Albert Wesker and the Awkwardness
Author's Note: To the Americans here Hoofball is soccer. At least it is in this story. :D Enjoy the chapter, I love you all. Beta’d by the fantastically patient REV6Pilot. (A.K.A. Jack Kellar)
Albert Wesker liked to be in control, simple as that. Whether over his rivals, his emotions or the various situations he found himself in, control was something he strived for.
It was rapidly becoming apparent that this time, as a few ponies at the party dragged the prone griffon to the hospital, leaving Wesker facing the stupefied gazes of the entirety of the room, he was most certainly not in control of the circumstances.
The only exceptions to the shock enveloping what was formerly a party were Pinkie Pie, who was wearing an expression that suggested she had known what was going to happen all along, and Rainbow Dash, who was torn somewhere between intense suspicion with regards to the stallion's fighting skills and anger that he had just knocked her oldest friend unconscious.
Regardless of it all, he was more concerned that his cake gambit – predictably – failed, and he was forced to address the issue at hand. "I know that you may think the force I used was unnecessary, but it must be stated that I was acting on reflex. She attacked me."
Several of the assembled ponies nodded vaguely in half-rational agreement, lessening Wesker's fears ever so slightly. Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes and swooped down in front of the blond, a reaction which he expected. "That's the problem, Al! You knocked out a griffon in one hit! Do you know how tough griffons are?"
The former scientist momentarily forgot himself and responded with an arrogant smirk, "Not tough enough, it would seem."
He heard Twilight sigh, interjecting before the pegasus could tear him apart. "Rainbow Dash is right, Albert. There's been no pony that could take on a griffon with their bare hooves, let alone the time you needed. Ponies only won the Griffon War five hundred years ago due to numerical superiority."
Wesker shrugged nonchalantly. "Perhaps you are overestimating Gilda's capabilities."
Twilight hummed thoughtfully. "Well, from what I've read, Gilda seems to be slightly smaller than the average griffon, so perhaps that played a part in your..." she struggled for the correct phrase. "… victory."
Throwing a glare in the lavender unicorn's direction, Rainbow Dash whipped round to face the blond stallion once more. "Gilda was the wrestling champ at flight school! There's no way an egghead could have knocked her out that easily!"
Wesker's voice lowered by a few degrees as he replied, "You seem awfully eager to defend someone who was insulting your companions some minutes ago."
The slump of the cyan pegasus' ears indicated her discomfort. "I know, Al. I'm talking purely physical here. I think me and her are done after how she treated my friends here in Ponyville." She looked sad and wistful as she slowly floated downwards and pawed at the ground once she'd reached the end of her descent. "I'm not even sure I want to visit her in the hospital."
She recovered almost instantaneously from her remarkably brief slump, indignation and suspicion flaring up again, "But this doesn't make sense! I would have believed it if you'd just gotten outta the way, but how could you move fast enough to knock her out too?"
He grappled for a reasonable explanation, but was spared having to provide one by Applejack interceding. "Arguin' here in front of all these nice ponyfolk ain't helpin' matters. Whoever wants to chat to Al 'bout this here fight, go to Twilight's place and talk 'bout it private-like. The rest of us owe it to Pinkie to honour this party she's thrown!"
Twilight, Rainbow and Wesker nodded in agreement, and the three departed Sugarcube Corner after thanking Pinkie Pie and responding positively when the hyperactive earth pony told them she would save them some cake. Twilight herself apologised for not taking Pinkie's concerns about Gilda more seriously, causing Rainbow to flinch guiltily on behalf of her friend. In the cool evening air, the two mares regarded the stone-faced stallion with their own brands of suspicion – Twilight's was indicative of nothing more than open, honest, scientific curiosity at a pony besting a physiologically superior rival, while Rainbow's, on the other hoof, seemed to reveal that the athlete believed Wesker was hiding a big secret, which he technically was but would definitely not reveal to the irritating pegasus.
"So" Wesker began coolly, "your place then, Miss Sparkle?"
He smirked at her sheepish grin and the blush she tried to subtly fan away. Rainbow was much less willing to smile, "Yeah, maybe we'll get some answers there."
I wouldn't bet on it, Dashy.
They walked in relative silence, but Wesker could feel the tension that was building. They had finally twigged that something wasn't right about the secret human before them. In all fairness, Rainbow Dash had come to that conclusion much earlier than he had expected anyone to do so and Twilight was intelligent enough to realise when components were amiss. He could only hope that amnesia was a good enough way of deflecting questions he didn't have any desire to answer.
I wouldn't bet on it, Al.
Shut. Up. Joy.
Haha, you're talking to the voices in your head.
For the love of...
A distraction was sorely needed, and he decided to provide it himself. "I'm not entirely sure what the pair of you expects to 'discover'; to be truthful, I am at a loss as to what just happened myself."
Twilight Sparkle grazed a hoof across her temple. "Interesting... Muscle memory perhaps? Maybe you were a royal guard for Celestia or a martial arts expert?"
"Or maybe he's hiding something..."
"Rainbow!" Twilight glared at the pegasus until the cyan mare looked somewhat apologetic for her mutterings before turning back towards the male. "For now, I just want to see the limits of your abilities."
The faintest hint of unease carved an icy trail along Wesker's spine. "How exactly will you do that, Miss Sparkle?"
Silence met his question and his anxiety increased tenfold, the distraction of arriving at Twilight's home serving only to divert his attention for the briefest of moments. He began to concoct imaginary scenarios within his mind about how his body's improved attributes would be tested. None seemed particularly appealing. His dark thoughts certainly weren't alleviated when the three of them descended into the purple unicorn's poorly-lit basement.
