//------------------------------//
// From Dusk til Dawn 
// Story: Ranger Takes on Equestria 
// by I aint no damn brownie 
//------------------------------//

I ran up to Celestia’s chambers and I kicked open the door with the force of 10 Gods. 

Or at least, tried to. The door was metal. I was a man of average strength.

“AGHHHH!!” I yelled, clutching my foot. I think I broke something.

“The door is solid steel, Dumbass!” Blueblood yelled, and pulled me up. “But it’s also soundproof. Thankfully, nopony inside can hear you yelling.. so we can use the elements.”

“The Elements of Harmony?” I asked, shaking my foot to dispel the pain. (It wasn’t working.)

“No. Surprise and strength!” He yelled, and threw open the door.

Twilight.. and her friends?

Blueblood shot a spell at Twilight, but she dodged it easily, hiding behind Celestia’s bed. The rest of her friends followed. Damn it, this was the plan we used. It was foolproof!

I wish I had a grenade. Fuck Celestia dude, stealing my weapons.

I pulled out my shotgun and ran up to the bed, doing a sick slide over the covers and blasted the nearest guy’s head off. It was the pink one. 

Immediately regretting my decision to get so close, I blasted two others away before getting thrown back by a spell. 

I slammed into a nearby wall, pain erupting across my back like a million tiny needles. 

“AGGHHH!!!!” I yelled, falling to the floor unceremoniously. 

Blueblood continued firing at the bed. What is that going to do man!? They’re hiding!

Blueblood teleported behind them and shot three spells in quick succession, knocking out each changeling.

“...oh.” I muttered. I forgot some unicorns could teleport. 

And this guy lives in the castle, so he clearly has some experience with magic.

I heard the bed shift. I slowly stood up and saw that Celestia was still sleeping soundly.

“H-how..”

“Soundproofing spell on her head. She does it every night. She really needs her sleep, I guess.” Blueblood explained. I nodded along. Made sense I guess.

...

“We should’ve left one awake!” I yelled, slapping a hand to my head. 

“What, why?” Blueblood asked. 

“Questioning! To find out where the others are being held!” I yelled out, punching a nearby wall. 

All I did was injure my hand a little bit. No damage to the wall.

“Oh, horseapples!” He said, hitting the floor with a hoof.

Horseapples? HORSEAPPLES?!

I burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” He asked, genuine confusion present on his face.

“H-Horseapples!”

He blushed. “Hey! That’s a common swear!”

I wiped a tear from my eye as I calmed down. Okay, we need to wake one of these guys up.

I walked over to some random one and slapped his face. 

No response. 

I slapped it again. No response again. I slapped it again. I slapped it- Blueblood grabbed my hand with his magic.

“That’s not going to work.” He said. Like I knew that!

He used a spell on him, and he woke up immediately. I grabbed his hoof. He wasn’t going anywhere.

“Hey! Let me go!” He yelled, flapping his wings. I slapped his horn. He instantly shut up.

“Where is everyone?” I asked, reaching for my shotgun. Blueblood walked over and kicked it to me.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said.

I fired a shot at a nearby lamp. He looked incredibly frightened.

“W-What do you wanna know?”

I smirked.





I ran out of the room, determined. 

“Trent! Wait- who’s gonna watch the Princess?!”

“She’s a big girl!” I yelled. “Others need help more than her right now!”

“But-oh Celestia damn it Trent!” He yelled, and ran after me. He cast a locking spell on the door before exiting.

He teleported to catch up to me, but it didn’t work as all it did was make him more tired. But he did catch up. I slowed down a little. I felt bad.

“So... where is it..?” He asked, panting.

“Somewhere.. in the outskirts Ponyville. It’s some big cave.” I responded, more focused on how to get out of this damn castle than the conversation. 

“This way!” He said, and ran down a nearby hall. I followed. He knew his way around more than I did.

I continued to follow Blueblood as he led me out of the castle. The gate was guarded by two men, but I shot them both in the head.

Thankfully, both were bugs.

“Grab onto me!” Blueblood yelled, stopping. I stopped too and grabbed his mane.

A bright flash, and the feeling of being squeezed through a tube of toothpaste later, and we were at the train station.

....With no train.

“Buck!” He yelled.

“Well, Yeah. It’s like what, 12 at night? People are usually in bed by now. And that includes train conductors.” I said.

Blueblood growled.

