Everything was going well, too well.
The way we got in was clever, yes, but there were no guards and somehow we weren't interrupted during the whole period of our sabotage work.
It was possible that Octavia might have ordered the Marefia thugs to clear out for tonight, but I hadn’t asked her to do that for us. The last thing she needed was for somepony to get suspicious. I expected something would happen shortly, chaos has been building up over the last few days and it was probably going to be big.
Regardless the job was done and the primary objective of my cunning plan had been completed. The brewery would be cinders in just a few minutes, the Marefia’s income would be crippled and Octavia wouldn’t be incriminated by its destruction. The next part of my cunning plan was a little vaguer but would, with luck, leave Octavia entirely in the clear.
“Alright everypony, herd huddle,” I announced with the three mares – and a small army of cats – gathering around me. “The cider needs time to boil before it will be ready to blow. Until it’s ready we’re going to keep an eye on Octavia.” Rarity, Vinyl and Catch nodded.
“Vinyl: I have to warn you that in a few minutes you’ll feel an absolute burning desire to buck me in the face.”
“I always want to buck you in the face.”
“More than usual,” I deadpanned. “ But it’s extraordinarily vital that you don’t, Octavia’s future depends on it. I assume that’s enough incentive?”
Vinyl rolled her eyes at my request, “I promise I won’t buck you, in the face, tonight.”
“Oddly specific but that’ll do.”
“But tomorrow is another day,” she cheerfully reminded me.
Thank Celestia I’ve already been paid for this, I thought to myself.
“Rarity: stay close to me.” She nodded before I addressed the general of the feline army, “Catch: how are the cats?” she surveyed the cats around her.
“Some of them are getting distracted by the smell of catnip. The fire is starting to spread the smell of it everywhere.”
The smell of catnip everywhere, that’s interesting. I considered it for a few seconds.
“All part of the plan,” I reassured as I came up with an idea. “That smell is going to start spreading out from the concert hall and half the cats in Canterlot will follow it right back here.”
Rarity burst into a smile, or at least I thought she did. It was hard to tell though her suit. “Brilliant idea,Turner. I can’t wait to get my little darling back.”
“Catch: I’ll need you to head outside once we get upstairs and find the cats as they start to arrive. When you think you have all of them, take them to the Animal Shelter.” Catch raised a hoof in salute. “Now that we’ve covered that, let’s get upstairs and see if Octavia is as good as they say she is.”
We came out of the basement into the marshalling area just behind the imposing organ that sat prominently at the back of the orchestral stage. The lights were doused to hide the presence of this room and the light we had was from the concert hall itself, passing through the gaps between the Organ pipes. We all gathered to look through the gaps at the orchestra and the audience beyond.
The concert hall was a long thin room with ascending rows of seats built to channel the sound of the music to as many ears as possible. Along the walls on the side were a series of elevated private boxes that were filled with noble ponies. I recognised a lot of them. The majority of the Canterlot nobility was here for the performance.
The reason for the high attendance was sitting in one of the two boxes on either side of the stage. Tonight was a royal performance, and Princess Celestia would be sitting in one of the two audience boxes reserved for royalty. The pair of boxes represented the setting sun in the west and rising moon in the east. From where I was standing I couldn’t tell which (1).
While the entire nobility was here to suck up to the princess, the rest of the seats were filled with ponies here to suck up to the nobility. These ponies that made up the bulk of the audience were dressed up as well as their budgets would allow. Among them was a group of vest wearing ponies that surrounded a single well-dressed mare in the centre. I would place a thousand bit bet on who it was, but there’s no pony in Equestria dumb enough to take me up on it.
It had to be the Donna herself: Noble Prize, Crime Princess of the Marefia. The big problem was asking why the Donna would turn up to this performance with that much backup. I could think of a few reasons why she would be here in person, but none of them were good for Octavia.
“Vinyl,” I addressed my ex. “Go around to the front of the concert hall and join the crowd, you’ll be keeping an eye on Octavia.” Vinyl gave me a reasonable impression of Octavia’s derisive glare before departing through a side entrance.
I was about to tell Lucky Catch to head outside when Vinyl came running back. Fortunately she was still wearing her sneaky suit, so her identity was still safe. Unfortunately a coat-tight black suit also draws the attention of the wrong sort of pony, like the four Marefia thugs chasing her.
