“Say that you love me”
The Raptor jostled slightly from turbulence, groans sounding from the wounded soldiers. IV stands filled with vibrant colours stood attentively at each bed, the bags watching over each pony in an uncaring and belittling manner. I glared at mine, daring it to finish faster than the others if only to break the boredom. The transport rocked again, a sharp spike of pain through my bandaged wounds bringing a grunt and a wince, 'Karma for glaring at an inanimate object? Great...'
A few more moans of pain came across the infirmary, the hurried whispers of doctors and nurses echoing after as a group cantered inside. My eyes twitched and tracked their movement, following the group to a legless pegasus. Closing my right eye and bowing my head, I gave what respect I could as a sheet was pulled over his body and the bed rolled out of the room. The third death in twice as many in this room alone, though plenty more beds had been wheeled by the door ever since we left the campaign.
I leaned back into the pillows and sighed, staring up at the ceiling once again. Wisps of cloud hung to the steel plates, faint crackles of electricity zipped through the droplets keeping the Raptor in the air. Half the journey to Canterlot was complete, though that merely dragged out my suffering. We were travelling at less than a tenth of the speed we were at on our way to the changeling nation, the ship's energy being diverted to the hundreds of ponies in intensive care wards and the medical robots that attended us.
The Raptor itself was part of a unique fleet of medical cloudships owned in part by the Air Force and Ministry of Peace after reports of hundreds of losses in pegasi. In exchange for almost all forms of defence, the ship was outfitted with enough room to carry half a thousand injured and half as many medical professionals along with numerous operating rooms and rehabilitation rooms. My ears had perked at mentions of a cybernetics station, though I quashed such thoughts when I realised that with my leg in the condition it was, the medics weren't letting me go anywhere in a hurry.
Snowfall's actions and subsequent death hadn't hit me as hard as I thought it would have. His words on the other hoof had all but crushed my spirit. It sickened me to no end, the thoughts of the sweet yellow mare giving our worst enemies the means to wipe out our entire race. A forced mutual destruction scenario could only be a last resort in my eyes, a step forwards to an uneasy peace. Thunder Clap's words came to mind, his resolve to wipe out the entire zebra race to establish his peace seemed to be the same mindset the entire Equestrian nation was taking up.
“This is bullshit,” I murmured to the air, sighing softly as the ship rocked again. Pushing up onto my hindquarters, I leaned over to lift my dufflebag onto the bed. The sound of a zip opening destroyed the uneasy silence of the room, a few heads turning as I took out my rifle and cleaning kit. With a twist, the stock came off easily soon followed by the barrel and mouth grip. The empty magazine slid out smoothly, the metal singing slightly before I set to work disassembling the rest of the gun.
As I set to work cleaning and working on my gun, I let the little clinks and kisses the pieces gave one another cover my senses, drowning myself in the peaceful work. If one thing could take my mind off all the worries of the world, it would be my rifle. The smooth metal was cold to my hooves, keeping me focused as my eyes threatened to drift over to my injured companions. They weren't unpleasant, just extremely dull. Just as my spirit had been crushed by words, theirs had been trampled over with the loss of a limb. If they had the money or connections, it was down to rehabilitation and we never saw them again. If not, they were waving farewell to the battlefield for good.
I smiled a little at the thought of going home, never having to fight again. It seemed alien and ridiculous that the Ministries thought that would be best for a soldier. We were a new type of pony, unable to fit back into the norms of Equestrian society after our dismissal. A violent, unthinking group of machines whose only purpose was to protect and destroy than discover and innovate. A thought struck me as I worked away, 'Maybe that's what Ratchet and Snow meant... I’m not a soldier yet because I want to go home...'
I shook myself, dangerous thoughts Rivet. Just keep your eyes and mind on your gun. I chipped off any gathered dirt, smoothed down any marks or small dents and oiled the gun down. I smiled and closed my eyes, piecing the gun back together in less than a minute. I chuckled slightly, Hartpony's repeated rants on gun etiquette were paying off.
The thought of one night in particular came to mind, coming into the barracks after a long day of gun training only to find our beds had been disassembled. A note was stuck to the door, stating that we were to rebuild our beds as quickly as possible after our poor performance at the range, some taking up to twenty minutes to reassemble their weapons despite their cockiness before the lesson.
If you fillies think you're half the marksponies you think you are, then I’m sure you can piece them back together just like your guns!
