//------------------------------//
// Daring Do Not 
// Story: Misadventures of a Henchpony 
// by Big Saij 
//------------------------------//

The pebble I kicked rattled as it landed in the can, giving me a score of twelve.

My success at the game that I had created gave me a slight sense of pride, though it was quickly replaced by the ever-consuming boredom that had made up the past hour. Sighing, I trotted over to grab the pebble out of the can before walking back and starting to kick again.

Many ponies assumed that the henchpony life was exciting. That we got to aid our employers in their nefarious schemes, fight off the valiant heroes inside collapsing temples, engage in exciting banter with each other as plans came to fruition.

In truth, that was only a small part of the job. Most of the time we sat here, waiting for the next artifact to hunt down or the next adventurer to combat. In my case, it was playing guard duty at base camp while Doctor Caballeron and the other henchponies went out to raid Daring Do's hideout.

I saw it coming, since this has always been the case when we have to set up camp here in the Tenochtitlan Basin. Biff was his second-in-command so he always went along with the Doctor, Rogue was the hired muscle so in jobs like these he was necessary, and I was fairly certain by now that they liked Withers because he had cool shades. So that left me here, sitting here to make sure our supplies weren't stolen by the natives or common thieves.

Taking the job had its perks, I guess. I got to eat hay whenever I got hungry, lay on an actual cot whenever I got tired, and even got some shelter on the off chance that it rained. But sources of entertainment were not a part of our essentials, so I had to make do with whatever the area around us gave me. In this case, it was a tin can and some rocks.

Yay. One of my favorite games.

Times like these were why I had plans, however. Big ones. The kinds of plans that usually the Doctor thought of. Back down the hill, in the place I was renting in town, I had a large amount of bits stockpiled. And after this job, I would finally have enough to pursue my dream.

It was quite fortunate that I got paid well in that regard. We even got bonuses if we actually were successful in our plans to auction off valuable artifacts. When Doctor Caballeron was in a good mood, he could be quite generous with the earnings. Those moments had become much harder ever since we crossed paths with Daring Do, though. Ever since he had gotten his offer to team up with her turned down, his annoyance with the rival treasure hunter only grew, especially when he had thrown in with Ahuizotl and still lost.

Huh. I guess that was why he had taken up the job to find the last "Ring of Scorchero" so easily. Ahuizotl had said that Daring Do was in possession of it, and offered quite a hefty sum in return. It did take a bit of searching to find her abode, but now I was sure that we would finally get our hooves on that ring.

And speak of the Nightmare. Out of the bushes walked the Doctor himself along with my fellow henchponies. And judging by the large golden ring he was carrying, my assumption had been correct. "So we got it?" I asked, motioning towards the artifact.

"Indeed," Caballeron replied before looking up at the setting sun. "However, it seems we are too late to meet with our buyer today."

Turning my attention to the other three who had arrived, I noticed that all of them had taken quite the beating. Withers himself had a large bruise forming on his face. "Daring Do give you trouble?" He nodded, wincing from the pain. "Told you I should have come with."

"Nonsense, we got the ring just fine," Caballeron dismissed. "Now, let us eat. Tomorrow, we become rich!"

Making my way back to the ration setup, I dragged the hay bales out to the center of the camp. Wordlessly, we all started digging into dinner, with myself having the decency of taking off my hat before chowing down.

Oh right, my hat. It was probably my most valuable possession, along with my forest-green vest. Many ponies confused it with Daring Do's pith hat, and though it did have the same color, the key difference was that mine had a brown stripe running along the base of the dome and nothing else. It was a gift from an old friend, somepony I had lost contact with long ago.

Yes, I know, taking off my hat isn't exactly the shining beacon of courtesy when eating. But I wasn't raised in a particularly civilized part of Equestria, so practicing my dining habits wasn't very high on my list of importance.

What was high on that list was noticing ponies watching me eat from the bushes. And there a pony was, stepping out of them and dropping a single bag at their hooves. The sound of bits clinking against each other immediately got all our attention as we stared at the massive amount of wealth in front of us, hay still in our muzzles.

"I have been lead to believe you have in your possession an item of significant importance that might be... for sale," the newcomer said. They had a beard that looked like it had seen better days, a crushed hat, and an oddly familiar vest, mane and tail. The pegasus wings and coat color were coming up in my memory as well for some reason.

That, of course, didn't stop me or the others from rushing forward to greet the wealthy pony, grins plastered on all our faces.  The last two words they had said shook the Doctor out of his stupor, as he looked back and forth with his ears slightly drooped.

"Oh, uh, well. I did have another buyer lined up but he's not here, so... sounds like we have a deal!" And just like that, he stretched his hoof out to who I could only assume was an archeologist or explorer of some sort, the ring hanging from it. Us henchponies looked on in surprise. That was it? No haggling, no negotiating, just a plain and simple deal for bits?