I normally go as far out of my way as possible to avoid violence, hospitals are expensive, but with no real escape route open? Buck it. I charged forward, taking note of who the four were: there was a unicorn mare, an earth pony stallion and a pair of pegasi mares. The pair of pegasi was – you guessed it – Lefty and Righty, the pair back in their usual orientation as they came straight at me.
Rarity stood on her rear legs and raised her fore hooves into an offensive position, awaiting the charging earth pony. Catch unleashed her army of cats, swarming as one toward to the unicorn mare. The Marefia unicorn was struck by the wave of feline aggression with cats of all sizes throwing themselves at her. She attempted to use her magic but could not stop so many.
Vinyl continued to gallop toward me, leading my favourite pair of thugs. The pegasi came at me, flying low in the enclosed room, attempting to grab me as they passed and succeeded only at tearing the ill-fitting stealth suit I wore. Vinyl fired a blast of raw magic over me at the retreating pegasi and scorched Lefty’s tail. Righty growled and threw herself at Vinyl.
The earth pony stallion charged at Rarity, only to be bucked in the face by her version of hoof to hoof combat before having his hooves swept out from under him and collapsing. I made a note to myself to find out who taught her that.
Lefty came at me again. I leapt forward toward her, twisting in my leap to fly like a rolling cartwheel and pushed off the ground again as I landed with my forelegs. Now flying backwards toward Lefty I shot my rear legs out and bucked her full on in the face. We both fell into a pile on the ground, while I was fine Lefty had been knocked out cold.
Righty gave a cry when she saw Lefty fall. She dodged another of Vinyl’s wild magic blasts and flew toward me. I tried to scramble up onto my hooves and was barely standing when Righty ploughed into me. The blow knocked me away from the pair and sent me sliding across the floor.
I looked up from where I fell to see Righty standing over her partner with wings open in a territorial display as angry tears fell from her eyes. I shouldn’t have been surprised; I’d seen the pair together so many times over the last two days that it should have been obvious they were together.
I backed away from the pair and glanced around at my compatriots: Rarity was on top of the earth pony that attacked her and had her hooves around his neck in a sleeper hold; Vinyl was watching Righty with another blast of magic ready; Catch was standing with her cats watching over the unicorn mare that was huddling in a corner covered in small scratches.
Righty was the last thug standing. She looked ready to continue fighting but held her position over her partner and looked toward me, instead of the unicorn with a charged horn. It was a standoff as we both waited for the other to decide what to do. I decided we’d done enough and gestured for the members of my party to follow me to the exit.
“That was rather undignified,” muttered Rarity.
“Sorry guys,” Vinyl apologized. “I ran into them before I got out of my costume.”
“It’s fine, Vinyl,” I reassured. “I don’t think we did any permanent harm.” I looked behind us and saw Righty crying over the stunned Lefty. This was why I try to avoid violence, at the end somepony gets hurt and I don’t have laws protecting me like the royal guards do.
I sighed, “Rarity, Catch: head outside and find any cats, try not to look suspicious.” I turned to my ex marefriend who was pulling off her suit, “Vinyl let’s keep an eye on Octavia.” We split off into our pairs, Vinyl leading me to a side entrance to the concert hall and we entered just as the climax of the final movement began.
Our entrance went unnoticed by the audience that was focused on the building melody. Vinyl followed me as we crept toward the empty first row seats reserved for friends and family. I caught a smell in the air, a subtle taste of something familiar; Catnip from our impromptu bonfire in the basement downstairs. Strangely nopony else seemed to worry about it.
As we sat down Vinyl whispered quietly in my ear, “This is the ‘Ode to Friendship’. It’s one of Octy’s favourites. She calls it, ‘poetry in orchestral form’.”
“It’s a fairly soft tune,” I whispered back.
“You won’t think that in a minute,” Vinyl replied with a smile.
“When did you become an expert in classical music?” Vinyl elbowed me in the gut.
“Damn it, Vinyl. You said—“
“I said I wouldn’t hit you in the face.” I slumped forward in defeat, she had me there.
“Can you reach the sparker from here?” I asked.
Vinyl lit her horn and concentrated for a moment. “Just barely, it should have been long enough by now. Did you want me to set it off?”
