“WHAT‽”
“I want you to help me take down the Marefia,” Octavia reiterated.
“How, exactly did you get the idea into your head that it's even possible?” I returned.
“I know how they operate, and you are quite probably insane enough to try it,” Octavia reasoned. “Besides take a look in the purse I just gave you. It’s all yours, up front, without even a guarantee of success if you take my case.” I searched the purse she gave me and it was filled to bursting with not just normal bits but the solid gold high denomination values.
There was over nine thousand bits in here at least. “Octavia, where did you get all this money?” I asked.
“Does it matter?”
“Of course it does, on your salary there’s no way you could put this all together at short notice.” My eyes narrowed, “you took this out of the Marefia’s treasury didn’t you?”
Octavia gave me a slow nod and I brought both of my fore-hooves to my face. When the Marefia discovered that Octavia had taken this much from them, they wouldn’t just be coming to take it back; they would want to make an example of Octavia by killing her. Either the Marefia dies or she does and if I accepted this payment I would be under the same doom.
“Octavia,” I said from behind my hooves. “You realize they will kill you for taking this. Flat out murder, do you even know how long it’s been since somepony was actually murdered in Canterlot?” I didn’t even wait for an answer, “more than a decade and you seem dead set on making yourself a target.”
“I know,” Octavia’s voice cracked, “There’s only one thing I can do to spend the rest of my life in the happiness I’ve found and I'm going all in.” Tears started to well up in her eyes as she turned to Vinyl and held one of her hooves. “I know this is sudden, but I cannot think of a better time. I want to spend the rest of my life with you but to do that I need to destroy my old life. Vinyl will you join me?”
Vinyl was silent. She’d barely spoken since Octavia revealed her secret. After a moment she pulled her hoof from Octavia’s grip and stared at the table. After a few moments Octava started to look worried and more tears fell from her eyes.
I was tired of waiting and Octavia was a client after all. “Vinyl, you’re an idiot.”
“No I’m not, I’m just thinking,” Vinyl responded flatly. She sat staring at a single point of the table.
“You’re an idiot, you don’t need to think. Pick a path and run it.” I started tapping a hoof impatiently waiting for her response.
“I’m just not sure, I mean I love Octavia but—“
“Good enough, Octy: kiss her.”
Taking my advice Octavia lent forward and kissed Vinyl on the cheek. When Octavia pulled back Vinyl turned to face her again and the pair finally embraced each other properly in unspoken agreement.
I muttered, “About time.”
A moment later I received a telekinetic nudge from Rarity. “So Time Turner, are you going to leave these two to fight the entire Marefia on their own?”
Lucky Catch nudged my other shoulder. “You should help them,” Catch opined. “I mean, who else can? You’re the best detective in Canterlot.”
“I’m the only detective in Canterlot,” I grumbled in return (1).
“Besides, think about it, if the Marefia have all the catnip you can stop all those cats from disappearing, I’d love to help you,” Lucky Catch announced. Once again she had declared herself to be on-board without a thought of consequence or the danger involved. That was either very brave or very stupid, probably both.
“You may also find my dear Opalescence, Turner. So you are doing this for me as well.” Rarity added with a flutter of eyelashes.
They were asking me to take on an entire criminal organization armed only with limited insider knowledge, four ponies for backup and a whopping great reward paid in advance. As much as I wanted to choose life over a potentially painful death I had the feeling that none of these mares would ever forgive me if I refused. Octavia would probably hit me with her cello again for one.
Confound these mares. They drive me to foalish causes.
I thought about what I could do with all those bits. A lot, it was the kind of sum that could buy a house outright or if properly invested could make the rest of my life easier. A bit of selfish hope helped to smother my fears.
“Well,” I announced. “I’ll do it then, but I’m going to need help from all of you.”
All four mares gave me a nod.
Once we finished our dessert I invited everypony back to my office to discuss strategy. Once we arrived I asked Octavia to join me in private, leaving the others to sit outside in my waiting room.
Rarity went over to my kitchenette to make some tea for everypony, while Vinyl and Catch got bored quickly and started talking to each other. Most of their conversation centred on Vinyl’s new pet “Wubzy”. Like most stallions I lose track of conversations between mares unless something gets my attention. Vinyl telling Octavia what they might be doing together tomorrow night when they were alone for example.
No, I didn’t watch them last time.
Alone in my office with Octavia, I shut the door behind me before leading her over to what remained of my desk.
“You have given me an interesting task, Octavia. I need to bring down a long standing crime family with ties to every level of society in Canterlot and apparently doing so will lead me to find Opal as well.” I gestured to the front of my desk, asking Octavia to sit while I went to my side at the back. “So what I’m going to ask you now will be a little intimidating, I would like to hypnotise you.”