As soon as the door shut, the lights went out and we were left in the dark. Putting together a bed in pitch black conditions taught us many lessons, the most important being to take things seriously when it came to gun care. The second most important was that military beds can leave most baffled and that a mattress on the floor is just as good. I had questioned the teaching method at first, but as time went on Hartpony's lessons took a better hold on us than ever before.
I admired my hoof work on the gun, placing it in my mouth to adjust the sights. The cool metal stung my cheek slightly, but the feeling brought comfort and a sense of familiarity. The thought disturbed me once, the first time I felt at home with a gun in my mouth was during the Battle of the Spell. The day I lost one of my closest friends and my eye.
I let a sigh slip loose and lowered my rifle, that battle took a lot from me. More than I’d ever admit. The more I remembered about what I did and who I became, the worse I felt. Looking at my own hooves, I questioned if I was really the same Rivet from before; that happy, caring stallion whose worst nightmare was a misplaced spanner and greatest joy was a new chariot to work on. My joy was my rifle, my nightmares were myself and the pony I had become.
Collapsing back on the bed, I gave a grunt. Something had plagued my thoughts ever since that battle, but it was always buried under propaganda and the pride of serving. Just one question, threatening to change who I was completely.
“Are we really fighting on the right side?” I whispered, too quiet for any of the others to hear. Such talk was treason, and the last time I heard somepony ask a similar question they were buried within the hour. It seemed that the true military and the one the public could see were two different things, and I was helping in that regard.
I shook my head, slapping myself a few times as well. The thoughts dissipated with the pain, leaving my with a sore face but a clear head. Even if I was worried about which side was right, I had made my promises to my friends and family, and they came well above the politics of war. I was just a soldier, another cog in the machine.
I didn't have any plans in changing that one bit.
I drifted back into consciousness, the hum of the Raptor's engines refusing me any rest for the moment. A dreamless and pointless sleep, but I was thankful for what little shut eye I managed to get. No nightmares tonight thankfully. A murmur here and there sounded, the occasional whimper and call for a parent or loved one allowed me to relish the lack of dreams that night.
A gentle whir from my eye and I could see through the inky blackness of the infirmary at night. I coughed a little and forced down some bile, wincing a little. No matter how many times I used this eye's additions, the sensation never got any better. Peering through the darkness, I watched the rising and lowering forms of sleeping ponies, sighing slightly.
I slowly and quietly slid out of my cot, picked up a small satchel and moved to the door, opening it into the low light of the hallway. My hooves murdered the silence as they struck the steel floor, but I didn't care. The worst they would do is tranquillise me and put me back in bed, which I held no objections towards. At least then I could sleep better. With a limp in my step, I found my way to the upper deck slowly and carefully, avoiding the night shift doctors and nurses.
Cold steel touched my flank, sending me out of my coat and at least a foot into the air. Landing and turning around, I was face to plate with a medical bot. The multi-armed monstrosity started to push me out from behind the corner I was hiding behind and into the middle of the corridor, only to turn away from me and to go on with its business. Allowing myself a quiet chuckle, I did the same, glad that most of the machines only followed set routines.
A hiss of a door and my mane was sent billowing around me. I closed my eyes and savoured the sweet, wet air of the outside, stepping onto the outer deck to feel the breeze run through my coat. Despite the sensation's similarity to falling and flying, I felt calm and at ease. I allowed a chuckle and a faint smile to appear, opening my eyes and sitting down.
My gaze went to the stars and moon, their place in the sky free from clouds tonight. The pale orb seemed to glow brighter than the sun, and held me in wonder I could never remember having felt before. Opening up the satchel, I took a swig from a hip flask and coughed slightly as the warm liquid ran down my gullet. Alcohol was still a foreign thing to me, but I started to grow attached to a particular brand of whiskey after discovering Gadget used it in everything he cooked.
A memory drifted its way to the surface, a pleasant one to my relief. It was from when I was a colt, nearly fifteen years ago now, sat with my father on a hill watching Princess Luna raise the moon. While most ponies waited for the Summer Sun Celebration to catch a glimpse of one of the Princesses, few remembered that if you woke early enough or stayed up late enough you could see them raising the orbs.
“Do you see her Rivet? Princess Luna?”
“Look, look! ...is that her, dad?”
“Haha! Sorry Rivet, guess we're out of luck tonight.”
