“I’m sure you are all eager to learn why I have summoned you to Canterlot on such short notice.”
Six mares stood side by side in the spacious throne room of Canterlot Castle. Not a word was spoken between them, and tension ran thick in the air. This may have been due to the eerie silence of the nearly empty room, which normally buzzed with royal audiences and attentive guards. Perhaps it was the pressure of being called in to face the two most powerful ponies in Equestria, possibly the entire world, for an unknown reason that rendered the ponies speechless. From experience, they knew that Princess Celestia was not about to bare good news.
“Now now, no need to look so grim,” Celestia continued, now aware that her subjects had no intention of replying. Her trademark serenity showed itself in a calm smile on her face as she spoke. “I promise that there is nothing to worry about.”
“…Yet,” the dark-coated alicorn standing at Celestia’s side muttered.
“Luna, please!”
“Er, yer highnesses…” Applejack, still holding her old stetson hat to her chest, stepped cautiously forward to address the quarrelling sisters. “Ah mean no disrespect, but, uh… Ah got a lot of buckin’ to do today, so…”
Twilight Sparkle turned her head to her simple friend, a look of shock painting her face. “Applejack! I think this is a little more important than bucking apples!”
“Sugarcube, ain’t NOTHIN’ more important than buckin’ apples this close to Appleloosa’s Applepalooza.”
Twilight prepared a retort, but was interrupted by her beloved mentor. “She’s right, Twilight. I’ll try to be more punctual about this.” She shifted her gaze to the orange farm pony, her serene appearance suddenly showing a hint of urgency. “However, what we have to tell you is incredibly important. Moreso to some of you than the others.”
“I suppose I will start by coming clean about something.” The six tense mares shared a look of surprise at the very idea that their flawless ruler had ever been dishonest. “It’s about the friendship letters you have been sending for the past two years.”
“You see, I had originally told Twilight that they were meant to document her lessons on the importance of friendship.” Celestia was now pacing in front of the line of ponies, six pairs of eyes not once diverting their attention from her. “Well, while I certainly enjoyed hearing about your newfound knowledge, I must admit… that was not the primary purpose for those letters.”
A collective gasp was heard from the mares. “B-But if that wasn’t the point,” Twilight nervously spat, “then what was?”
“Have patience, Twilight Sparkle.” Luna shot a look at her sister’s shaken student that could frighten stone. “Please continue, dear sister.”
“As I was about to explain, the information you have gathered provides some very useful insight for Luna and myself.” Celestia’s calmness remained constant, yet her voice gradually transitioned to a serious tone. “Insight that could help to prevent a terrible darkness from destroying Equestria.”
Luna slapped a hoof to her face as yet another gasp echoed throughout the room. This time, Rainbow Dash rocketed into the air, having been fed up with the building tension. “Where’s that darkness at?!” The pegasus pumped her hooves in the air, fighting an invisible foe. “We’ll just hit him with a Harmony laser and-“
“I’m afraid the Elements of Harmony cannot solve every problem,” Celestia stated, cutting off Dash’s rant.
“The Elements are useful for undoing chaos and healing troubled hearts.” Luna lowered her head silently, having been reminded of her own inner demons from the past. “They cannot, however, outright defeat or even destroy evil. Against a foe that does not thrive solely on chaos, the Elements would be nothing more than a light show.”
“Well, with both you and Luna around, I’m sure this ‘darkness’ shouldn’t cause too much trouble.” Twilight’s voice carried a false air of confidence. “…Right?”
Celestia merely closed her eyes, confirming Twilight’s fears. “Do you remember the changeling invasion? Queen Chrysalis was able to single-hoofedly overpower me without breaking a sweat. And… well, I didn’t get a chance to tell you before you took off for the Elements, but they would have been completely useless against such a foe.”
Three, two, one, and… Luna sighed as a third gasp resounded from the overdramatic mares.
“The changelings function using a hivemind mentality,” Celestia continued, ignoring the shocked reaction from her listeners. “That is the pinnacle of harmony itself. If you had succeeded in gathering the Elements, they wouldn’t have even scratched Chrysalis. In fact, they likely would have made her stronger. And although I cannot say for certain what the impending evil is that we face, I can feel that it holds a power far beyond what the changelings possess.”
