said, out of you lot, I’m the most qualified. I don’t manipulate kids for my own evil ends, give me some credit…
Celestia grinned. “No, you just become their potions professor, and a major pain in my flank…”
Haven’t I always been a pain in your flank? Since you were, what, eight?
“I think twelve.”
OK, slightly manipulative then.
“How old are you now?”
Too old for most of this…
That got a chuckle out of Celestia. We walked back into the room where Dusk’s family was waiting. “My most sincere apologies for that,” the Princess said. “After a bit of discussion, I agree with Maroon that he should teach Spike to use these abilities. Provided he does it on his own time, pays for any supplies needed, and does not take away from Spike’s duties to and relationship with his brothers.”
I rolled my eyes. “Deal,” I said with the speed of a striking snake. I grinned. “And, for my first trick… Can you copy what I do with my hooves?” I made a fairly complicated gesture. It took Spike two tries, but he managed to replicate it perfectly. “OK, you’ll need to repeat this, I can say it as many times as you want…” I said a phrase in Draconic, and the assembled ponies winced at the harsh sounds that sounded like they were shredding my throat.
Spike got that on the first try.
“OK, now say that while making that motion with your claws.”
Spike did, and to his amazement a really tasty looking sandwich appeared in his claws.
“Congratulations, Spike, you’ve learned your first spell! I expect you to put it to good use,” I added with a wink. “We’ll work out a day and time for me to teach you more.”
Spike almost unhinged his jaw to swallow the sandwich in one gulp. “Yum!” He gave me a sideways glance. “Uh … what exactly can I do?”
“Well, like I said, you’d be Dragon Lord under normal circumstances, the reason being that at your full strength you could wipe an army off the map with a single spell. I’m not exaggerating when I say that you’re going to be one of the most powerful mages in the world. Not just Equestria, the world.” I paused to let that sink in. “Might take you a few centuries though, so don’t let it go to your head just yet.”
“How do you know so much about dragons?” Shining asked.
“In the words of the Beach Colts, ‘I get around…’ If you’ll all excuse me, I need to go brush up on my Draconic, it’s been quite some time.”
Cadence was lying on a couch, her eyes narrowed, the tip of her tail occasionally twitching. “He gives me the creeps. There’s something seriously wrong with him. You don’t see that?”
Blueblood looked thoughtful. “Maroon Flask? That name is famili – Ah. About yea high?” as he held up his hoof. “Fur a hideous shade of red? … Seems insane?”
Cadence blinked. “You know him?”
Blueblood shrugged. “Aunt Celestia has brought him to the Grand Galloping Gala a few times, I suppose as a novelty. He is her employee. He … certainly livened the event up.”
“What happened?!”
“Oh, nothing bad. He was ignored, undeservedly so, so he slunk off and found the organ in the basement. We all thought the castle was haunted. In hindsight it was amusing. He always looks like he knows more about you than you know about yourself. Every time he looks at me, he bursts out laughing, which is concerning, but I’ve been assured that’s normal for him. His mind is … unusual, and he’s just remembering something funny.”
Blueblood sighed. “Maroon is … odd, to put it lightly, but I don’t think he’s evil, like you’re suggesting. I trust Aunt Celestia’s judgment, I doubt she would hire a demon,” the Prince said with a small smile. “Now, don’t you have somewhere important to be, my cousin?”
Cadence glanced at the clock and her eyes widened before she quickly said her goodbyes and literally flew out the door.
Across town, I was walking with Shining Armor. “But what if I mess this up?”
“You like her, she likes you. It doesn’t need much more than that. I somehow doubt this will ruin your friendship. May I give you some advice?” The younger stallion nodded. “Either give a relationship a shot, or you’ll spend your entire life wondering what could have been until you’re hit by a car in your mid-twenties, die, and wind up in charge of a miniature universe.”
“That’s … oddly specific…” Shining commented with a furrowed brow.
“Oops. I just mean it’s best to give this a shot, otherwise you’ll never know if it could have worked out. It’s your first kiss, so just be shaky, and rubbish, and miss the first time.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re going to do that anyway, so best to plan for it. You got this! Otherwise, I’ll have to teach you bird mating dances…”
“What?!”
“GO!” I said, shoving him into the open before ducking behind a bush.
Shining met an equally out-of-breath Cadence, tucking a strand of his mane behind his ear.
They both chuckled. “Sorry, I was talking with my cousin, and I lost track of time. How have you been?” Cadence asked.
Shining chuckled. “Busy. Apparently Spike is some sort of Dragon Wizard. Well, Sorcerer, but still."
“Wait, what?!”
I gave them some space. There was not a surprisingly mobile bush with a pair of binoculars sticking out of it. I didn’t spy on them at all, actually, I had not a clue what happened until Shining tracked me down much later.
“How’d it go?”
He nodded eagerly, blushing furiously.
I chuckled. “Nice to see she makes you speechless.” We started walking in no particular direction. My stomach growled; I’d forgotten to eat again. “Sheesh. I’m so hungry, I could eat a-” I glanced at the wall of muscle that was Shining Armor. “Never mind. Let’s get some hayburgers. My treat.”
I walked through a door; Shining close behind. He smacked into something and fell down. A few seconds later I realized he wasn’t behind me still and stuck my head through the door. “Oh. Right. Doorknob.” I pulled my head out of the door and opened it. “You really do forget the little niceties after a while…”
Shining’s jaw was almost on the floor. “What are you?”
“Absentminded, apparently. … Cadence is … pretty close to the truth. I’m not a demon, but my aura is incredibly messed up and wouldn’t read like a pony’s at all.”
“And you can walk through walls?”