I smiled and chuckled a little to myself, forgetting how squeaky my voice was all that time ago when I replied over zealously, dismayed that I couldn't see the alicorn. Such a pleasant memory, something I had forgotten until now. It scared me a little, how vividly I could recall memories now. Before, it was just the basic elements; a certain conversation or place that stuck deep. Now, I could tell anypony how many blades of grass there were that night, the scent of my father's cheap aftershave he insisted on wearing, the type of wheat we had for our meal.
Another swig from the flask as I sat down on the freezing metal, looking up into the night sky. Clouds lazily drifted by, light wisps barely visible even with the gift of nightvision. More memories drifted up with alarming ease, the first time I watched the weather crew work the clouds back in Manehead becoming more and more prominent. Ratchet had accompanied me on that occasion, showing off his knowledge of the winged ponies he had picked up from school.
A shudder came as my left hoof gingerly touched my eye, the wet metal giving a slight squeak as I stroked it. This cybereye had changed me in so many ways. It had brought me back from the dead, it made me a slave to the whims of Equestria's greatest heroines and changed the way I see things, both philosophically and physically.
Chuckling slightly, I turned around and trotted back inside before a pegasus patrol spotted me, the flask slipping easily into my bag. I had come a long way from a simple chariot repairpony in a tiny town, and I still had a long way to go. So far, I regretted little in my choices. Though I have wished for things to be simpler and easier on me, I had the feeling that I had made the right choices in the end.
“Keep true to yourself, it'll work out,” murmuring advice to myself helped a little in keeping my resolve I had found, though it gave the impression that I was loosing my mind. The steel floors clanged a little as I moved back to the medical bay, my head busy in its swim of ponderings and opinions to take notice of the ship around me. After ten minutes of wandering, I forced myself to another conclusion. I was lost on the ship.
I blinked and laughed quietly, looking around the corridor for a sign or symbol. Getting lost was like a second talent of mine at times, more so when I was wrapped up in work or a new idea. I smiled a little, recalling the time I was on the way to Ponyville before noticing. Twenty minutes of searching crawled by and I had come up fruitless and frustrated.
Peeking out from a corner, I flicked my body back as a unicorn doctor turned his head, wincing as my leg spiked in pain as a form of protest. His low voice grumbled a little as his hooves clanged on the metal, the echoes growing quieter as he made his way down the corridor. My body relaxed as I let out an unnoticed breath, slipping down into the corridor afterwards. A giddy sensation had come over me, making me feel like a foal playing hide and seek. The overwhelming urge to scream out that I was here and nopony knew was nearly too much to bear, yet I kept my composure.
A smile arrived on my face as I came to the doctor's office door, the door wide open and a rather convenient map of the ship placed on the wall. After discovering I was several floors underneath where I should be, I gave an audible sigh and turned to make a swift exit when my eyes were drawn to the unmistakeable hue of blueprints. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it pushes the pony forwards.
Pulling out the sheets of parchment, my eager eyes scanned over the sketches and notes bringing my smile right up to my ears as the familiar signature appeared on each and every one. I glanced up at the office's other treasures, noticing the title on plaque proudly stating Cybernetic Specialist. A clang of hooves on steel brought me back to Equestria and I crumpled the blueprints up, stuffing them into the satchel as the doctor entered the room. His eyes met mine as the clatter of a clipboard striking the ground rang out.
“Er, where's the bathroom?” I smiled sheepishly.
Two weeks and several 'conversations' with the higher-ups later, my hooves touched ground in Canterlot once again. The welcoming committee was significantly less impressive than the raucous crowds we had when we left, mainly medical attendants collecting the intensive care patients and a few logistics officers waiting to debrief us all. I gave a little snort as they approached me, hefting my dufflebag into a more comfortable position on my back.
“Specialist Bolt?” A sharply dressed mare approached me, flanked by two well built stallions who were in similar smart dress. A single pink ribbon was wrapped tightly around their right forelegs, a small bulge underneath their jackets betrayed the presence of weapons.
A quick eyeroll came as I turned towards them, “Yes ma'am?”
“Investigator Sweet Cherry, I work for the Ministry of Morale. We'd like to have a word regarding Investigator Snowfall's, er... incident and death,” The light pink mare brushed a stray strand of purple mane away from her eyes, “It is imperative we fully understand his actions beyond what you have stated in your report.”
I grimaced a little, remembering how much I had falsified in that report just to keep myself out of the Ministry's reach. According to my testimony, Snowfall and his entire squadron had simply fallen from the Glorious Dawn after a chariot launch went awry. That would have to be the truth for the moment, but until my eye's information was extracted, I had leverage against them.
