I sat staring at the journal in front of me. The dual-colored sun embossed on the hardcover seemed to stare back at me in expectation.
What was I even doing here?
It had been a little over a week since we’d finally gotten Twilight settled in. Things had happened at a pace that made me realize just how slow life had been since I’d come back to Canterlot City and opened up my little business. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so busy, or so happy, for that matter.
And it wasn’t just Twilight eating up my time. Luna had slept over almost every night, and though she hadn’t yet brought up the issue, I knew she was eyeing all the extra space in my closet with an almost lustful stare. Something told me that things were going to go fast with that girl, and I wasn’t exactly against it.
Probably the only thing slowing us down at this point was Twilight wanting to sleep in the bed with us every single night. Luna was willing to indulge her, though, and I figured we could spoil her at least another week before it was time to insist she slept in her own bed. Celestia had sprung for a whole new bedroom set for her, and the kid spent more time in my room than her own.
Speaking of Celestia. She was over almost as often as Luna was, just to stick close to Twilight. Thankfully she hadn’t yet pushed her luck enough to ask if she could sleep over, but she was at my door first thing every morning with breakfast and a smile. I got the feeling she was being extra nice to me, just to stay on my good side.
I hadn’t heard from Clavus. Cilia had been the first to break down and give me a ring, and after telling her Twilight was okay and unhurt, I told her to let Clavus know I wasn’t angry anymore, and that I would be keeping Twilight. I could almost hear the smile in Cilia’s voice as she congratulated me on cheating death once more, and I decided not to tell her how close of a call it had been.
The very next day I found a big legal envelope folded in half and jammed in my mailbox. There was no mailing label, but my name was written on the front in big, sharp lettering that I immediately recognized as Clavus’. Inside was a stack of papers as thick as my thumb, signed by a judge and totally legal, naming me as Twilight’s new guardian.
I couldn’t help but wonder who in that chain of bureaucracy Clavus had been sleeping with to get those particular wheels greased.
Honestly, it was a lot to take in for a week, and I was almost pining for the days when the only stress I had was dealing with some previously unknown enemy sorcerer looking to flatten my city with a magical storm. Magical duels were totally in my comfort zone. Domestic life? Now that was complicated.
And so I’d found myself retreating into the study, just to get a break from everything. I’d told the girls that I needed some privacy for a magical deal, explaining only that it was ‘wizard stuff’. That explanation had been enough for Luna, but the twinkle in Twilight’s eyes told me that we’d probably be having a talk about her newfound gifts sooner rather than later. I’d caught her once or twice eyeballing my magic safe with the same hungry look that Luna gave my closet space.
I looked back at the book, tracing my fingers over the outline of my Cutie Mark. I’d come close to dying a few times, but I’d never come that close before. A good brush with death was just the thing for putting your life into perspective.
I felt… good. More at peace with my past, including what parts of it I’d left behind in Equestria. Having Twilight and Luna around so much kept me out of my own head, and every day it was a little bit easier to accept that I was literally a different woman than I had been just a week ago.
I opened the book, skimming through the pages as I flipped by. The book had been meant as a way for Celestia and I to communicate with each other even if we were in different parts of the country. Half the book was tightly packed with questions about every little thing that popped into my head, and beneath my tidy script – my human handwriting was definitely not as good as this – was Celestia’s big, looping lettering. I ran my fingers over the parchment, feeling the indentation left by the quill scratching the page and almost imagining I could feel her magic in the ink, warm as sunlight in an open field.
The magic that connected the book to its twin was long gone, and even if it wasn’t, with no portal, there was no pathway for the messages to travel – like a cellphone with no service. Even still, I felt the urge to write something to her, even if she’d never read it.
I read through our old correspondence, turning my words over in the back of my mind as I read. What could I say? How could I express all the great and terrible things I’d seen since coming to this world?
And how could I tell her about the things I’d done without disgusting her?
The words never came, so I just kept reading, trying to remember what it was like to be that young. I might have been a smart kid, but I had been a kid, and more than a few of the things I’d written had my adult self groaning into my palm.
My reminiscence was cut short by the thud of little feet running overhead. The door to the basement swung open, and Twilight shouted down from the top of the stairs.
“Sunset, are you done with the magic thing yet?” she asked. The top step squeaked and groaned as she bounced on her feet eagerly. “We were supposed to go to the movies today, remember?”
“Yeah, I’ll be up there in a minute,” I called. “You and Luna get ready, I just need to put on shoes.”
Twilight shouted confirmation and thudded away, slamming the door behind her as she went. We were going to have to have a talk about slamming doors around here.
I chuckled to myself. No slamming doors – my first house rule.
As I lifted the book to put it back in my safe, the picture I kept pressed between the pages fluttered out, landing face down on the ground. I picked it up, feeling peace, instead of a gnawing ball of homesickness and regret, for the first time in years as I looked upon it. There I was, a filly barely older than Twilight, sitting next to Celestia in her throne room. The only smile you could have found for a thousand miles around brighter than mine was the one of the mare sitting right next to me.
For the first time in my life, I could appreciate just what she must have felt at that moment. She had brought me into her home when I had no one else, she had taught me what she could, and here, in the moment frozen within this picture, the fruit of those efforts was by her side, ready to face the world with her.
I was beginning to understand the depths of the joy behind that smile, but I knew it wasn't all smiles. I understood a bit of that joy, and so I could also appreciate the other side of the coin, and how deeply the betrayal must have cut when I ran away.
I set the book down and turned to the first blank page. The pen that had sat unused this whole time found its way into my fingers, and at that moment I knew exactly what I would want to hear if I were in her place.
I’m alive.
* * *