“It’s a useful skill. Hayburgers? Yes? No?” Shining mutely nodded.
15 minutes later, around a mouthful of fries my Royal Guard foalsitter asked, “Are you a pony?”
I liked Shining. He was… a friend. I didn’t want to lie to him, and anyway, a few billion years had only improved my ability to lie so much.
“This body is…”
Shining’s eyes widened. “Holy Weaver, you’re possessing him?!”
I winced. “Don’t call the Weaver holy or swear by him, ok? Never do that in front of me! And, no, I’m not possessing anypony! You can’t possess a sapient being without their express permission, it’s hard enough to drill an idea into someone’s head, overriding free will is definitely out. This is my body. I made it. … It just isn’t always a pony…”
Shining looked like he had a headache. “Are you dangerous?”
I nodded. “Incredibly… Yes, Celestia is fully aware of what I am, yes she’s fine with me teaching students, and yes I am reading your mind. I just try to avoid it. I don’t want to read my own mind most of the time… Sit back since you feel like you might pass out…”
Shining did. “Will you ever tell me what you are?”
“Will you ever figure it out?” I countered with a smirk. “I’ll give you hints. Just not today.”
“Are you evil?”
“I’m not qualified to answer that. I can’t judge myself, I’m too prejudiced. I want to say no. In all honesty, I’m probably an anti-villain, and my family is … interesting.”
“Anti-villain?”
“… Someone who does evil things for good reasons. An example is solving a famine by … uh … lessening the population to decrease the demand for food. Not that I’ve done that. Good and evil is a little too black and white. I’m just … me. And no one judges me harsher than I judge myself. That’s all you get for today, ask me more tomorrow. Now, my turn, how did your date go? Using words this time…”
“You’re certainly nosy…”
I grinned. “I should probably be doing everything in my power to stop you and Cadence from getting together, no, I won’t say why, but … Twu Wuv is hard to stop.”
Shining chuckled. “It’s not true love.”
I shrugged. “Eh… Might get there someday.”
“Why should you stop us?”
“Nothing bad. Just … well … we’ll get there when we get there. If I tell you, it will only make things worse. You and Cadence are good for each other, and I’m not going to get in the way of that.”
And so, on it went. I honestly wasn’t sure how long Celestia planned to have the poor kid glued to my side. I was certainly eating better…
Spike was learning magic at a decent rate. He wasn’t quite the magical prodigy Dusk was, but he was mastering some basic useful spells.
For me at least, life went on pretty much as normal until one winter morning something went wrong. For being the Sire of Chaos, I liked things like routine and predictability.
So, when somepony who had been there every day rain or shine didn’t show, I naturally had a massive freak out.
After school I headed over to the Canterlot Barracks. I didn’t find who I was looking for but watching a few of the guards train I suddenly had bigger problems.
“What the-? No.”
One of the Guards turned to look at me. “I’m sorry?”
“Who taught you how to use a sword?! Your form is entirely wrong. You’ll get knocked down if you try and swing that! You’re also holding the wrong part.”
“Who are you?!”
“Marron Flask. Teacher.”
“And you know how to sword fight better than the Royal Guard?” By this point a crowd of other trainees had gathered and where watching with interest.
“If that’s the way they teach you to sword fight, I could beat all of you with my bare hooves.” They all died laughing. “That wasn’t a boast. If you’d like, I’d be willing to prove it…”
“Well, seems you’ve been challenged, Solar Shield. You going to back out?” That stallion’s armor was that of their commanding officer, who had heard the whole exchange. Welp. I was dead. Except … he was … smiling?
“I think I can handle myself, Sir,” Solar replied. Solar looked at me. “You sure you don’t want a weapon?” I shook my head. “Right.” Solar grabbed a wooden practice sword instead and took a stance that looked like it was off the cover of a comic book. I had to physically stop myself from rolling my eyes. “Uh … I don’t want to hurt you…” Solar said.
I gave him a foxy grin. “I wouldn’t worry about it…”
Solar blinked, and then his eyes widened. “Wait, where did-?” *WHUD. Solar went flying and landed face down in a snowbank.
Another guard asked, “What just hap-?” Before he went flying as well.
In a shape that would have looked like a pinball’s motion, other guards got knocked down as well.
One yelped as I stopped in front of him. There wasn’t a jump scare, between one instant and the next I was just there, my nose almost touching the tip of his sword. “What’s the matter?” I asked with an evil smirk, “Can’t hit what you can’t see?” By the time he swung the sword I was long gone, and in another moment he joined two of his friends.
In less than a minute, the entire group of trainee guards was incapacitated. I stopped in front of their commander, and my eyes widened. “Whoops.”
Before he could get a word out, a voice called, “My office! NOW!”
I turned and suddenly felt very, very afraid. What I had just done was incredibly stupid and had been witnessed by the Captain of the Royal Guard. I was toast.
I followed the smoke grey stallion in. He took off his helmet and placed it on his desk with a loud thud. I wasn’t speaking.
To my shock, he started to snicker. He glanced up at me. “I always knew physically fighting you was a stupid idea, but that proves it. Mind you, what you did to me was worse, Weaver.” My eyes widened. He chuckled. “Sorry, would you prefer I call you ‘Maroon?’ Your secret is safe with me, though I hear you’ve been pretty blatantly dropping your current mask around a certain recruit of mine. I can’t see the future, but it’s a pretty safe bet that someday Shining Armor will be behind this desk. Will you do to him what you did to me?”
I swallowed. “Y-you asked me to, when your time came…”
He chuckled. “‘Show me my worst fear come true.’ Ah, the arrogance of youth. I still sleep with a nightlight. But, after therapy, I think I’ve forgiven you. It was just an illusion, and it did make me a stronger guard and leader, which is why I asked you to do it. A word of advice, if you’re trying to pass as a mere mortal, work at it a little harder. At least you’ve never done anything I’d have to arrest you for!” he joked.
