//------------------------------// // Cozylosophy and Glowistential Crisis // Story: What happens to Golly? // by Golly4Ever //------------------------------// If your senses tell you nothing, do you really exist? It wouldn’t be the first time Cozy had asked that of herself. She was pretty sure of herself in the beginning. In later days, reality had begun to slip away from her. The only thing left that was real was her thoughts. Over time, it seemed that those would betray her as well. Nothing was concrete anymore in her stony existence. No longer did she try to make sense of her world. It didn’t matter; nothing did anymore. Just like the waves of emotions that constantly washed over her, Cozy let her thoughts run wild as well. No longer did she try to contain and organize them. Why bother? This was existence for her; rather, the lack thereof. In a place without time, it was forever. ‘At least limbo would have had form. I think. …Or do I? Am I?’ An eternity of lifetimes passed in an instant since she last heard it. The voice. A filly. It was young and curious. ‘Was it even real?’ Cozy had decided that it was. It had to be. ‘I talked to it. But you also talk to yourself, now. Of course, I do. There’s nopony else here.’ The concept of “here” was still difficult for her to grasp. It didn’t bother her anymore, though. She knew the thought would fade just as quickly as it had appeared. All she needed was a distraction. ‘Distraction in a place like this is a little hard to come by. What was I thinking about, now? Was it important? I guess nothing is, anymore. Did I think that already?’ The voice. ‘It was real. I just know it.’ A wave of excitement briefly washed over her formless existence. She struggled to hang onto it, but like all good things, it quickly slipped from her grasp. A sorrowful emptiness had become her new home. It was the one thing she knew would always be there for her. It was reliable, consistent. It was powerful. ‘Power.’ The voice had a name. ‘Astral Bell.’ She had recited the name over and over, many times. It had been a spark in the darkness; new life. It revived her, pulling her from a downward spiral of perpetual decay. She wondered from time to time how “the others”, Chrysalis and Tirek were doing. She tried not to, though. This was somehow all their fault. They wanted the power all for themselves. Nopony wanted to share and now look where it got them all. She was glad they weren’t trapped in there with her. She would be lying though if she said she didn’t miss them at least a little bit; if anything just so she wouldn’t be left to face her personal darkness alone. ‘Power.’ The topic had been on her mind a lot ever since the day Astral entered her existence. ‘Why?’ That was the question. Is that really what she wanted? Why again? It wasn’t important. It hadn’t been important for a long, long time. Suddenly it was, though. It called her entire existence into question. Without it, what was she? Without the pursuit of it, “why” was she? ‘Why can’t I just fade away along with everything else?’ Cozy pushed the thoughts out of her metaphorical head. ‘I am the only thing that is real. This is the ultimate power.’ ‘Then why am I not happy? Happiness is not real. No. It must be real. Power isn’t happiness. It’s not what I want. Then what do I want? I want to sleep; wake up in a new day… to think about it later.” She’d lose her mind if she wasn’t already lost. Cozy searched desperately for a distraction. “Cozy Glow? Hello? I'm back.” A familiar voice returned, Astral. Cozy felt something nearly unfamiliar to her; joy, if only a little bit of it. "Golly," she replied. *** Astral’s telepathic abilities had grown, eventually attracting the attention of Twilight Sparkle. She earned her cutie mark (a golden yellow bell, radiating lines as if it were ringing) along with placement in the Canterlot school of magic. It was quite a rare talent to have, and Twilight knew it was something to be guided and cared for delicately. Astral was happy to be in Canterlot to attend Celestia’s School of Magic. She never forgot the day she first connected with Cozy and eagerly awaited when she could talk to her again. She was older and stronger now, both mentally and magically. She was her very own pony. Astral continued to "talk" to Cozy regularly about news, what was going on at school, the differences between good and bad, and just about anything else they could think of. At first, Cozy constantly tried to be her old self and lie and manipulate, but every time she did, Astral called her out on it. Cozy couldn’t hide her true feelings and intentions from Astral, not while frozen in stone at least. She had no choice but to behave and play nice. No longer could she continue down her deceptive path of villainy. Though Astral never