//------------------------------// // Act I: Ploomette (Part 2) // Story: 16 // by AlwaysDressesInStyle //------------------------------// Canterlot: four years, two months, and three days ago Every member of the House of Hurricane had been called to the castle. There were eighty-three of us total, and our bloodline was healthy and in no danger of dying out any time soon. That stood in stark contrast to the House of Platinum, with Blueblood as the only living descendant of Princess Platinum. Blueblood and the other unicorn nobles were present, as were the elected members of the Earth Pony Council. There were enough members of the House of Hurricane that the pegasus nobles had been excluded from the meeting. We’d catch them up to speed once we returned to Cloudsdale. As was fitting of my position, I’d memorized all of their names and titles, even if this was my first time meeting many of them. The unicorns never changed, but the earth ponies were subject to elections and could be replaced if their constituents were unhappy. As second in line for the duchy, everypony in the room knew me. Many thought that by currying my favor, I could influence Mom or Starry. Or maybe they were preparing, just in case something happened to both of them. I shuddered involuntarily. I miss the days when I was less cynical. We’d taken our traditional places in the balcony, Mom seated front and center, with Starry to one side and me to the other. The rest of our family took their assigned seats, based entirely on where they fell in order of succession. The room quieted down as the other nobles and officials took their seats and Princess Twilight trotted out. She didn’t need a microphone to command all attention in the room, the Royal Canterlot Voice was more than up to the task. “Greetings, my little ponies. I’ve gathered you here today to share in one of the most important discoveries of our era. Possibly the most important discovery of any era.” Well, my curiosity is piqued. Now to just sit here, not squirming, while she takes half an hour to get to the point. “Allow me to introduce some very important ponies. Wind Whistler.” A pegasus trotted out, and while I didn’t recognize her at all, Mom straightened in her seat. The mare was blue colored, and had a trio of whistles adorning her flank. She looked very similar to a mare I’d seen around town by the name of Windy Whistles. “Heart Throb.” Another pegasus joined the first. She had a pink coat, bright red hair, and a cutie mark comprised of a trio of winged hearts. “North Star.” A third pegasus I’d never heard of. Pinkish-purple in coloration, with a compass rose mark. She looked like she was right at home exploring the jungles, like Daring Do. I recognized the fourth pegasus before the princess announced her. It wouldn’t do for a duchess not to recognize a retired Wonderbolt. “Surprise.” Under normal circumstances, Surprise would have used an introduction as an invitation to do something surprising, such as appear on the other side of the host presenting her, but for once she remained stoic. I could see her muscles twitch as she resisted the urge to be funny. Her white coat was offset with brilliant chartreuse hair. “And lastly, Firefly.” Another mare I didn’t recognize, she was also pinkish purple, with blue hair and a cutie mark that had more than a passing resemblance to Rainbow Dash’s. “Many years ago these mares made a discovery. But I’ll let them tell you about it in their own words.” North Star hovered in the middle of the room, with all eyes on her. She might not have had the Royal Canterlot Voice, but she made do by positioning herself to best project her voice through the crowded room. “Years ago, we were exploring the Everfree Forest. We were young, foolish, and lucky. Emphasis on that last one.” She paused, waiting for chuckles that never came. “We’d ventured into the woods to explore the Castle of the Two Sisters, but in doing so we found the Rainbow Bridge.” She paused again, this time for dramatic effect. There were no gasps of shocked awe. I could tell North Star was used to speaking to groups of students and not royals and nobles. We trained ourselves so there wouldn’t be any unintentional slips. Nopony in the room was going to be the only one to titter at a joke or let their jaw go slack in surprise. To her credit, she adapted her speaking style to account for her audience. She wanted audience participation, and she was going to get it one way or another. “I suppose some of you may be curious about my accent. Can anypony in the room place it?” I certainly couldn’t, and judging from the lack of replies, nopony else could either. “Not surprising, since only a hoof full of ponies have been where I’ve been living for the past few decades, and most of them are right here in this room. What we discovered on the other side of that bridge was another world, teeming with life. Much of it was familiar, but not all of it.” Training or not, everyone in the room gasped at the trio of beings that joined the pegasi on the stage. Props to you, North Star. You even got Mom to drop her jaw. I’ve never even managed to do that, and believe me, I’ve tried. Bipedal, and mostly hairless except for their manes, the trio took a look around the room. It was obvious they were used to ponies, since they weren’t gaping at us like we were all gawking at them. “Greetings, everypony. My name