What’s up, internet?! It is Sunset Shimmer coming to you live on—
Sunset, we’re not live. We’re recording this to post later.
—don’t be a killjoy, Twilight, ’cause we’re live on—
This also isn’t your channel, so I don’t understand why we’re going with your style of opening.
—’cause we are LIVE on SPIKE’S DOGHOUSE—
Again, we’re not live.
Why can’t you let me have this, Sparkle?
I don’t know, why are you doing an over-the-top intro for a behind-the-scenes video on Spike’s channel?
Because it’s a behind-the-scenes video on Spike the Talking Dog’s channel and we need something to keep the casuals interested, especially since Spike the Talking Dog’s not actually going to be talking in this one because we don’t want to do the editing for his voiceover.
Isn’t that right, Spike?
Huh? What was that, Sunset?
Spike! We talked about this!
Oh, right. Uh… bark, bark.
There. That better?
Much. Thank you. Back to you, Twilight.
Spike hit a new subscriber threshold on his channel and a donation mark for the local pet shelter. So, to celebrate his victory, we’re doing another behind-the-scenes video on the “magic” of Spike the Talking Dog.
A little background for those of you who may be tuning in fresh to this channel:
Spike the Talking Dog, which later grew to include the channel ‘Spike’s Doghouse,’ was a project of mine I started up back in high school with the help of my friends. A first it was sort of a research project, experimenting with digital effects and voice acting to make it look like he was really talking. I didn’t expect it to get many views.
Aaaaaand, it went viral.
Yes, yes it did. Which meant that I got bombarded with questions about how I got Spike to look like he was really talking. Most people assumed advanced CGI, but some of the theories got… a little out there.
“A little out there” is an understatement, but we’ll get to that later.
I wanted to just tell people about the special effects right out of the gate, but the other girls…
We had a much better idea.
“Better” might be an overstatement.
I stand by it.
Basically, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie thought it might be funny to let people speculate, Rarity thought it improved the channel’s “mystique,” Sunset thought it would be fun to fabricate some wild theories of her own under false names—
Allegedly.
—fine, Sunset allegedly thought it would be funny to fabricate wild theories under false names, Applejack didn’t care one way or another but thought it would be a good way for me to loosen up, and Fluttershy was supportive of everyone’s ideas.
Except, you know, mine.
I’d say it turned out all right. I’m kind of a celebrity now.
Spike? What did we say about you talking in the behind-the-scenes videos?
*Sigh* That you don’t want to do the editing.
Meaning?
…
Bark, bark, Sunset Shimmer.
Good boy. Have a biscuit.
Don’t patronize me, lady. I know how to open the fridge.
*Ahem* If we could get back on topic please?
Sorry.
Sorry, Twilight.
Thank you.
In any case, the bizarre sub-community of Spike Speculators eventually hit its stride and, as a subscriber goal and charity fundraiser, we decided to do a behind-the-scenes video about the real “magic” behind Spike.
On the condition that we got enough subscribers and donations to the local shelter.
Fast forward a sufficient amount of both and we had our last behind-the-scenes, which revealed the truth: that I wrote an excellent CGI program and we got our friend Cathy to do the voice of Spike.
And, boy, were people surprised to learn you’re voiced by a woman, Spike.
Was. I was voiced by a woman while I was still a puppy.
And for a few years after.
*Sigh* Yes, and for a few years after, until I got old enough to be voiced by our friend Pete.
Also, obligatory barking.
Good boy, Spike.
Just keep up the ear scritches, Sunny.
The video was a big hit, and a lot of people reacted very positively to finally learning the truth about Spike.
Buuuuuuuut…
But, the video also made the truly crazy theories about Spike get even crazier, to the point that the Spike Speculators now have their own fan wiki, subreddit, Facebuck page, website…
It got kinda out of hand.
But the attention is nice. Bark.
So, to celebrate another marker on the journey to truly ludicrous numbers of subscribers, and to celebrate another charity win, we’re going to be reading some of our favorites theories.
Theory one: Spike is a sophisticated artificial intelligence in a synthetic body created by… yours truly.
I appreciate the vote of confidence but, sorry, that’s a little beyond my current computer expertise.
Give it a few months. I’m sure you’ll be starting the robot apocalypse in no time.
Bark yeah, she will! That redstone circuit she made in Minecraft practically achieved sentience!
Theory two: Spike is a trans-dimensional life form who has crossed over into our reality as the first of many invading shapeshifters come to steal our kidneys to fuel their soft ice cream machines.
That is… an oddly specific reason to need our kidneys.
Hey, it’s green energy, am I right? Tree Hugger would be all about it.
Theory three: Spike is the mind of a man whose organic body died and who was preserved in an act of desperate mad science by, again, yours truly.
I resent the barking implication that I am born of desperate mad science.
What if it was regular mad science, not desperate?
Eh. That’s fine.
Out of curiosity, Twilight, who do they think you stuck inside the robo-dog?
Actually, there are several versions of this. One is that I was trying to invent a form of immortality, so I found a convict on death row who was willing to be my test subject in exchange for, you know, not dying.
