We return to our less than heroic duo impatiently waiting at the local train station. Pinkie Pie happens to be reading a magazine upside down and Bo Bo Spike is combing through his afro while attempting to do a handstand with his elbows for reasons we weren’t ever clear on. What exciting things will happen this episode? Stay tuned to find out!
Pinkie flipped through to the next page for a moment before returning to the afro crusader. “Bo Bo Spike, what exactly are we waiting here for?”
He hopped off his elbows and landed on his tail with expert precision thanks to the invisible stunt wires. “You see Pinkie, every three hundred and fourteen years there is a space llama who takes the passengers straight to the final chapter.” He pointed his index talon to the sky. “He appears on the full moon with a bag of skittles and then tangos down to the earth and picks up those in need. You see, he and I are close friends…”
The pink mare waited patiently for a convenient transition or plot device to arrive or perhaps even for a flashback. When nothing happened for two minutes, she coughed.
“Sorry, I’m in the middle of my memories. If you interrupt now, I may remember it wrong and disrupt the past.”
Shrugging at the infallible logic, she walked to the edge of the platform in an attempt to look for something to look at. Off in the distance, a shiny something caught her immediate attention. Checking back on Bo Bo Spike who was now in tears for some reason she might never know, she stepped off the wood deck and onto the grassy plane below.
The object seemed to be getting closer and closer without abandon so she hid behind a giant rock shaped like a pumpkin being stabbed with a spork. Or, if one looked at it from the left, it might have been a fluffy bunny selling real estate. Pinkie then wondered what it’d look like from the right so she did so. Surprisingly, it was shaped exactly like a rock if rocks were in fancy dresses.
“No, she wasn’t supposed to have the wedding at noon! It was at noon o’ five!” Spike yelled in the distance. She rolled her eyes and watched as the incoming whatever-it-was approached her hiding spot. As soon as the sun’s glare was removed, she instantly recognized it as Iron Will the minotaur wearing a shiny new hat. Having nothing to fear, she waltzed out from her rock and waved to him. He responded with a wave back and charged forward.
“Pinkie, hello!” greeted the muscular minotaur.
“What brings you to this side of Ponyville?”
“I’m searching for the one known as Bo Bo Spike. For, you see, it was at the mall fourteen months ago…”
Pinkie patiently waited for a second. “May I see the flashback this time?”
“Of course!”
“Hey...” said a teenage version of Iron Will. He wasn’t nearly as muscular as his present counter-part, but something had to be said for that outrageous mullet. As he strolled down the walkway amongst other Equestrians at the mall, he fished into his wallet for some coins.
“Yeah?” said Bo Bo Spike.
“Could you lend me a quarter? I really need a breath mint or something at that gumball machine.”
The not-yet hero looked up at his mammal friend and shrugged. “Sure.”
“Wait, that’s it?”
“Of course! Thanks to his generosity that day, I scored a swell date with a charming griffon and a job.”
Pinkie tilted her head sideways at the strange turn of events. “A job? For what?”
“Iron Will’s power chewing gum of course! Each chew gives you monumental amounts of energy so it’s recommended that you only take one chew an hour. That’s probably why they recalled it. Most ponies can’t handle the energy Iron Will needs to do his job. If they can’t take the heat, they’ll be kicked out with my feet!”
“Feet!? But you have hooves!”
The minotaur popped off the bottom two hooves, revealing minuscule sized feet.
“WHAT!?”
“Yes,” he replied to the mare with a comically large jaw drop. He proceeded to return to the previous subject with a cough. “As Iron Will was saying, he needs to find Bo Bo Spike to repay the favour. Do you know perhaps where he could find him?”
Pinkie then turned sideways a bit and pointed a hoof at the train station. “We’re actually going to Chrome-Domealot to defeat the tyrant Bald-lestia and restore Equestria to its natural state. Would you like to join us?”
Iron Will’s eyes gleamed with excitement. “Yes! To be able to repay my debt by fighting alongside his hero would be wonderful. Thank you.”
The two trailed back, observing the rock that now looked like a pickle in a row boat from their respective angle, hoping to speak to him.