Unfortunately, no. Things were never that simple. A guttural and primal roar sounded from the jungle, making us all flinch and scaring Biff's hat right off his head. Like the epitomes of bravery we were, all of us quickly ran into the bushes while Doctor Caballeron was stuck shivering in place, the ring still dangling from his hoof. We watched from the sidelines, collectively deciding to cheer him on from a safe distance.

The sound of trees crashing came closer until a familiar monster emerged above the two ponies. Ahuizotl, our current employer. "CABALLERON!" he yelled, giving an intimidating glare at the stallion, "THE RING!"

His tail, a third paw at the end of it extended itself towards the Doctor, but he was having none of it. Apparently regaining his survival instincts, he grabbed the bag of bits and ran for the treeline where we were all hiding, and dropping the ring behind him.

As soon as he passed us, we all followed close behind with our tails between our legs, galloping even faster when we heard another, even greater enraged roar behind us. All of us only stopped when we collectively ran out of stamina, panting as we desperately looked back to see if we were getting chased. But fortunately, there was nothing but the oppressive darkness of the jungle.

"Well," Doctor Caballeron started, returning to his confident tone and posture, "at least we have our payment." He lifted the bag of bits in one hoof, clearly excited at the future prospects that it entailed.

I, however, clearly being the brains of the group, rubbed my chin with a hoof. "But what about Ahuizotl? He's the one who always pays us, and I don't think he's too happy with us bailing like that..."

We all thought about that for a moment. "Excellent point," the Doctor finally stated. "So, you have volunteered to go and negotiate our next... payment."

"What? No, I-" But it was already too late, as everypony was staring at me expectantly. Absolutely wonderful. This was just proof that thinking was clearly overrated. "Fine, I'll go to the Fortress of Talacon and "negotiate". But I expect a bonus for this!"

No response from Caballeron. I didn't expect one anyway. Sighing, I turned and slowly started the long trip back to the temple.

This was the exact reason I wanted to settle down...





"Halt!" The stallion, one of the natives armed with a spear pointed it at me as I tried to enter the temple complex. "None may disturb the sacred ceremony!"

I rolled my eyes. Ahuizotl and his ceremonies. Wouldn't it just be easier to do whatever he needed to and be done with it? "I'm Jungle Trek, working for Caballeron," I explained, wanting to waste as little time as possible on idle chatter. "You know, he collaborates with your boss? Ahuizotl? I've been sent to meet with him."

The guard eyed me suspiciously before moving to allow me entry. "Very well, second corridor on the right. Do not enter the central chamber. He will meet you in the hallway."

"Thank you." Trotting into the fortress, I looked around at the ancient stone carving while I walked. There were lines of images and carvings on some of the bricks; words in an ancient language, no doubt. I made no attempt to try and decipher them since they would have been just as useless to me written in Ponish.

Not one of the things I'm particularly proud of.

Once I reached the second hallway that the native had mentioned, I heard the faint sound of familiar maniacal laughter approaching. That was good. If Ahuizotl was in a good mood, there was less chance that I would be thrown into whatever traps he had planned for Daring Do. If there was a time to negotiate, it would be now.

Rounding the corner, there he was. The beast of the basin himself. Stopping once he saw me, Ahuizotl drew himself up to his full height in a clear attempt to intimidate me. "What are you doing here?" he asked threateningly.

I, while feeling very intimidated and threatened, continued regardless. "Caballeron sent me to negotiate our next job and payment. While he understands that you now have the last Ring of Scorchero, surely there are other artifacts that you wish to gain, or perhaps regain from Daring Do?" The lines included some of my best strategies, like saying I was speaking for someone else to shift blame and trying to lay anger at somepony else. In this case there was an easy target.

Ahuizotl thought for a second. "Hm, Daring Do still has the stolen Sapphire Statue... very well! We shall speak after I finish the ring placing ceremony. Wait here!"

"Of course," I answered, moving out of the way to let him pass. He was very scary. But he was also surprisingly smart, and that meant that I didn't have to worry about betrayal of some sort now. He didn't seem like the type to do that, anyhow.

That wasn't important now, though. What was is that now I got to partake in my favorite activity of all time once more. Truly ponies would stand in line all day just to have moments of what I was about to experience. Surely even the Princesses did this from time to time.

Waiting.

I sat down against one of the temple walls, my legs sore from all the walking. The distance wasn't too far to reach the fortress, but by Celestia the terrain was a nightmare. I must have tripped at least seven times. Having nothing to do was usually bad, but in this case I actually did appreciate the opportunity to just relax and take in the cool air.

...I'm not sure which deity I offended in my life, because they just were not content to let me get off at all.