I sighed. “In your lifetime… which from my perspective these days is no time at all…”
“Hmm. Well, I’ll let you off this time with a warning to act like a pony, since to be fair, those colts were still wet behind the ears and having their butts handed to them on a plate was good for them. Take care of yourself.”
I nodded and headed out. I finally spotted Shining Armor, furiously writing into a notebook. He spotted me. “How fast ARE you?!”
I sighed. “I can move as fast as I can think, so … pretty fast. I can’t do it for very long, mind you, but sunbeams seem slow. The speed of thought is much faster than the speed of light. You have an entire notebook for me? I’m flattered, but maybe find a new hobby?”
“Oh, HUSH!” Shining snapped. I had a feeling I would be hearing those words in that exact tone from his family for eons to come… “I’m just interested. Let’s see … you’ve got super speed, super strength, you’re telepathic apparently, you can walk through walls, you don’t eat normally, you melt holy symbols by being close to them, you act like you’re hundreds of years old and have the knowledge to back it up, and you detest sunlight from what I’ve heard, and can control snakes and spiders… You’re a vampire, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Shining, I’m a vampire. Celestia is my chief bride. We’re planning to turn the country over to communism and usher in a glorious age of night. No. I’m not a vampire, though I have met a few…” I sighed. “As I’m sure you’ve figured out by now, I’m not an Earth Pony, I can just look like one. I’ll tell you some day, but first, where were you?!”
“Huh?”
“You weren’t there today! I thought you were dead for a second!” I took a deep breath. “Sorry. I consider you a friend, and that means I can get … kind of possessive,” I explained nervously. “It’s one of the reasons I don’t really have friends.” I cleared my throat. “Also, if I have an established routine that gets interrupted or doesn’t happen, I … don’t handle it well. I’m working on it.”
“Sorry, I got called in for extra training today.”
“Not your fault, just … glad you’re all right.”
“I’m guessing you didn’t eat today?” I shrugged with an embarrassed grin. Shining sighed. “Since you’re apparently loaded, want to buy us a pizza from that place near Celestia’s School?”
I nodded. “Sure!” I grinned. “Race ya!”
Shining blinked and I was gone. He grumbled, “Son of a-”
A voice said in Shining’s ear, “Actually my mother was an accountant, though I’m sure most people would say same difference…” Shining yelped and leaped about five feet in the air.
“DON’T DO THAT!!!!” Shining screamed.
I winced. “My apologies. In fairness, most people don’t notice me when I’m not moving quickly, so that’s the pretty standard reaction to my clearing my throat to get their attention… I’ll walk with you, quietly, so you know where I am.” Shining nodded, and we snagged a great pizza to split.
“Sorry for the way I got. You’ve been better to me then I deserve. Is there any way I could repay you?” I asked.
Around a mouthful of mozzarella, Shining said, “Nah, I’m good.” He swallowed and gave a chuckle. “Unless you can show me the future… That’d be neat…”
Shining’s eyes widened at the rictus grin I had at that request. “Are you sure? There are things I’d much rather give you… Does it have to be seeing the future?”
“Wait, you can do that?”
I nodded, “Yes, but it always goes poorly. Sure, it starts out well, but then there’s the horrified screaming and the cutting my head off because you didn’t like what I showed you…”
“WHAT?!”
I shrugged. “Doesn’t slow me down, just hurts like you wouldn’t believe. All right. I need some sand… can you meet me at the park on seventh tomorrow morning at nine?”
“Uh, sure…”
Shining was very punctual, and met me at the sandbox, which I’d cleared of snow. “What’s this for?”
“So, you can see what I see…” I pulled out a blindfold. “I’m already regretting this…”
“What’s the blindfold for?”
I tied it around my head. “Sensory processing issues when I’m staring at one point of spacetime, and my eyes get … freaky when I do this, so it’s for your benefit too. Please be quiet.”
Shining sat and was silent. To his shock, the sand began to whip up around us before forming into a tornado. Flashes of color appeared throughout the maelstrom. Over the wind, I shouted, “Right, I’m going to narrow this down to focusing on your family for say … thirty years from today.”
Images and sounds formed faintly before disappearing until they strengthened in detail.
A slightly older Dusk Shine was lying in a bed, shouting, “No! All the ponies in this town are crazy! Do you know what time it is?!”
The image blurred to a black and blue smear and a voice shouted, “Remember this day, little ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever!”
The image blurred again as a group sang out, “Winter Wrap Up, Winter Wrap, Up! Let’s finish our holiday cheer!”
Dusk was backing away from a hole in the ground screaming, “SNAKES! SNAKES!!!” before he backed into a cave and ran out screaming as a swarm of bats chased after him.
A frightening visage appeared “on screen,” with vaguely goatlike features and mismatched horns. Frightening red eyes sat over an evil grin as whoever this was cackled, "Looks like we might be due for a big old storm of chaos!" to a theatrically timed flash of lightning.
Next, Dusk had a slasher smile as he cackled, “If I can’t find a friendship problem, I’LL MAKE A FRIENDSHIP PROBLEM!”
As the image blurred again, Dusk’s voice said, Hi, my name is –"
A voice replied, “Star Swirl the Bearded. Commendable costume! Thou even got the bells right...”
You could hear Dusk’s beaming smile as he said, “Thank you, finally! Somepony who gets my costume!”
A gigantic purple and green dragon roared, “SPIKE WANT!!!”
Shining was screaming, “If I were you, I wouldn’t show up to the wedding!”