“Surely you cannot be serious,” Octavia replied.
“I am serious. Hypnotism may be regarded as mere quackery by most ponies but I’m my position I’ve discovered it's not only possible but also useful as well.”
Octavia snorted. “What could you possibly hope to accomplish with it?”
“Octavia, I need as much information as I can get. You’re not in the operational part of the Marefia, you’re a liaison. However you probably know more than you realise and using hypnosis I can drag out information you didn’t even know you had.”
Octavia rolled her eyes. “If you think it will help, then fine.”
I pulled out an hourglass attached to a chain which I hung from my left hoof. The hourglass was weighted with sand and would maintain its vertical orientation relative to the ground no matter how hard I swung it.
“It will help tremendously,” I said. “One more thing before we begin however.”
“What?”
“Don’t call me Shirley.”
Under hypnosis Octavia gave me the basic structure of the Marefia. It was modelled on the equestrian monarchy with a mare known as “The Donna” sitting at the top. The rest of the organization was structured into task based groups overseen by the Donna herself. Thanks to Octavia’s liaison role she had also discovered that the Marefia was currently dependant on the easy income stream their illegal alcohol brewery provided.
This means the Marefia had two weak points for me to exploit: The first was the Donna herself. To protect Octavia I had to make the Donna think Octavia was unsuitable to continue as a member of the Marefia. The obvious alternative was to remove the Donna from control.
The second was the alcohol brewery. With some further questioning I discovered that the Marefia’s brewery was located where nopony would be suspicious of well-dressed ponies with instruments. The basement of the Canterlot Concert Hall, which had a performance scheduled tonight by the Canterlot Symphony Orchestra and would be attended by the entire Canterlot Nobility along with Princess Celestia herself.
It was a crescendo of chaos, a perfect opportunity and by Celestia’s day glow mane I wasn’t going to let it go to waste. I started to lay some plans down and make preparations.
Octavia stirred in her chair and blinked her eyes before rubbing them with her hooves.
“You have a wonderful evening planned for tonight.” Hearing my voice Octavia started to look around my office.
“Don’t disappoint me by asking if it worked,” I said confidently. “You can see on the clock that time has passed.” I leaned back and looked toward her over my joined hooves, “you were under hypnosis for an hour.”
“It actually worked?” Octavia asked. I sighed in response.
“During the time you were under I asked a dozen or so questions which helped me learn a lot about the Marefia. Now that you're awake I suggest some tea to help you recover.” I raised my voice, “Ladies, you can come in now.”
The office door opened and the three mares that had been waiting outside came in. Rarity brought in a tea tray with her holding a teapot and several cups. I gathered everypony around to organize my cunning plan as Octavia drank her tea.
“Alright everypony,” I began, “I’ve come up with a cunning plan based on what Octavia has told me. To be successful we need to break up the part of the Marefia responsible for brewing alcoholic cider.” Vinyl groaned before I could continue. “Yes Vinyl my heart goes out to you; you won't be draining cider jugs for a while.”
Not to miss an opening, “Hah, so you were watching,” Vinyl accused.
“Celestia damn to you Tartarus, Vinyl,” I returned. “I saw you drinking but I didn’t watch your ‘wrestling match’ on the bed. You turned off the lanterns remember?”
“Well of course I believe you then,” she shot back. Nopony else seemed to believe me either.
“I’m never going to live that down am I?” I moaned as Vinyl stuck her tongue out in response. I sighed. “Well, getting back on topic. I won’t go into too much detail, but what we need to do is simple: we sneak into the brewery located beneath the Canterlot Concert Hall, knock out any guards, save any cats and then blow it up.”
“What‽” Vinyl, Rarity and Catch yelled with varying levels of disbelief.
“Why would you possibly want to do that Turner‽” Rarity asked.
“Isn’t that dangerous‽” Catch asked.
“This is going to be awesome,” Vinyl enthused.
“Calm down,” I reassured, “It’s an illegal brewery, so it'll be easy to blow up. The explosion doesn’t need be large because all we want to do is attract the guards. They’ll arrest any Marefia members present and seal off the crime scene while we disappear off into the night. The best part is it will probably just be considered an accident in an unsafe facility.” The mares accepted my explanation and I continued on.
“We will need to prepare for this and it needs to be done before the Marefia becomes suspicious about the missing bits Octavia stole.” I started to list off what we needed.
“Vinyl: I’ll need you to set off the explosion and you may have to create a distraction. So I want you to bring some of the pyrotechnics you use at your performances.” Vinyl gave me a wide smile that made me feel rather uncomfortable as she nodded.
“Lucky: I need you to look after any cats we find in the catnip. You’ll be responsible for taking them to the animal shelter with no questions asked about where they came from.” Lucky Catch nodded, obviously thrilled at the chance to rescue more cats.
