Anonymous steadily approached the cottage, stifling a yawn. After doing two lessons for two consecutive days, he figured it was only reasonable to take another two days off of making friends. Despite that, all he really did those two days was fiddle with his near useless phone and sleep. Needless to say, it was about as good a day as any to continue working his way down the checklist.
Speaking of which, Anon took another look at his list. Up next was Fluttershy, one of the ponies he knew the littlest about. Last he checked, the day he met her, he was going through something at the time. Unlike the previous lessons, this one came with a few notes.
Fluttershy can be a little reserved, not unlike you. Celestia wrote. For a pony with no fingers, her handwriting (or hoofwriting or hornwriting...whatever) was extraordinarily elegant. Just enjoy each other’s company. And, please, be careful around Discord. He has a reputation for being...troublesome. The name Discord stood out to Anon. Didn’t Celestia not mention a being of pure chaos being defeated? Why would someone like that still be around and why around this pony in particular?
Anon shrugged and took a step forward. Or, at least he would've if he hadn't heard a terrified shriek. He stopped his foot in mid descent, looking underneath it. Laying on the ground was a small, white bunny, it’s arms put up defensively.
“Oh shit!” Anon remarked, moving his foot to land next to the bunny. He crouched down on one knee. “Sorry, lil’ man. Didn’t see you standing there.” The bunny looked at Anon, peeking through the ears he used to cover his face. When the bunny realized that he wasn’t going to be stepped on, he glared angrily at the human. Anon was surprised by the level of expression on this animal. If he didn’t know any better, he’d assume that the bunny was sapient.
Oh, wait. I do know better. Anon thought to himself. That raised a few questions of which animals in this world were your typical animal and which were capable of rational thought and could pass for citizenship. The bunny squeaked angrily at him, shaking his fist furiously. Anon would have apologized, if he wasn’t already endeared to the creature’s fury,
‘Aww, aren’t you just a little cutie?” Anon complimented in a condescending tone. He used one of his fingers to rub the bunny’s head. “You might actually be able to give the ponies a run for their money.” The little bunny seethed silently, only making Anon chuckle. The bunny even had steam coming out of his ears, the scamp!
The laughter ceased when the bunny took a mighty bite of Anon’s finger.
“AAAAH! MOTHERFUCKER!” Anon screamed. He tried pulling his finger away, only for the bunny to remain clamped on the finger, growling. Anon flailed his arm, trying to dislodge the livid lagomorph to no avail. “I swear to God, I’m gonna punt your little rabbit ass to the fucking moon if you don’t let go of this damn finger!”
All the commotion outside drew Fluttershy out of her cottage in a scared but curious state. She opened the door to find the resident human rolling on the ground, yelling and screaming as Angel Bunny continued to gnaw on his index finger.
“Angel!” She called out, quickly flying over to the human’s aid. Once Angel saw her, he quickly let go and bounded toward Fluttershy’s main. Anon grabbed his finger and squeezed, still grumbling and cursing the devilish creature. Angel briefly popped out to blow a raspberry at the human. Fluttershy scowled at him. “Angel, we don’t bite guests! He doesn’t mean any harm...right?” Fluttershy looked back at the human, who was only just starting to calm down.
“Had you come a second later, I might’ve cleaned that fucker’s clock!” Anon grunted through his teeth. He took a few measured breaths, each one calming him slightly. After a moment, he let out a final exhale. “Otherwise, no. I don’t mean any harm.”
“I’m sorry about Angel.” Fluttershy rubbed her foreleg. “He can be a little aggressive, but he really is a sweet bunny.”
“Yeah, I thought so too.” Anon remarked, opening his hand to reveal the finger. A little trickle of blood dripped from the bite mark. “Fucker bit through the skin…” Anon muttered to himself. Other than that, Anon was just happy that he got to keep his finger. The same could not be said for the little yellow pony, who gasped as if she had witnessed a decapitation.
“Oh my Goodness!” Fluttershy held a hoof to her mouth. “You’re bleeding!” Anon looked at his finger nonchalantly.
“I mean, it’s barely flowing. I wouldn’t be so-” Anon was cut off by the feeling of being lifted off the ground, as two forelegs slipped underneath his armpits and lifted him to his feet.