is Megan Williams.” She spoke Equestrian, though her name was unpronounceable. I tried mouthing it to no luck. Her accent was even heavier than North Star’s, but it was quite apparent they were one and the same. I heard her struggle with some Equestrian words, no doubt due to the differences in vocal cords, tongues, lips, etc. between our two species. Exactly as I’d struggle to pronounce their names, and likely anything else in their native language. With dread, I realized I was probably going to be learning their language soon. I’d already learned a number of foreign languages as part of my education, so obviously I’d be forced to learn another useless language I’d never have occasion to use. “I know we must look quite strange to all of you, but I assure you we mean you no harm. This is my brother, Danny Williams, and my sister, Molly Williams. We’re humans. I know you have a lot of questions. We’ll do our best to answer them. Perhaps you’d be more comfortable if we looked a bit more like you.” A trio of unicorns appeared and each cast a spell on one of the humans. Moments later there were two mares and a stallion in their place. “We’ve been known to visit.” Megan chuckled. “Turns out there’s a spell for that. It’s temporary, but it’ll work for a few hours. I suppose the first thing to address is we come from a world without magic. We have advanced technology to do many of the things you rely on magic for.” With the change in appearance, her words flowed more naturally than they had in her true form. I suddenly recognized the stallion. That’s Surprise’s rarely seen husband. He certainly made a pretty cute stallion. He and his sisters slipped out of the now comically oversized clothing they’d been wearing. Wind Whistler spoke up. “We’ve spent a few decades integrating the best of mankind’s technology into Equestria. Think back to all the medical advancements of the last thirty years – you can thank humans for much of that.” Megan trotted to the front of the stage, commanding attention. She’d transformed into an earth pony, with a white coat and long blond hair. I couldn’t say how attractive she was as a human, but as a mare, more than a few of the stallions in the room couldn’t take their eyes off her. “As you can see, superficial differences like species really don’t matter. We’re more alike than you’d think just by looking at us. There are good humans and bad humans, just as there are good ponies and bad ponies. As a species, humans are more confrontational, and certainly more predisposed for war.” “Which is why we’ve taken a wait and see attitude on opening up contact between our worlds.” Wind Whistler had once more taken control of the conversation. “I, for one, am vehemently opposed to expanding contact.” “But she’s been outvoted.” Firefly nudged Wind Whistler out of the way. Heart Throb spoke next. “Humans can be all of the things ponies can be. Intelligent, humorous, peaceful, and even romantic. The rest of us feel it’s time to finally expand contact between our worlds.” Wind Whistler nudged her way forward again. “‘Worlds’ is a bit of a misnomer. To be technically accurate, we’re from parallel dimensions. In our world, horses evolved as the dominant species. On Earth, it was primates. Geographically, however, our dimensions are very similar. The main differences being the way we’ve each adapted to our environments. Humans have exploited their resources, and some of the features that should be there no longer exist. Ponies work with the environment, and protect it. Lights.” The auditorium dimmed and images projected on a screen behind Wind Whistler. A map of Equus was superimposed over a map of Earth, and the similarities were immediately noticeable. “As you can see, many of the coastlines differ. Much of that is due to our mastery of the weather on Equus. Our coasts suffer far less erosion than those on Earth. Others are…subtler. Outside Manehattan, there’s a geological feature, specifically a canyon, that we call the Palominosades. Here’s an image of Earth’s equivalent. Notice how much of it is missing? Much of the ‘New Jersey Palisades’ was mined to be used as ship ballast. I know that the gears are turning. I know I’m the only one standing in the way, and now that we’ve exposed the existence of Earth to all of you, it’s only a matter of time before official contact is made. Many of you see dollar signs… er, sorry, dollars are the American unit of currency. Many of you see bits in your eyes. ‘Untapped new markets.’ I know that in the end, logic, caution, and common sense will be thrown to the wind in favor of making a quick bit. Just keep in mind that Earth also has businesses that will want to exploit Equestria. They can flood our market with things we don’t have an equivalent for.” She held up a tiny, shiny black object. “For example, this is a population pacification device.” Megan rolled her eyes. “It’s a cellphone.” “You call it by its official name, and I’ll call it what it is.” She huffed. “I could trot down the street and a number of humans wouldn’t even notice because they’re too engrossed in their phones. I know this because I’m as guilty of this as any of them. I’m completely addicted to my own devices and using the internet. I couldn’t move back to Equestria if I tried. I don’t want to see other ponies end up like me.” Once more images played on the screen behind her, but this time it