LUNA AND THE MOOSE:
A Tale of the Night Court
a “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” fanfic
by Erin Mills
“My Little Pony” ©2012 Hasbro/DHX Media
“Let me see if I understand you correctly,” Princess Luna said, looking down at the pony who was standing in front of the royal throne. “You are requesting the sum of five hundred thousand bits from the royal treasury in order to finance a catapult to – "
“Launch pigs into orbit!” the lab-coated pony stated proudly. He had a long, greasy black mane, and wore bizarre goggles with red and white spiral lenses.
“There is a decided lack of pork in orbit around out planet," he continued. "Thus leaving us open to attack from the Dread Space Wolves from Planet Canis!”
Luna quirked an eyebrow, causing the pony to grin manically in desperation.
“Did I mention it can also be used for on planet defense of Equestria?” he asked.
Luna sighed. “While I can appreciate your desire to save us from our extra-terrestrial enemies, Doctor...?”
“Inmaneo.” The pony helpfully supplied.
“Inmaneo, yes. In any event, Doctor, while your concern is noted, at this time I cannot justify the release of such a sum from the treasury for such an... ambitious project.”
“But Your Highness, I have all the research and proof anypony could want!” Inmaneo gestured with one foreleg at the myriad of charts and graphs he had set up during his initial presentation. Then, much to Luna's surprise, he dove headlong into the stacks of papers.
“Planet Canis will be in alignment with our own world in a scant thirty years,” Inmaneo said, his voice muffled by the piles of paper. “Thus giving the Dread Space Wolves an excellent opportunity to strike! We have to have something in orbit to distract them and sate their terrible hunger before they come down here and it's spicy queso dip for the lot of us!”
“Spicy queso dip?” Luna repeated, confusion evident in her voice.
“Thank you for the offer, but not right now, Your Highness.” Inmaneo's voice came from somewhere under a pile or random charts he was sifting through.
Luna exhaled slowly through her nostrils and turned to her left, where a forest green unicorn stallion with a neatly trimmed light blue mane was looking over a scroll that hovered in front of him.
“Night Audit?” she whispered. Night Audit looked up from the scroll, adjusted his glasses, and moved closer to the throne.
“Yes, Your Highness?” he said, keeping his voice low.
“Why am I listening to this insanity?”
“It would appear the doctor has petitioned your sister...” He consulted the scroll quickly. “... eighteen times at Day Court for this catapult of his. She's turned him down every time. Perhaps he thought he'd have more luck with you.”
“Oh, thank you so much, Tia.” Luna rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to Inmaneo, who had finally emerged from the pile of papers. “Dr. Inmaneo, as I said, your concerns are welcome, however, five hundred thousand bits is an amount I am not comfortable authorizing at this time. Thank you for your time– ”
“But Your Highness!” Inmaneo protested, “I'm sure that with a lesser amount I could–"
“Thank you, Doctor,” Luna said with a tone of finality. “Your request is denied. If you can find more credible evidence of extraterrestrial invasion, my sister or I will be more than happy to re-examine your petition. Until then, the Court has other business to attend to. Guards, please assist the doctor in collecting his research and escort him out of the palace.”
As the protesting scientist was half-escorted, half-dragged out of the throne room, Luna let out another sigh, this one of exhaustion. This was the curse of the Night Court, as Luna had found out since her reinstatement as co-ruler of Equestria. Celestia dealt with important social-political petitions dealing with everything from education to international affairs during Day Court. Unfortunately, that left Luna with the more “interesting” petitioners attending Night Court. She had also found that a word had been introduced to the Equestrian dictionary which described these types of ponies with their outrageous ideas and demands.
Lunatics.
Needless to say, use of the word in the Night Princess's presence was met with considerable uproar. It had also led to a rather large addition to the palace upkeep bill the month she had first heard the word and discovered what it meant. They still had yet to find all the shards of the royal credenza.
“What else is on the agenda, Night Audit?” Luna asked. The clerk consulted the scroll once again.
“Only two or three things, Your Highness.”
“And the general insanity of these items?”
“No more insane than usual, Princess,” Night Audit replied with a small smirk. He looked back at the scroll. “Oh! Well, here's something that might be more to your liking. The ambassador from the Minotaur Nations is scheduled to arrive just before dawn. Princess Celestia thought you might like to be the one to formally greet him.”
“Oh, joy, more of my sister's leftovers. Make a note, Night Audit, remind me to steal her toothbrush near the end of the night.”
Night Audit quirked and eyebrow and gave Luna a disapproving look over the top of his spectacles. Luna returned the look with a frown.
“What?” she asked, irritation evident in her voice.
“Again, Your Highness?” Night Audit asked. He rolled up the agenda scroll and withdrew another from the scroll caddy next to the throne. He unrolled and peered at it. “According to my records, you've done that six times this month in retaliation for some perceived slight from your sister.”
“She keeps provoking me,” Luna said, looking away from Night Audit with a huff.
“And this may have been true on a couple of occasions,” Night Audit replied, rolling the scroll back up and putting it away. “But in this case, I think it is a sincere effort on Princess Celestia's part to involve you more in the international affairs of the Royal Court.”
Luna pouted for a moment before sighing again. “You have a point, Night Audit. Very well, I will not steal my sister's toothbrush again.”
“An excellent idea, Your Highness.”
Luna turned her head towards him again, a wicked smile on her lips. “I shall instead put chili powder in her toothpaste.”
“Yes, Your Highness,” Night Audit groaned. “Shall we move on to the next petitioner?”
“We shall,” Luna said. She faced the double doors of the throne room and unleashed the Canterlot Royal Voice. “SEND IN THE NEXT PETITIONER!”
Night Audit winced and shook his head, refraining from reminding the princess to use her inside voice. It never did any good, anyway.
After a few moments, the princess, the clerk, and the four guards posted in the throne room became aware of a muffled ruckus coming from the other side of the throne room doors. Sounds of shouting from the guards on duty on the other side of the throne room doors were soon added to the commotion. Luna and Night Audit exchanged glances, then Luna got to her hooves and walked towards the throne room doors, the clerk following after her.
“What in the name of Equestria is going on out there?” Luna asked aloud. She channeled magic through her horn, focusing it on the handles of the doors.
Suddenly, the doors burst open, causing Luna to shriek in surprise and take to the air. Night Audit quickly grabbed a nearby vase with his own magic, while the bat-winged night guards in the room moved to protect their princess from the horrid, slavering monster that had violated the sanctity of the throne room.
All six of them blinked when the horrid, slavering monster came to a halt, sniffed the air, then calmly walked over to the decorative plant in the corner of the room and began eating it. This allowed them to finally recognize what had burst into the room.
It was a moose.
Luna landed on the floor, next to Night Audit. The night guards moved in front of them, forming a line of defense.
“Night Audit?” Luna asked quietly.
“Yes, Your Highness?”
“Does the agenda for the evening have anything about a moose being at court today?”
“No, Your Highness.”
“And I have not gone insane?”
“If you have, then so have I, Your Highness.”
“You are absolutely certain?”
“Quite certain, Princess,” Night Audit said.
“And there is, in fact, a moose eating the ficus?”
“There is, indeed, a moose eating the ficus.”
Luna nodded sagely. “Night Audit?”
The clerk adjusted his glasses again. “Yes, Your Highness?”
“Call down to the night porter and tell her to bring a bottle of the strongest cider in the wine cellar, please. It appears it will be one of those nights.”
The moose finished eating the ficus, trotted across the room and began to devour the rhododendron bush in the opposite corner.