“We need to treat this immediately! Follow me!” Before Anon could say his piece, Fluttershy dashed into the cottage. He sighed and walked up the path, thinking of the ways he could skin a rabbit.
There were few places that Anon could think of as cozy throughout his life. If he could think of a place, Fluttershy’s cottage would’ve beaten it. The first thing he noticed was how big it was. His home was a single story, with a kitchen, living room, bedroom and bathroom. In all these rooms, there were very little amenities, save for the abandoned junk of the previous owner. In other words, the bare essentials. Here, Anon spotted a fireplace, rugs and curtains, a bookshelf with plenty of guides for taking care of different animals, posters, hell, there were even animal beds. Speaking of which, Anon watched as squirrels, mice, birds, and yes, even bunnies, scattered away from him, hiding in the cottage’s many nooks and crannies. Anon wondered how someone could live like this 24/7 and what their level sanity had to be. Anon sat on the green couch, patiently waiting for the pegasus to come back. In no time at all, Fluttershy came back, carring a first aid kit.
“Again, I am so very sorry. I’ll make sure Angel Bunny gets a stern talking to about this.” She dug through the kit as she spoke.
“Chill out, I’ve sustained far worse injuries.” Anon protested, holding his finger out reluctantly. He felt like a child that had gotten a boo boo on the playground and their overprotective mother had to make a scene while whipping out the Neosporin.
“So I’ve heard.” Fluttershy grimaced, dressing Anon’s finger. “Oh, we never properly introduced ourselves! My name is Fluttershy.” She held out a hoof, the gesture confusing Anon briefly. He took in a sort of awkward handshake.
“Anonymous.” Fluttershy cocked her head.
“Is that your real name?”
“Is Fluttershy your real name.”
“Well, yes.” Fluttershy stated matter-of-factly. Anon sucked his teeth, realizing his mistake.
“No, Anonymous isn’t my real name but it’s all your getting.” Anon pulled back his finger, assuming Fluttershy was finished.
“Wait, one last thing!” Fluttershy shouted, taking the finger in his hand. Anon rolled his eyes, until his body froze stiff. Fluttershy had planted a kiss on the wound, making Anon really feel like a child. “There. You should be all better now.” Fluttershy gave Anon a warm smile. Anon smiled unsurely, still taken aback by the gesture.
“Gee, thanks.” He added, rubbing the back of his head. The two sat in relative silence, not knowing what else to do from here. Anon whistled, for no other reason then that just seemed like the thing to do in a scenario like this. Finally, Fluttershy spoke up.
“Uh, since you are a guest, I suppose I’ll go make you some tea?” She asks, as if asking Anon if that was what she was supposed to do.
“Suuuure, you do that.” Anon twiddled his thumbs, looking at the clock. It was only 12 in the afternoon by the looks of it. Fluttershy slowly got up and trotted to the kitchen, stopping to awkwardly look back at Anon, before disappearing around the corner. The sounds of dishes could be heard, along with running water. Anon laid back into the chair, silently wishing for death.
That was when he heard a strange noise, almost like a grunt, coming from the staircase next to him. Anon looked up curiously, only to regret it. Down the stairs came a massive bear, just casually descending to the bottom floor. Anon’s eyes dilated as he pulled his legs up onto the chair, holding his breath lest he alert the bear to his presence. The fuck is a goddamn bear doing in here?! Does she know? Do niggas just live with bears in the upstairs attic around here?
As Anon silently panicked, the bear sleepily gazed in his direction. Upon seeing the weird biped in the living, the bear grunted in curiosity. Anon vigorously shook his head toward the bear, hoping this one was as smart as the hell bunny. The bear started walking towards him, only making him shake his head more vigorously. The bear had gotten close enough to start climbing the couch, forcing Anon to one side.
“Woah, woah, woah. I swear I’m not food. In fact, I’m sure I taste like shit if my personality is any reflection of my taste.” Anon admitted. The bear didn’t listen though, as it started sniffing Anon, from his feet to his face. He could smell the horrid stench of dead fish on the bear’s breath, wafting directly into his nostrils. Unsure of what to do, Anon slowly reached for the bear’s head. He had relied on this tactic for a while now, so he hoped it could get him outta being brunch. He slowly caressed the bear’s head.