was a movie. Unlike Equestrian films, it was crystal clear. “Allow me to present humankind’s greatest achievement.” A cat rolled across the screen, chasing after a red dot that kept moving around the floor. “Cat videos.” The ponies in the room watched the video with rapt attention. I could see half of them following the red light with their own eyes, and a few were even pawing at it like they wanted to pounce on it like the cat was doing. “Wind Whistler. We’ve discussed this before. Cat videos aren’t the pinnacle of human culture.” “Really? Then what would you suggest in their stead, Megan? Perhaps nuclear weapons? Sport utility vehicles? Telemarketing? Gunpowder? Offshore banking?” Megan sighed. “While Wind Whistler’s words ring true, there’s a lot of good in humans, too. We have an incredible ability to destroy, I won’t deny that. But we also create. We love, we care, we tolerate. Most of us are just average people doing average things. Wind Whistler’s being difficult because she loves Equestria. I understand Wind Whistler’s concerns, I truly do. But as she already stated, we’ve been funneling the best human technology into Equestria for decades. The rest of us think that thirty years of observing one another is enough.” She was interrupted by Wind Whistler taking a pen out of her saddlebags. A red dot appeared on the wall above our heads, and three of my younger cousins raced after it. “Laser pointer.” “Are you done?” Wind Whistler nodded. “Carry on. I merely wished to ensure that our audience has some understanding of the potential consequences of contact. Once we do it, there’s no turning back. I want them to keep this in the back of their minds while they listen to your arguments.” Megan continued, “I’m a human, and I desire nothing more than to be your friend.” Heart Throb stepped forward. “Thirty-six years ago we didn’t have access to the things we do now. The cellphone that Wind Whistler showed? We all have those. It’s a device that enables us to reach something known as the internet, a place where minds can gather to discuss thoughts. We’ve been anonymously interacting with humans for twenty years now, and while we’ve certainly run into those we wouldn’t wish to meet in real life, the vast majority of them are fine. Considering there are ponies that we’d also prefer not to run into, I suspect the ratio of good people to bad people is quite similar to that of good ponies versus bad ponies: a small fraction of the population. I feel it’s time to move forward and bring Equestria into the modern era.” “Some of you may recognize my husband.” Surprise motioned for Danny to join her. “Yes, I married a human. Love knows no boundaries. Thanks to the spell you witnessed, we’ve even had a pair of foals together. Not only are humans capable of love, ponies are just as capable of loving them.” “Three and a half decades back, I was a brash, young pegasus who was exploring the Everfree Forest with her friends.” Firefly struck what she probably thought was a dramatic pose. “North Star wanted to find the ruins; I was just there to pretend I was Daring Do. I rushed off ahead, and well… I ended up trapped in a well.” “The well that Firefly got stuck in was on my family’s farm. I pulled her out, and it was a bit of a shock, to say the least. It was even more surprising when the rest of her friends tumbled out of the sky after her.” “Like my friends, I was intrigued by Earth. We’ve all ventured home from time to time, Surprise and myself most of all due to our jobs. For those of you who don’t recognize me, I’m a professor of history and archeology at Canterlot University. Equestria’s been worth returning to, time and time again. Like Heart Throb, Firefly, Surprise, and the Williams family, I feel it’s time. Being one of just a few ponies to know a secret was exciting. But I went into archeology to make incredible discoveries and share them with the world. The time has finally come to share this secret with the world. Both worlds. I think we’re ready.” “We’re ponies. Friendship is what we do best. It’s time we made friends with more than just three humans.” Heart Throb hugged Megan and Molly. “If we can be friends with griffins, minotaurs, hippogriffs, and yaks, we can be friends with humans too.” I whispered to Mom, “What do you think we should do?” “If Celestia were still in charge, this would be just for show. She would’ve already made up her mind, and the fact we’re being informed of it means that it would already have her approval, and our own approval would merely be a formality. Anything that she disagreed with never made it to us. But this is Twilight Sparkle, and knowing her eagerness to learn and make new friends, I’d imagine this is exactly the kind of thing she’d want to see approved.” Twilight once more took center stage. “I think this is an absolutely incredible discovery, and I think we’d be foolish to waste this opportunity. As Princess of Equestria, I hereby declare we shall make contact with Earth.” I blinked. Starry blinked. Even Mom blinked. If she was going to make the pronouncement, why’d she summon all of us here? Even Celestia let us formally make the declaration, even if she’d already made the decision. “Furthermore, we’re going to need ponies to make first contact possible. We’ll of course extend the offer to our allies, so that we can all make ourselves known to the inhabitants of Earth. We’ll