“Rarity: We need to protect our identities so the Marefia won’t be able to take reprisals against us. This means full body suits: no coat colours, marks or manes can show.” I fished a small pile of bit coins from my advance. “This should cover the cost of the material. We’ll need four by tonight to fit everypony except Octavia.”
Rarity took the coins, seemingly thrilled by the challenge. “I shall have them ready by sundown.”
“What about me?” Octavia asked, now fully recovered from her hypnotic trance.
“Octavia, you have the most important job of all: your alibi. We can’t let the Donna discover that it was you who hired me or that it was you that stole the bits. She must know where you are when it happens and that you are a victim, not the perpetrator. Therefore you will go the Concert Hall and perform as normal. Leave me to solve your problem.”
She nodded. “I shall go prepare for my performance tonight. I will return to check on you sometime around sundown before I go to the concert hall myself.” Tavi gave her DJ a peck on the cheek as she left while everypony else started their preparations.
Canterlot is an ancient city and, like most cities of its age, there is much more beneath the surface than meets the eye. When you ask somepony what Canterlot is built on, the normal answer is “Canterhorn Mountain”. In truth Canterlot is actually built on what used to be Canterlot, with new buildings built on the ruins of the old. The Concert Hall is one of the city’s oldest buildings and is linked to a set of tunnels that were built long ago, most of which are forgotten.
One of these tunnels guides water from the mountain itself to the Palace where it flows out into a waterfall. According to what I learned from Octavia, the Marefia used this tunnel to smuggle cider out of the brewery by throwing full kegs into the water. The water flow then carries the keg downstream to a team of ponies waiting to receive it. The empty kegs are returned by placing them in the tunnel upstream.
Too few ponies remember that the waterfalls need to get their water from somewhere, or that old Canterlot was once dependent on this water supply. It was also rather ironic that the Marefia’s own clever use of these tunnels would end up bringing them down.
While Rarity was making our sneaky suits and Vinyl was collecting her “toys” I had Catch help me to find my old inflatable raft. It had been hiding at the bottom of my office’s miscellaneous pile in the corner for a long time. With Catch’s help we inflated it so that we could find and repair any punctures. After fixing a few leaks it was deflated and unceremoniously stuffed into my saddlebags.
Once we were all prepared, we made our way to an upstream entrance of the tunnel: a well located in the Canterlot Public Gardens. The well was a large ramp that led down to a beach where a pony could fill a bucket directly from the water.
We inflated the raft and placed it in the water, Vinyl held it steady while we boarded. Rarity tied a rope to an anchor point and wrapped it around mooring mounts on the rim of the raft. Once secured, Vinyl pushed us out into the tunnel and the flow of the water pulled us along until the rope went taught. Rarity slowly let more and more rope out to send us deeper into the dark tunnel, lit only by her and Vinyl’s horns.
Half an hour’s journey in the dark tunnel brought us to the well in the basement of the Canterlot Concert Hall. It was a smaller ramp built into the wall of the tunnel that led up to a door above.
We disembarked and took a brief moment to dress ourselves into our “sneaky suits”. Despite the darkness we worked quickly, listening out for any noise that wasn’t the passing water. The mares had no issues getting into their suits but I found mine was tight where Rarity had forgotten to make allowances for a stallion’s different physiology. A stallion’s muzzle is larger than a mare’s, but rather than offending my client I simply kept the hood off. Rarity was comfortable in her suit and it revealed only her eyes. Catch also had a perfect fit and Vinyl already had her sunglasses back on.
“Alright,” I said, “is everypony ready?”
I got “Yes” from Catch and “Of course” from Rarity. Vinyl gave me, “Why is it so dark?”
“Take your Celestia damned sunglasses off, Vinyl,” I said as I rolled my eyes.
“No.”
“The exit’s a quarter turn to your left and then forward,” I instructed.
Vinyl turned and walked into a wall. “Damn it, Time Turner!” Vinyl complained, rubbing her horn with a hoof.
“Take the glasses off, Vinyl.” Conceding to my instructions, she grumbled as she revealed her eyes to the world. I’ve seen them before, they’re nothing special, but she’s gotten attached to her identity with those glasses on. I suspect they’ve become something of a security blanket to her and she can’t let herself be seen without them in public. I’ll have to ask a psychologist about that someday.
With everypony ready we went up to the hatch that leads into the basement proper, I opened it a crack to look in without any fear of discovery. After all if I was noticed stealth was a simple reset away. Fortunately the brewery was unstaffed at the moment. I presumed that everypony was upstairs watching the performance and left the alcohol to ferment overnight.
“Rarity, Catch: go check the storage rooms,” I directed. “Vinyl: let’s go have a look at the brewing setup.”