Dusk said, “I just lost a brother…”
The scene changed again; it was a wedding. Dusk was singing, “Love is in bloom, A beautiful bride, a handsome groom, Two hearts becoming one..”
The “camera” panned over the crowd, and Shining spotted a very freaky looking creature in attendance at this wedding. He was some sort of taur, with the lower half of a lion. His upper half was very strange, with white fur, six arms, a goatlike head with fangs and a rainbow mane, and four large wings covered in dozens of eyes. He was wearing a tux, and the eyes in his face and eyes in his wings were bleeding. He turned away from the crowd of partying ponies and quietly stepped through a portal before disappearing.
Next a dark stallion who looked like he was made entirely of smoke except for a terrifying head shouted, “That is mine!”
A purple and green dog was saying, “Wait … so you look like you’re talking to a dog?”
A voice replied, “Eh, I’ve looked like I’m crazy too long to care. Let’s see if I can find us a place to stay. Oh. And Spike? … Who’s a good boy?”
“Oh, gosh! Me, me, it’s me!” … Spike shouted ecstatically.
An older version of Dusk that had wings now said, “Why are you all looking at me like that?”
A voice replied, “It's just... you were mumblin' to yourself...”
A second voice added, “Ooh! And don't forget the uncontrollable sobbing!”
A soft voice said, “We were really worried about you.”
A very distinct voice Shining had heard a few moments ago said, “I for one found it delightful. Sort of a one-pony theater piece, if you will. You should really consider taking it on the road!”
Blur. Dusk and a massive black and red Centaur were having a magic fight of anime-level epic-ness. The world around them was reduced to a blasted wasteland.
Blur. Shining and Cadence were at another wedding, Shining sobbing uncontrollably. “He … always cries at weddings,” Cadence explained, sounding strained. The view panned to a group of children in the back staring in horror at a black, insect-like equine.
The strange creature cleared his throat. “Uh, I’m just here for the food…”
Blur. Dusk was standing on dark, hateful looking stone. A voice asked, “Where are we?”
Dusk glanced around. “I think we’re in Hell…”
The first voice yelped, “WHAT?!”
As the scene changed, a chorus sang out, “In Our Town, in Our Town, we work as a team, you can't have a nightmare if you never dream…”
Blur. A heart made out of crystal shattered to the sound of a high-pitched baby’s crying.
Blur. Spike was pulling a red crystal scepter out of a stone.
Blur. Shining was shouting, “Spike! What are you doing?! Get away from that thing!”
Blur. Grogar, the embodiment of evil, was grinning, and saying, “Thanks for bringing a whole army kiddo, I’m STARVING!”
Blur. Dusk was on a rooftop, in a decaying city. Something was talking to him. Shining realized it was a Mind Flayer from Ogres and Oubliettes, though it was bipedal instead of quadrupedal, and … it looked like a child? Good grief, a Mind Flayer child. That was horrifying… It’s tendrils moved in an approximation of a smile, and it said to dusk, “Thank you. You’ve given me a lot to think about…” It then shoved Dusk off the roof.
Blur. The shadow pony from earlier was now more solid and reclining on a crystal throne. “Ah! Long live the King…” he purred evilly.
Blur. A statue, of three creatures, two cowering, and one flying with an enraged snarl.
Blur. The shadow pony was back, and at his hooves was a baby alicorn? How was that a thing, and who in their right minds would let him near a baby?!
He growled at the filly lightly, more a lightly annoyed growl than a dangerous one. “Your attempts to manipulate me won’t work…”
The filly giggled and hugged his leg. His red eyes widened in fear. “RELEASE ME!” he ordered. She just hugged tighter. The stallion flailed the leg with the filly still attached so quickly it was a blur. “Sunburst? Sheepskin? HEEEELLLLPPP!!!” he shouted as the miniature demigoddess dragged him away to her lair to snuggle him to death.
The scene blurred again and the same Alicorn filly was surrounded by a group of … of … well, nightmares. That was the only appropriate word for what they were. They were made mostly of smoke? No, shadows. The shadows flowed and ebbed away, revealing bare yellowed bones. In their eye sockets shone red stars, and oh, those teeth. Teeth like those couldn’t exist in the real world. The fact that they all had butterfly wings didn’t help them to look cuter, since the wings were all monochrome with markings that looked like goat eyes.
The evil looking Alicorn stallions were tossing the baby back and forth like a hoofball, and singing something, though Shining couldn’t make out the words. The filly was having the time of her life, though, whooping with laughter.
---
I tore the blindfold off, my eyes returning to normal. “The heck are THEY doing there?!” I shouted.
I glanced at Shining. Under his white coat he was even paler than normal. His mouth was open, and his eyes were wide as his left ear occasionally twitched. Massive freakout incoming…
“Uh, I know most of that looked incredibly awfu-”
“YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Shining screamed.
I winced. “Every time…” I muttered. Shining continued screaming. “Listen, you just got snapshots that for whatever reason focused on the bad, there’s a lot more that … Do you maybe want to inhale before you pass out?!” I snapped. Shining continued screaming. I rolled my eyes. “Oh, for my sake…” I gripped his head. “Hey, Shining? Look at me… Forget…”
Shining was confused by the way my voice echoed, but as he stared into the pretty swirling colors all his worries drained away, along with ... something else. He was completely at peace, perfectly safe, and happily floating in a mental fog.
I snapped my fingers, and he snapped out of it. Shining shook his head. He blinked. “You hypnotized me!”
