//------------------------------// // Re-education (Through Chaos) // Story: DISCORDIA: Or How I Learned To Love The Chaos // by Ash_Kitsune //------------------------------// Chapter Two: Re-Education (Through Chaos) Thud-thump Thud-thump Thud-thump The sound of a heartbeat pounding away. Another day striving, another day dying. And He heard every moment of it. The rhythm of the alpha's rushing the streams... wait, that didn't sound right. He groans in pain as His body lies heavily on the ground, twinges of pain, twitches of awareness, twats of... well, something or another involving being alive. So alive. More alive then He could remember before. He gasps as he bolts up, the ground sparking and turning into a cushy pillow as He whips His head around, yelping in pain and laying down again. He -really- needed to stop sitting up right away. Slowly up, he reminds himself, taking deep breaths before slowly sitting back up. He felt heavy, full of pain, like He'd been tossing and turning in His sleepless sleep. He groans, trying to blink away the pain and the damned -SONG- playing in His head as He looks over to His side... and stops. Before Him lies the body of the... well... he wasn't the God of Chaos anymore, but Discord lay before him, his whole... image, almost, aged and damaged, as if time had suddenly leaped forwards. He gasps before bringing up His... hooves? “... You've -got- to be bucking kidding.” He growls out as He inspects himself. The once-human named Adam Glocke was currently sitting on a very plush cushion in a hellscape next to the body of a dead god. And honestly, He was actually considering that this wasn't a joke anymore. “This can't be happening... I'm dreaming, that's all!” He mutters, yelping as a ghostly image leaps from His... well, if He had to venture a guess, it would be His horn. The image bounces off the ground and rolls to his feet, and stretches up wards into the form of Adam... not alive, more like a ghost. Or a hologram. “Oh yeah, great way to think of yourself, smartass.” Adam growls as he looks at Him, tilting his head. “Huh. Hey, do we remember what they called the Princesses?” He growls. “Does that really matter right now?!? This is serious!” Adam laughs. “Bullshit this is serious! We're talking to ourselves via hologram that was cast by your HORN! You've got wings, and while I'd say we look damn good, you're a... well, no, too big to be a pony... A small horse? Big horse? I don't know.” He sighs and looks over Himself again. Four hooves, check. A barrel, stock, and other such bits and parts required for an equine, check. Wings, check. Horn? “Eeeyup.” He glares at Adam. “Stop that.” He growls, waving a hoof through his apparition. Adam scoffs. “HEY! Stop that! You'll muddle -our- subconscious doing shit like that!” Adam says, looking quite putout as He blinks and then sighs, rubbing the back of His head. “Ok, ok, point made. Jeezus, you sound like mum.” “Whatever. Look, we just wasted a bunch of time telling the Audience that you got turned into an Alicorn, and while that's great n' all, it's not exactly befitting the Neo-God of Chaos to be something like a pony.” Adam says, tapping his chin. “How about an Ork instead? Orks ar' dah biggis' n' th' stronist!” He chuckles at the thought. “Forty-K with Ponies? Really?” He muses, three Angry Marines running by them, chasing a Gretch who's fleeing for what appears to be either his after-life or pre-life, wherever the buck this place was, the roar of chainsaw swords muddying His thoughts. “... Mmmkay, yeah, I'mma say no.” He says blandly, waving a hand, the Angry Marines turning into freshly picked roses in fine vases and the Gretch turning into a peaceful old woman who's got a bad hip tending the roses. Adam watches this in awe. “... Do you even realize what we just did?” Adam asks as He looks over at what He caused before looking down to His hoof. “... How the fuck did my hoof turn into a hand?” He asks, “That's a more pressing point, I would think. Damn it all to ME, I think I -literally- just handwaved that away!” He lets out a breath before looking very frustrating and shouting, slamming His fore-hooves back on the ground from His sitting position, the entire hellscape vanishing, instead replaced with... well, not blackness, more of a swirling, sweeping purple-ness. He lets out a soft, pleased huff before looking to His human-form hologram. “... I'm slowly losing my mind, aren't I?” He asks quietly. Adam shrugs. “Honestly, I say it's already gone, and it left the moment Discord started shoving his chaos magic into our body. At least it was just -oral- violation, if it was through the other hole, we'd have to change the rating.” “True, true.” He muses before sighing. “Ok, seriously, I am getting really tired of being described as 'He'. Why can't I just use my name?” Adam sighs. “Dude... may I call you dude?” “No.” “Fine, God of Chaos, listen. We are, at this moment in time, the new God of Chaos. Now, Gods can't be talked about in anything but capitals, and Gods without names are commonly referred to as 'Him' or 'Her'. Usually in allcaps. But obviously our little sister has a sick sense of humor or something and is only using one capital. This is besides the point. We're unnamed right now and...” “OH ME! What about Ashley?!” He panics, His head swiveling around before His wings flap, flipping Him into a double backflip and landing on His hooves. “Nice flip, mind to