threatened to abandon her, the companionship Cozy had with her had become far too important for her to risk losing. Through Astral, Cozy eventually came to accept the idea that there could be value in genuine friendship beyond manipulative power. She was, however, still somewhat reluctant to share her own past, where she came from, and her family. They did talk about her life in Ponyville, though. They shared anecdotes involving Twilight and her various "isms" about the School of Friendship and how not much had changed since she started teaching at the School of Magic. "They still call it 'Twilighting?'" "The other statues tell stories too. Some are very different from what the textbooks say. They’re really boring, though. I’d rather talk to you!" said Astral, to Cozy. “I think some of them are just actual statutes though and ponies just say they used to be real.” *** Classes at the School of Magic were pretty standard for what they were. There was just a little bit in the way of the core studies, but most of the other classes were specializations such as: Magic Theory, Spellcrafting and Modification, Magic Ethics, Potioncraft, etc., each with their own professor. Twilight’s class was special, though. It went beyond the textbook and explored the more unconventional concepts and applications, drawn mostly from her experiences in Ponyville and elsewhere. Nowhere was it written and detailed the process of hosting the power and energy of 3 other alicorn princesses in addition to your own. Traveling through time to chase down the next potential reformed ally and friend wasn’t something that happened every day; at least, Twilight was pretty sure of it. The dangers of pulling ponies out of Limbo, along with the associated benefits was also something that needed teaching. Twilight aimed to set the magically gifted on the right path toward the prosperity of the land. Astral’s progress at the school had begun to stall, requiring tutoring in order to keep her grades up. One day during an after-class session with Twilight, Astral slouched over onto her desk with a sigh, displaying particularly lower energy than usual. Twilight took notice. "What's wrong? Is something on your mind?" she asked. "Oh, it's nothing. Really!" answered Astral. She continued to slouch, looking out of the window to her side towards the direction of the garden. The statues in the prison garden couldn’t be seen from where she was, but she knew they were there. There hadn't been anything new to talk about with Cozy lately. She couldn’t just stop visiting her, though. Cozy was likely the only reason Astral tried so hard in the first place. "You can't fool me, Astral Bell. I don't have to be a telepath to know that one of my most promising students has something on her mind. Is it somepony perhaps?" asked Twilight. "Maybe,” replied Astral, pausing for a moment. “Yeah. Just somepony I've been talking to for a while now. She's really sad, but I can't help her. All I can do is talk," she continued. "I see,” said Twilight. “As a good friend, sometimes that's the only thing you can do, and sometimes it's also the best thing you can do. Who is this pony? Do I know her?" she asked, moving to stand at Astral’s side. "Maybe,” replied Astral, pausing again for another moment to sit up straight. “Yeah." "What's her name?" asked Twilight. Astral directed her gaze from the window to her teacher, "Promise you won't get mad?" Twilight smiled warmly, expressing comfort and support down at her student, "I promise," she said. Astral hesitated to answer. "Well, um... Her name is: Co-" she began to say before being suddenly interrupted. "Twilight!” said Spike as he bolted in through the classroom door. “Your presence is requested in the throne room right away!" he continued. The little dragon slumped forward, resting his claws on his knees as he caught his breath. Twilight patted Astral on the back with her wing, "I'm sorry. We can talk later when you are ready. This sounds like a good subject for ‘Basics in Friendship 101’!” Whether or not it really belonged, Twilight couldn’t help but constantly be adding to the curriculum at the School of Magic whenever she saw fit. In addition to all of Equestria, she was also the princess of friendship with a tendency to operate outside the rules of the EEA, after all. Twilight ignited her horn as a magical aural began to envelop her in a light purple glow. Spike reached out to her, “Wait! Twilight, take me with-” There was a flash of purple magic and Spike was left alone in the room with Astral. “...Never mind.” He turned and jogged out of the classroom before taking flight down the hall. * * * Later that night, Astral lay quietly in her soft, cozy bed, under her warm, fluffy blanket. The room was dark, her dormmate fast asleep in the upper