Luna’s thoughts were a mess, all clamoring for her attention yet none providing her the break she needed to begin her retelling of the last millenium. Her story, not second hoof knowledge of ancient events as retold by a historian. She had read enough history books in her spare time since returning to know just how ignorant Equestria’s historians really were. She had been stuck on the moon for most of it yet she still knew more than those pompous intellectuals.
No, this was a personal first-hoof account which would be much more humiliating. It would provide her sister an inside perspective to explain away the oddities that nopony in history could figure out. Oddities that she never wanted to be connected to, but was, to her shame.
Amid the chaos, one train of thought stood out from among the rest, something that had been bothering her for a while. Like a fly that wouldn’t go away, it nagged her until she finally allowed it to solidify in her jumbled mind.
How could a vile pony such as myself be integral to modern day Equestria?
From her observations she had determined that the country really had gotten along just fine without her, despite Celestia’s insistence to the contrary. Her sister had been able to control the moon to provide Equestria with the nights it minimally required, after all, and the dream realm hardly needed guarding if there wasn’t a Nightmare Moon figuratively running around. She was nopony to look up to, so even the excuse of her being a role model didn’t explain away her sister's insistence on this issue.
There must be something else that Celestia isn’t telling me.
Fear coursed through her once more. All these words about making a place for herself were nice, but her pounding heart was telling her that they were just that: words. Empty promises that might have been true, under different circumstances. If they weren’t being directed towards her, of all ponies.
This all must be for information extraction, Luna’s poisonous thoughts supplied. Why else go through all this trouble to regain a hardened criminal’s trust? She prides herself on being thorough. She knew I’d never reveal the full story had I been imprisoned immediately, but the joke’s on her. She’ll never know it all.
Where had that come from? Luna tried to fight against the slanderous thoughts, but she couldn’t reconcile the misgivings she had about being so open with somepony who could have her imprisoned again, one who had done just that so long ago. Despite her best efforts she still didn’t trust Celestia in this matter, regardless of how much she wanted to. The paranoia was too strong.
It didn’t help that in every conversation the sisters had had up to that point, the hesitant way Celestia sometimes spoke made it feel like there was an asterisk at the end of each sentence. Her help was conditional, and Luna was pretty sure she knew what that condition was.
Sure, Celestia knew full well that Luna attempted to plunge the world in night eternal, that’s what secured her a one way ticket to the moon in the first place, but it was what she did afterwards while on the moon that could make her rescind her offer. She was waiting for her to mess up, or for more evidence to pop up.
I... actually don’t trust my own sister, Luna realized with a start. No wonder it’s been so awkward between us.
A part of her disagreed with her harsh assessment, but the other part demanded that she sway on the side of caution and humor these doubtful thoughts in case everything did go south and Celestia turned on her. She couldn’t blame her if she did, but it still hurt to think that all of this was an effort to lower her defenses. The more she tried to deny it, however, the more it settled in her mind that it was the case, because it was Luna-Nightmare Moon that they were talking about.
For all of the painful relationship building they had gone through the last few months, the joy of acting like sisters again, the hope of living normally once more, it would all come to an end at the gravity of her crimes, crimes that Celestia must have suspected but was not yet fully aware of. This was the end result. Celestia would smoke out her rat and then Luna… Luna would be alone again.
Might as well pull off the bandage and get it over with, Luna sighed. There was no fight in her. She couldn’t go to prison a second time and expect to live through it, but the punishment seemed inevitable.
For the sake of the good times they had together, Luna would at least dignify Celestia with a retelling of her crimes. She would pander to the audience and say what they expected to hear, much like Equestria’s historians. Oh, she’d give Celestia a reason to lock her away and throw away the key. A pretender such as her, however, did not have any right to know more than that. No, if she was going back to prison then Luna would at least keep what little pride she had intact. Her sufferings would never see the light of day, if she had her way.
But if she really is being sincere--- Luna stopped herself. It was easier to believe that Celestia was using her than the alternative. She didn’t want to place any hope on that thought. It would make what she had to say next unbearable.
Luna, now more certain than ever as to how to begin, stood up and turned away from Celestia, steeling her nerves. She could not face her with what she was about to divulge. She would begin by highlighting specific infamous events in Equestria’s history, she decided, steadily building up before going in for the blow.
By the end of it, Celestia would finally see the monster standing before her.
………
“Do you know why I tried to dethrone you?” The question might as well have been whispered in the deadened space. Her voice sounded weak, even to her own ears.
“Tell me,” Celestia finally responded, face impassive.
“I was ignored, and forgotten.” Luna continued. “Nopony appreciated my work, my beautiful night. Since most ponies slept through it, I adapted. I walked the dream realm, guarding our little ponies’ dreams and vanquishing their nightmares.
“But then, even that was frowned upon. My calling, taken from me. It came to an end when a royal guard yelled at me.” She heard a small gasp, but she opted to ignore it. “Why did he yell at his princess? Because she stopped his nightmare. He sought me out in the waking world to tell me to keep my prying little eyes to myself, as if I was spying on those in our employ.”