I sighed. “Yes, because what I showed you broke you. Oh, look, I get to say, ‘I told you so!’ I didn’t do anything else to you or plant a posthypnotic suggestion or anything. I showed you the future most likely to happen as of this second, but for whatever reason it mostly showed the bad stuff. There’s far, far more good. Also, the past is for all intents and purposes immutable, but the future is anybody’s guess. That was a future. You could trip and break your leg on your way home and in 20 years Equestria will be conquered by evil alien quesadillas or something. The future is weird like that. So don’t worry about what you saw, odds are it probably won’t happen anyway.”
There was suddenly a magenta sword hovering directly in front of my nose. “I get you like being mysterious, but if you don’t tell me what you are RIGHT NOW, SO HELP ME I’LL-”
“I thought you just did shields!”
“It’s a hard-light spell, it does pointy things too.”
“Duly noted.” I carefully scooted out of melee range and reached behind Shining’s ear. With a theatrical flourish I produced what looked like a business card and carefully passed it to him.
Shining’s eyes narrowed as he read it. “What’s this?”
“I assume they still teach you what a library reference number is? If not I’m REALLY going to need to complain about the state of education in Equestria these days. That’s a book in the Canterlot Library that will tell you far more than I want to.” I sighed. “Pity. I … enjoyed being … close to your friend.”
“You still are!” Shining said in a confused voice.
“When you find out what I am, you’ll hate me. It’s … inevitable. Happy reading… Come and find me when you’re done, I can manage on my own for a few days…” I stood up and stretched, dusting the sand off of me.
By the time Shining opened his mouth to object I had vanished. “Son of an accountant…” he muttered.
Shining took the number I’d given him to the library. He showed it to the librarian, who looked like she was about to have heart failure just from seeing the card. She led him through the maze that made up the stacks into a smaller, very old looking room with a hoofful of books.
“I … didn’t know this section of the library existed…” Shining said in awe.
“It doesn’t,” the librarian muttered darkly. “Your book is that one there, if you touch any of the others, we’re not liable for any curses or possession you may encounter.” She quickly left.
Shining gently scooted a spider out of the way and blew the dust off the red leather bound volume. The Lonely God: Comparative Mythology of Arachnos the Weaver by Shadowed Quill.
Curiosity burning, he cracked it open to the Preface:
“The best kind of lie is that which is based almost completely in truth. What we call Mythology may have been early creature’s ways of speaking universal truths we have since lost, forgotten, or denied. The book you are holding is one of only two copies in this universe, and the other is inaccessible. It is the result of one pony’s lifetime of near obsession, and a desire to separate the Myth from the Fact, when they were not in fact the same thing. I tried telling Shadowed to get a better hobby, but he refused. I did not want this book published, and could have destroyed it and him, but relented and allowed the two copies to exist.
I have many names and many faces on many worlds across this soap bubble I built. I am a God to some, a Demon to others. Many have spent their lives going nearly insane in an attempt to figure out who I am and why I do what I do. There’s so much I will never tell. You, my dear Pony reader, would call me Arachnos the Weaver, though even in the history of Equestria I have had other, worse names and faces.
While these are retellings of myths surrounding me on the world of Equus, Shadowed did his work well, and they are all in fact true, if at times exaggerated. I ask that you reserve whatever judgment you have for me and my deeds until the last page.
-Arachnos. Demiurge.”
Shining blinked. “Wait. The Weaver is real?!” He turned to the Introduction:
“How do we as his creations judge a god? Though the Weaver always heavily insists he is in fact not a god, in terms of power, there’s very little difference. The oldest stories of him have been lost to time, and whatever his origins, multiple versions exist, many no doubt created by him to throw us off the truth.
These things we know for certain: The Weaver created our own small universe, and reigns supreme in it. He is from somewhere else, and older than time. His power is nearly limitless. His acts have been the greatest of good and the most horrific of evil. Above all else, the Weaver is a troubled soul, who simply wishes to be left alone rather than worshipped.”
Shining read on.
“There are thousands of versions of the creation story of our world across the various cultures that live on it. Whatever his motives or method, the Weaver created our world almost at the end of his creation of our universe.
Some say he created us as his playthings, and others maintain that we are his favorite world, and each species holds a special place to him. More obscure stories that have been deemed heresy claim that our world and universe are in fact a test for the Weaver, placed upon him by a being even he knows nothing about, and that he does not know the nature of the test as well.
He has shaped the history of every species and country in the history of Equus, sometimes subtly, sometimes not. He has been a nurturing father figure or a wrathful burning flame.”
The book continued with various creation stories from across the world, and then led into stories of my shaping early history. As Shining continued reading a specific section really caught his attention.
“No creature is an island, no matter how much we may wish to be. The same holds true for even the Weaver. Though most living things are all too temporary to him, he does indeed have a family. Of sorts.”
There was an illustration of a long, noodley creature that looked like someone had put several creatures in a blender, pushed “puree” and stuck the best bits together.
“Perhaps the Weaver’s most famous, or infamous, offspring is Discord, the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony. If we would call the Weaver a god, his son would be a demigod.
“There are many stories surrounding Discord and his deeds, and in nearly all of them he is painted as the villain in our history. He has certainly caused a great deal of pain and suffering in early Equestrian history. Discord’s motives for doing so are known only to him, but perhaps causing misery is simply a part of his nature.”
Shining was staring at the illustration of Discord, wondering why he looked so familiar, until he realized he’d seen a statue of Discord. A statue that Maroon Flask spoke to like a child that could still hear him. His blood chilled.
“No,” Shining muttered. He turned the page. There was an illustration of the two Princesses giving Discord a taste of the Painbow as he turned to stone. “They … they wouldn’t!” Shining shouted.
The next page was even more horrifying. It was prehistoric Pony art of a group of living shadowy nightmares that were partly skeletal, with teeth like razors and red horns. They were hunting Ponies.
