Golden Oakes Library
The Crystal Empire was being invaded. But, due to the griffons' signal jammers scrambling the airwaves, the rest of Equestria had no idea. If they did, they probably would've sent help. Dan and friends all would've gone to rescue the Crystal ponies IF they had known. Instead, they were-
"And we just push them all off a cliff!" Dan declared. The rubber chicken hit the floor, squeaking. He'd been using it to represent the griffons.
Twilight, Spike and Phoenix sat at the kitchen table, their heads propped up by their hooves, claws and hands respectively. They weren't really paying attention; Dan's first plans were always just to gauge reactions anyway. They served to lay the groundwork of the real plans, and illustrate his immediate desires. By the time he got to the twelfth plan, it started to become more viable
However, there was someone new with them today. And he wasn't used to the way they did things.
"So this is a routine for you all," Kent stated.
"Yeah," Spike said.
"You'd be surprised how often it works," Twilight said. Once again, she was having difficulty with her dark magical form, and was now fully in the guise of her new alter ego, Nightfall. She caught her own reflection in the toaster, rolled her eyes and laid her head down again.
I give him props for enthusiasm, but I'm not fond of his plans, either. Much too violent and wasteful. Sure, it makes a statement, but it's a lot of energy, effort and destruction just to drive a point home with the griffons. Then again, I suppose he comes up with these grand and elaborate schemes because he doesn't have magic. Imagine if he did.
Nightfall's voice echoed in Twilight's mind. Her own voice, a bit darker, more sinister in tone, but still creative. Light and dark had to coexist, didn't they? So there had to be some good to come from it eventually. More focus with less inhibition. So long as those inhibitions remained in reality, so long as Twilight remained in control, everything was fine. Everything... was fine.
"You don't like the cliff idea?" Dan asked them all. Spike sighed, Phoenix bobbed his head, Twilight's upper lip twitched. Kent was imperceptible in his armor, as usual.
"I like the irony," Phoenix said. The others looked at him, and he immediately winced. "I mean, cliff-diving birds and... cliffs. It's uh... okay, yeah, please continue, Dan."
"Okay," Dan flipped over the chalkboard. "So this is a similar plan. First, we get a bus, and then-"
*Vrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm*
"What the hell is that?" Fluffle dislodged from the ceiling along with her children. Dan caught one of them, a lazy orange philly-puff named Flopple. She liked to laze around and sleep a lot, when she wasn't eating.
The kitchen cabinets began shaking. The silverware in the drawers began shaking. The toaster shook and flipped onto its side.
"The whole house is shaking!!" Spike yelled, instinctively getting under the table.
"Earthquake! Plan E, everybody!!"
"There's never been an earthquake in Ponyville," Twilight said. "That wasn't caused by a Octavia or something. This is something else!"
"I don't care what it is! We either stop it or we find out how well the library holds up in an icemaker! Outside, everybody, now!"
The gang burst out of the backdoor and immediately spun around. Though it was day, they were in the shade of something, something big.
"Oh dear gawd."
"PONE. DEPOT!" Shouted Dan. A Pone Depot construction crane towered above them. It was a bright orange crane all the way from cab to boom to hook, with the paint scuffed slightly in a few places giving it that frequently-used look. Like everything else with Pone Depot, it was rugged, tough in every sense of the word and built for power and performance. Tools to shape the world. And, as the machine lifted its mighty boom, they all realized that it was lifting up only one thing.
"MY ION CANNON!!!!!!!!!!!"
With a distinct 'pop,' the crane yanked the spherical ion cannon out of its housing atop the tree. At the same time, pegasi all around the tree in orange hardhats and orange Pone Depot aprons removed other things.
"Are they-"
"THEY'RE TAKING... MY... SECURITY SYSTEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Dan yelled and burst into a run at the crane. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" And proceeded to rip it apart with his bare hands. Unfortunately, or fortunately, being such a sturdy crane, it was immune to Dan's harassment and so the angry human could do little more than scratch at the machine as it hoisted his artillery.