bunk, lightly snoring away. The summer was coming to an end, leaving the nights just a little bit chillier as the days passed. The soft glow of the moon shone in through the slats of the shuttered window, leaving a horizontally striped pattern of shadows on the walls and bed. Astral looked up at it through the thin panel strips. The moon was fully visible all over Equestria, but in Canterlot, it shined the brightest alongside the carefully curated placement of the accompanying stars. While it was now Twilight’s responsibility to raise and lower the moon along with the sun, Luna was proud of her own efforts as she continuously worked to keep it presentable. "I almost told her, you know?” said Astral, telepathically. “Princess Twilight? I wanted to, but didn't-” Astral paused for a moment before completing her sentence, “...want to." Her thoughts were fatigued and slowed. The exhaustion of a hard day of studying and learning had taken its toll. A telepathic link from the dorm all the way to the garden required an intense amount of focus, concentration, and energy for Astral to create, but once made, was fairly easy to maintain. The fact that Cozy never moved made things somewhat easier. Even then, it wasn’t something she did often. She would never tell Cozy it was good for helping her get to sleep, though, on the nights she wasn’t feeling particularly tired or sleepy. Tonight though, she was already there. She had to be careful not to drift off mid-sentence. "Ooh, that Twilight," said Cozy, with anger in her voice. Astral had made much progress with Cozy, but there were still a number of words and names known to trigger her. Astral understood, though, and knew they would get to working on them eventually, one at a time. "She's not a bad pony,” said Astral. “You’re not a bad pony,” she emphasized. “I think she would understand. If only there was some way we could show her." The idea of a joint therapy session had crossed her mind on more than one occasion. She had never tried though. She wouldn’t know where to begin. This whole experience was something relatively new and unheard of to most ponies. It would be a prime candidate for a topic to be discussed and explored in Twilight’s class, though. But then again, Astral never really considered it to be therapy. To her, it was just two only-friends, alone with each other, talking to each other. She would never realize just how much she needed it; just as much as Cozy did. "Well I can't do anything from inside here," said Cozy, with a slight tone of sarcasm. Talking to Astral grounded Cozy. It brought form and order to her universe. With Astral, there was an inside where Cozy existed, and an outside where Astral was. Somewhere in between was the wall that separated the two. No matter how hard Cozy tried, though, she would never be able to see or reach it. When Astral was around, “connected” to her, Cozy had an anchor to hang onto. For those brief moments in her eternity, enormous calming and welcome relief was to be had. She cherished every bit of it and waited endlessly for it to return every time. It was something to live for. ‘Please take me with you.’ Cozy wondered if Astral could hear her thoughts inside of thoughts too. She really hoped she couldn’t. Sometimes she’d imagine more private memories just to try and remember what it was like being real; eating, pooping, preening her feathers; some of it was very intimate and not something she was ready to share with a pony she had never even seen before. “Pooping…” Cozy really hoped Astral couldn’t hear or see everything. “What?” “What? Nothing. Nothing! I didn’t say anything just now.” There was a brief pause while Astral lay in thought. "What if... You weren't inside there? What would you do?" she asked Cozy, curiously. "What do you mean?" Astral paused again to think, this time for slightly longer. "Nothing. Never mind," she said. Cozy insisted, "What do you mean?" "Goodnight, Cozy. Try to remember, you're not alone," said Astral. She said it all the time. She liked to think it was something Cozy really needed to keep hearing, both in real life and in her imprisoned state. She knew Cozy had never been told that before. Astral’s horn went dark. It was just her and her thoughts now. ‘What was that? Excitement? No, it was more than that.' Astral wasn’t even sure where the feeling came from, whether it was Cozy’s or her own. Growing in her ability, one of the first things she had learned was to separate her thoughts and feelings from that of others as the powers manifested in the once very young, confused, and troubled little filly. It had been a while since she last couldn't figure it out. It was a problem for another day. She yawned and shifted to her side, closing her eyes, and drifting off as the waves of sleep carried her away.