show how sometime?” “NOW IS NOT THE TIME ME! Ashley!” Adam sighs, “She's going to have to continue on without us. Let's face it, at the moment, I'm a figment of our collective imagination, created mostly to explain to the audience what the hell is going on and because she can't write out scenes with one character in it.” He sighs. “Yeah, you're right. She's always had a rough time with those. But still, what am I supposed to do now?” Adam grins. “Now -that- mine equine friend is much simpler to answer! Tis time for ponies.” He blinks. “... Ponies?” Adam nods. “Where did Discord come from? EQUESTRIA! Come on, it's the best option! I mean, yeah, we're probably gonna get into a big fright-up-fight-em-up with the Princesses, but they need to be taken down a peg anyway and we need to spread a little chaos anyway!” He slowly nods, rubbing His muzzle. “I have to admit, you make very good points me. For a projection of my thoughts, you're quite intelligent.” Adam blushes and grins. “Awww, I'm not that great me, but thank you. I love compliments from myself.” Adam blinks and pauses, contemplating that for a moment. “... Does this make us narcissistic?” He shudders. “I should hope not! I mean, I'm totally awesome, but we knew that already and -never- went out of the way to prove it. No reason to start now.” Adam nods. “True, true. Mmkay, so we're in agreement that Equestria is the place to go?” He nods, stretching His wings as His horn's glow increases a little. “Wayyyy ahead of you. I think I can get us right... well, wherever Discord was before he came to nab me. Who knows, maybe I'll come up with a name there.” Adam grins. “Awesome! Back in your head?” “Back in my head. When this shit hit's 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some SERIOUS chaos!” --EQUESTRIA: About ten minutes ago-- “... Do you think he... you know, left?” Luna asks timidly, looking around nervously. Celestia fumes, snorting and stomping her hoof childishly. “He promised damn it! He said he'd finish this today!” The -very- annoyed Goddess of the Sun says as she paces in her armor. Her sunny day was bright, and unfortunately, very hot. She could probably adjust that, I mean, it's her sun, but she's in a right fix and and most likely forgot, and lets face it, Armor is sweet and badflank as buck, but it's -heavy- and makes you sweat like no other. Luna sighs, sipping softly on a carton of apple juice. “It's funny... he really seemed ready to fight us to the end and egged us on n' everything and then... nothing? He strikes at us twice before suddenly fleeing through that portal...” The two Alicorns had been fighting Discord for three days now. Three days to stop him from hurting the ponies of Equestria, to defend a land they cared for deeply, and more importantly, to get some Faust-deserved -rest- from trying to bring peace all the time. Maybe set up a government or something like that. All of these thoughts ended when a crackling of lighting is heard, and a roaring of... was that a DRAGON?! The soon-to-be princesses leap into a combat stance, horns glowing as they readied for combat... only to be blown back a good six hoofsteps as a wild looking vehicular blasts forwards into existence down the road, trailing fire and lighting as it skids to a stop. It sits there, smoking and roaring. Luna and Celestia look at it in shock and fear, their wings full out as they gaze warily upon it. It's a long, sleek looking... thing, like a wagon with no horses, and has some big barreled thing on the roof of it entitled 'Disintegrating Cannon'. Slowly, it opens up what looks like a wing to reveal... it's hollow. And there is a pony inside. Another Alicorn! They can't really seem to get a good look at Him as He gets out, his mane blown all over the place and stark white. “AHAHA! ONE POINT TWENTY-ONE GIGAWATTS! I told me that's what it was!” He laughs rancorously, looking quite pleased at Himself as He looks at the twin streaks of fire that signified His arrival, and points a hoof at Celestia and Luna. “AND NOW! FACE MINE DISINTEGRATING CANNON! AND SISTERS, WHEN IT DISINTEGRATES, IT DISINTEGRATES!” Luna and Celestia duck, putting up spell shields as He motions to fire... as the cannon, the wagon, and everything that signified it's arrival and existance suddenly turns into dust and vanishes. “... Aheh... well... what do you know. It disintegrated.” He says, looking very sheepish... literally turning into a sheep as Luna and Celestia gawk at him. Celestia is the first to react. “DISCORD!” She yells, charging the Neo-God of Chaos, throwing bolts of force at Him, which the sheep 'bah's at and ducks, turning back into His normal form. “Discord?! Who the buck is... oh right, kidnappy mc-violaty. Right.” He says as Celestia stabs at him, only to trip over a banana peel with a cry of pain. That thing was harder then steel! “Hey, hey... or is it 'hay' 'hay' now? Whatever. Ease on up on the vengeance strikes there Ms Jenkins. I'm sure Discord deserves them but I sure as buck don't. See? Defending myself! Ok, and scaring the begebers out of you two, but lets be honest, I -knew- that it wasn't going to work! I mean, I use the proper lines and everything!” He says, reclining on thin air. “Who are you then?!” Luna yells out, looking quite unhappy. “You're chaotic, any foal could see that, but what be you if you aren't Discord?” He blinks, thinking on that. “Damn, I haven't come up with a name yet, have