“I think we can wait for Octavia to finish her song.”
The music played softly as the choir started to sing in an old language that I couldn’t understand, perhaps it was old unicorn. Then right on cue the orchestra launched into full volume, each member throwing themselves into the tune. Octavia was up front with her performance cello, eyes closed, and playing the tune from her heart. She even started to dance lightly with her cello as they played.
Music can deliver a message in its tone even if you can’t understand the words. The message I received troubled me; it seemed to tell me I was missing something in my life. I dwelt on the experience I had over the last few days, especially the teamwork involved. It was food for thought to say the least.
Just as the music was starting to calm down I looked around the audience. I quickly noticed something the smell of catnip was joined by something else. Smoke was starting to leak out the vents on the walls.
I looked back at the stage where Octavia was looking down at the pair of us with a wide grin on her face. I suppose knowing that your music is appreciated makes it all the sweeter, especially when it’s appreciated by somepony you care about. I turned to look at Vinyl and she was returning Octavia’s smile in a combined sappy love moment.
Well I couldn’t let that continue. “Vinyl,” I said as I tapped her on the shoulder. “Do it.” Vinyl lit her horn and scrunched her eyes up in concentration as she tried to trigger the booze bomb in the basement below.
The sound of the explosion echoed from below the stage. The sound threw the Orchestra out of sync as everypony turned around to search for the source of the sound. The real panic started to set in when everypony finally noticed smoke starting to poor out of the air vents around the concert hall.
It was the calmest panic I’ve ever seen. I remembered that Rarity had told me before that catnip had a calming effect on ponies, but I was surprised to see that the effect on the audience: Everypony just seemed to stand up calmly and walk toward the exits. There were barely any shouts of “Fire” or cries of “The Horror, The Horror!” There wasn’t even any pushing or shoving for pony’s sake.
I looked at Vinyl who simply shrugged at the minor absurdity of a working evacuation. I shook my head, stood up and headed to the stage where the performers were calmly packing up their instruments. Octavia herself had already slung her cello onto her back and was ready to go, giving us a welcoming smile as we came onto the stage.
“Turner, Scratchy, I hope you enjoyed the performance.”
“Octavia, you're a little calm for somepony in a burning building,” I pointed out.
“Oh it’s probably just the music,” Octavia replied, a little too calmly for my taste. “The ‘Ode to Friendship’ is one of my favourite pieces; a little smoke isn’t going shake it from me.”
“There’s no smoke without fire.” I looked at my ex. “Vinyl, do you have catnip back at your apartment?”
“Yeah, what's it to you?”
“It’s very calming, isn’t it?” Came a voice from behind me.
Vinyl and I both spun around in shock while Octavia just smiled at the intruder.
“Hello, Noble Prize. Did you enjoy the performance as well?”
There stood somepony I never wanted to meet in person, the Donna herself, the ruthless unicorn crime boss that had control of everything illegal in Canterlot. Somehow I found that fact that her name was “Noble Prize” to be strangely unsettling.
“One of your best performances, Octavia, although it might be your last,” the Donna replied. If Octavia noticed the blatantly veiled threat she didn’t show it. “You’re nice and loud on stage but everypony in the audience heard that explosion. Failing to protect family assets? That’s bad and then this moron,” she planted a hoof on my chest, “that I specifically told you to get rid of suddenly turns up at your performance.” She slammed a hoof down, “I’m not a foal Octavia. I know you're behind this.”
It was about this point that I was wondering why a mare with such a ruthless reputation was simply berating Octavia rather than beating her over the head with a viola. I quickly put two and two together to realize that the Donna had been dosed with the same stuff Octavia had. She was calm and relaxed, even though the same couldn’t be said for the goons that were accompanying her. They were paying more attention to other things then their boss.
Overall I prefer my crime bosses when they’re chatty, so I fell back on the old hero standby: keep them chatting while waiting for help to come rescue us from the burning building and its resident gangsters.
“Noble Prize...”
The crime boss halted her tirade against Octavia and turned her attention on me.
“What do you want moron?” She levelled at me.
“Just saying the name, no-bul Pri-z-ee, it sounds a bit weird really, no-bell might be better. Nobel Prize, hmm yes that sounds like a much better fit. It even has the added advantage that it sounds like there’s no bells attached, because you're not a very noble pony are you?”