Aaaaand, I’m barking offended again.
Holy hayfries, Batman, that’s frigging dark! What, they think you just put some murderer out on the streets again?
Uh, not exactly. That particular theory also surmises that, when I was negotiating with the guy, I sorta… left out a few details of the deal. Like, you know, a total a memory wipe so that I could, uh, create an artificial personality to serve as my unflinchingly loyal lackey.
…
Yeah, I’m still offended.
…
Sheesh, Twi. I didn’t realize you’re a gosh darn supervillain.
Apparently.
Have you got a villain name?
I’ve been thinking about it, actually. How do you feel about “Midnight Sparkle?”
Mmm, I dunno. Kinda sounds like you graduated past the level of villainy that would be appropriate for.
Graduated? What, you think “Midnight Sparkle” is more of a high school thing?
Something like that, yeah.
Hey, bark bark, are there any versions of that theory that are less creepy than “former death row inmate?”
Well… there is this one that the brain I stuck inside you is actually the… mind of a… former… boyfriend who was dying…
…
You know what, I’m barking sorry I asked.
A former boyfriend, eh? Do I need to give Timber a call and tell him the bad news?
SUNSET!
Kidding, kidding!
All right, ladies. Mine next.
Theory three: Spike is an ancient beast of untold power, defeated by a band of erstwhile heroes consisting of a warrior, a prophet, and a travelling carpet salesman. Spike’s true form is imprisoned deep beneath the earth with his powers stripped away until such time as he can rise again and wreak havoc upon the surface world.
His current dog-like form is but a portion of his power given flesh so as to scout the planet for a suitable place from whence to begin his reign of annihilation.
Also, bark.
Hot dang, Spike! Isn’t that kinda… intense?
Why do you think I picked it? That sounds awesome!
I’m more curious why a travelling carpet salesman was apparently part of the band that took down the ancient beast of untold power.
Haven’t you heard? Carpet salesmen are a wise and dread people, the heirs of ancient lore and majesty, great in counsel and swift in wrath when roused.
Remind me again why you thought the opening needed to be over-the-top when this is what we were building to?
Ambiance.
Theory four is a little involved: Spike was once a normal dog who, through a series of magical shenanigans involving a parallel world of remarkable power, became a sapient being capable of speech.
These videos of his, like many others surrounding Canterlot High, are part of an elaborate cover-up orchestrated by the people involved in the incident and a cabal of shadowy agents who preserve the world from the threats the common people don’t know exist.
It’s part of an ingenious plan to hide in plain sight, all the while making specific references to actual events with the express purpose of simultaneously maintaining the cover and tweaking their handlers just for kicks and giggles.
…
…
…
*Collective Riotous Guffaws*
HAHAHA! Oh, man, that is barking rich!
Right? Parallel worlds! HAH! As if we could keep that secret!
Next they’ll be saying we *spurt of laughter* we all have magical powers!
HEHEHEHE! Can you imagine how hard that would be to cover up?! Oh, man, whatever poor saps had that duty would be working overtime!
Hah hah— hey! I just thought of something! Parallel worlds, right? What if there were, like, doppelgangers over there?
I bet mine would be a dragon!
Now why the heck would a dog be the doppelganger of a dragon?
Maybe the dragon’s the doppelganger of the dog.
Touché.
That’s an interesting theory, Spike. Maybe I should use my magic powers to rip a whole in reality and take a look to find out.
Only if you want me to use my magical powers to talk you down.
Oh, please, you’d need, like, the collective magic of all five of the other girls on top of your own to do that, and even then Spike would have to distract me by looking distraught and adorable.
Heck, that’s no problem. You know how these things end: friendship always trumps villainy, Miss Midnight Sparkle.
Pfft! Campy.
Nah, I think it’d be barking charming.
One thing I’ll say for sure, thought.
What’s that?
If we did have shadowy handlers, I bet they’d be pretty peeved with us right now.
*Collective laughter*
Well, folks, that’s all for today. This has been Spike’s Doghouse. Thanks for supporting my channel, and we’ll see you next time.
Bark.
Meanwhile, at a secure, shadowy facility known only to a select few…
Agent Lys?
You know, Cherry, whenever you call me “Agent Lys” and not my first name, I know you’re about to say something I don’t want to hear.
Would you like me to say it anyway?
No, I wouldn’t like it, but that shouldn’t stop you.
The Skylight Lightverbs put out a video with Spike.
I wondered where this headache came from. Let me guess. They’re taking the “hide in plain sight” with their customary literal-mindedness.
In fairness, it actually seems to be working. No one takes it seriously.
That’s because it sounds like a sugar-coated kid’s show. I don’t believe it some days. Anything else?
Reports of a goat-sucking monster.
Ooh, a Chupacabra. Where? Chile? Puerto Rico?
Turkey, actually.
Turkey? Hmm. Sounds like the Magical Mishap Generator’s aim is off by a continent or two. Very well, warm up the plane. I have to make a call.
To the team?
To the Lightverbs. If they have time to give me a headache, they have time for a field trip.