need ambassadors to the various countries of Earth. We’ll need consuls. That’s where all of you come in. Prince Blueblood, you’ve delegated all your authority in Canterlot to various other ponies. I ask you to serve as ambassador to the United States, the home of both the portal and the Williams family. This is the most important, most prestigious position I can offer.” “I accept.” “There will be hundreds of open positions that need to be filled. The remaining positions will be divvied up equally between the House of Hurricane and any pegasus nobles they wish to recruit, former members of the Earth Pony Council, or current ones willing to resign their post, and unicorn nobles. The Williams’ have generously typed up a list of countries that will need ambassadors, and cities that will need consulates. They then used a ‘photocopier’ machine to duplicate them.” North Star distributed the lists to everypony in the House of Hurricane, while her friends distributed copies to the unicorns and earth ponies sitting on the ground floor. Mom would determine who was going, and where they’d be stationed. She spoke at length with North Star and eventually nodded in satisfaction. The gears of progress were momentarily stopped with us. Since Blueblood had been more-or-less appointed, we’d have the pick of the next position. Mom stood up and proclaimed, “The House of Hurricane selects Ploomette as the Consul General in New York.” Me? Not Starry? And why’d she skip all the ambassador positions? I sat there stunned as the rest of the positions were divided up. Needless to say there was much squabbling over the ambassador positions by the unicorn nobles and Earth Pony Council. Mom, meanwhile, filled as many as the consul general positions as she could with my cousins. During one of the longer gaps while we waited for the unicorns, I asked Mom why she hadn’t gone for the ambassador positions. “Trust me, you don’t want to be an ambassador. Twilight picked Blueblood for the position because he’s an arrogant, useless excuse for a pony. Furthermore, you got what’s likely the single most important position of the bunch.” “Why not Starry?” “Star Catcher needs to stay in Cloudsdale. She’ll take over someday, and she needs to stay close. That way she can remain connected with our citizens and run her charity. I think this’ll be a good experience for you. You need something you can truly call your own.” The unspoken implication said the rest. It would be good practice for me if the worst happened. I might lose touch with our citizens by being gone for years, but in the wake of a tragedy, I’d be welcomed back with open wings. So in addition to completing my education on how to be a duchess, it looked like I’d be getting a crash course in how to be a consul general too. Canterlot: four years, zero months, and twelve days ago After a week of debate, you’d think we would’ve managed to accomplish at least one of our objectives, but no such luck. We needed a timeline. We needed guidelines. We needed less shouting and filibustering. I massaged my forehead with a hoof. I could feel a migraine coming on the longer Tex drawled on. He was using words he didn’t understand strung together in a way to make him sound intelligent, but it was just coming out as gibberish. I checked the list of assignments: he’d be going to Houston, Texas. Tex goes to Texas, makes sense. Houston, we have a problem, and we’re sending him to you. He’d resigned from the current Earth Pony Council to take the position. Under normal circumstances, an embassy outranks a consulate. Instead, because Blueblood was to be the ambassador, Twilight had decided to only appoint one consul-general, and I’d be in charge of all the consulates in the country. That meant Tex was going to be my problem. Thankfully, Mom had managed to fill most of the consulates with our relatives, while the unicorn nobles and earth ponies on the council were too busy fighting for the embassies, because they were more prestigious. We had the benefit of a cohesive family unit. Blueblood was the last of his family, and the nobles and council ponies only represented their own interests. They weren’t teams and were racked with in-fighting. Mom, meanwhile, saw what needed to be done and did it. Not that there wasn’t pettiness and squabbling behind the scenes, but publicly we presented a united front. Fancy Pants took the floor, and my ears swiveled to see if he had anything relevant to say. Thankfully, he’d taken the consul position in Washington, D.C., no doubt to keep Blueblood in check. I could see the strategy at play, and no doubt whichever of the pegasi had distributed the paperwork to him had nudged him into choosing a specific position, much like North Star had urged Mom to go for the consulates. The important thing was that I could count on Fancy Pants. “It’s noon on day five. We’ve only got five hours left to accomplish, let’s see, all of the tasks we were entrusted with. We need a timetable. We need to organize infrastructure to be ready on that date when the portal opens and traffic starts passing through freely. We need rules for our citizens. We’re not leaving here until we have everything ready to go.” I clopped my hooves on the floor in appreciation for the noble’s words. Fancy Pants had been at this game a long time, and it showed. In the end, his efforts were rewarded with even more ponies screaming