“So the Elements can’t stop ‘em, and two princesses alone can’t stop ‘em…” The cogs of Applejack’s mind slowly grinded, striving to reach some far-off solution. “So… what ya’ll need are… more princesses?”
Twilight glared at Applejack, who was wearing a goofy grin suggesting some sort of pride for her ridiculous conclusion. “Applejack, that’s absolutely-“
“Absolutely what we need!” Turning her head, Celestia addressed her sister with an excited grin. “Ready, Luna?”
“As I shall ever be, sister.”
Without warning, the sisters produced magical surges from their horns that swirled through the room. The dancing lights bounced from wall to wall, mesmerizing the six confused mares. Finally, the two magic essences collided, emitting a blinding light that would make the sun itself proud.
Twilight rubbed her eyes, adjusting to the abrupt brightness shift. At the collision point of the magical energy, she could just barely make out a long, rectangular shape. What is that, she pondered. It appeared to be hanging from the ceiling, and there was something written on the front. She squinted in an attempt to make out the words written on the mysterious object.
“The… New Ultimate Elements of Harmony… Super Alicorn Edition?”
Celestia and Luna stood beneath the banner, huge grins spread across their faces. The floor beneath their hooves was now littered with colorful confetti. Luna tossed her flowing mane to the side, a look of smugness on her normally dark complexion. “Is it not superb? I provided the moniker myself!”
The ponies looked awkwardly at each other, not sure whether to be surprised or horrified. Pinkie Pie, on the other hand, began bouncing wildly around her friends. Confetti took to the air with each of her joyful landings.
“See, you silly fillies? I TOLD you it was going to be a party!”
“But this just doesn’t make sense!” Twilight’s frustration had reached its peak, allowing her to question even her idol’s actions. “If you’re saying what I think you’re saying, you plan to turn us into alicorns to fight this mysterious ‘darkness’. But Pony Taxonomy: An Abridged History claimed that alicorns can’t just be made, since they’re born like any other pony. And that’s the leading authority on pony subgroups!”
“Well, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna began, “thine book of ponies is labeled ‘abridged’ for a reason.”
“Okay, but what about the ‘mysterious darkness’ that is apparently threatening Equestria? How come nopony has ever heard of it if it’s so powerful?”
“Art thou suggesting that we terrify our subjects without physical proof of said ‘darkness’? For shame, Twilight Sparkle!”
“Then what does any of this have to do with our friendship letters?!”
Celestia gave a motherly gaze to her rustled student, helping the unicorn to calm down. “I understand your confusion Twilight, and I intend to tell you everything. You see, we cannot simply grant immortal power to any pony. Such immense power should only be wielded by a pony with a good head on her shoulders.
“When I said your letters provided useful insight to me, I meant it. You see, I’ve been using them to determine how capable the six of you are of inheriting the power of an alicorn. Every letter gave me more information about your maturity levels, mental stability, ability to handle pressure… every bit of insight helped me to come to a final decision.”
“So, you just wanted to make sure we were ready?” Twilight had finally come to grips with what was happening. She decided it was best to place her trust in Celestia; after all, the princess would never do something that could potentially hurt them, right?
“That’s absolutely right, Twilight.” Celestia’s warm smile seemed to lift everypony’s mood, despite the unusual circumstances.
“So… does that mean we’re all going to be alicorns now?”
Without breaking her expression, Celestia provided a curt but surprisingly warm response.
“Nope.”
“W-What?!” Twilight was shocked; what was Celestia even trying to tell them? “But you just said you were going to-“
“I said I used your letters to make a decision.” Celestia, still smiling, stared down at the confused group of ponies. “And my decision is that some of you just aren’t up to the task.”
Twilight’s heart sunk lower than she thought was possible. Celestia, one of the kindest ponies in Equestria, had called them there just to tell them that they weren’t good enough? That she wasn’t good enough? The dejected mare opened her mouth, only to be cut off by her mentor.
“Your’re probably wondering why I called all of you here if only a few of you will be joining Luna and myself as alicorns. You see, knowing what good friends you are, I thought you should at least know what is going on so you can support them in the trials to come.” A small notepad appeared in front of the sun princess, which she shifted her attention towards. “Now then… Rainbow Dash, it pains me to say this, but you did not make the cut. You are free to leave if you’d like.”
