“Right!” Luna said as she moved past the four night guards, Night Audit following behind her. “The first thing we should do is determine what this moose wants.”
“Aside from eating the royal ficus?” Night Audit asked. Luna glared at him from out the corner of her eyes.
“Yes, thou overly sarcastic clerk,” she answered, slipping into Olde Canterlot, something she only did these days when excited, irritated, or to emphasize a point. “Aside from eating the royal ficus.”
The moose snorted and spat out a mushy clump of rhododendron pulp onto the floor. It then slowly turned its head and stared at Luna. It was about as big as Luna herself, so monarch and moose were more or less eye to eye. It didn't prevent Luna from glancing at the gargantuan antlers or her brain from coming up with at least six ways it could gore her on the spot should it decide to charge again as it had when it came into the throne room.
Luna grinned widely in what she hoped was a friendly smile of welcome. It was actually more like a grimace of sheer awkwardness, but those in the room wisely decided not to inform their princess of this. Luna's brain, having moved on from conjuring images of death by giant antler impalement, was now trying to remember anything it could about moose.
Let us see, the moose nomads used to roam in the frozen lands north of what is now Vanhoover and the Crystal Mountains. Mostly reclusive. The moose never ventured any further south than they had to.
Did we ever have a moose at court before my banishment? I do not think so. Cursed memory! You would think I could remember seeing something this massive at court before! It is still staring at me. It probably expects the formal greeting! Oh Tartarus, what was the formal greeting for moose?
Buck it. I shall have to, as the pegasi say, “wing it.”
Luna cleared her throat and raised a hoof in welcome. “Greetings, O Moose Traveler from the Northern Lands! I, Luna, Night Princess of Equestria...”
“Um,” said Night Audit, trying to get Luna's attention. “Your Highness?”
“... Ruler of the Moon, Dancer with the Stars...”
“Your Highness!” Night Audit said, louder this time. Luna, however, was on a roll.
“... Mistress of the Dark, Chambermaid of the Shadow Places, Official Annual Cheesecake Bake-Off Judge...”
“Luna!” Night Audit shouted, finally getting the princess's attention. Luna paused in her recitation of her official titles, glared at Night Audit, then smiled back at the moose.
“My most heartfelt apologies, O Moose Traveler. It would appear that my esteemed court clerk has forgotten his manners. I pray beg your pardon while I deal with this egregious insult...” She frowned down at Night Audit, her eyes glowing white. “...severely.”
Luna extended one of her wings, covered Night Audit with it and swiftly escorted him back to the throne. She lowered her head so she was face to face with her clerk.
“We will give thee exactly one chance to explain thy intolerable rudeness,” she whispered harshly, Olde Canterlot in full effect. “Or thou is going to find thyself lucky if thou is only demoted to Lord Warden of the Royal Privies!”
“Your Highness, if you think that moose is from one of the nomadic moose tribes, that's impossible!” Night Audit hissed.
“And why, pray tell, is that?”
“Because the moose tribes wiped each other out in a bitter clan war about seven hundred years ago! Completely! No one has seen a tribal moose in Equestria since!”
Luna blinked. “Seven hundred years?”
Night Audit sighed. “Yes, Your Highness.”
Luna looked at her clerk, then extended her wing towards the moose. “Then where did this moose come from?”
Night Audit adjusted his glasses. “Odds are, it's a feral moose.”
Luna frowned and looked back over at the moose, which, as if it was answering her unspoken question, committed a rather large indiscretion on the polished floor. Luna's lip curled up in disgust and she turned back towards Night Audit, considering.
Feral animals weren't uncommon in Equestria. The Everfree Forest was full of them. The idea that there may be feral moose somewhere in the Northern Lands wasn't outside the realm of possibility. That, however, led to another question.
“If that is the case,” Luna began. “Then how did this moose get here to the palace?”
“If I may, Your Highness,” Night Audit said. “I think the better question, for now, is how did it get into the throne room?”
The universe answered their question as the sound of an excited mare's voice drifted through the open doors of the throne room.
“Whoops! Sorry, pal, my bad. Let me help you with that. Jeez, you don't have to be so mad about it! Oh, hey, you see a moose go running by here? I was trying to lead it to the gardens but it kinda got away from me. Oh, come on, it's a perfectly reasonable question!”
Luna and Night Audit looked from the doorway to each other.
“Star Cluster,” they said in unison.