“Come on, we’re walking.” He said. I widened my eyes.

“But-“

“You have endless stamina Trent!” He yelled.

“No I don’t! I’m super tired right now! I’m literally running on fumes!”

“So am I! Let’s go!”

I started running. He followed.





I started singing a song. More specifically, King of the Road by Roger Miller. My Dad’s favorite song from when I was a boy. This trip was more boring than anything.

Blueblood replied to my singing, with another line.

“Holy shit, you know that song?” I asked.

“Of course. Princess of the Road by Dodger Mill, right?”

“...no. King of the Road by Roger Miller. How do you know that? I didn’t take you for a country fan.”

“Hm. Well, there was this one stallion that used to guard my chambers who would listen to it constantly. Eventually it grew on me, and I was singing it with him every time he played it.” Blueblood replied.

“What happened to him?” I asked. He die or something?

“He.. unfortunately, passed during the first changeling invasion. That’s part of the reason I came with you on this journey. They’re going to pay for Cold Breeze.” He said, determined to avenge his friend. That was a quick 180.

Oh shit, he DID die.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” I replied.

“Thank you. Think we could go back to singing?”

I chuckled. “Sure buddy.”

“Copyright infringement...”

Many long, grueling hours later..

“We’re here.. finally..” Blueblood croaked out, voice dry. 

We were at the Ponyville station.

“I’m just glad to be able... to stop running.” I chuckled. Wait.. is that?

“Water fountain!” I shouted, spotting one. We both ran over and drank to our hearts’ content.

After that little escapade, we continued walking. The station was empty, not a soul in sight. We walked through it, not really talking to each other. Sometimes Blueblood would make an off-handed comment about something he found interesting, but that was it. Very awkward.

We walked into the heart of the podunk.

It was a ghost-town. Everyone was asleep and it felt... eerie. 

“So... where was this cave again?” Blueblood asked.

“The outskirts. Somewhere by Sweet Apple Acres.” I said. He nodded.

...

“So where’s Sweet Apple Acres?” We both asked at the same time. 

“Ayyy!!” We pointed at each other.

“I think.. it’s over there.” I said, pointing to the apple farm I had first gone to when I arrived. 

Made sense. It’s the only ‘Acres’ in Ponyville, and it’s got apple trees! I started running, Blueblood following along. As usual. Back on the grind.

“HUAGH! HUAGH! HUAGH!” I yelled as I hopped repeatedly forward, gaining speed and keeping it constant. 

“What... the hell are you doing?” Blueblood asked, following me.

“It’s called B-Hopping. It’s something my Commanding Officer taught me. If you jump constantly, you can gain a small amount of speed. It’s not really useful, just fun.” I explained. 

He nodded. “Well do you have to make that sound every time?”

“It’s mandatory!” I said, doing an impression of a 12th century King. Blueblood shook his head, chuckling.

The apple farm wasn’t too far, so we arrived at our destination quickly.

We both ran into the.. outskirts, of the farm. Which was really just behind the barn and in the hills.

We both split up to start looking for any sort of cave entrance.

I was looking at a pretty flower when Blueblood shouted for my attention.

“Over here! I think I found it!” He yelled. I dashed over.

“Where?” I asked. He pointed to a crawl space. 

I looked at him. “You’re joking.”

“I am not. I used an illumination spell. It widens the more you go in.” He explained. I sighed, and dropped to my knees.

I lied down completely and began crawling in. 

Blueblood was right about one thing, it did get wider. I stood up and looked around.

Do I have a flashlight?

....I do not. Awesome.

“Hey, Bl-“ He wasn’t behind me.

“Blueblood?” I asked out loud.

“I’m just gonna wait out here.” He said.

“Oh no you aren’t! Get in here, Pussy! Don’t you wanna avenge your guard friend?”

“Of course I do!”

“Well you can’t do that without swallowing your fears and getting in the death cave!” I explained. Was he an idiot? How did he not understand that? 

“....Fine!” He said, and dropped to the floor.

I could tell because of the pained grunt.

I saw his tiny horse-head poke out, and then his whole body. He brushed himself off, cringing at the mud that was caked on his coat.

His horn illuminated the area, and I saw that it was just a cave.

“Come on, no time to waste.” I whispered, walking slowly ahead. He followed.

Sudden encounter: Changeling!

I shot it.

Although, maybe that wasn’t the best decision. It alerted many other changelings.