“What if our Inner Demons could live outside our minds? What if our nightmares walked into the waking world? Ponies were not the first living creatures to walk Equestria. Though “living” is perhaps the wrong word for the first beings to inhabit the northernmost corner of our country. Every living thing has an innate fear of the dark that can at times seem irrational, but it isn’t. In the earliest days of Pony society, nightmares made real could use any shadow in the world as a door to any other shadow. Even in broad daylight, a horde could pour into your village with no warning and consume everything as they broke your mind for their enjoyment.
“After these creatures were apparently banished, parents would still tell stories to their children of these fiends to frighten them into good behavior. Nearly every story of them has since been lost to time, but we call them-” The book was old enough that whatever their name was was now illegible.
Shining continued reading. From there the stories were tamer, such as the founding of Labyrinthos or trickster stories from Zebrica.
Then it got to the Mare in the Moon.
“A figure we know even less about than the Weaver. By some accounts, the two were once great friends. Other accounts state that the Mare in the Moon was once an Alicorn similar to Princess Celestia, jealous of her sister’s glory. What must Celestia feel if that is true? What must the Weaver? To lose a friend is difficult, but to lose a sister to her inner darkness must be unbearable. Every night, to look up and see a scar in the night sky that reminds you of your failures…”
“As to what the Weaver has done, or where he has been in the centuries since the Mare became trapped on the Moon, only he can say…”
Shining put the book back on the shelf, not noticing the spider waving him goodbye. He was … well, “In shock” wasn’t a strong enough phrase. His entire world and worldview had turned upside down.
“So … he’s saying he’s the Weaver?” Shining asked himself, not caring that he was talking to himself.. Shining knew who Arachnos was, but he was more of a story than a person! For Maroon to say he was the Weaver, well, he’d be insane. He’d essentially be saying he was God. Celestia wouldn’t let somebody that unhinged teach children. This required further research…
Shining glanced around the locker room. Most of the guards in here were his seniors. What’s the worst that could happen, he’d look crazy?
Shining cleared his throat. “Uh. Have any of you ever heard the name Arachnos?”
“We don’t talk about Arachnos,” the older guards all said in unison.
Shining blinked. “Wait … he’s real?!”
The guard next to him slammed his locker closed, glaring at Shining. “Oh, he’s real. And he wrecks EVERYTHING.”
Another guard said, “He’s twelve feet tall, and is crawling with spiders!”
A third added, “He’s got like a hundred eyes that stare into your soul. And he’s utterly insane.”
The leader of Shining’s unit nodded. “My great-grandfather was second-in-command of the entire royal guard. He knew Arachnos personally and considered him a friend. He even invited the Weaver to his wedding. He and his wife came out for their dance and Arachnos started bleeding out of all of his eyes. Ten seconds later, a bunch of clouds swoop in out of nowhere and pelt everypony with hail and lightning and thunder. The wedding was ruined, and everypony had to run for it! Arachnos didn’t show his face for 3 years after that.”
“He’s got the Princess hypnotized or something, none of us know why she hasn’t sent him to Mares or something for all the trouble he causes! If you’re a part of the Royal Guard in Canterlot, sooner or later, you’ll meet him, unless you’re lucky and he just stays away for your entire lifespan. That’s pretty rare though. We’ve got a whole day of training devoted to him.”
“How to fight him?” Shining asked.
The room brook into hysterical laughter. “No, that’s suicide. He’s not violent normally, but if you did have to fight him, all you could really do was lay down and pray he’d make it quick and painless. Luckily if he’s in a good mood and you ask him to leave you alone, he will. He’s more of a really frightening pest than a danger, but if he ever snaps, we are all completely doomed. We more teach how to deal with him on the mental side of things instead of the physical.”
Shining wasn’t happy with that, but it made sense. He didn’t sleep much the next week, pouring his free time into more research and winding up in the backrooms of the internet.
He discovered that Arachnos actually had a coat of arms in Equestria. It was relatively simple, a 4-paneled shield with a gold border and a scroll. At the top center of the shield was a stylized spider, and at the bottom center was a golden ball of yarn with knitting needles stuck into it above a flowing scroll which read, “Weave & Warp.”
The upper left panel had a glass of chocolate milk and a fluffy pink cloud over a blue, yellow, and pink striped background.
The upper right panel had a red pawprint over a grey background.
The lower left panel had a depiction of the planet Equus in front of a golden spider web.
The lower right panel was just a pure black void.
Shining spotted something, squinted, and zoomed in on the image. They were hard to make out as they were tiny and almost the same color gold, but there were letters hidden in the gold border that surrounded the main body.
Shining spent a few minutes figuring out what order they should be read in and figured out that it was in Pony Latin. His Pony Latin was rusty, to put it mildly, and he didn’t want to bother Dusk with it. Luckily, there was a Pony Latin to Ponish translator just a click away.
Shining’s blood ran cold at the translation, “I break those around me, those spared are very few.”
Shining came into my classroom on the lunch break, mane frayed and dark circles under his eyes.
I was busy playing with a spider. Before I could get a word out he asked, “Are you evil?”
I blinked. “That’s a little bit of a personal question… Figure it out?”
He nodded. “I was convinced that you are either insane or a blasphemer, but it actually makes sense that you’re the Weaver.”
I grinned. “The correct answer is ‘D: All of the above…’ As to if I’m evil…” I thought and glanced down at the spider in my hooves. “I hated spiders when I was a child…”
“Aren’t they your sacred animal?”