Meanwhile, some one from Pone Depot flew down to talk to the others.
"You're the property owners? You live at the Golden Oakes Library?"
"Yes," Twilight approached. Despite her appearance, the supervisor pegasus was completely unfazed. "But the library's not private property."
"Yeah but the Galvanized Electronic-"
"Just call it the security system," Spike suggested to save time.
"Right, that, was purchased on a payment plan and unfortunately, you're in default."
Phoenix stepped forward. "Hi, I'm Phoenix Wright, ace attorney."
"Smooth, Nick. Real smooth," Spike said, the sarcasm heavy.
"Oh hey, Phoenix Wright. My kids are huge fans of yours. Just preordered the new game." Behind the supervisor, Dan continued futilely assaulting the crane, bouncing all over it in a cartoony fashion, biting at it with his teeth and the like.
"Oh, uh... thanks," Phoenix blushed. Glares from Twilight, Spike, Fluffle and the Fluffspawn all urged him to regain his composure. "A-anyway, we received no notice of default."
"Wow. Really?"
"Yes," Phoenix said. "We received no written notice of any payment plan, no warning, no message or attempt of contact before repossession. According to the contract with Pone Depot, notice of action must take place before any form of seizure can occur, especially that which modifies an existing structure."
"Dang. That's really inconvenient."
Phoenix nodded. "Yes, yes it is. So, I'm afraid you and your coworkers here are engaged in a clear violation of our existing agreement. Pone Depot is clearly in breach of contract here."
The stallion rubbed his hardhat. "Wow. That really sucks. I had no idea."
"So will you tell your men to stop?"
"Nope."
"Why. NOOOOOOOOOTTTT?!!!!!!" Dan yelled from behind.
The Depot Stallion shrugged. "I'm actually with the repo company, Pone Repo. We just work with Pone Depot when we need a crane and safety gear."
"PONE REPO????!!!" Dan yelled again. "THAT'S NOT... THAT'S NERRRRGG...NERRGAABALAGRRRRERRVRAgablahahahallerrr..."
"I think he's broken," Kent said.
"Took the words outta my mouth, goldie," Spike said.
"SPIKE! ICE!!" Dan shouted. "ICE... LOTS OF ICE!!"
"I got it," Twilight said. One good thing her dark magic was able to do is conjure up lots of things very quickly. Four bags of ice spawned in midair in Twilight's new dark magic aura. Dan began boxing them like they were punching bags.
"He should be good for a few minutes," Twilight said.
"We can't even go back into the house for those few minutes," said Spike. "Because it's being repo'd." Was he a bit disappointed, a bit sad or just a bit tired of this schtick? Yes. Yes, he was.
But the schtick went on. "Actually, we're done," the lead Repo Pone said. "Have a nice day." He flew off, leaving them with that last comment. "Have a nice day," about the only thing left they could have after the security system was repossessed. The kind of heartless, emotionless, uncaring bureaucratic response that only someone working for a ruthless, tyrannical, unilateral authoritarian governmental regime could have... or customer service.
The crane, the repo ponies, they all left with the parts and pieces of the security system.
"So what do we do now?" Spike asked.
"Don't we still have all the other defense weapons on the moon? And in space?"
"The satellite grid is still being repaired. As of right now, both interstellar and interdimensional defense capabilities are severely compromised," Kent stated matter-of-factly.
Dan grabbed the armored man, his knuckles red from the ice. "Give it to me straight, Kenty... what's our earliest effective response time to outside threats now?"
"To deploy an effective countermeasure?" Kent asked. Dan nodded, eyes watering. "About twenty minutes."
"AAAaaaahhhhh!" Dan bawled. "Twenty minutes no! NOoooooooo-hhuh-huhhahahhhaaaaaaaaaaaa..."
"Come on, guys," Twilight said. "Let's go back into the house."
"Nooo-ho-hoooooo I wanna get revengeeeeeeee!" Dan cried. Using her magic, Twilight dragged him by the ankles back inside the Golden Oakes Library. What was left of it, anyway.