Huh, I suppose they could all be part of a sadomasochistic, cannibal cult, Al...
Not helping. At all.
Twilight reached out with her magic and flicked the light switch, presenting Wesker with a bizarre contraption which looked suspiciously like...
"Well, Miss Sparkle, I didn't take you for that kind of mare. I assume the whips are hidden in the corner?"
An explosion of laughter from Rainbow Dash drowned out any stuttered explanations the furiously blushing unicorn could provide.
After a good while, the chuckles of the heartily-amused pegasus subsided, and as she silently wiped tears away from her eyes, Twilight was able to explain. "I know it looks strange, but it's actually a machine designed to measure the force a pony can exert, either through pulling," she indicated towards the harness which had led Wesker to his half-joking conclusion, "or physical contact," she finished, flicking a hoof in the direction of the foam covered pads adorning the side of the mechanical colossus.
The majority of the space within the basement was filled with this... thing. Wesker was compelled to ask one single question. "Why?"
Twilight's brow furrowed. "What do you mean, Albert?"
A look of disbelief crossed his features and it felt, for a moment, as though he was not addressing either of the mares in the room. "Why on earth would you have a contraption for measuring someone's strength? What other circumstances could conspire for you to actually require it?"
Rainbow swooped elegantly in front of the former scientist, eyes still watering from the hilarity he had provided, her suspicious mood clearly elevated no end. "I can help you there, Al. Despite my overall brilliance, we get our flanks whipped every year by the Canterlot Hoofball team."
She placed a hoof on lavender mare's shoulder. "So I asked Twilight to use her egghead-ness to help us out."
Rolling her eyes at the use of the neologism, Twilight continued where her friend left off. "So I thought it would be a good idea to take stock of everyone on the team's athletic potential and see which training methods improve them the most." She paused proudly for dramatic effect. "I made this wonderful machine myself... with a little help from Spike."
Wesker blinked owlishly. "That is... surprisingly logical. I was not expecting that."
Twilight smiled knowingly, "Why not? Because all citizens of Ponyville are crazy?"
"And," Rainbow butted in, "keep kinky harnesses in their basements in case mysterious stallions come to visit?"
Wesker snickered as, once more, Twilight valiantly attempted to defend the appearance of her invention, "It had to have something to measure the force a pony could pull! A harness is a pre-designed fit!"
Rainbow yawned loudly as the scientific unicorn carried on, annoyance creeping into her purple features.
"Sure, the machine itself looks a little more archaic than it needs to, but I think I'm allowed a little artistic license. Designing it to look like a standard piece of gym equipment wouldn't have been the same!"
"Indeed, Miss Sparkle," Wesker said as he patted her shoulder reassuringly, while Rainbow made 'crazy' motions behind the other mare's head. "So... how exactly is this equipment going to tell you anything about me?"
Partially regaining her senses, Twilight's eyes lit with scientific fervour as she hopped over towards the harness. "Simple. We'll get Rainbow to pull the harness and hit a couple of targets, and after we have the results for her, you'll do the same. Since she's pretty athletic..."
A noise of indignation issued forth from the pony with the multi-coloured mane.
"I mean, since she's very, very athletic, her results should be about the same as yours." She hummed thoughtfully, "Of course, you are an earth pony and she's a pegasus, so discrepancies are to be expected, but I know roughly what the average earth pony can do. I've actually been thinking that I can use this machine after the hoofball match to see how the different types of ponies measure up to each other physically."
Wesker used the brief pause in this insane situation to take stock of both Twilight and Rainbow Dash. If he had to guess, he would say that ponies in general were between four and five feet, judging mainly by his own current stature. The two mares before him fit this theory neatly, but a single enquiry from Twilight made him realise his own cluelessness. "How much do you weigh, Albert?"
"I..." Well, he used to weigh 198 pounds, but that when he was a human male over six feet tall. He had absolutely no idea. "... I don't know, Miss Sparkle."
"Ah, no problem, Albert, we'll leave Rainbow to hook herself up and get you weighed. She's already told me her weight, so we'll be judging her strength compared to that, same as you."
As he shuffled around the cumbersome machine and onto the set of convenient scales stuffed neatly into the corner, he made eye contact with Twilight over the rims of his shades. "What exactly are these tests supposed to prove, dear heart?"
"Well..." Once more, her eyes glossed over faintly and Wesker braced himself for another lecture. "Having seen you in action against Gilda, I wonder whether your muscle structure and athletic ability is indicative of a new species of pony."
Wesker blanched. "What?"
"Think about it, Albert. Perhaps your memories were wiped for a reason; you could be the result of meticulous bio-engineering. I had my suspicions when you saved that cake, but besting a griffon in hoof-to-claw combat planted the idea firmly in my mind."
Wesker's mind struggled to process the concept. "What?"
Twilight arched an eyebrow at the stallion, ignoring the figure showing on the electronic scales under her nose. "Do you have any idea how quickly you moved to catch that cake?"
Wesker shook his head.
"Everyone else was watching the cake, but I was watching you. I've never seen anypony move that fast in my life, not even Rainbow. You being... different is the only explanation that makes sense."
Damn it. This was going from bad to worse, and to top it off, the situation was not under his control and definitely not going to resolve itself any time soon. He chanced a glance downwards at the recording of his weight.
Huh, 198 pounds. What are the chances, Al?