“What did you do?” Celestia asked. Nervous, tapping her forehoof.
“Nothing,” she answered with a shake of her head. “The guard was off duty and he was part of the higher ranks. I knew that the Captain of the Royal Guard would side with the guardspony. I had had an altercation with the captain’s relation, a noblepony of some sort. I suppose that’s where my distaste for the nobility stemmed from.”
Celestia took it all in, silently urging her to continue. This was painful already, Luna decided. It was time to switch gears. A history lesson was in order.
“Do you remember the noble uprising of 136?”
“...” Celestia seemed taken aback by the shift. A moment passed, but then she nodded slightly. “Somewhat. Remind me.”
“Sixteen nobles of the lowest station banded together in an attempt to overthrow the Crown,” Luna continued with a grimace, “namely you since I was already out of the picture. The plot was spearheaded by a certain individual by the name of Steady Compass. After the plot was discovered and the rebellion squashed, he confessed to the crime and not less than twenty counts of manipulation and coercion, including withholding of official documents and theft of royal property.
“His motive? The Crown was stubborn and close-minded, more invested in seeking peace with the other nations than caring for the needs of her little ponies. After negotiations fell on deaf ears, he took the matter into his own hooves with the help of his sympathizers. Unfortunately for them, they were found out before they could do any damage…”
The story she wanted to tell began to fall into place, the narrative leading them ever closer to her dark secrets. She started with commonly known historical mishaps, keeping each one short but hitting all the main issues. A noble here, a commoner there, some foreigners sprinkled in, all harming Equestrians at large. Every once in a while Luna would glance at Celestia to gauge her reaction; she was keeping up, patiently waiting to see where she was going with all of this.
Then she moved on to more obscure incidents, where history acknowledged something happened but had no understanding of why it did, until finally she delved into unrecorded events that only Celestia was old enough to have witnessed. As the minutes ticked by, her sister’s brow became more furrowed. At long last, they reached the finale. Something that nopony but Celestia should have known.
“...Perhaps the best kept secret of them all was the terrorist strike of 569. It was an event so terrible that it was forbidden to be recorded, and if any records of the event were found they were to be destroyed immediately. It was a collaboration of three ponies and two griffins. Sound familiar?”
Another glance at Celestia revealed a grave expression. Was it her imagination, or was there a hardened glint to Celestia’s eyes? That was a yes, then. It seemed that she was beginning to suspect what Luna was leading up to. Her chest was so tight it hurt to breathe, yet she forged on.
“Although all five were bent on Equestria’s destruction, one of those wretched creatures was especially despicable. A pegasus named Lightning Strike, codename ‘Boom,’ had slipped through the cracks of society and wanted revenge for all that he had suffered.
“It was his idea to bomb the capitol and all the surrounding villages simultaneously. It was only with the help of the other two pony defectors and the griffins’ knowledge of explosives that they were able to pull it off. Only partially, that is, because “Boom” went MIA mere hours before the bombings were to take place. He didn’t perform his special move, thunderboom, at the appointed time, which would have set off all the bombs together. Instead the others had to light the bombs by hoof.
“Casualties were low for the level of destruction those five wrought, but it was such a scandal that anypony would intend to cause the deaths of their fellow Equestrians. It was a dark day indeed, so dark that it never repeated. The Crown made sure of it.”
Luna took a steadying breath, not risking another glance at her sister. This was it. Her incrimination was nigh.
“Now what do all of these ponies have in common? They were the ignored, the rejects, the lessers of society. Time and time again, the downtrodden from all stages of life would rise against Equestria, aggrieved by the Crown. They… were not alone in their actions.”
It took everything in Luna not to run away. Tears had begun to gather in the corners of her eyes, but she willed them away. Something stirred inside her, a need for self-preservation.
“I’ll tell you what else they had in common.” Luna stared into the flames, feeling far away. Truths and lies blended together until they were spilling forth from her tongue.
“They all had a monster stalking their dreams, exploiting their fears and weaknesses, instigating discontent and rebellion. Every uprising, every case of corruption, every act of terror. Celestia, I was there. The Coordinator, I was called. Even locked away on the moon, the influence of Nightmare Moon was far reaching. I rained down horrors upon Equestria, upon you. I had so much hatred within me, for you, for Equestria, for those ungrateful little ponies!”
Luna took a shuddering breath at the spike of anger, the echo of an age old hurt. The feeling faded as quick as it came. Slowly she unclenched her teeth. “I was a madmare in control of the dream realm. I couldn’t hurt you directly, so I used whatever means I had available to me. I sent pawn after pawn after you. Even with all that, though, it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. The hate I had was all-consuming, unquenchable.”
Luna’s voice dropped dangerously low as the anger resurged, and she finally locked eyes with Celestia as she spat, “You couldn’t pay enough for what you did to me.”
She could feel the hatred within her coloring her expression, and she was shaking, full of emotion not quite her own. Celestia flinched at the sight and unconsciously leaned away from her. Was it anger, or was that fear in her eyes? Luna couldn’t say.