“See? You don’t have to kill me, I’m way better alive cause I can do this!” Anon pleaded, using his other hand to scratch the bear’s chin. The bear leaned into his touch, wearing a dopey smile, still somewhat sleepy. It yawned in Anon’s face, baring it’s large and sharp teeth and drowning Anon in that foul odor. Anon threw up in his mouth, but for his sake, kept it down. Then, the bear laid it’s full weight on the human, sandwiching him into the couch. He tried to push the bear off off gently, but when Anon stopped petting the bear, it began growling angrily. So, he kept pampering the bear, appeasing it’s need for physical affection. All the while, Anon groaned, hoping Fluttershy would return soon.
“Oh, I see you’ve met Harry.” Fluttershy remarked, balancing a tea set on her wings.
“Harry?” Anon asked, unamused.
“Oh yes, he’s just a sweet little thing.”
“I’m starting to think you don’t actually see the company you keep.” Anon poked the bear for emphasis. Fluttershy approached the bear, using her wings to imitate the same petting motions on the bear with him. Anon was mildly curious about the dexterity of pegasus wings.
“Harry rarely shows this level of trust in someone other than me.” Fluttershy stated, mildly impressed. “Have you two met before?”
“It just rolled up on me.” Anon explained.
“I was asking Harry.” Fluttershy explained. Anon blew a raspberry.
“Yellow one, bears don’t talk.” Anon said, with a little smugness. Just a second later the bear opened it’s retched maw and made curious noises, still sleepy sounding. Anon rolled his eyes, giving up being the smartest in the room. Fluttershy nodded her head as the bear “spoke”, with small comments along the way. When the bear finished, Fluttershy and the bear giggled together. Anon glared, as he had a gut feeling the conversation had been about him.
“He said he smelled something unfamiliar downstairs and wanted to investigate.” Fluttershy translated. “When he saw you, he saw how scared you were. So, he figured he would tease you a little.” Fluttershy took a second to giggle again. “When you started petting him, it felt so good he figured he would just be down here.”
“Aw, what a heartwarming story.” Anon deadpanned. “Tell Yogi to get off.”
“It’s Harry.” Fluttershy corrected. She flapped her wings and hovered over the two. “I’m sorry, Harry. As much as Mr. Anonymous enjoys your company-”
“I don’t.”
“He would be so grateful if you could find another place to sleep.” Harry sighed, and lifted himself off of Anon and stepped off the couch. Anon breathed heavily, the huge weight lifted off of his gut. The bear then got to its hind legs, waved to Fluttershy, and casually walked out of the front door. Anon shot up as he watched the surreal display. Just early it seemed like a regular bear!
“Did that motherfuckin’ bear just stand on its feet and peace the fuck out?” Anon asked incredulously. When Fluttershy remained silent, likely because she didn’t understand what he said, he let out a heavy sigh. “Just give me my tea, Shy.” Fluttershy motions to the tea on the table, since she had to put it down in order to fly.
Anon huffed and got his tea, sipping it slowly. The tea wasn’t scorching, but it definitely felt the soothingly hot liquid rush down his parched tongue. Its taste was sweet and though Anon wasn’t much of a tea drinker, he was willing to bet this tea was expertly made.
“Damn, that shit good.” Anon remarked, pleasantly surprised.
“I take it that you like it?” Fluttershy asked, noting his change in expression.
“Yeah. Though maybe it just tastes better because I survived a literal bear hug.” This elicited a giggle from the mare, making Anon smile just a little. “I’ve dealt with animals before, but nothing bid, or as weird, as that.”
“You’ve worked with animals?” Fluttershy’s eyes lit up at the implication.
“Yup.” Anon answered simply, taking another sip. “I spent a summer as a volunteer of an animal shelter. I even had a few pets as a kid.”
“Ooh! What kind of pets?” Fluttershy had become fully invested now. Anon guessed that animals were the easiest way into this mare’s heart.
“Well, I’ve had a hamster. He wasn’t shit. A little after, I got a dog named Shadow for his black coat. Troublesome little bastard, but he was a cuddler. Though, I didn’t know how to take care of him, so he was eventually given away.” Anon looked over, seeing that Fluttershy was still engaged. Anon quickly looked away, before he got too anxious to keep talking.