“-and that is how I learned how to breathe magical fire,” he finished with a manly tear.
“Bo Bo Spike! It is Iron Will!” the large beast shouted. “I have come to pay my debt so that I may gain your respect.”
The dragon swiveled around on his elbows to face him.
“Sure, but only if you can beat me in a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors!”
Pinkie took a look at Iron Will and noticed his face had paled and his demeanor slouched, as if he knew something awful was going to happen. “Iron Will, what’s wrong!?”
“Bo Bo Spike has never once lost a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. It’s like he knows your move before he’ll make his own. However, Iron will must at least try to win for his honour.”
“Or you could… give him back his quarter.”
“Never!” He tensed his muscles and struck a pose. “If you can’t represent, you don’t get paid a cent!”
Feeling that this was an acceptance to his challenge, Spike bounced into the air and through the roof, doing an innumerable amount of backflips while doing so. Not wanting to be shown up, the minotaur stepped under the roof as well and leaped through it, leaving another unmistakably large hole through it.
Suddenly, they stopped in mid-air like they were sky diving and readied their hands. They leaned forward and began to shout:
Rock! Rock!
Paper! Paper!
Scissors! Scissors!
Go!
Two fireworks went off behind them, revealing the answer they had chosen. Bo bo Spike’s firework looked like scissors and iron’s like paper.
As if riding on a cloud, the victorious reptile slowly descended to the ground; Iron Will plummeted and struck the ground with a resounding “oof”.
“Again!” he yelled while raising a hand into the air, back still to the ground. Obeying the order, Spike jumped back up and Iron Will rebounded back into the air.
Rock! Rock!
Paper! Paper!
Scissors! Scissors!
Go!
Two airplanes with signs behind then trailing in the breeze flew behind the duo. Spike’s had a picture of scissors and Iron Will’s of cut paper.
“Had enough yet? You need three victories to win and I just need one more.”
Pinkie ran to the model on the ground, gasping for air. “He’s too great,” he coughed. “Iron Will cannot win if he always chooses paper.”
A sudden and brilliant mind-boggling idea popped into her mind. “Iron… choose rock.”
“What?”
“Instead of paper, choose rock.”
“C-can you even do that!?”
“Yes. Spike has beaten you because you always chose paper.”
He paused as the epiphany sank in. “One more Bo Bo Spike, I refuse to lose!”
With a grin, he complied and once again jumped into the air. The minotaur looked down at the ground as he met his competitor in the air and received a wink from Pinkie.
Rock! Rock!
Paper! Paper!
Scissors! Scissors!
Go!
A blinding flash of light later, Bo Bo Spike fell to the ground with his eyes replaced with swirls.
“Iron Will used both hands and got two victories over his loss with scissors. I should always chose Rock as it is much sturdier and more effective against Bo Bo Spike.”
“That… doesn’t make much sense. So I guess the score is two for two now?”
“That’s correct,” Bo Bo Spike responded. “But I won’t lose this time, I got me a secret weapon!”
“A secret weapon!? There’s only three things to choose from!” Pinkie attempted to dash the announcement with logic.
“Yes… the Bazooka!”
Without pause, Spike made another hole in the now decimated roof and floated in the air. Iron returned a sly wink to Pinkie as he jumped into the air too.
Rock! Rock!
Paper! Paper!
Scissors! Scissors!
Go!
An announcer popped out of Spike’s afro and spoke into the microphone, “And Bo Bo Spike pulls out a bazooka card and- wait! What’s this!? Iron Will is pulling out a periodic table! He’s going to stop the bazooka with science!”
“The air you breathe is OXYGEN! Water is the only liquid at room temperature! You have a father!” Iron Will bellowed into the open.
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
“Welcome aboard Iron Will, we’ll be glad to have you on our team.” Bo Bo Spike shook the minotaur’s hand as he smiled with glee.
Soon, a train whistle tweeted in the distance, letting those near by hear that it was arriving.
“Wait, I thought you said we were waiting for a space llama?” Pinkie questioned.
“Yes, but the last visit was eight years ago. We’re talking the long way around!”