The first one flew for a head shot, but I shot it with my shotgun. Did I ever say how useful this thing was? They didn’t know what it was, but I did, and that helps me. 

The second one fired a spell. I dodged and fired.

The third one charged again.

Plenty of wasted shells later, a pile of dead changelings lay at my feet. A scarred Blueblood stood next to me.

“Let’s go.”

“Y-Yeah.”

We walked further into the cave. I looked around.

Stalactites hung from the ceiling, and bats hung from said rock formations. The walls were a dirt brown color, although it was hard to tell with Blueblood’s aura making everything teal. Water was dripping from somewhere.

So, a cave.

“Stop!” Blueblood shouted and put a hoof in front of me.

I kicked a few rocks.. into a pit below.

I waited.

And waited..

Clack.

“Oh, shit. Thanks.” I said. I would’ve died!

Blueblood nodded.

“So how do we get across?” I asked. He shrugged.

“I don’t know where the other side is, so teleporting is out of the question. I can try to levitate you, but you might be a little heavy.”

I nodded. Made sense. He wrapped me in a magical aura, carrying me across the pit. I felt his grip loosen a few times and I swear I almost had a heart-attack, but I did eventually make it to the other side. 

Not too far of a distance.

“Jump it.” I said. 

Blueblood shook his head rapidly. “Are you insane?!” He yelled.

I chuckled. “Yes! I am!”

“Damn it! You weren’t supposed to answer me!”

He took a deep breath, and walked back a few steps.

He ran ahead, jumped once, and jumped again, pushing forward. He stretched out his arms, and I did the same.

He missed.

Blueblood’s face changed into one of fear as he fell into the pit below.

I fell to my stomach and reached down, barely grabbing his hoof. He slowly opened his eyes, and after seeing me holding onto him, began to chuckle.

It turned into manic laughter. “I’m okay! I’m okay! I’m okay- Wah!”

I pulled him up quickly, and put him on the ground. He jumped to his feet, wobbling slightly.

“I’m.. I’m okay.” He whispered, a tear coming to his eye.

“Yeah, but our friends aren’t. Come on.” I said, rushing off. 

“But I’m so tired!!!” He groaned out. God damn it. Fine!

“I guess we can rest a bit.” I said, stopping. I walked back to Blueblood and over to a nearby wall.

I slid down, pulling off my helmet as I did so. My hair was soaked with sweat.

“Woah.. that comes off?” Blueblood asked.

“Yeah. It’s just a helmet.” I explained. Had he not seen me without it?

“Huh.”

We both sat around.

“Hey, do you have any food? Anything at all? I’m starving.” He asked.

I nodded. “I think so.”

I reached into one of my back pouches and pulled out an MRE. Ripping it open, I pulled out each food item.

“Okay, you can have the... potatoes and bread. I’ll take the brisket and cranberries. We can split the tootsie roll.” I said. He nodded.

I ripped open the heating pouch and stuffed both main courses inside. I folded it over and put it in the cardboard pocket.

“That’s gonna take a while.” I said. “So, whaddya wanna talk about?”

He shrugged. “Do you love my Aunt Luna?” He asked. I shook my head.

“As a friend, yeah. Romantically? No. Species is a problem. I’m a human, she’s a horse. But also, I just don’t see her as a romantic interest.” I explained. He nodded.

“That makes sense. But why should species matter? You’re both intelligent beings.”

“Well, see that’s the thing. Where I come from, ponies aren’t intelligent beings. They can’t talk. They can’t even take a shit without being told where to go.” I said. 

Blueblood gasped, “Really?”

“Really.”

Blueblood pondered on that.

“You bring up many good points. Fair enough. I won’t push the topic.”

“Thanks dude.”

He nodded.

After about 10 minutes, dinner was ready.

I pulled out the individual meals and cut them open. There was only one spoon, so I just gave it to Blueblood. I handed the bread to him along with the peanut butter and jelly. 

I cut my meat open, taking a big whiff. Mmmm...

Blueblood looked at my meal in shock.

“W-What are you eating?” He asked.

“...Brisket.” I said, reading off the pouch. I tilted my head back and poured some in.

“M-meat?”

Shit.

“No. It’s vegetarian brisket. Fake meat.” I lied. He visibly calmed down, nodded, and continued with his meal.

The rest of the night was a blur.

Eventually, we were both sleeping in a dirty cave.

Us, eh?