“Can it wait Investigator? I’ve just come back from a wonderful peace campaign,” I moved away from the trio, trotting towards the waiting doctors and relief for my Luna-damned leg. An eyebrow raised as one of the stallions stepped in front of me, “Can I help you?”
“That wasn't a question Specialist, don't make it an order,” Sweet Cherry trotted to my right, her other companion to my left, “Or is 'imperative' too complicated a word for you military grunts to understand?”
I gave a little growl, glaring at the smug mare, “If you weren't aware already, Miss Cherry, I have a knack of disobeying orders. I’ll get to you when I can.”
Her escorts moved closer towards me, as if I needed a reminder of their presence. Sweet Cherry moved in front of me and hissed, “I'm well aware of your situation, Bolt. Now shut up and come with me, any disobedience and I will give my guards the blind eye to their actions. Have I made myself clear?”
I glanced at the two stallions, both showing a great deal of aggression towards me. I calmly looked them over, dropping my dufflebag to the floor. My hooves slid along the cobblestones as I adopted a more defensive stance, my intentions to defend myself clear, “I do not answer to your Ministry, ma'am.”
“You ungrateful little shit,” Cherry snarled, closing her eyes. The guards advanced on me as my hoof moved to bring my hoof-blade to bare. The small knife sang a little as it came out, the steel hoof clinking as I dragged it back in preparation for the attack. Tensions rose, the stallions raising their hooves for a kick only to freeze as a voice called out.
“Specialist Bolt? I’m looking for Specialist Bolt!” A flutter of wings and a soft thump sounded as the voice's owner landed behind me, “Ah, there you are. You were informed that you need immediate medical attention before you landed, weren't you?”
I smiled as the blade slid back into my hoof, saved by a doctor, “Yes, I was. Apologies Investigator, seems our little chat will have to wait.”
I turned around to the doctor, trotting quickly as I brought my dufflebag up onto my back once again. A small smile came to my lips as I heard Sweet Cherry fume, taking her anger out on the ground in stamps and kicks. The doctor flicked her mane back as her wings reshuffled, trotting beside me happily, “You owe me one.”
“Another date then?” I replied coolly. She was right, I did owe her for this; a legitimate reason to avoid the Ministries and the political side of the war for as long as possible.
“Another? When was the first?” She chuckled, her mint green coat and smiling face visible to my uncovered right eye. Luna dammit, I had missed that smile. I stopped for a spilt second, the thought sticking in my head. No, it meant nothing; just nice to see a familiar and friendly face after recent events.
“That tour around Canterlot doesn't count then, Star?”
“Enough with the casual flirting!” A rather irate nurse roared at us, trotting over quickly, “Get yourself moving Specialist, you're injured!”
With the unicorn fussing over me, Starshine aided her in urging me into a waiting medical cart. A disgruntled pegasus gave me a bored eye and a nod as I trotted inside, taking a seat on a fairly uncomfortable bed. The scent of disinfectant hung in the air, giving the transport a grizzly reminder of the ponies who had lain in this bed bleeding out.
I wrinkled my nose at the smell, allowing the mares to undress my wounds and clean them. Hooves of concrete rang out clear as the pegasus began to pick up speed, the sound going as he took flight. Shifting a little, I took a sharp breath as yet more disinfectant was sprayed. A small chuckle came from Starshine, followed by a brief comment on me not being such a foal about it.
“Where are you taking me then?” I asked lazily, inhaling sharply once again as the nurse began to replace my bandages.
“To the Canterlot Barracks, they'll be delivering you back to your regiment,” she replied, Starshine moving back and out of my sight.
I sighed a little, feeling somewhat glad to be going home. A smile creeped onto my face at the thought of my regiment being home now, despite the fact that I barely knew the names of my comrades outside of my squad. The Engineers were a solitary group, rarely convening together except when necessary, examples being drinking competitions and trying to stop the latest prototype from destroying the camp.
The smile stuck as our descent began, “So, where am I staying?”
A gentle giggle came from Starshine, “I don't know yet, but maybe somepony might let you bunk with her...?”
“Maybe... just maybe,” I chuckled back.
I sighed as Starshine led me into her room in the barracks, a little impressed that she was able to secure one for private use. Usually, only Warrant Officers and higher ranks could request for their own quarters, and even then they were often let down. The pegasus mare smiled a little as she trotted over to a cabinet, taking out a bottle of whiskey and two glasses.