The brewery looked like a fairly simple setup that was probably still capable of creating a lot of alcohol. What drew my attention was the large metal kettle in the centre with a small fire pit beneath it.
“Vinyl,” I asked. “What do you think about this?”
“It’s a cooper, a still for beer or whisky production instead of cider. I didn’t even know they made anything else.” Vinyl hit it with a hoof and it released a hollow sound. “It’s empty, where’s the liquor that came from it?”
“It’ll be around here somewhere,” I said as I looked around. I saw Rarity giving me a come here gesture so I tapped Vinyl on the shoulder and we went across to see what she wanted.
“What did you find?” I asked Rarity.
“The other two rooms are full of kegs, but have a look at what our dear Catch discovered in here.” Rarity led us inside, the room was filled with bundles of catnip and cats, most of the latter were gathered around Lucky Catch with the rest moving to join them. Despite their love of catnip the cats seemed to love Catch more, and surrounded her in an affectionate pride.
“They seem to like you,” I remarked.
“It’s my special talent,” Catch explained. “Pets love me and so I love them in return.” Catch cuddled up with the mixture of cats.
“I am afraid I cannot see Opal here,” Rarity announced sounding a little distraught, I gave her shoulder a comforting rub.
“Don’t worry, I’ll find her.” I looked around the room, taking note of the features of the basement. There was an open air duct that I guessed probably led to the surface like the others I’d seen. This one was probably how the cats got in here.
Interesting, but I had a brewery to ruin.
“Vinyl,” I asked. “Can cider catch on fire?” I could see Vinyl’s grin through her suit, while music might be her talent she also had an unhealthy knowledge of pyrotechnics and alcohol.
“The alcohol in it can.”
“Is there any way to set that on fire?”
“Not normally, but you can boil off the alcohol and set the vapour on fire.” Her smile widened. “We can do it in the cooper.”
“And this room is full of fuel,” I added gesturing to the catnip bundles around us. “How big a blast have you got in mind, Vinyl?”
“If I block the cooper’s vent it’ll pressurise once the alcohol starts to boil off. Then I just use one of my toys to set it on fire.” She looked around, “It will make a big bang and destroy the cooper and anything next to it. The basement is solid stone, so apart from smoke it won’t get out of this room.” Once Vinyl finished her “guess” I found myself wondering why I was her ex-coltfriend, it was clearly an unhealthy thing to be.
“Perfect,” I could already see the headlines in the paper tomorrow. “Royal performance ruined by booze explosion,” I said with a chuckle.
“Alright,” I said as I rubbed my hooves together. “Rarity: start setting up the catnip around the cooper. Vinyl: come with me and let’s get some cider to stuff into that thing.”
The cooper didn’t take long to fill and we poured in four casks of hard cider. While we were filling it up Rarity put her telekinesis to use and piled the entire catnip supply around the cooper’s base. We also moved the rest of the brewery equipment as close as possible to the cooper to get as much damage out of the blast as we could.
Once we were set up Vinyl showed me her toy. “It’s a sparker,” she said as she held the device in front of me. “I use these to set off fireworks during my performances. I just give it a slight jolt of magic and—” It fired off some sparks in demonstration. “I’m pretty good with these things, It takes a fair kick but I can set one off from a mile away.” Vinyl finished her boast, opened her mouth and took out a piece of chewing gum to stick on the sparker.
“How long do we have to wait?” I asked.
“The longer the better, but I can set it off whenever.” Vinyl proceeded to float the sparker through the spout and attached it to the inside of the cooper. It was rather strange having a normal—more or less— conversation with her. Not even our rocky history could distract Vinyl from her passion for fireworks and music.
Sparker secured inside, Vinyl gave it a test. Once she was satisfied I gave her a boost up and she used her magic to weld the steam vent shut.
Once it was ready we gathered at the door that led upstairs. Catch brought her army of cats out and Vinyl prepared another toy to set the catnip on fire. I opened the door and we left with Rarity leading the way (2).
I turned to Vinyl, “Alright, do it and let’s get out of here.” Vinyl’s grin returned as she broke open a flare and threw it at the pile of catnip to set it alight.
Then we left. Cool ponies don’t look at explosions.
Luna’s Notes:
(1) Time Turner’s claim of “being the only detective in Canterlot” is not entirely true. Our Royal Guard and Treasury have a dozen detectives between them that spend the majority of their time investigating tax fraud and organized crime. However Time Turner remains the only private detective within Canterlot itself.
(2) Time Turner forgets entirely about his method of entrance. The inflatable raft eventually broke loose of its moorings and was carried downstream. Eventually the raft caused a blockage in the water tunnels that flooded several basements throughout Canterlot and caused one of the palace waterfalls to stop entirely.