at each other. I flattened my ears to my head and tried to ward off the impending migraine. Much to my surprise, Fancy Pants sat down next to me. “M’lady.” He kissed my hoof. “Methinks that the rest of our compatriots are too busy arguing about trees to see the forest. Shall we get the job done, as they say?” I nodded. “Sounds good to me. Should we start with the timetable?” “Makes sense. Everything hinges on when, after all.” “It’s almost New Year’s. I think we should start right at the beginning of the year.” “Ah, but what year?” “That would be the question. Obviously not the upcoming one.” “Of course. I think it’s safe to dismiss the next two, too.” “We’re going to need infrastructure. We could probably push the infrastructure through in two years, but everypony needs time to learn the languages. We haven’t even officially announced ourselves to Earth yet, and they may not want us at all.” “That’s out of our hooves. Princess Twilight will be handling those negotiations personally.” “So let’s say four years, then. We can’t start working on infrastructure until such time as we know we’ll need it.” “So we focus on learning the local lingo first.” Fancy Pants nodded. “Next up, some guidelines.” I shrugged. “I’m at a loss on those. Other than ‘obey the laws of Equestria and the laws of your host country’ I don’t really see a need for other restrictions.” “Makes two of us, but there are certain things that need to be addressed. For example, should there be a minimum stay, and if so, how long?” “If we have a minimum stay, do they get to return home to visit during that time?” “A good question. One that I suppose depends entirely on whether we’re able to open other portals to Earth or not. If there’s only one portal, probably not. Traffic will be too congested as is.” “So let’s say there’s a five-year minimum to keep traffic flowing. That seems an awfully long time to be away from friends and family, so we’ll pay them for that.” “Up front, like a stipend of some sort.” I nodded. “That sounds a lot better than trying to send them paychecks. How much?” “Enough for seed money to help them get situated, but not enough to live off of for five years.” “Encourage them to get jobs, learn from them, and bring that knowledge here.” I pushed my glasses back up my snout. “Perhaps some sort of motivation to return with that knowledge instead of just staying on Earth?” “New business financing. Low interest loans for anypony who comes back and demonstrates a skill set that Equestria’s in dire need of.” “What about our entrepreneurs? Should we encourage them to market their wares on Earth? Wind Whistler seemed to think that the native businesses would crush anything we tried to export.” “I think we need more data.” “Let’s get it straight from the horse’s mouth.” The five pegasi who’d discovered Earth and their three human friends were watching the proceedings in disgust. We sat down at their table. “Can we ask you some questions?” “That’s what we’re here for.” Megan tended to speak for the group when she was present. “About time somepony finally makes use of our services.” Wind Whistler snorted. “We’re brainstorming why ponies would want to move to Earth, for a better understanding of what we’re doing. So let’s say a pony had a product they wanted to sell on Earth…” Wind Whistler whipped out her cellphone and showed us some pictures. “This is a Walmart. There are thousands of them.” My eyes flew open at the selection of merchandise. “It’s like a Barnyard Bargains, but much bigger.” “Yeah. If you had something unique, and could convince Walmart or one of the other retail or grocery chains to carry it, you’d still be stuck with the production aspect. You’d need to be able to make enough to stock thousands of stores. There are still small stores that specialize in things the big box retailers don’t, and you could always try marketing things via the internet… But either way it would be an uphill battle.” I shook my head. “That answers everything I wanted to know. No incentives for merchants heading to Earth.” “What happens to our economy once they start selling things here?” Fancy Pants had a number of business ventures, so I could understand his concern. I was worried for Cloudsdale’s future too. “We don’t have the infrastructure for it. Things like cellphones? We don’t have towers or Wi-Fi hotspots. We don’t even have roads for trucks to get merchandise to stores. No one’s going to want to drive an 18-wheeler over cobblestones and dirt. Not to mention the portal isn’t big enough to fit a tractor trailer.” Wind Whistler’s words went over my head. “So the conveyance used by the humans to get products to market is too big to fit through the portal?” “Yes.” “Surely the humans have smaller wagons?” “Of course they do, and stop calling her Shirley,” Surprise piped up. She’d appeared to be napping, but she snapped to attention to utter what I guess was a joke of some sort. I don’t get it. “But if we were to intentionally preserve Equestria’s lack of infrastructure, perhaps under the guise of not ruining its rustic charm, we could potentially keep these foreign interests out in the short term?” Wind Whistler nodded to Fancy Pants’ suggestion. “Furthermore, we can limit what vehicles are allowed through the portal. We have no gas stations, nor will we build any. We don’t want air pollution. We also don’t have the infrastructure for electric