“Now wait just a minute!... Uh, your highness.” Rainbow Dash couldn’t contain herself; she, of all ponies, was being rejected? From doing something awesome? She simply couldn’t keep herself from calling out such a bogus decision. “I’d make a great alicorn! The fastest, coolest alicorn around! Why can’t I join the New Alicorn thing?!”
“I’m sorry Dash, but I don’t think telling you would help any. I ask that you place your trust in my final decision.”
“Come on, I gotta know!”
This time, Luna stepped up to the group. Her face displayed an expression of frustration that sent shivers down their spines. “Dost thou truly wish to know why thine qualities were deficient?”
The mares’ heads nervously bobbed up and down; despite their fear of what the answer could be, they were genuinely curious about what the princesses truly thought of them. The quivering mess that was Fluttershy, however, simply gazed fearfully at Luna’s dark form. Rainbow Dash performed a completely unnecessary midair loop, stopping mere inches from the princess of the moon. “I mean, what could you possibly find wrong with me? I’m perfect super team material!”
Luna stepped forward, until her muzzle was nearly touching the haughty pegasus’. “That, Rainbow Dash, is exactly why dear Celestia has deemed thee unworthy.” The cold tone of her voice floored Dash, who could do nothing but look up at her immortal critic. “Thine letters suggest a persisting desire to grandstand. Thou thrive on attention, which is not what Equestria needs from its vanguard. For success, we must function as a single unit, yet thine past antics make it painfully clear that thou lack the proper attitude for teamwork.”
Rainbow Dash tried desperately to say something, yet the words would not come out. Swallowing a massive lump in her throat, the normally courageous pegasus slowly backed away towards the throne room exit. She lowered her haunches to the floor, staring pale-faced at the remaining contenders.
Luna’s rampage, on the other hand, was only beginning. She slowly walked amongst the line of mares before stopping at the end, where Fluttershy sat in a shaking heap. “U-Um, it’s alright, I know I’m n-not cut out for this so I’ll just-“
“Why, dear Fluttershy, surely thou art not afraid amongst such familiar company? After all, thine letters claim that thou art more capable of standing up for thineself!”
“W-Well, I’m getting a little better…” Fluttershy’s mumbling was barely audible from behind her veil of pink hair. “…I think?”
A cold smile crept onto Luna’s face as she observed the quivering yellow form before her. “As I see thee now, the supposed lessons thou hast gained over the past years have not stuck. Such a lack of development would be a detriment to our glorious league of justice.”
“Um, Luna…” Without being noticed by anypony in the room, Celestia had crept up to her sister’s side. “I thought we agreed it was because she lacks confidence.”
“But character development is the most important aspect of all superponies!” Luna stamped her hooves in utter defiance. “A pony who lacks gradual improvement becomes stale and boring! ‘Tis the reason Batmare Begins is undoubtedly superior to the likes of-“
“Alright, alright! No need to get excited.” Celestia, realizing how futile it was to argue this particular subject with Luna, chose to end the discussion before it could begin.
Luna snorted briefly before enveloping Fluttershy in a blue glow. The cowering mare was gently lifted to Rainbow Dash’s position and plopped onto the floor, which she was trying desperately to become a part of. Before Luna could address her next victim, a loud cacophony startled the group.
Pinkie Pie fired another blast of confetti from the colorful… something strapped to her back. “Come on everypony, what kind of party is this!” The pink blur hopped excitedly around a very humorless Luna. “Stop making those frowny-wowny faces!”
Luna brushed the rainbow of paper out of her mane before seizing the clueless mare in a prison of blue magic. “I feel as though an explanation is not necessary for thee, good Pinkie Pie.” Without another word, the pink pony was dropped on her side in the loser’s corner. She continued pumping her energetic legs, not quite realizing what angle she was at until her cannon fired another blast, sending her spinning wildly on the floor.
Only three of the six friends remained. Twilight looked to her right at Applejack, who seemed unusually calm for such a tense situation. The farmpony’s typical level-headedness even remained when Luna stopped in front of her, staring her down with palpable scrutiny.