I?” He muses aloud, softly rolling in the air. Luna facehoofs and groans as Celestia glares at Him and starts taking swipes as He twists, turns, rolls, ducks and dives around Celestia's attacks. “Whoop! Careful now, I've got more twists and tricks then a hedgema... hey, there's an idea!” He says, grinning as he licks Celestia's horn as she stabs it by her face, making her recoil in shock. “Mmmn! Tingly! OOH! And I figured out what my name should be! I shall be... LABYRINTH! But please, call me Pan.” Pan Labyrinth says with a wild smirk and a big ol' wink at the audience as applause goes off, Pan rearing up to his hind legs, waving to the audience for more. “Oh stop it! Stoppit! You're all making me blush! Thank you! Thank you! Oh goodness!” He giggles. Luna can only look on in shock and horror at the new God of Chaos. This is bad. This is very, very bad. He's a cute, hunky alicorn stallion! How many cute, hunky alicorn stallions where there!? NONE. AT ALL. Like, seriously, ever. Most of the Alicorn Stallions she knew were crodgity old coots that already joined the great herd. She blinks and then shakes her head, growling. “STOP PLANTING THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD!” She yells, jabbing a hoof at Pan, who giggles gleefully in revel at her reaction. “S-sorry! I couldn't help it! You were just -ogling- me and well... everyone knows -what- you were thinking.” He chuckles, calming down some. Luna frowns. “That isn't what I was thinking!” “Or was it?” Pan asks as he mimes leaning on a wall next to Luna, smirking playfully. “Look, I'll be honest. I'm new to the whole 'God of Chaos' thing and really, I'd -love- to stick around and play with you both some more, and I mean -really- play with you, grrrrowl~, that's some hot stuff ya'll are packing, but I seriously need to figure out what all I'm supposed to be around for before anything wild happens and Ash has to change the rating of this fic.” Celestia groans and rubs her head. “By Faust you are annoying!” Pan snorts. “No, I'm cheeky and endearing. DISCORD was annoying. Ugh, what a prick, snatching me from my bathtub and turning me into a God of Chaos and then -dying- before I could ask anything of him!” Luna blinks, her jaw dropping in shock, even Celestia looked taken-aback. “W-what?” “Yeah! I know, that's what I said.” Pan says, sighing as he reclines in his stylist's chair, his entire body covered, Luna and Celestia blinking as they look at each other, the old-fashioned mane dryers feeling absolutely lovely on their manes but... when in the world did they get into a salon? “I told Rose, you know Rose, always gabbing, I told her I says, 'ROSE, DAHLING, you -must- tell me how you get your hooves to shine like that! And then Rose, she says...” Celestia holds up a hoof. “PAN! Stop! What you did you mean Discord is -dead-?” Pan blinks and then pulls a cucumber away from his eye, looking at them with a eye that -could- be described as purple, but more of an amethyst, that seemed to get darker as you looked into it. “Yeah. He just up and -died-. Forced his powers onto me an' -everything-, oh it was just TERRIBLE Dahling!” Pan swoons, putting the cucumber back on as he brings the back of his hoof to he forehead, swaying in his chair. “Ohh, what a terrible thing! Orally violating me with all of that chaos magic and forcing it deep into my body!” He cries out, “Turning me into the new God of Chaos!” Celestia blinks, slumping a bit as her dryer turns off and pops up, her armor placed aside, revealing the Alicorn's unpowered mane, light pink and fluffy from the drying. “... Dead...?” She murmurs, frowning for a moment before her eyes go wide and she looks to Luna, gasping. “Luna...” Luna is leaning back, enjoying her hooficure from a shadow-pony. “Mmn... what?” She says, looking over to Celestia, who gives her a disappointed frown. Luna blushes. “What? They're really good at it and we haven't gotten pampered in two-hundred some years Tia!” Pan nods. “You need to take a -break-.” Pan says, as he settles into his chair. “I mean, I'll be honest darling, you could use a hooficure yourself.” Celestia frown and subtly checks her hooves as she speaks up. “Pan... do you harbor any ill will against the ponies of Equestria?” Pan blinks and lifts up the cucumber again, looking at Celestia. “... Can't say that I do. Can't say that I don't either. I'm sure it'll adjust, going up n' down and such in the next few hundred years or so. Why?” Celestia smiles and nuzzles Luna. “We did it! … well, not really.” Celestia looks disappointed at that. “But still Discord is gone, our little ponies are safe... we can finally rebuild Equestria!” What does this mean? How does this play into the plot? Is there even a plot? BESIDES Celestia's glorious flank? “HEY!” The only way to find out is to keep reading! Once another chapter comes out anyway. And fast or slow, it should be good. Maybe. I mean, it's being written by a military chick who doesn't always have the greatest amounts of time on her hands, so you'll just have to wait and see! “Who are you talking to Pan?” “Oh don't worry Luna, just the Audience. But anyway, so Rose, I says to her I says...” ---Author Note--- Ok, I have to admit, I had -way- too much fun writing this chapter. If it's overboard, great, It's supposed to be like that. Jumped the Shark? Maybe. It's up to you readers, thanks for enjoying what I've written so far! Not bad results for a first fic.