vehicles. Instead, we’ll limit the vehicles crossing the portal to hydrogen-powered only. Hydrogen-powered vehicles are rare on Earth, since it’s expensive to make both the vehicles and the fuel. However, any unicorn could convert water into hydrogen. Making the fuel is a bit harder, but certainly not impossible for most unicorns.” A thought hit me. “Would it be possible to convert one of these vehicles to run on magic?” Wind Whistler shrugged her wings. “That’s a Twilight Sparkle question. Regardless, limiting the types of vehicles allowed through the portal will help shelter the local economy short term. Long term, humans are quite creative; I daresay far more so than ponies. This will be looked at as a challenge. To survive long-term, we will instead need to learn to compete. Whether that be by making the same products they make at a lower cost, or by creating our own market niches, things humans can’t recreate, like magic. Magically turning water into hydrogen is a marketable skill. We can do it cheaper and easier than humans can, and it’s a thing we can easily use to get a hoof in the door to Earth’s economy.” Fancy Pants was taking notes, using his magic to scrawl on paper far easier than I could with my mouth. While Wind Whistler and Fancy Pants were talking, I slid my own notes over to Megan. “Here’s what we’ve got so far. Probably more than anypony else.” “Your nobles like hearing themselves talk.” “It makes them feel important.” She sighed. “No different than our politicians.” “Hey, some of us know how to get things done.” She snickered. “Then you’d never make it as a politician in my world.” I looked at the clock and frowned. It was nearly four. “Let me know if there’s anything you might want to add.” “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re running the New York Consulate-General?” I nodded. “I am. Ploomette, of the House of Hurricane. My mother, Royal Rose, is the current Pegasus Duchess, and my older sister is heir to the throne. I’m the expendable daughter.” She chuckled. “You got the best gig, trust me. You can thank your friends here for that.” Five pegasi blushed. It was North Star who spoke up. “We did some research.” “On both sides of the portal,” Wind Whistler added. “We wanted somepony competent for the position. The duchy is far more stable than either the unicorn nobles or the Earth Pony Council.” Firefly rubbed a hoof on her chin. “We all agreed on that. Even me.” Wind Whistler blew a strand of hair out of her eye. “There are three consulates that are close to the portal, including the embassy.” I pulled out my map and looked. “Here’s New York. The human equivalent of Manehattan. This is Philadelphia, their version of Fillydelphia. And Washington, D.C.” Wind Whistler nodded. “We didn’t put it on the map, but the portal’s right about here.” She pointed to a spot that was slightly closer to Philadelphia than to New York, but it was readily accessible from all three cities. “You’re the pony everypony is going to see on their way in.” “With you in New York, and Fancy Pants in D.C., we know things are in good hooves. You’ve already proven that, as the only two ponies to get anything done all week.” Megan smiled at me and I returned it. “Just make sure to keep New York, Philadelphia, and Washington staffed with your best ponies, and everything should be fine. Most of our settlers are probably going to end up living close to the portal. At least at first.” Curiosity got the better of me. “Is there any reason the five of you didn’t take any of the positions?” “We’ll be advising. Rather than tie ourselves to any one post, we’ll be traveling between the locations. I’m doing I.T., which means nothing to you at the moment. In other words, I’ll be taking care of your computers and other technology. Setting everything up and showing you how to use it.” Wind Whistler pulled her phone out again. “I’m addicted to this. It’s a good fit for me.” North Star went next. “I’m your historian. I may have earned my degree here in Equestria, but I’ve spent more time digging through human history than our own. It’s just as fascinating.” Surprise followed. “I’m in charge of arts and entertainment. That may sound silly now, but sooner or later you’re going to call me up asking ‘who sings this song?’ or ‘what does this meme mean?’ Mostly though, I’m here to advise you so you don’t make a silly faux pas.” “Military advisor.” Firefly cringed. “I really hope you never have need of my services.” That left only Heart Throb. “It’s better if you don’t know. Plausible deniability and all that. Suffice it to say if I contact you, stop whatever you’re doing, it’s important.” “And we’re your human advisors. We’ll be your eyes and ears when you need someone who can blend in with the natives.” “As well as advise you when it comes to human customs. Believe it or not, Surprise doesn’t know everything.” It was the first time I’d heard Molly speak up all week. Fancy Pants and I put our heads together and revised what we had until we were satisfied with it. Fancy Pants whistled and the background noise faded to nothing. He turned to me. All eyes on me. I’ve done public speaking. Just never to this many ponies, especially not ponies as powerful as this. Sound authoritative, Ploom. “We’ve come up with a few things, and are opening the floor to discussion. First, the portal will officially open to travel and trade