“So uh, Ah reckon Ah didn’t make the cut, so Ah’ll just head on home if it’s all the same to you, yer highness.” Applejack scratched the back of her mane, smiling calmly at the leering princess. “Granny’s gonna be awful sore if Ah’m late, an’ Big Mac ain’t gonna finish the buckin’ himself so-“
“Hold, good Applejack.” To Twilight’s surprise, Luna’s expression changed to that of a friendly grin. “Thou art stubborn and lacking the good sense to rely on thine closest associates. However-“
“Wait! Please, Luna, we’ve heard enough.” Twilight couldn’t stand to hear her friends be criticized so harshly. Even if it was from the sister of her beloved teacher and esteemed princess. And Applejack was one of the most dependable ponies in Equestria; to hear anypony belittle such qualities due to minor flaws was simply unacceptable.
“However,” Luna continued, ignoring the indignant unicorn, “thine strength, honesty, and dependability is nigh incomparable. Thou also seem to have produced far fewer letters, suggesting an established understanding of friendship and of thineself.
“Although, I must admit some concern regarding a certain letter pertaining to apple cider…” The moon princess cocked an eyebrow, recalling Applejack’s questionable “lesson” from the Flim-Flam Brothers incident. “Nevertheless, Celestia and myself are proud to declare thee the first new member of… The New! Ultimate Elements of Harmony: Super Alicorn Edition!”
“What.” Applejack’s eyes went wide as she tried to make sense of Luna’s words. So intense was her perplexity that she didn’t even notice Celestia’s party popper launching colorful streams at her face, nor the sound of Twilight’s jaw colliding with the floor.
“WHAT?!” Rainbow Dash snapped out of her funk in order to call out this horrible injustice.
“Woohoo! Congratulations, AJ!” Pinkie, still spinning, seemed to take the news quite well comparatively speaking.
“Well shucks. That’s mighty fine of you, yer highnesses.” Applejack fidgeted, a nervous grin adorning her face. “But Ah reckon Twilight would make a better choice, bein’ magical and whatnot.”
“Be not hasty, Applejack! There still remains one new member to be initiated.” Luna placed herself in front of the two remaining mares, using her magic to lift Twilight’s fallen jaw.
“Now then, I believe I shall begin with… thou!” An imposing hoof pointed itself directly at the white unicorn to the left of Twilight. To her surprise, however, the mare did not stir. In fact, it was as though she hadn’t even heard the princess, which any pony would attest was an impressive feat.
“Um, Rarity,” Twilight whispered, nudging the motionless mare. “The princess is talking to… wait, are you sleeping?”
Sure enough, a light wisp of breath escaped from Rarity’s slightly opened lips. Her baggy eyes fluttered periodically, choosing to stay closed more often than not. Luna cocked an eyebrow, unsure of how to approach the situation.
Twilight, on the other hand, was in no mood to wait for Rarity to wake up on her own. “Come on Rarity, she’s going to get angry!” Lavender hooves pushed aggressively at the slumbering mare’s well-groomed face. After a moment of awkward face-hoofing, the white unicorn let loose a yawn that would have made Rainbow Dash proud.
“Uh… oh, my sincerest, um, apologies your highness.” Rarity gazed up at Luna through half-opened eyes, a contented smile on her weary face. “I’ll… ahh… have those dresses finished in two days tops.” Her attention wandered to the banner hanging above their heads, eliciting a slight grimace. “Oh my, what is that tacky thing?”
“R-Rarity!” Twilight’s face turned beet red at her friend’s insolence. She swiftly turned to face the looming princess, bowing humbly before her. “Please forgive her, Luna, she probably just hasn’t gotten much sleep. Listen, you don’t have to keep doing this; I’ll accept initiation into the team, just please let her off this time.”
“Honestly, Twilight Sparkle, thine arrogance is shocking. I expected better of thee, at the very least.” Luna’s response sent Twilight into yet another state of shock. “Since thou art so lacking in patience, I shall tarry no longer.”
Turning her head to face Rarity, Luna gave another warm grin. “Good Rarity, it pleases me to declare thee the second newest member of The New! Ultimate Elements of Harmony: Super Alicorn Edition!”
“Oh… oh my, how delightful.” Rarity turned clumsily to Twilight, losing her balance and resting her head on the stunned unicorn’s side. “Isn’t it just delightful, darling?”
“Oh you have GOT to be bucking kidding me!”
All heads turned towards Rainbow Dash; however, they were surprised to find that the outburst had not come from her. Twilight’s mouth still hung open, trying desperately to form something else to say. However, her mind was reeling with a volatile combination of shock, confusion, rage, and betrayal.
