When the Doctor Met Ditzy
or, How Friendships Grow
It was a ragtag party really. A bunch of friends of Lyra's hanging around, awkwardly talking to them. And somewhere along this 'party' I started chatting with a blonde-gray with an eye defect. This is the whole honest truth, as sure as I saw it five years ago.
Lyra introduced us, but quickly scurried off with Bon-Bon to see if anyone else was standing lonely. I tentatively put out a hoof. "John." I said. "John Smith, at your service. And you are...?"
She took my hoof. Her fun was soft and it was like velvet. "Bubblecup Do, but most folks 'round here call me Ditzy."
"And why would they call a mare as fine as you that?"
She threw back her head and laughed, a mighty roar. Ponies from all around the room stopped what they were doing to look at her. "Because I'm a ditz, of course!"
"Ma'am, are you..." I lowered my voice. "Drunk?"
She giggled a little. "Mulled wine's non-alcoholic silly!"
"Lyra?" I called. Lyra almost flew over. "How long has Ditzy been drinking?"
She frowned. "Oh not long... she arrived at six and the time's... ten? Oh Celestia!" She cried out. "She's been drinking since seven! Oh I'm so sorry, Doctor-"
"You're a doctor?" Ditzy smiled. "Do you think you could suck the alcohol out of me?"
I looked at Lyra in horror. She quickly tried to cover it up. "He's a doctor of, um, um, um-sorry Doctor what was it again?"
I sighed. "Time and space. I heal the world."
Now it was Lyra's turn to look at me in horror. She glanced at Ditzy, who was over at the other side of the room, pouring herself another glass, and whispered in my ear. "You're really telling her this?" I shrugged.
"Why not?" Lyra shrugged. "I think I might," I lowered my voice, "take her home."
"Your home... or hers?"
"I don't know." I answered. "Miss Do?" I called out. "I'm going to take you home."
"She has a child." Lyra said with glazed eyes. "You have to leave this one here. You can't keep doing this, Doctor! You can't command the universe to bend to your knees! The universe doesn't work like that!"
"Doesn't it?" I questioned. "Is my service to the universe not enough? Should I just leave the universe alone?"
"NO!" Shrieked Lyra. "You just have to leave this one alone. She has a five year old child!"
"And who do you think is the father?"
"...I don't know."
"Do you think she didn't recognise me?"
"She... she never told me about it."
"I'm going outside. Don't try to stop me!"
"Oh Doctor..." Lyra breathed. "I wouldn't dream of it."
"Good." I walked towards the door and swung it open. "Miss Do? Goodbye." I slammed the door shut and walked into my TARDIS. "Come on baby, six years in the past, that's all I ask of you, please please please please. Just this once you have to help me please baby." I manned the controls and pulled a few levers. "Allons-y!" I was instantly flung to the side and thrown out the TARDIS. "Well... this has never happened before." I mused. "Miss Do! I need you!" Only the void could hear my cries.
"Who are you?" It was Ditzy's voice.
"Ditzy?"
"...Bubblecup. I'm Bubblecup."
"What's the year?"
"It's the Celestian year nine hundred and twenty two."
"Lunan?"
"Five." Ten years in the past... I wonder...
"Wait. You're Ditzy!" I got up and it felt like I could have started dancing, there and then. "Come with me please just... we need to fly away. I need you to help me. Are you friends with Lyra yet?"
"Lyra? That snob! Never in a million years."
"Bon-Bon?"
"Ugh I used to be her friend but then she was all like 'I'm gay look at me prance about with glee at being gay' and then she hooked up with Lyra and that was quite honestly the last straw."
"...I see."
"Who are you going to ask about next? Octavia?"
"As a matter of fact, yes."
"She hangs out with Lyra and Bon-Bon too much. I wouldn't be surprised if they were having gay threesomes." She cracked up at her own joke.
"Isn't being gay really normalised in ponies though?"
"This race is a sinful race full of sinful souls but not me!" She perked up. "I mean, like, everyone's all lesbian but I will never be a lesbian! Or be friends with one! I'll escape to the Land of Spartan Ponies and then everyone there will be gay but-"
"I'm leaving. Tell me when you're a bit more mature."
"No! Don't leave! You're the only man I've seen who isn't related to me in this two bit good-for-nothing town!" I took a look round my surroundings. It was Canterlot.
"Canterlot, huh? Grow up."I ran. I ran so far and so fast that I burnt open a door into the vortex. "Let's go." I whispered to myself.
***
"Miss Do? Hello?"
"Who is it? Oh... it's you. Go away. I'm getting married today. I don't need you."
"Who to?"
"Oh um-" She bit her lip. "Well his name is... well his name it's... John Smith."
"That's my name, Miss Do."
"It's not you. It's not you." She repeated it to herself, as if it was a mantra.
"Would you like to..." I paused, wondering how to phrase myself. "Go somewhere with me?"
"In your 'blue box'?" She sneered. "No."
"Come on. It won't hurt. Much."
"I suppose I could make time for you..."
"Oh, of course there's plenty of time! I can time travel, remember! Come on!" She smiled apprehensively and walked behind me. "Oh and... what's the year, exactly? Lunan."
"It's ten."
"Ah. Thank you. Oh well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!"