//------------------------------// // Chapter 2: Introductions... // Story: Family is a Funny Thing // by Justice3442 //------------------------------// Fire Destruction PANDAMONIUM ChaOs  Any and all of those words would describe the (W)Hooves’ kitchen at this particular moment, and also most moments in which its head baker was busy creating. Batter dripped from the ceiling, smoke was pouring from the oven, the sink was engulfed in flames while overflowing with water. And those were just the broad strokes of what was transpiring. Discord looked on in awestruck amusement. He usually had to do something for this magnitude of Chaos. However, this particular disaster localized entirely within a Ponyville Kitchen was the happy multiple, potentially cataclysmic accident of one Dearest Heart. Despite the flames, smoke, and growing pond in the kitchen, Dearest Heart flitted here and there adding flour, salt, and other dry ingredients to a green mixing bowl while singing merrily to herself, seemingly oblivious or ignoring the disaster area that was her own kitchen. “Don't feel like dancin', dancin'…” Amethyst Star stood next to the Draconequus that loomed over her with a feeling of impending doom. Oh, this is just GREAT! she thought in the most sarcastic tone her brain could muster. I usually only have to deal with this feeling from DH and occasionally Dinky… also The Doctor… and also when I don’t know exactly where Cloud and Windancer are and a bunch of tools and parts are missing. Images of traveling through the sky via a quickly constructed rocket, landing on the moon, and going on a colt and filly search danced through Amethyst’s head briefly. She shook her head from side to side briefly. Focus, Amy, focus. The Lord of Chaos is standing next to you and you haven’t even introduced yourself yet… Amethyst tilted her head slightly as her ears twitched. Wait, what would we even talk about? ‘Hey, Discord! I recognize you from all the terror you’ve inflicted on Equestria! Have you brought any other realms to their knees recently?’ An errant corn cob, Dekernelled the one who COBS in the Invisible Light, rolled out of the kitchen, flames enhancing plant matter. ‘Hello, Mr. Cord, sir! How are you this lively, smoky and dimensional aberration day?’ With a fuschia glow of her horn, Amethyst floated over a damp red cloth from the kitchen and dropped it on the burning cob as if it was burning corn-cob hour-of-ye-ol’-day and smothering the flames is just what one does at that particular time.  “I accept your tribute!” screeched Dekernelled as he both incinerated and COBED all the free rag into more fire COBS that began seeking additional targets. “I hear the screatch of a COB friend!” cried Windchaser. “Weaponize the plates!” exclaimed Cloud. “Ditzy Doo requires additional pylons!”  “Busy!” sang D.H. BUSY!” shouted Amethyst The buck was I thinking about? ‘Oh, hi! I didn’t see you standing right next to me for the last several minutes. Could you maybe not conflagrate into a fountain of whimsey and add to the dangerous unpredictability already ever-present in my life? That would be swell.’ Amethyst frowned. Yeah, none of those sound right.  “Oh, goodness gracious me!” Discord called out, simultaneously interrupting Amethyst’s train of thought and saving her from having to take the first step of an introduction. “A Princess Twilight experiment has seemingly gifted us with an original flavor clone.” Amethyst felt her blood boil as her left eye began to twitch. “I will impale you multiple times with my horn until I pull out your heart and toss it into the open portal to the COB dimension.”  Discord let out a hearty guffaw. “Oh, I like you!” …Why me? Why are weirdos attracted to me?  Wait, I got it! She continued to think as Discord gleefully examined her crossed eyes. She uncrossed her eyes to the opposite sides causing Discord to real his head back with an A-O-K sign. That’s it! Thought as if she had solved the mystery at hoof. He wants to corrupt us! “Whoop’s!” DH called out from ground zero of the catastrophe as she used a wing to protect a tin of steaming muffins from flames and water shooting out of the pipes where the sink had once been. “I just don’t know what went wrong!” she chirped. He wants to corrupt us FURTHER!  Discord disappeared from Amethyst’s shoulder and reappeared as his full height, his head still bearing the form of his host. “Magnificent…” he whispered to himself as his eyes took in the wonderous display of disarray before him. “Uh, do you mind maybe changing your head?” “Oh!” Discord raised his lion’s paw and eagle talon to his head and began reworking it as if it were clay. The result was a replication of Amethyst’s head, complete with horn and color change. “Better?” “Much!” Amethyst said with a mischievous smile, earning a small look of surprise from Discord. “Honestly, I’m not sure why you don’t just use that head all the time.” Somewhat disconcertingly, Amethyst was treated to her own face grinning back at her with a look of impish intent. “Oh, I really like you…” Discord purred as the purple pony head began to sag and then slop off his face in a purple pile of glop that fell on a flaming corn cob, smothering the flames.  Amethyst scowled at the remaining three flaming cobs and levitated them off the hardwood floor. She grouped them close together and floating the damp cloth off the floor, smothered the fires. “Is it always this lively around here?” Amethyst couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Oh, not at all. At night, everyone sleeps. Occasionally, they’re all out on the same hour. Friggin’ functional insomniacs.” “Oh my!” Discord bartoned, creating an errant bear behind the purple princess that fled the scene. “I can barely believe it!” he added, the bear desperately searching the smoke for an exit back to Fluttershy’s cottage. Discord continued, “Apologies for the little joke there.” Amethyst’s expression tightened. “Very little…” She winked. “It was unbearable.” Roaring at the indignity of ponies and their crazy kin, the bear cried again.  “Discord!!” Exclaimed a Butter-yellow pegsus with a flowing rose-petal pink mane, who entered the cottage as if it was hers. “You leave Mr. Bear out of your bits!” Her blue tourmaline eyes darted around what was perceived as a standard Ponyville home from the outside but was much more spacious on the inside. Her pupils narrowed. “Oh no!”  “Hey, Fluttershy!” Amethyst called out. “Hey Flutters!” D.H. called from the flame-soaked kitchen. “Hahaha!” Exclaimed the Doctor. “I’m improving the glassware!” he exclaimed victoriously. “Auntie Flutters is here!” exclaimed Cloud excitedly. “Run! You will not appreciate our rampant sciencing of functional things!” “Brother is right!” chimed in Cloudchaser, knowing that if not all family members present addressed the emissary from the Land of Kind, then the author would be judged on not presenting equal time to all adoraponies present. “Run Mr. Bear!” exclaimed Fluttershy as the frightened pegasus flapped off into the night, pursued by Mr. Bear who was keeping pace while glancing tersely at the house behind. “I’ll see you on Thursday!” Discord exclaimed over Fluttersy’s exclamation of “Omega Scenario is in EFFECT!” pierced into every ear of Ponyville. Discord batted his eagle talon at the open door. “I’m sure she herd me.” Amethyst extended a hoof. “Amethyst Star!” she introduced, knowing she was now in the safest place in Ponyville." Discord, smiling like he met the only other friend he had one over with his charm, took his hoof and said. “Discord, Lord of Chaos.” Taken aback as she let the chaos lord shake her hoof, she tearfully smiled back. With an expression of one who understood familiar love one understood the concept of love itself. Because only one with a fool’s heart and one named Dearest Heart could make this moment come.