She returned a hard stare at me. “Just what are you supposed to be then, a detective? I’ve heard about you ‘Time Turner,’ the incompetent detective who relies on blind luck alone to solve his problems, convincing everypony he sees that somehow the universe wants him to win. Your name makes you sound like some sort of time traveller yet all I’ve seen out of you are word games rather than any form of competence.”
“Hey I like word games,” I objected.
“It was all you ever did in my apartment,” agreed Vinyl. I glared at her while the Donna smirked at me.
“Vinyl—” I groaned, “insult the other pony please. Try to remember whose side you’re on.”
Vinyl looked toward the Donna. “Your cider is terrible.”
“Thank you for that wonderful insight, Vinyl.” I looked back at the Donna. “So, No-bell Prize, your organization can’t make decent cider. A shame really, because you’re practically the only provider in town.”
“Well, tough. I worked long and hard for that status; do you have any idea how many competitors I ran out of town? You showed up at a club that I control with a keg on your back so I sent Octavia around to teach you a lesson.” She turned to look at Octavia who had been calmly observing the rest of the room, “except this silly nag couldn’t do it, could she?”
“Well, no, not really,” I answered gaining the Donna’s attention again. “She’s a much better pony than you despite what you might have tried to get her to do. She’s got friends, a career she enjoys and she’s good at more things with that cello than just hitting ponies.” I smiled in the smuggest possible way. “You have none of that, do you?”
The Donna’s scowl deepened as she levitated a star shaped blade out of her dress, her horn glowing a dull red. “None of that will save her.” She shot the star toward Octavia.
The next few seconds seemed to move slowly: Octavia’s calm demeanour was the first to go as she saw the danger flying toward her, shifting into a look of panic and disbelief. I gave a cry and leapt to try and catch the star, already preparing to invoke my reset if I failed. Vinyl was faster than either of us, leaping in front of Octavia and attempting to use her magic to create a shield but getting nothing more than a grey glow between her and the approaching star.
Then a Miracle occurred as a goddess interfered: Deus ex Sol herself.
The dark red field around the bladed star was wiped away with an almost effortless use of brute force power. Then as the Donna was staring in shock at her star-blade it turned white hot and disintegrated in front of us. The Donna was picked up by a gold field, turned around and then forced to sit down. The look on her face was an absolutely priceless mix of surprise, shock and fear.
It wasn’t a surprise to anypony else. During the entire time the Donna was confronting us Princess Celestia herself was hovering in the air behind Noble Prize, watching her dig herself into a deeper hole. She looked down at the Donna not with anger, but with disappointment. Somehow it was even more terrifying than rage (2).
She had the attention of everypony else on stage as well. The Marefia thugs had been pinned down by the Princess’s magic for a few minutes now. The Royal Guard had arrived and were already searching for the source of the smoke, or helping evacuate more ponies from the hall.
I took a deep breath to bask in the moment. Getting the Donna to admit to her crimes and attempt to kill Octavia in front of the Princess? It was all part of my Cunning Plan.
We were escorted out of the concert hall by the Princess who calmly requested the story behind the night’s events. Rather than being critical about what we did or the panic we caused the Princess took the night’s events with a smile, giving me the distinct impression she was pleased with us. I decided it was better not to know her reasons; the thoughts of a nigh immortal being would be difficult to comprehend.
Outside we were greeted with the sight of the crowd of concert goers who had been waiting out in the street, including the vast majority of the noble audience. Princess Celestia opened her wings and raised her voice to address the crowd.
“Good evening my little ponies. I regret that tonight’s performance was cut short, but however I am pleased to announce those responsible for tonight’s disruption have been caught.” The Princess presented the Donna to the gathered audience, now in shackles with a magic inhibitor on her horn. “This pony is the leader of the criminal organization known as the Marefia. She was apprehended by myself a few minutes ago with the assistance of these three friends.” She drew attention to us as we stepped forward and bowed before the crowd.
“Well, Time Turner—” Octavia said to me quietly, “you're certainly worth your fee. I’m impressed.”
I gave her a smile. “I’ve got one more thing to do for you, Octavia. After all, ‘it’s all part of my cunning plan’.”