I nodded. “Sure, now. But they reminded me of … memories I’d like to undo.” I held out the arachnid for Shining to inspect. “Most intelligent creatures have an irrational fear of spiders, due to the fact that some of them are poisonous, and they have an alien-looking physiology. They’re really quite fascinating. For one thing, they’re deaf. The can’t hear, they experience the world through vibrations, not sound. Which is why their webs are so useful. They also can’t see more than about a foot around them. Which is an impressive distance given how small so many of them are. They can also see in a nearly 360° sphere around them.
“They’re also rather stupid. Pretty basic predatory cunning, but not much else. They are absolutely cannibalistic, but a mother spider will go to extraordinary lengths to protect her young. If you tear down a spider’s web, it will simply spend days making a new one. They protect the natural world from being overrun by insects and other vermin. Some of the larger species will happily take on a snake for lunch and win, though that’s in places like Oatstralia.” I chuckled. “Can you tell I tried to research away my fear and gave myself LOTS of exposure therapy? … I suppose these days I feel a kinship with them.”
“So … what you’re saying is that you’re not evil, but ponies think you are…”
I shrugged. “Not just ponies, it’s a big planet and universe. I’m the sort of person who will spend 15 minutes carefully untangling a bee from a spider’s web, who cries if I take a spider outside only for it to instantly be eaten by another spider, who feeds all of the stray pets in my neighborhood, and who can’t bear to see any living or even undead thing in pain. That said, I invented necromancy. I’ve never actually killed anyone besides one person, but I don’t mind people thinking I have a body count in the billions. I’ve done horrible things, Shining. … And yes, I do wreck everything I touch.”
“So why teach here?”
I chuckled. “Let’s just say I’ve looked ahead at the script of Equestria’s future, and your family has a role to play that would astonish you. Dusk … reminds me of myself, and I wanted to help him to turn out better than I did. And as introverted as he is, he has. Spike’s gift for magic was a surprise, but given who I am, I do know quite a bit about Dragon magic, and Dragon Lords…”
“And me?” Shining asked.
I grinned. “Let’s just say that being a Knight in Shining Armor will help you go a long way very quickly on the road to happiness. I would just appreciate it if … when you meet a shady chapter of Equestria’s history … don’t kill him too hard. Because speaking from experience, just because you come back from dying doesn’t mean it didn’t HURT.” Seeing Shining’s confused look, I sighed. “It’ll make sense if it happens, but if I tell you, it probably won’t.”
Shining sighed wearily. “I guess you have a point…”
I grinned. “Most people need me to prove I’m the Weaver. I’m amazed you just accepted it."
"Proof would help, just so I know you don’t have a god complex…”
“Ah. A god complex is a belief you can do no wrong, to oversimplify. Actually thinking you’re god is filed under ‘delusions of grandeur.’ … My friends growing up all bonded in part because we were every flavor of neurodivergent, so mental health is important to me. Hmm… How do you prove you’re a Demiurge? I’m open to suggestions.”
Shining rolled his eyes. “Just something only the Weaver could do…”
“Well, since you’ve asked so nicely…” You all meet in a tavern… I snapped my fingers. There was a flash of dark light and the sound of a hole being punched in the universe.
Shining groaned and opened his eyes. The smell of ale hit his nose, which wrinkled from the assault. He could hear nearby chatter, though he couldn’t make out the words, as well as the sound of clinking glasses, a fireplace, and … a lute?
Once the blurs around him solidified into actual shapes, Shining saw that he was indeed in a tavern. He was wearing a chainmail shirt and had a large sword slung across his back.
An earth pony stallion with thick green fur and tusks waved at Shining. Shining realized it was an Orc. He glanced to the bar and yelped.
I was there in my liontaur Draconequus form, polishing a glass and wearing a bowtie, playing the part of the barkeep. I gave him a friendly wave.
Shining headed over. I grinned. Welcome to the World Serpent Inn. May I take your order? The food is free, but the drinks aren’t, though as you’re still underage…
Shining nodded. “OK, I’m convinced. Please take me back!”
I snapped my fingers again, and we were back in my class with no time having passed. … Please don’t tell your brothers who I really am, it would lead to … complications.
Shining sighed. “Not an easy secret to keep.”
No, but please. I’m begging you. I’ll tell them when the time comes, just not now.
Shining nodded. “All right. If you put it that way. Keep in mind that if you cause trouble, I’ll kick your flank, I don’t care how strong you are…”
Then I’m in your debt…
“Just remember to eat, OK? Apparently this body needs it…”
I nodded with a smile.
Even though he wasn’t a student at the school, I was able to finagle Shining’s being allowed to join the O&O club.
He gave Celestia a favorable report of my eating habits, and so was finally allowed to stop watching over me and get back to proper Royal Guard duties. Funnily enough, he never asked me to show him the future again, but the two of us parted friends, which is better than how most of my relationships parted. We even promised to keep in touch.
It had been 3 years. Dusk was now 13, and would be in my class next year, and I had a certain promise to live up to.
“Why are we going into the Everfree?” Time Turner asked nervously.
No one ever comes here, so it’s the perfect place to hide something…
I pulled aside a bush, and we were in a clearing. I carefully unfolded a pinch in space to show a mostly healed crater. In it was a blue police box.
I gave a theatrical flourish. Ta-da! Happy Graduation! I got you the Universe…
He blinked. “You got me a … phone box. I didn’t know they still made those.”
Trust me, they don’t make them like this anymore. After you…
“We won’t both fit!”
Just trust me…
The TARDIS had been locked, but the door opened for Time Turner when he tried it. He headed in, and I squeezed after him.
Time Turner was staring in shock at the console room. “Oh. My … GOD!” he shouted
Yes? I oozed.
“It’s bigger … On the inside … than it is … on the outside?!”