Two pairs of hoofsteps were getting rapidly louder and louder. Stumbling, I quickly got back up through the soreness and readied myself. More natives? Adventures? Perhaps just some tourists who were in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Nope, it was worse than all three of those combined.

Daring Do came barreling down the hall, stopping only a few feet away once she had noticed me. A cyan, rainbow maned pegasi was close behind, hovering above the ground. Both were looking at me, and I stared back.

"Oh great, another one of Caballeron's goons," Daring Do remarked. "We don't have time for this, we need to get to the ceremony!"

I looked behind me, then back at the two. "No way, I'm not getting beaten by you again!" I readied myself into a fighting stance, remembering all the hoof-to-hoof combat methods I had learned just for this moment. "You're going down, Daring Do!"

She only rolled her eyes before dashing towards me, slamming my face with a swift uppercut. I flew upwards, gaining at least three feet of air before slamming back onto the stone floor, the wind knocked out of me. "Ouch..." I was barely able to wheeze out.

"Ha, that was awesome!" I heard an unfamiliar voice say. Must have been the rainbow one. What was she, some sort of Daring Do fanmare? A wave of blue rushed past me as Daring Do just walked past like I was nothing. Gathering what remained of my energy, I was just able to grab onto one of her hind hoofs.

She politely responded by bucking me in the face.





Getting hit in the muzzle with a stone is not how I wanted to wake up. By alarm clock standards, it was probably on the lower end of my preferred methods.

I still appreciated it two seconds later, however, when I saw that the entire temple was shaking.

"Oh n- I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!" Scrambling onto all four hooves, I started galloping back the way I had originally came before I had gotten un-consensually knocked out via buck. Shards of stone fell all around me, forcing me to swerve more than once before I reached the end.

A group of five colorful mares went right past me, clearly too busy making their escape to give me any sort of attention. I looked after them, then back the way they came. And there they were.

The Rings of Scorchero. All laid haphazardly around the altar, where Ahuizotl was attempting to grab Daring Do and the rainbow mare who were flying out through the ceiling, all while the natives ran around fearing for their lives. Acting on instinct, I grabbed the ring closest to me, which was fortunately one of the smaller ones, and put it on, letting it hang on my neck. Then, once again demonstrating my status as a paragon of bravery and heroism, I immediately turned tail and ran for my life, just barely making it out of the front entrance sheer milliseconds before the entire structure collapsed in on itself.

As the ponies I had seen earlier along with Daring Do and her "sidekick" made their escape, I saw Ahuizotl from the corner of my eye emerge from the rubble and shake a paw at them. "DARING DO! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!"

Yep, I had overstayed my welcome. Time to leave. With no time to rest, I continued galloping away from the now-ruined fortress, not stopping until I had gotten far back into the thick jungles of the Tenochtitlan Basin. Only then did I take off my prize and admire it.

Definitely solid gold. Also completely useless for its intended purpose according to legend now that the temple had collapsed. Could still fetch a fair price on the market, with the right bidder. My first thought was to take it back to Doctor Caballeron, but then I stopped. Wasn't I going to semi-retire anyway? Why not take a nice memento along with me? Nopony could stop me, all I needed to do was grab my belongings back in town, leave a note telling the Doctor where I was going to be, and that was it. He didn't have to know that I pilfered one of the rings.

And just like that, my mind was made. Stuffing the artifact into my saddlebag, I tilted my hat downwards, imagined myself as looking really cool and adventurer-like, and then started the long walk back towards town. And believe me, it was just as annoying as the first trip from camp.

I'll spare you the details of what happened during it. Describing my completely uneventful trek through the Basin would honestly be a waste of words. Suffice to say that I returned to the familiar sight of buildings and ponies unharmed, albeit even more tired than usual. After getting to the local inn and nodding to the innkeeper, I half-walked, half-stumbled up the stairs until I reached my room and flopped down onto the comfort of an actual bed.

So that was it. My last adventure. Within my nightstand, in the bottom drawer was a bag containing at least a hundred bits, all towards the projects that I had dreamed of.

Finally owning a real house.

After past me had undergone much deliberation, I had picked out the nice village of Ponyville. There was a house for sale there that I had scouted out and found to be quite peaceful, quaint and affordable. The deal had been struck with the previous owner, and now all that was needed was the payment.

Honestly, it could not come fast enough. I was tired, and not just in the sense from all the running and walking and getting beat up. I wanted to move on, start a new chapter in my life, find a new calling instead of just being a henchpony for Doctor Caballeron. I owed him a lot for taking me in for the job, so I would certainly help him out when he needed me, but not having to worry about the animals or vicious plants or the risk of Daring Do would do wonders for my lifestyle. And my health.

The name Jungle Trek would finally be something other than a footnote in the adventures of a mare. He could finally be somepony. Somepony with a peaceful, benign life.

I mean, how hectic could Ponyville really be?