in four years' time, on New Year’s Day. That will allow time for contact to be made, and infrastructure to be built.” There were no interruptions, so I continued. “Next, we have some basic rules for everypony to follow: Rule 1: Any Equestrian departing Equestria for Earth must learn the languages and laws of five different countries, including their destination country. Rule 2: Obey the laws of both Equestria and your host country. In the event that these laws conflict, default to the laws of your locality. We are guests, let us not forget this. Rule 3: Equestrians using this as an opportunity to learn a new skill will qualify for substantial new business loans and tax breaks upon their return to Equestria with a demonstrated skill that's in high demand. Rule 4: Excepting tourists, the minimum stay on Earth is five years. Rule 5: A stipend shall be paid to any pony committing to stay five years on Earth.” When I was finished, Fancy Pants spoke up. “Does anypony have any additions or concerns?” “I do.” Haute Cuisine stood up. “Of course, if they return home early for some reason, they forfeit their stipend and have to repay it in its entirety. I feel it’s necessary to prevent abuse of the system. Those are our bits, I mean, the taxpayers’ bits.” I’d been expecting something like that. Nobles love spending money, except when it benefits someone other than them. I countered with, “Perhaps a prorate of some sort? The amount that needs to be repaid decreases by 20% each year?” There was grumbling, but the rest of the gathered ponies agreed to the compromise. We were too short on time to hash it out further. Princess Twilight was expecting a plan by the end of the day. Anything else would put her behind schedule, and she was a slave to schedules. “I wish to propose one further rule.” All eyes in the room turned to Prince Blueblood. I mentally groaned while refusing to let my external façade show it. “Not counting those of us going to consulates or embassies, I suggest we limit the ponies crossing through the portal to only mares. As we all know, there are twice as many mares in Equestria as there are stallions. Furthermore, it would eliminate the possibility of foals being born on Earth. Any foal born on Earth would have dual citizenship, to Equestria and whatever country it may be born in. That’s a headache we don’t need, especially if we decide five years hence to cut ties with Earth entirely.” Wow, he’s heaping that manure up high. What benefit is it to him… Realization washed over me. He doesn’t want the competition. He wants an unlimited source of mares with no other stallions around, because he’s Prince Charmless. “Furthermore, because we want the brightest and best to go, I would highly recommend setting an age cap of twenty-five. It doesn’t make sense to send some old geezer to Earth just for her to come back to Equestria and die before making good on our investment.” “I suppose we should only send the attractive ones, too?” The sarcastic words slipped out of my mouth. That was supposed to be internal dialogue, not external. “I wasn’t going to suggest that, but I’ll support you on that. It makes sense if you think about it. We want to make a good impression on the natives of Earth. It wouldn’t do to send ponies who’d frighten the humans.” Oh stars, he’s trying to make it sound like that was my idea. He flipped my sarcasm around, taking it at face value, and now he’s promoting it as a good idea. And if it gets shot down, he can blame me for bringing it up. This. This is why stoicism practice was so important. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Sometimes it was easy to forget that Blueblood wasn’t actually an idiot. Pompous, absolutely. Egomaniac? Without a doubt. Incompetent? Only so much as to dissuade ponies from giving him responsibilities. But he’d been playing the game for years, and he’d played me for the novice I was. While my sarcasm hadn’t gone over many heads, Blueblood and his allies would use my ‘suggestion’ as leverage to push through the ‘mares only’ rule. They’d compromise by getting rid of the ‘attractive’ clause. I’d be hard-pressed to get the ‘under twenty-five’ addition struck from the record. Time was already running out. Come on, Ploom, think. Mom would know how to get out of this. No, Mom wouldn’t have gotten into this mess in the first place, and Starry probably would’ve avoided it too. In the end, I failed. We were out of time, and the attractiveness clause was the only thing removed. Despite Blueblood insisting on us wanting ‘the brightest and best’ to go to Earth, there was no addendum to his rule specifying educational requirements, just age and gender. Funny how that works. I should be proud. I was instrumental in authoring five of the six rules, and only one of them was modified. Even that was compromised in a way that I can’t fault. Instead I keep going back to that final rule. The one that undermines everything I stand for. The rule that made me strike my name from the authorship, so as not to have my legacy be forever tainted by it. Later that evening Twilight Sparkle signed the rules, making them official. I’d hoped that she would take one look at that last one and decide it was unfriendly, and hence strike it from the record, but no such luck. I looked at the paper in my hooves, stamped with the official seal of the princess: Rule 1: Any Equestrian departing