“Looks like being a medic pays off well,” I commented, looking around the room with interest. A collection of photographs hung a wall, many of Starshine and other ponies dressed in the combat medic uniform. One picture of a pegasus couple caught my eye, both of them with smiles worn falsely, no warmth in their eyes.
“My parents, if you were wondering,” a sweet voice called out of the slight tinkle of liquid hitting glass behind me, Starshine offering me a glass of amber liquid as I turned around. A smile, a nod and a gulp followed as I took the glass and emptied it in one go. The drink burned a little, but brought welcome warmth to my body and soul as well as a loosening of my tongue.
“Pair of racist idiots,” she continued, putting the whiskey away after pouring me another glass, “Both of them convinced that we should just wipe them all out instead of trying to find peace.”
I snorted a little, half muttering to myself, “They'd get on fine with Thunder then.”
“Senior Airpony Clap, you mean,” Starshine corrected, giggling a little, “They've always been that way though, big supporters of the pegasus purity act.”
My ears flicked at the drop in mood of her voice, and I found myself moving towards her, “Pegasus purity act?”
A soft sigh came, and her light violet eyes met mine, “You might not know this, but a fair number of pegasi are against the war. Not for some noble cause, but because we need to work the clouds for Equestria, else all the crops would die out...”
I nodded slowly, turning my gaze away from hers, “So the more pegasi we loose in the war, the smaller the workforce becomes, is that it?”
“Yes... the smaller the workforce, the smaller the gene pool. Soon enough, we'll have to start cross breeding with earth ponies and unicorns to try and increase both... and that's too risky.”
I felt a chill run down my spine at the words, almost feeling like a lesser pony in comparison to the pegasus master race. A memory stirred, a conversation between my parents about my brother's size and how he took after our mother's father, “Biology isn't my strong suit Star, but I guess it's to do with recessive genes?”
“Partially... there's probably a little more to it though,” She replied, setting her now empty glass to one side, “Like if a pegasus had an earth pony foal that could walk on the clouds.”
I chuckled a little, imaging myself being able to gallop across the clouds from birth. A figure slowly came to mind, that of Xander and how he had proudly displayed his stripes in his final battle. Letting out a little sigh, I studied my drink, the pain of the loss stirring up along with the thought of Sunset and their foal. Was it born yet? How was it faring without a father?
“Rivet? Is everything OK?” Starshine looked a little puzzled and worried, most likely in response to my vacant expression. I gave her a reassuring smile and nodded.
“Yeah, just thinking about Xander.”
“Xander?”
“My zebracorn friend... he died just before I lost my eye.” And freedom.
A slightly choke sounded from the mare, who had turned herself away from me, “A zebracorn f-friend?”
I tilted my head a little, “Yeah... he was part of the rescue squad that got us out of the chariot, remember?”
“I'm not sure, a lot happened in that battle...”
I sighed and nodded, it taken me a long time to fully comprehend most of the events, and portions of the memory were still foggy, “It's alright. Are you OK though?”
The soft chuckle told me I was in the clear, the melancholic reply set alarm bells ringing, “Yeah...”
Setting my drink on the side, I reached out and gave Starshine and comforting stroke along the foreleg, “Something on your mind?”
A gentle smile came before the reply, sending my mind in a spin and throwing all thoughts of Xander from my head. I couldn't tell if it was the drink or the atmosphere, but an overwhelming compulsion to hug the pegasus came to my mind, spreading like wildfire through my body. A voice like a gentle breeze came, “I just wonder what my parents would think if they saw me with you, that's all.”
I flinched a little at the words, composing myself before I said something that would hurt her, “I... I’m not sure what you mean...”
A flutter of wings and I couldn't escape the violet gaze that came. The world seemed to drain of colour as we looked at each other, sending my stomach in a flurry of backflips and twirls worthy of any gymnast, “Us, Rivet, us. You know my feelings for you! I’ve had a long time to think about this and I want to spend as much time as possible with you, before one of us dies!”
I averted my eye, wincing as Starshine pulled my eyepatch off, “Star... I... I like you, I really do, but I don't know if my feelings go any further.”
I sighed and broke away, only to feel a hoof on my shoulder, “Rivet... please... just one night, that's all I ask for.”
I bit my lip at the desperation in her voice, feeling my mind break out in an argument. She was right, we could die at any moment in this war, but was it right? To act out on feelings that had only come about when reminded of our mortality, and not on what I felt was right. I turned and faced the mare, for a brief moment seeing Fluttershy in her place, 'We all have to make do.'