“I… I just don’t understand!” Struggling to maintain her composure, the dejected mare stared straight at her supposedly “beloved” mentor. “Haven’t I always been a good student? I’m well-organized, well-educated, and have the most potent magical ability in Equestria aside from you!” She looked at Rarity, who was still leaning against her and most likely dozing off again. “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with Rarity, but… come on, it’s Rarity!”
“I’m sorry, Twilight,” Celestia calmly stated to her enraged student. “But after observing you for the past two years, and knowing you for even longer than that, I just feel that Rarity is a more suitable candidate for this specific task.”
“She possesses a higher level of maturity,” Luna claimed, taking over for her sister. “Her most prominent ‘sins’ appear to be communication issues with her sister. Being a sister myself, even I am guilty of this at times.”
“But… but I’m mature! I’m usually the one fixing all of these problems!”
“Well, as painful as this is to say, I’m still a little concerned about the “Smarty Pants” incident a while back.” Celestia looked almost shamefully at the ground. “It made it clear that you may be a bit… um…”
“Unstable.” Luna wasted no time in saying what was on her sister’s mind.
Unstable? They think I’m unstable?! White hot fury burned in Twilight’s eyes. It didn’t even matter that the criticism was coming from the object of her greatest affections; she had never been so wronged in her life. This was the moment she had been waiting for her whole life – to stand at Celestia’s side as her immortal companion, which until now had seemed impossible – and it was being stolen away by Applejack and Rarity.
“Now now, no need to be so upset.” Celestia once again wore a comforting smile as she addressed the four rejected mares. “You may still write friendship letters to me if it will make you feel better; I always enjoy reading them. Oh! I almost forgot… Philomena!”
In an instant, a blazing orange streak flew gracefully into the room, perching on Celestia’s back. The cheerful princess summoned four sets of what appeared to be hoof-crafted saddles and baseball caps, each emblazoned with a red alicorn-esque shape on black fabric. “We have some lovely parting gifts for you, made by Luna herself! Philomena, be a dear and hand them out please!”
Twilight’s eyes followed the radiant phoenix as she flew to each her friends one after the other, the tacky clothing levitating along behind her. Each set dropped unceremoniously in front of each of the shocked ponies, although Pinkie seemed quite satisfied with her gift. Finally, Philomena stopped in front of Twilight herself, staring her straight in the eyes. The unicorn could swear she saw something in those brilliant yellow eyes. Something… playful? Loving?
No, there was no mistaking it. It was a look of pity.
Mockery. That bucking bird is mocking me.
The saddle landed in front of Twilight, yet she paid it no heed. Her stare remained permanently glued to the miserable bird as she flew back to her master.
“Well, I am very glad that you girls took the time to come out here.” Celestia’s joviality didn’t fade for an instant. She acted as though nothing had happened at all. “I look forward to seeing you all again soon. Now then, Applejack and Rarity, if you could stay here for a moment…”
Twilight suddenly felt herself being herded towards the exit where the other three losers stood. Luna proceeded to escort them out the door, as well as prying Fluttershy off the floor she had became almost literally attached to. Before shutting the large doors behind them, Luna offered one last farewell.
“I apologize if I seemed too… blunt. For what it’s worth, thou art all lovely ponies. Enjoy the gifts!” And with that, the doors slammed shut, separating the four mares from whatever secret goings-on they were excluded from.
Luna returned to her sister and the two clueless mares waiting for any sort of information on what they were being involved in. Silence hung in the air for nearly a minute as the four members of The New! Ultimate Elements of Harmony: Super Alicorn Edition looked awkwardly around. Finally, an orange hoof was raised into the air.
“Yes, Applejack?” Celestia was more than willing to answer any question her new initiate had.
“Yeah, Ah’ve got a question. What the heck’s an alicorn?”
-------------------
Four mares sat on the train heading towards Ponyville. For the entirety of the ride, not a word was spoken between them. The humiliation they had experienced was incomparable, and all they had to show for it were tacky red and black alicorn paraphernalia. Twilight looked down at the hideous cap under her hoof, the red vaguely pony-shaped stitching staring up at her. This cap represented the unthinkable betrayal her own teacher and princess had committed. The betrayal of Luna, and the two despicable mares she had called friends. And that bucking bird.
This isn’t over. Twilight seethed, the heat practically emanating from her lavender coat. This isn’t over by a long shot.