Equestria for Earth must learn the languages and laws of five different countries, including their destination country. Rule 2: Obey the laws of both Equestria and your host country. In the event that these laws conflict, default to the laws of your locality. We are guests, let us not forget this. Rule 3: Equestrians using this as an opportunity to learn a new skill will qualify for substantial new business loans and tax breaks upon their return to Equestria with a demonstrated skill that's in high demand. Rule 4: Excepting tourists, the minimum stay on Earth is five years. Rule 5: A stipend shall be paid to any pony committing to stay five years on Earth. Failure to stay on Earth for the full five years will result in forfeiture of 20% of the stipend per year returned early. Rule 6: The portal shall only be opened for mares twenty-five years of age or less. Canterlot: four years, zero months, and nine days ago I pushed my reading glasses up my snout as I reread the list I’d been working on. Things hadn’t gone quite the way I wanted with the rules, but I had free reign over the staff at the consulate and I’d spent the last few days going over the choices for each position. I needed competent, trustworthy ponies for the positions. I’d already chosen my deputy consul-general, half a dozen consuls, and a dozen vice-consuls from the pegasus nobility. Having had the opportunity to meet so many of the nobles during my charity fundraising efforts had given me an idea of which ones I could work with and which ones I couldn’t. Mom and Starry were both happy to make suggestions, and they helped me pick good ponies for the most important posts in exchange for me offering out-of-the-way posts to some of the nobles they had the most problems with. Pulling Ivory Tower away from his mother was an easy decision. If he accepted the position, he’d have a chance to really come into his own and not end up as yet another spoiled scion; a puppet to the whims of ancestors who’d passed on centuries ago. So many of the nobles just regurgitated the things their parents had told them, and their grandparents had taught their parents, and so on down the line. The ‘tradition’ that so many of the noble houses clung to was antiquated and in dire need of an overhaul. But I hadn’t limited myself to just the nobility. Rainbowshine was a no-brainer. She might not know the first thing about diplomacy, but she was one of the most competent ponies I’d ever met. Diplomacy could be taught, competency not so much. For my secretary, I wanted somepony personable. Somepony friendly, outgoing, and someone I got along with well. The name that kept leaping to the forefront of my mind was Electric Slide, so I penciled her into the position, pending her acceptance. With her, another piece of the puzzle clicked into place. The consulate needed guards. I’d have my honor guard, but their job was to protect me, not the consulate as a whole. The consulate would need their own, and Electric Slide’s mountain of a father, Sunshine Smiles, seemed like a great pick. I calculated how many guards we’d need at any given time, then calculated how many hours each would be working, and made a note to ask Electric Slide which of the other derby flyers could be considered trustworthy and reliable. Then I’d have the Royal Guards screen those choices, just to be sure. As for my honor guard, I’d already made my decision on who’d be accompanying me to Earth: Swoop, Searchlight, Mirage, Cloudraker, Skydive, and Skyfire. Mom had already signed off on it, so they were the only ponies I knew for sure would be joining me. I looked over the list of other consulates in the United States: Philadelphia, Chicago, Los Angeles, Atlanta, San Francisco, Houston, and Washington, D. C. I’d be overseeing all of them, even if I wasn’t working that closely with any of them. Mom had managed to get relatives in charge of all but two of them. Houston had gone to that Earth Pony Councilmember, Tex, while D. C. was the embassy – I had confidence in Fancy Pants, even if I didn’t have any in Blueblood. I’d already scheduled meetings with my cousins, and we’d go over their choices for staff members in the coming weeks and adjust them as needed. I’d leave D. C. entirely to Fancy Pants, so that left only Tex. I groaned as I thought back to his speech. I need to deal with him, and I need ponies I can trust in positions under him. I wrote out invitations detailing the position being offered and asked for a response within a week’s time. That would give me enough time to go to my next choices if needed, though I felt confident in most of my picks. There was no sense wasting time extending offers to ponies likely to decline. Once my invitations were done, I turned my attention to the issue that most needed addressing: Houston. I wrote Tex a letter, asking him for details on how he planned to run his consulate, and who he wanted working with him. My mind was already racing with ideas, and after confirming that Houston was in a warmer climate, I suggested a few pegasi be added to the staff to help moderate things. 90% humidity in the summer? We’d have to get permission from the city, of course, but we could easily regulate the humidity and make the summer less oppressive for residents and visitors alike. What better way to make a good first impression on our host city? I, of course, had recommendations for him.