“Alright, just one night.”
And then it came, the heart melting smile I had started to grow fond of. Starshine moved close to me, nuzzling my neck gently as I subconsciously put my steel hoof around her in an embrace. It was almost like my body no longer responded to my demands, running on autopilot to satisfy the mare and her desires. That stuck in my head, her desires, not my own. Chewing my lip slightly, I let out my thoughts, “This isn't right...”
A trail of kisses along my neck made me grit my teeth, trying to force back a slowly growing urge to take her right then. Starshine's gentle voice called out to me, “I don't care if you don't love me, I just want you.”
Flinching, I pushed her away. I had had enough and was going to end this right here, right now. Forget making do, this was only going to hurt both of us. Shaking my head, “You don't Star, you don't want me...”
The minty pegasus persisted, trying to rejoin the embrace, “I do! How can you say that? You don't know what it's like!”
I turned my head, partly out of shame and partly to avoid her gaze, “I do know... because tonight, tonight I wouldn't be with Starshine... I’d be with Fluttershy.”
“I don't care Rivet! I just want you to be with me, I’ll be your Fluttershy, I’ll be whoever you want me to be, just let me have you! For Celestia's sake Rivet, I love you!” Tears had started to flow from her eyes, each one a stab of heartache and pain through me.
“Why? Why do you love me? Is it just because I saved you? Is that it? Am I suddenly the pony you love when the beret's on and medals are on my chest?” I felt a hot anger boil up inside me as the pain turned to rage, a little voice whispering in the back of my head telling me that I was just being used by her and nothing more.
“N-no! I love you for you Rivet! Not just because you saved me! You're kind and smart and you want what's the best for all of us!”
“DON'T LIE TO ME!” even I reeled a little at my shout, feeling little remorse for bringing a fresh wave of tears, “If I had never jumped out of that chariot, you wouldn't have looked twice at me!”
“Tha-that's not true! I, I... An-and what about you? Why are you still here?” Starshine screamed back, stamping her hooves as her wings flared with tears streaming, “I'm not Fluttershy, I’m not the pony you love and I never will be! So why taunt me?! Why even come here?”
I looked to the ground as if it were the earth's fault for my actions before snorting and turning around, briskly trotting outside. A slam of the door cut Starshine's cries short, the muffled screams of rage and hurt barely distracting me from my walk out of the barracks and into the evening's open air. My left eye whirred slightly as I gazed up at the stars, each one twinkling obliviously to the deeds of ponies below their stare.
A small warmth ran down my right cheek, bringing a grimace to my face, “I'm not crying over her. I refuse to cry over her. She isn't the pony I want...”
Fleeing the scene, I made my way back into the bustle of Canterlot's night life. Service ponies with their catch trotted around in various states, some drunker than others. The cybernetic eye seemed to take a life of its own as it studied the hundreds of ponies I passed on the way to a bar, seeming to enjoy the contact with the living as they lived for once.
The wooden door squeaked a little as I stepped inside, the dull murmur of locals and soldiers locked in conversation clung to the air like the smoke from their cigarettes. The taste came bitter in my mouth, bringing up memories of the burnt carcasses of ponies and changelings from the campaign. Swallowing the rising bile at the thoughts, I made my way through the crowd and onto a barstool, catching the eye of the tender.
“And what can I get you?”
“Sweet Apple Acre Cider.”
“Don't sell tha-”
“Then your Luna-damned strongest drink.”
A glare came, followed by a swift nod and the sound of the tender's hooves trotting away melted into the the atmosphere. I snorted a little, hoping that alcohol could numb my rage just a little better than taking it out of the nearest poor son of a bitch. A clink woke me up a little, a small glass filled with amber liquid stood before me. Without a second thought, I drained it and waved for another, deciding to look around at the other patrons.
A young stallion was proudly showing off his second Purple Heart to a group of giggling mares, his rank stitched neatly into his jacket. Piece of shit, flashing his 'awards' for a piece of tail while ponies much braver, much greater than he died without so much as a salute to them. My lip quivered a little, remembering the nightmare of a campaign I had locked up inside me, ready to be unleashed on Equestria and expose the public to the truth behind so many lies.
I tsked at myself as a pang of jealousy rose as the stallion kissed one of the mares, squishing the beast in my breast. Clutching at my right foreleg, I tried to shake the sensation that it should be around somepony tonight, telling myself that I wasn't in the mood for anything like that.