This was the final test, to see if her sister was being truthful, to put her mind at ease either way. There was no getting out of this without ruining their relationship further. It would be better to be condemned by a falsehood than to be hurt by the truth.
She fully expected Celestia to drop the guise of the caring and understanding sister she had shown her so far and to reveal that hard face of judgment she had come to fear, but Celestia was silent as she processed the hideousness of Nightmare Moon’s, Luna’s, actions.
“So this is how you really feel.” Celestia finally spoke, voice full of pain and anger. There was passion in those watery eyes, a far cry from the stone cold face that had locked her away. “While I was struggling to rule alone, you convinced ponies that I was a dictator? You turned ponies into rebels, thieves, murderers? You caused all of that?”
The accusations were hard hitting, each one jamming the knife further into her heart. Her sister took the lies hook, line, and sinker, and Luna was not about to defend herself. She needed to test her further, to see if this was the true face of Princess Celestia.
“My hooves are stained darker than you ever knew.” The half-truth slipped out easily. She closed her eyes and turned away.
This was what she wanted, right? Shut out the one pony that could hurt her?
Or am I pushing away the only person that could help?
“No--but wait.” Celestia muttered. Luna wasn’t listening. She was struggling to hold back the storm raging within, her mind dredging up the distant past that would forever plague her conscience.
The Coordinator. Ha. That was an exaggeration if she ever heard one. The truth was much more pathetic, demeaning for somepony of her position. She truly had been cut off from all of her powers, at least through the usual means. Many years passed before Nightmare Moon reconnected with the dream realm, and by the time she had she was bitter and terribly lonely.
She was desperate. Nopony in his right mind would keep the Nightmare Queen company, so she sought out those that were just as unhinged as she was. There were no pawns to do her bidding. But still, there was guilt by association, and Luna would be lying if she said that she hadn’t given those excuses-for-ponies any consultations.
Every single pony she ‘influenced’ already had a deep seated hate for their princess and Equestrian society. They had existing plans in the works, and she merely humored them for her own benefit. Not that she was going to tell Celestia that. It didn’t make her any less complicit.
Looking back, it was hard to believe that such vile individuals had lived among their innocent and gentle race, hurting the very life blood of the country. They stood out in the dreamscape, they always did. She walked their dreams, sympathized with their pain and their anger. She had seen a bit of herself in each and every one. They all had been hurt so deeply that they desired to be heard and to be seen, to lash out at their persecutors. Something which Luna could help them with.
She regretted her actions with every fiber of her being. Many innocents had been caught in the crossfire, but time and time again she rationalized her actions, put her needs above others, and carried on. If only she hadn’t been hurting so much herself, she might have seen the painful truth sooner…
It felt like eons passed, but then Celestia started talking and it really couldn’t have been more than a minute. The anger had left her voice, though there was still weariness in those ancient eyes.
“--I must say that I was expecting some of that,” she spoke quietly but firmly, drawing Luna’s attention back to her. “There was a spike in reports of night disturbances some years after your banishment. I didn’t see it at first, but as the trend continued I had begun to suspect that you were able to terrorize the ponydom through the dream realm.”
A heavy weight settled in Luna’s heart. She had suspected her after all. She thought Celestia had, but to hear those words straight from the horse’s mouth hurt.
“It was sickening,” Luna whispered, closing her eyes. She felt ill. “I...was sickening. There is no punishment great enough to make up for what I did, I see that now. It didn’t have to be that way, yet I made it that way.”
“This news is troubling,” Celestis continued. “As with any crime committed against ponykind, it makes my heart swell with rage. And although I had my suspicions, it was upsetting to hear it confirmed. I did not mean to raise my voice.
“But Luna, there’s something that troubles me. With everything you’ve said up to this point, you’d have me believe that you coerced ponies into coordinating and executing terrorist attacks?”
She waited for an answer, and seemed disappointed when Luna kept her mouth shut. “I’d be more concerned about your involvement except that I personally headed each of those investigations,” Celestia’s voice hitched, and Luna started as something glistened on her cheek. “I interviewed the suspects. Sister… there was no trace of your magic on them.”
And just like that, the story that Luna had spun began to unravel.
“Luna, I don’t hold you responsible for those incidents.” Her voice softened. “The Elements weren’t able to purify you yet of the dark magic you subjected yourself to, because I wasn’t pure enough to wield them alone.
“But what I don’t understand, though, is why would you so blatantly lie to me? Those ponies acted of their own free will. There is a difference! What if I had you imprisoned again? What then? Why tell me a half truth and pass it off as the whole truth?” Celestia’s face finally crumpled at the betrayal. “Are we really so distant that you’d have me believe a falsehood over the truth? I know I messed things up between us. I am so, so sorry. But what else must I do for you to trust me?”
“Forgive me,” she breathed, the simple answer the most open she had been all evening.
“You already have my forgiveness!” A touch of exasperation entered her voice. “What more can I give? Honestly I cannot help but imagine the worst now. What could be so horrifying that you would try to hide it? Please sister, answer me. I’m begging you!
“What happened to you on the moon?”