//------------------------------// // Lavender Alicorn Syndrome // Story: Six Mean Ponies // by Tangerine Blast //------------------------------// “So! Orientation!” Princess Twilight Sparkle dropped a thick stack of binders on her desk with an echoing thud. The clones groaned almost completely in sync as Twilight started to flip through the top binder. Pinkie couldn’t really blame them. When Twilight had first pitched the idea of the school to her friends she had made them sit through multiple logistic meetings and trainings and blah blah blah boring. At least this was, hopefully, the last super boring part before the clones were officially enrolled.  “The last thing we need to do before you can go to classes is finish all your paperwork,” Twilight continued, flipping open one of those binders and picking up a quill, “and we still don’t have names for two of you so… that first.” “I believe I submitted my name change last night,” the yellow Pegasus in the room said, idly examining her hoof. She was, actually, the only yellow Pegasus in the room. Besides the clones, the only creatures in attendance of this meeting were Spike, Princess Twilight, and Pinkie herself. Twilight thought it’d be better if they kept things on the smaller scale after the first party ending with a lot of yelling and little productivity. Pinkie was almost a little tiny bit jealous of everypony else. They got to go teach all those cute kids about love and friendship and fun! And she got to stay here. Going over paperwork. “Yeah, you did,” Spike snapped. He was standing right next to Twilight’s desk, glaring at the clones in annoyance. He’d probably be in a better mood if Twilight wasn’t making him hold even more documents. “Thankfully, I burned it before anypony sensitive could see that mess.” Twilight blinked and turned to Spike with a baffled expression. “Wait… I didn’t see any form from her. Or approve the destruction of legal documents.” Spike didn’t turn to her. Didn’t so much as flinch. He really did make a good table. “Exactly my point.” All the clones burst into laughter and even Pinkie couldn’t help giggle along with them. But she stopped once Twilight shot her one of those patent pending Princess Scolding glares and gave flashed back an innocent smile.  “Anyway.” Twilight’s voice had a slight growl to it now. Not a great sign. “That doesn’t change the fact that I need names. We have Crispin Apple-” “I’m actually Applejack’s cousin’s mother’s sister in law,” Crispin piped up, “so I’m full Apple by blood.” “What?” Twilight jerked back, jarred out of her lecture mode and back into the real world. “No you aren’t… what?” She shook her head and turned back to her list. “Never mind. That… doesn’t matter. We have Crispin Apple and Raining Parade, Infinity, Evening-” “Star,” Evening interrupted with an awkward clear of her throat that she tried to play off as natural. Twilight squinted, her face screwed up in annoyance at being interrupted yet again. “You want to change your name to ‘Star’?” “I want to add Star,” Evening elaborated. She made eye contact with Parade for a moment before scowling and turning to face a wall with an air of indifference. “A last name.” That caused Twilight to perk up. “Oh? Oh! Well, we can do that easily. Let me just…” She teleported a single file out of the mountain in Spike’s arms and scrawled something on the side of it as well as on the page she had originally. “There! All set with that. Now… what about you? Do you have any names to submit?” The pink pony she was pointing to, who was not Pinkie Pie, gave Twilight a flat look. “Bite me.” Evening’s wing jerked out and jabbed her roughly in the side, making the other clone wince.  “Ow! Sheesh.” The pink clone huffed and rubbed her side in irritation. “Fine. I do have a name… You can call me Vanilla Dream.” She waved a hoof in the air lazily. “‘Cause vanilla is the boringest flavor and I’d rather be asleep. Yay. Can I go home now?” Pinkie couldn’t help a sigh of relief escaping her that she hadn’t even realized she was holding. She caught Evening’s eye and gave her friend a grateful smile. Evening rolled her eyes but there was a look of satisfaction in the gesture. “I have another idea to submit,” the yellow Pegasus said, pushing a few paper’s off of Twilight’s desk and leaning over it so she was almost breathing directly onto the Alicorn’s muzzle, “How about Private Pansy? But maybe you wouldn’t like that?” Her gaze slowly trailed across Twilight’s body, making Twilight squirm and clench her wings tightly to her side. “What with all the mares you keep around… not very private about your pansy, are you?” Twilight’s face was practically collapsing under the weight of her blush as she did her best to glare over her wide eyes. “You are not-” she squeaked and then cleared her throat so the next sound came out more of a growl. “You are not naming yourself after your-” “I think that’s a great name!” Pinkie interjected before the two could delve into the argument Private desperately wanted to have. Twilight choked on her own spit. “W-what?” Even Pansy looked confused as she turned to look back, hanging awkwardly off of the desk. “You do?” Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! Private Pansy was a great historical figure. She helped found Equestria with her willingness to look past her first impressions of ponies and help out someone in need. That’s just like you! You helped me when I needed it even though the only thing you knew about me was I was Chrysalis’ enemy. That was super brave of you.” The newly named Private Pansy’s face went through a very interesting journey. Confusion, frustration, disbelief, a twitch of happiness, and finally settled on annoyance. She shoved herself off the desk and into the air with a huff. “Darn. You ponies really are no fun to tease. Too dumb for your own good.” Pinkie ignored the insult as she glanced back over at Twilight. She was rubbing her face with her hooves in a way that was meant to appear casual but very much wasn’t. The Alicorn was also mumbled to herself under her breath as she scrubbed the blush from her cheeks.  “Of course it was a fine name… just trying to get under your feathers… come on Twilight pull yourself together you’re better than this…” Pinkie locked eyes with Spike who was the only other creature close enough to notice Twilight’s distress. Widening her eyes in concern, Pinkie jerked her head towards their mutual friend. Spike furrowed his brow and glanced between Pinkie and Twilight rapidly. That caused Pinkie to blink. Nodding grimly in response Spike shifted the papers in his arms and gave her a pointed look. Pinkie frowned with worry and nodded back. “Well!” Spike said loudly, catching the attention of every other creature in the room. “I think all the logistics are pretty much taken care of. Why don’t I show you guys to your first class while I drop all these documents in filing?” Twilight’s head jerked up to stare at him. “We aren’t done yet! What about-” “That can all wait until later,” Spike insisted, waddling across the room and somehow managing to not drop a single paper, “Come on, Rarity teaches the absolute best class.” “Oh goodie,” Vanilla snarked as the little dragon ushered her and the others through the door, “schooling. Just what comes to mind when I think of fun.” Despite the grumbling, the clones filed out without resistance. Only Evening glanced back and locked eyes with Pinkie, raising one eyebrow in a silent question. Pinkie smiled reassuringly at her and gave a friendly wave in goodbye.  Evening rolled her eyes, which Pinkie was pretty sure was just her way of smiling back, and followed after her fellow clones. As soon as the door shut behind them Pinkie turned to Twilight and leaned on her desk. “Hey Twily, what’s up? Is something wrong?” “What?” Twilight asked, shuffling papers around on her desk and straightening those that were already perfectly straight. “No, no, nothing’s wrong. Why would anything be wrong? Is something wrong with you because there definitely isn’t anything wrong with me.” Pinkie pursed her lips and shook her head. “Nopey dope. I’m all good. But your mane’s getting that sticky-up style and you’re breathing kinda fast.” Twilight took a deep breath through her nose and patted her mane with a hoof. It only made more hairs pop up from the static but she was trying. “I’m fine. Really I am. I just have… so much organizing to do and no idea where to start.” Pinkie cocked her head. “But you love organizing! Why is that a bad thing?” Twilight tapped her hoof on the desk in less of a thinking way and more of a nervous tick sort of way. “Organizing is good when you're putting set things into a logical order. But I don’t know how to go about writing the paperwork out for the clones. They’re unlike anything I’ve ever seen and it just… don’t make sense!” “How come?” Pinkie asked, peering at the paper filled desk as if one of them would hold the answers. Even if she wasn’t trying to read them upside down, however, she didn’t think she’d be able to understand the complicated jargon anyway.  “They aren’t…” Twilight started and then groaned in frustration, “They aren’t… real… creatures…” Pinkie’s head snapped up to glare disapprovingly at her. “Twilight!” “They aren’t!” Twilight protested back, “Nothing about them is like any other creature I’ve ever seen! Instead of being a thaumaturgical collaboration of external force and inner mana that’s directed through the body based on biological structure it’s more like a few spells that should not be compatible working together on a highly conductible object.” Twilight looked up, her frantic gaze meeting Pinkie’s confused blinking. “Okay, okay, okay, it’s like this. You know how Unicorns have energy inside them that they can manipulate and shape into spells?” Pinkie nodded hesitantly. She hadn’t… actually known that. Unicorns did fancy magic with their horns. That’s all she had ever needed to know about how magic worked but Twilight’s explanation made sense on a slightly more detailed level.  If Twilight saw her hesitation she chose to ignore it as she steamed ahead. “Well, Infinity and Evening don’t have that. There is no magic inside them they’re manipulating. There are only precalculated spells superimposed on top of them.” Pinkie gasped, hooves flying to her face. “So they aren’t going to be able to do any magic???” She then blinked and lowered back to all four hooves. “Wait… that doesn’t make sense. Evening teleported.” “Yes, exactly,” Twilight said, nodding as she tapped a hoof rapidly on her desk, “they can still use spells but only the spells already built into their magical chemistry. Evening can use more because I can use more but neither of them can ever learn any new spells.” She stood up now and started pacing back and forth behind her desk. “And that’s only the Unicorn aspect. The Pegasi can’t do anything more complicated than basic flight and cloud walking because they can’t actually manipulate the weather magic around them. And the Earth Ponies. Don’t even get me started on the Earth Ponies.” She stopped and turned to Pinkie with wide eyes. “Seriously, don’t get me started on the Earth Ponies. Earth Pony magic is already extremely complicated and I don’t even want to think about the logistics of super imposing it on… onto an artifact.” Pinkie’s face twisted into a frown. “But they aren’t artifacts! They’re living creatures with thoughts and feelings and stuff!” Twilight barked out one short strained ‘ha’. “They sure are! Complex artifacts taken from us. Our DNA! This is a PR nightmare.” She moaned and tugged at her mane. “Not only is this going to be impossible to get past the few members of the E.E.A that still like me but I don’t even think the Princesses are going to be on board with this! ‘Your majesty I’m keeping dangerous artifacts in my school. It’s fine though! They’re students!’ That’ll go over. So. Well!” “Twilight!” Pinkie cried again, stomping her hoof and managing to stall the Alicorn out of her frantic pacing. “None of that matters. Not really. They’re creatures that deserve a home and friendship. And you’re the Princess of Friendship! It’s… it’s important we give it to them.” Twilight stopped and stared, blinking dumbly as her frantic thoughts that must have been swirling in her head for days screeched to a stop. “I… you’re right. Yeah, you’re right… I just… it’s hard. I don’t know what I’m doing and… and I’m scared of messing everything up…” “Aww,” Pinkie reached out and wrapped Twilight in a hug. She didn’t pull away but she didn’t return it either. “You’re super duper stressed about this, aren’t you?” “Y-yeah…” Twilight said, so softly Pinkie wouldn’t have heard her if she wasn’t pressed against her, “Chrysalis is still out who knows where, the E.E.A is actively trying to tear this school down, and… I think I’m going to disappoint the Princesses when they find out.” Pinkie patted the top of her head reasurrably and this time some of the mane did stay down. “Maybe you need a vacation? Take a break from all of this stressful stuff if it’s weighing so hard on you.” Twilight snorted and pushed her friend’s hooves off. “I can’t do that, Pinkie. I still have so much to do and the whole school to run…” Pinkie shook her head and smiled wide. “You don’t have to worry about that stuff! You got us and Starlight and Spike. We can all look after the school when you’re away. And if you go visit your brother and Princess Cadance then you can tell one Princess and not feel stressed about that either.” Success! A little smile creeped onto Twilight’s face at the suggestion. “Maybe… it would be nice to get away for a bit…” Then the frown returned full force, “But I can’t just leave everyone alone for who knows how long. What if... something happens?” Pinkie rolled her eyes and giggled. “We can handle it. I know we aren’t as paperwork oriented than you but I’m sure we can-” “No,” Twilight interrupted, staring intensely at Pinkie, “Not stuff like that. What if… I’m not here to protect you. All of you.” Pinkie moved her smile to something softer and placed a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “We can handle that stuff too, Twilight. We’ll all be together. It’ll be fine if you need to take some personal Twilight time.”  