But then what? Would it change the war for the better? How would the public take the news, decided to drop the war effort and hope for peace? No, most likely totally anarchy would take command. The public wouldn't listen to reason, and the Ministries would be forced to take action, threatening the masses in submission with the very weapons I expose.
I let out a sigh as another glass appeared before me, the tender trotting away to happier customers. I mulled over my thoughts, chewing my cheek slightly. The worst part is, the Ministries knew I was capable of this and had the power to 'remove' me if needs be. A sobering thought came as I looked down at my drink, my hoof moving on its own as it threw the glass to the side. I began to shake, looking around me cautiously. Any one of these patrons could be a Ministry agent, waiting for the opportune moment to kill me and remove any opposition.
Shakily standing to my hooves, I began to move away from the bar and towards the exit only for a loud cough to sound, “You gonna pay for these?”
“No need, I’ve got it.”
My blood ran cold at the voice, turning around slowly to see a rather irate pink earth pony mare stood passing bits to the tender. Her larger companions had already taken their places next to me, standing guard as their boss approached, “I'm glad you don't have expensive tastes, Specialist Bolt. Be a shame to spend so much on a single pony.”
“You don't give up, do you Miss Cherry? Look, I’ve had a pretty shitty day and some shitty drinks at that so I’ll come right out and say it. I’m going nowhere with you,” I stood my ground, nostrils flared and body tense. If it came to a fight, then so be it.
A small smirk appeared on the Ministry agent's face as my hoof slipped; not only was I drunk, I was also panicked, a perfect target. With some amusement, she replied, “Not conscious at least. You've caused me enough trouble, and I’m sure Miss Pie and Miss Rarity will forgive me if I turn in damaged goods.”
Gritting my teeth, I swallowed the urged to break the mare's nose at the taunt. My face must've betrayed my anger as Sweet Cherry smiled smugly at me, “Of course, I need a reason for bringing you in such a state, resisting arrest would do nicely.”
“Arrest? Mind telling me the charge?”
A soft hum came from the mare, “Failure to follow orders, repeated resistance and disrespect shown towards senior officers and how about... oh, harassment and indecent actions towards a Ministry Mare? I’ve heard you have a little thing for Fluttershy... or does Flutterwhore sound better?”
“YOU FUCKING BITCH!” my anger exploded at the accusations and the name, the reaction Cherry was expecting judging from her growing smile. A scrape of a stool from behind set me off, my hindlegs kicking out behind me at the standing pony. They gave out a cry as Cherry's guards set upon me, both pulling out telescopic batons and bringing them down on me. I pushed back, grunting as my leg panged in protest, and dodged the first blow. The second struck my shoulder, the offender spluttering as I drove my steel hoof up into his throat, springing the blade coming loose after I pulled it away from him.
“Let's cool it right here, I’ll come to the Ministries in my own time. No blood needs to be shed tonight,” I felt strangely mature at these words considering the anger bubbling inside me, only for the feeling to be cut short as a barstool crashed on my back. The buck I had kicked earlier stood with the broken legs floating above him, snorting in anger only for him to be spear tackled by a beret wearing mare and the whole establishment descending into chaos.
I blinked at the fight, catching the similar bewildered gaze of Sweet Cherry before remembering that she was planning to bump me off. I turned and ran into the maelstrom, knocked and bashed as fighting ponies battled it out. The two sides had come clear to me now, on one were the service mares and stallions and the other were the bar's usual patrons and Ministry workers. Either tensions had been brewing for weeks or they had all gone stir crazy for one incident to break out into such a battle.
Spinning and dodging the fighting ponies, I made for the exit, only to have the wind and ground knocked from me as I flew into a wall. I coughed and winced at the pain, nothing broken but my ribs were bruised badly. Turning towards my attacker, I snorted at the remaining bodyguard, the metal baton held tight in his teeth. I stood back to my hooves and scraped one along the ground, baring my teeth like some feral beast as a surge of energy washed over me. All aches and pains seemed to numb, and an overwhelming urge to make him bleed came over me.
The hoof blade sparked as I ran it along the floor, bringing over my head and down towards his neck, only for the stallion to block and counter with a forehoof. A quick turn sent the counter attack across my back, grazing the skin as my right forehoof swung at his torso only for him to stamp on it. The pain was nearly unbearable, the blow landing neatly on the joint and nearly breaking the limb; a professional's manoeuvre.