You've certainly grasped the essentials, I replied
“My entire understanding of physical space has been transformed! Three-dimensional Euclidean geometry has been torn up, thrown in the air and snogged to death! My grasp of the universal constants of physical reality has been changed forever…” Time Turner finished dramatically.
I chuckled. Thank you, Peter Capaldi for being such a ham…
“What?”
Nothing. Did I mention it’s a time machine?
“WHAT?!”
Oh, just hold onto something. Allons-y! I shouted as I flipped the main switch. She roared to life, thrilled to be taking a trip after all this time.
Time Turner did indeed hold on for dear life. In a few minutes it was done. I flipped a few other switches. Try the door, I said with an excited grin.
Nervously, he did, and his breath was taken away. “Oh, my…”
No matter how many times you see that view, it never stops amazing you…
“And this is traveling in time?”
Nah. That was just a short jump in space. This this traveling in time…
One more switch did the trick. Time Turner stared openmouthed as the universe rushed backwards in front of him.
The galaxies shrank further into themselves as the TARDIS gave a shuddering groan. You can do it…
Eventually there wasn’t any more time to travel through, and we ground to a halt. I pointed. See that little red star way off there? I’m there right now, just having made this universe.
I handed Time Turner a wrapped package. He opened it to find a large, heavy book full of tiny Circular Gallopfreyan. The cover read, “TARDIS Type 40 Owner’s Manual.”
Please don’t throw that into a supernova! I begged.
“Why would I throw it into a supernova?!”
You might disagree with it… I pressed a button, and a holographic map of the universe filled the console room, orbiting gently. I rubbed all six paws together with glee. So. All of time and space to choose from, where do you want to start?
I didn’t just hurl Time Turner into the void and say Good luck. I spent months traveling with him, informing him of various dangers to be found across the universe. I absolutely informed him that just because he could regenerate, he was not by any means immortal. I told his adoptive father what he was getting into as well. Both of us made Time Turner swear to not travel too far or too often until he got older, and to avoid certain times and places I warned him about.
I made quite a few mental notes to check up on his present and future selves to see how he was progressing.
A year later, Dusk excelled in my class, the same as he did in all of his classes. I wasn’t surprised, I just had to remind him to let the other students answer some of the questions so that they could learn it, since he already clearly knew it.
I was neither surprised nor hurt by the fact he chose to not continue to advanced potions, as he was choosing to focus on pretty much every other area of magic instead.
A year after Dusk had gone through my class, he was 15, and it was 5 years before the thousand years had passed and all Hell would be coming home again…
I was walking through the streets of Canterlot and was so distracted the city around me that I didn’t see a stallion until I’d crashed into him.
We were both knocked back onto our hindquarters, rubbing our heads. “I am so sorry! I wasn’t paying attention to …” My voice trailed off. He’d said exactly the same thing.
The stallion was staring at me in shock, and then in recognition. He looked like an Earth Pony, but I recognized the Wanderer on sight. I grinned sheepishly. Well, this is hockward, I said in my “God” voice.
That joke’s pretty untimely, he replied. I helped … me … up to his hooves. We circled each other.
“So that’s what my mane looks like from the back!” I said in amazement. I’d never checked back when I was the Wanderer.
Wait. If I was visiting myself as the Wanderer, that meant I had used the TARDIS from Galloprey, which meant it wasn’t wiped from the timeline? NO. Don’t hope, never hope…
“You look like a teacher,” he said uncertainly.
“Spoilers,” I replied with a grin.
He shook his head. “What are the odds I’d go time traveling and wind up crashing into myself?”
“You’d have to ask the TARDIS,” I said, trying to sound casual.
“Mind if I ask what my current alias is?”
“Maroon Flask,” I replied. “It’s surprisingly workable as a pony name.”
He gestured at the city around us. “This is not what I was expecting! It’s … I don’t know…”
“Too modern?” I said with a grin. “It was a surprise, but it’s not that bad in all honesty. Don’t try to change anything, I like things the way they are now. Just let things happen on their own. Anyway, we’ve reached the point in the conversation where I say you shouldn’t explore too much, so you should probably hop back into the TARDIS and head back. Interfering with the future, you know.”
“Of course I remember this conversation perfectly,” I said with an eye roll.
“Yeah, perfect memory isn’t as fun as it sounds. Best of luck. Be you in … oh, about five billion years. Have fun!”
“Couldn’t I just see a bit more?”
“NO. Trust me, it’s for the best.”
He sighed. “All right, all right. Try not to get hit by a car!”
“What’s it going to do, kill me?” I said with an evil grin.
He growled, “Still too soon,” and headed back the way he’d come … possibly to the TARDIS.
I wasn’t sure what to think. I could have asked him, but he would have asked things I didn’t want to reveal either.
One year to go. At the beginning of the year, I made an appointment to speak privately with Celestia, since the just popping in when I felt like it was rude.
“So. You excited? Nervous?” I asked.
“Yes. How will this work?”
I fished a scrap of paper out of my coat pocket. “Oh, trust me, I’ve been working on this. There’s a way to counteract the Element’s work, but it will bring Nightmare Moon back, not Luna. Luckily, I think there are some new Bearers already taking their positions, even if they don’t know it,” I said, thinking about my previous visits. I’d only visited a few of them, but things seemed to be headed in that direction.
Celestia examined a remarkably simple spell. “This … will bring her back?”
“Yes, with a slight hitch. The spell requires Love. I am … very fond of your sister, but I don’t love her in the required way. You do. I’ve got a plan; you’re just going to hate it.”
“What do I have to do?”
“For starters, Dusk Shines needs friends … and you have to get foalnapped.”