The effect was immediate: Octavia leapt at me, locked her fore hooves around my neck and drew me into a deep kiss. Vinyl’s mouth fell open in shock as the crowd around us began to cheer.
After a moment Octavia pulled away with a mild surprise in her eyes, my smile widened into a grin. “Now nopony thinks you're a fillyfooler.” My remark was met with more surprise from Octavia and I brought my mouth to her ear and whispered, “Ask me about it later.”
Behind us the Princess laughed quietly and gave us a smile, “Congratulations, my little ponies. I’ll let you have the rest of the night to yourself.” She gave the Donna a shake. “Rest assured that I’ll deal with this one myself. However I caution you to be careful in dealing with any of her associates over the coming weeks, as it will be some time yet before the Marefia collapses.” With that said the Princess departed with a detachment of guards following in tow with the captured thugs, including Righty and an unstable Lefty.
“Back in a moment”, I said to Octavia and ran after the departing group to catch up with the Princess.
“Princess Celestia, a moment of your time?” I asked as she paused raised an eyebrow and nodded her head, I accepted this as permission.
“I’m afraid you have a couple of innocent ponies under arrest,” I gestured at Lefty and Righty who were surprised at my actions. “I would greatly appreciate it if they were released together. The one on the left has a concussion and probably needs some medical attention.” Celestia looked at the pair who remained next to each other as she silently judged both them, and they in turn did not dare to look back at the Princess.
“As you request, Time Turner,” she said with a soft smile. “Make sure they stay out of trouble.” She nodded to her guards who released the pair from their wing restraints and the Princess left without saying anything further.
The pair of pegasi embraced one another. Lefty held up by Righty as she recovered from the concussion I gave her earlier.
Righty turned to look at me. “Why are you doing this?”
“I recall that the pair of you stood against four of your own comrades to protect my client.” The pair looked at each other in surprise.
Lefty looked back toward me, “Really?”
I nodded in return, “Consider it my way of saying thank you and apologizing for all the trouble I’ve caused you. One more thing though, you two owe me, so here’s what I want you to do: You walk away from the Marefia and get out of this city; then I want you two to make something with your lives and the clean slate the Princess just gave you. Finally if I need the help of two formidable pegasi I want you two to come flying, savvy?”
The ambidextrous pair held each other for a moment and then as a pair nodded toward me.
“Good, when you do settle down send a message to my office with your contact details.” I put a smile on my face. “I’ll be looking forward to hearing what you do with your new lives.”
I turned and walked back to the concert hall where my friends were waiting for me. Halfway back I looked over my shoulder to see the pair slowly walking away with Righty still supporting Lefty. I genuinely wanted to see the pair again someday just to see if they would change.
The crowd had dispersed to leave my favourite four mares standing outside together. As I approached I noticed that Vinyl had gone beyond death glare and was now trying to kill me with her eyes. I supposed that she did have a good reason this time.
Rarity on the other hoof was being consoled by Catch, the pair were still in their disguises but it was fairly obvious from a distance that Rarity hadn’t found Opalescence yet.
“Are you okay, Miss Rarity?” I asked.
“No, I am afraid not, Mr Turner,” she sighed. “Even with all the cats we rescued tonight I still have not found Opal. I cannot bring myself to think what could have happened to her.”
“Miss Rarity it’s okay,” I said as I gave her a comforting hug. “It’s okay because I know where Opalescence is.”
She stopped crying and looked into my eyes, “Really?”
“I’ll have her back with you before you know it. Shall we go get her now?”
“Yes,” Rarity nodded with cheer returning slowly to her face.
“Come on everypony, I’ll lead the way. You won’t believe where she is.”
Luna’s Notes:
(1) Our sister had requested the plans be altered to suit two Princesses when the hall was built centuries ago, the additional box was intended for our royal form upon our return. Nevertheless we usually sit in the same box as our sister, Blueblood gets the other one.
(2) Our sister rarely shows anger towards our subjects. As she has (or had) absolute control over Equestria she is careful not to be perceived as a tyrant, lest her own subjects rebel against her. Instead she prefers to take the position of grandmother. One of her favourite tools is what she calls the, “Mummy isn’t angry, she’s just very, very disappointed” voice.