Twilight licked her lips and glanced away. Oh dear. Was Pinkie going to have to do something tough to convince Twilight to take care of herself? Tough was not Pinkie’s strong suit. But, right before Pinkie was ready to bust out the facepaint and talk in a gravelly voice Twilight let out a snorting laugh and shook her head good naturedly. “You know, I think I will go on a vacation. After all, if Chrysalis does attack I guess I can rely on the clones to save you again, huh?” Pinkie’s beam threatened to split her face as she nodded rapidly. “Yeah! See, there’s no reason to worry, Twi-Twi. You should go so you don’t keep getting all frowny about everything.” Twilight gave an over dramatic huff but her small smile didn’t leave. “I am not all frowny! But you have to promise not to blow up the place while I’m gone. Oh… and Spike’s going to want to come see Shining and Cadance too once he hears about this… so promise not to shred all the paperwork while he’s gone.” Pinkie giggled and gave a salute. “Aye, aye captain Twilight!” Twilight giggled back and waved her off. “Okay, okay, get out of here. You have a class to teach and I’m sure the clones could learn some jokes that don’t make me want to throttle them.” “Okie dokie loki,” Pinkie replied, bouncing out the door, “have a good time on your vacation Twilight.” Twilight waved yet again as Pinkie trotted out of the room and shut the door behind her. The alicorn definitely needed a vacation. That was one of the first genuine smiles Twilight had shown in hours. Satisfied with the way that conversation had gone, Pinkie turned around with a content hum, intending to head straight to her classroom and probably explain to her students why she was so late. “Hello, Professor Pie,” came an almost sing-song voice from next to her.  Pinkie glanced down and waved at the little pegasus standing not even a foot away. “Hiya Cozy Glow. What are you doing out of class?” Cozy gently waved a piece of paper she was holding. “Just taking the Loyalty attendance sheet to Principle Twilight.” She blinked up with big doe eyes and a smile Pinkie could tell was at least half faked. Most of Cozy’s smiles were fake, or at least exaggerated. This didn’t really bother Pinkie, however. The school was one for teaching friendship to creatures not very good at it yet. A lot of students were only here reluctantly and masked it in different ways to avoid extra lessons or actively offending a Princess of Equestria. Cozy Glow was especially good at masking her displeasure with sugary sweet words and an innocent look but you couldn’t get a fake smile past Pinkie Pie. “Did I hear you talking to the Principal about… a vacation?” Pinkie nodded and, taking the paper from Cozy, slipped it under the door in one easy motion. “Uh huh. She’s feeling super duper stressed with Neighsay and the new clone students and stuff so she’s gonna go visit her brother and get some time off.” A few emotions flashed subtly across Cozy’s face in rapid succession before it settled on just plain confusion. “Wait… clone students?” “Yep!” Pinkie confirmed, walking down the hall with Cozy Glow following close behind. “We’re gonna make an announcement about it soon but basically what happened is that Queen Chrysalis made some evil clones of us to try and use the Elements of Harmony, I convinced them to not do that, and now they’re our friends and are coming to school!” Cozy’s eyes went wide. “There are… evil changeling clones running around the school with all the abilities of the Elements of Harmony? Isn’t that a problem?” Pinkie shook her head quickly and put on her most comforting smile she could. “Not at all! Like I said, they’re nice now. Well, not nice nice, but they aren’t evil! They didn’t like Chrysalis ordering them around and stuff so they ditched her and now wanna learn how to live in Equestria.” “Huh,” was Cozy’s only reply as she turned on that smile that meant she was thinking about something really hard but didn’t want anyone to notice, “I’m sure they do. Thank you very much professor!” She turned down a side hallway quickly and waved over her shoulder as she trotted off. “Thanks for the talk Professor! See you in class.” “Uh, oh, okay!” Pinkie waved back, a bit caught off with her abrupt departure. “Have a good day, Cozy.” “I certainly will.” Pinkie watched the filly disappear around the corner. That wasn’t the way to Dashie’s class… Huh. What a weird kid.