As I tried to wrench my leg from his grip, I took a blow to the right eye from his hoof, soon followed by three more to the side of head. For what it was worth, I felt a little gratitude towards him for avoiding my neck and a quick death. Through the beating, a message came clear; they didn't want me dead. Hurt, broken and defeated, but not dead. As his hoof came rushing at me for a fifth blow, my left snaked up and stabbed into his fetlock, slicing the muscle and jarring against the bone. The shock broke us apart, my left foreleg numb from the sudden stop and my right too painful to rest on for long.
Gritting my teeth, I pushed forwards towards the opponent as he whimpered in pain, clutching at his injured leg. I gazed at the small drips of blood on the floor, an unwanted smirk appearing on my face as I advanced towards him only to freeze in my place. A gentle hoof was rested on my back, along with the soft touch a wing. I turned to see Starshine next to me, eyes cast at the ground. A roaring mare leapt at her, my body moving automatically to drag the minty pegasus to one side and out of harm's way.
“St-star? What are you doing here?”
“... you promised me a date, remember?”
“A date? Now?” I swallowed a little, turning my head sharply, “You said it yourself, you're not the pony I love... you're the not the pony I want, so piss off.”
This time, true regret reared its ugly head within me, chilling my bones. Had I wanted to be honest to myself, I would've told her that I missed that touch in the brief time we were apart, how I wanted to hold her close again and try to make amends. But I shook such thoughts and wishes again as the blade slid back into the hoof and I approached the bodyguard calmly. I felt strange, like all the anger I had was washing away and found myself offering my right hoof to help him up, “I'm... I’m sorry... I don't know what came over me...”
The stallion glared and snorted, cracking a tiny smile as the fight raged on around us, “Got a nasty left there Bolt, glad you're on our side.”
“I'm not on your side, not the Ministries' at least. Look, I appreciate what you've done for me, but I need to cool my head first... especially after what Snowfall told me, with Fluttershy and the megapsells...”
“Keep quiet about that, the public cannot know... look, Bolt, from one soldier to another, trust us. We'll only hurt you if you force us to.”
“... alright, I’ll come along,” I cracked a smile in reply to his, my ears perking as the wail of sirens came piercing through the din of the barfight. The doors burst open as armoured policeponies stormed the building, pouncing on fighters and dragging them apart. For the second time this evening, the floor flew from my hooves as one dived on me and hoof-cuffed my forelegs.
“I am placing you under arrest on the charges of assault, drunken and disorderly behaviour. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law,” the officer nearly threw me to his companions, who dragged me to a waiting cart. I groaned as I met eyes with Sweet Cherry, the smug look back on her face as she turned around. She had me right where she wanted me.
The steel pen boomed a little as I struck the floor, groaning a little. The pain from my wounds came ebbing back, bringing forth a sigh and a snort at them. The sound of a quiet hoof stepping on the steel floor sounded, and I twisted to take a look at my new companion. A strand of mane brushed against my face as she moved close to me, planting a kiss on my forehead.
“... I’m sorry, Rivet... I was being selfish... I know you don't want me, so I’ll leave you alone now... go, be happy. It's all I want,” Starshine turned and trotted out of the cart as the doors swung shut, locking me inside and alone. Deep inside me, something clicked. It wasn't in my head, like some grand idea, but rather my heart.
All this time, I had told myself I loved Fluttershy because she was there, kind, gentle and above us all. But what kind of pony, what Bearer hides the truth from everyone who fights for her? And here stood a pony who was prepared to give up the one she loved just so he could be happy. I pushed up onto my hooves and pressed myself against the doors, biting my lip.
“Starshine!” I waited for her reply with a breath caught in my throat, unable to hear much of the outside world.
“... yes?”
Pushing my lips against the crack of the doors, I swallowed hard before speaking, “I-I get it now, I know what I’ve done has been foalish and stupid! I don't think I can return your feelings, not yet! Just wait for me! All I need is time!”
Only the din of the fighting could be heard afterwards, the cart suddenly jolting as it left after a brief interval. I sighed and sat down, rubbing my face with my cuffed hooves, 'Too little, too late... you've pushed another away and for what reason? Your impossible dream?'
“One date!” my ears pricked up at the shout, a smile cracking slightly, “You still owe me one date!”
I gave a chuckle as I felt a glimmer of hope within myself, shouting back, “Then dress up nicely! I’ll be back in a moment!”