“Then, there was my cat, Cat. Such a sweet little thing.” Anon chuckled, allowing himself a minute to reminisce as he sipped his tea.
“You named your cat ‘Cat’?” Fluttershy asked quizzically.
“Didn’t bother giving her real name, she wouldn’t answer anyway.” He shrugged. “I owe Cat a lot. I got when…” Anon hesitated. “At the request of someone I was meeting at the time. She loved me and cared for me, in her own special way.” Fluttershy caught on to Anon’s progressively melancholy tone.
“Did something happen to her?” She asked.
“I left her when I got displaced here. I dunno what happened to her. I mean, my family probably picked her up if they figured I went missing.” At this point, Anon was merely speaking aloud. “I wonder if she misses me. I hope she does. Or maybe not, then she wouldn’t be upset.”
“I’m sure Cat misses you.” Fluttershy placed a hoof on Anon’s hand, catching him off guard. “I also believe she eagerly awaits your return.” Anon had to turn to wipe his eye of a tear that threatened to leak. Fluttershy pretended not to notice, for his sake.
“Eh, she was a bit of a moody bitch, so I’m more worried what she’ll do to me when I get back.” Anon joked, attempting to lighten the mood.
“I could find you a pet for your stay.” Fluttershy offered. Anon shook his head.
“I’m good, Fluts. Cat wouldn’t like me touching other pussy anyway.” Anon's eyes widened in shock at what he said. “Uh, disregard that. That was crude.”
“Oh my…” Fluttershy said quietly, surprising Anon in that the crass joke translated. The two sat in silence for a moment, before Fluttershy spoke up again.
“Are there ponies in your world?” She asks. Anon rubbed the back of his neck.
“Well, yeah. But they’re kinda non-sentient. We usually just keep them in petting zoos.”
“Petting zoos?”
“Yeah, little girls just love ponies. Though, they aren’t usually as colorful as you all are. Still, ponies have little to worry about. We usually take care of their every need?”
“How so?” Fluttershy asked, growing increasingly curious.
“Well, we feed them, clean them, shelter them, groom them, and give them lots of TLC.” Anon thought it best to leave out any uncertainty about the care of animals, even if he was pretty sure there were petting zoos that abused animals. His brand of negativity wouldn’t fly around this mare. Anon looked down to see Fluttershy contemplating something. He could see there’s a light blush on her cheeks. “Something the matter?”
“Oh, um, well…” Fluttershy presses her hooves together repeatedly, stuttering over herself. “I guess, I just had a thought of sorts.” Anon raised an eyebrow. He thought about it a bit, before shaking his head with a smile.
“You’re thinking about being taken care of, aren’t cha?” The question provoked an “Eep!” from the pegasus, making her blush harder.
“W-well, I’ve just been so used to taking care of animals.” She explained. “I seldom thought about receiving similar treatment.”
“If it’s any consolation, we humans leave the ponies to their own devices most of the time. We just groom them to keep them pretty and profitable.”
“Like, brushing their mane?”
“Yeah, like brushing their mane.” Anon waited a second. “Fluttershy, do you want your mane brushed?” Fluttershy didn’t answer, preferring to keep pushing her hooves together.
Anon smiled a little. Anon had since sensed a pattern that physical affection wasn’t as taboo as he originally thought. Anon looked over to spot a brush with a butterfly on the handle. He grabbed it and patted his lap.
“I was an animal caretaker too, ya know?” Fluttershy crawled into Anon’s lap hesitantly. Anon felt the weight of the pony on his lap, making him sink slightly into the couch. Anon silently remarked that they were heavier than he thought. Fluttershy laid on her gut, her body perpendicular to Anon’s allowing for her mane to rest along her back.
“Are you sure I’m not being a bother?” Fluttershy asked, having second thoughts. “You are my guess and this seems pretty selfish of me.”
“Chillax, hun.” Anon started brushing her mane, pulling the brush through the full length of her hair. “I find this kinda thing therapeutic, in a sense. Besides, you aren’t my first.” Anon childishly giggled at the double entendre, thinking to Twilight, Spike, Rarity, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders. He sure didn’t keep his hands to himself.
Fluttershy was stiff at first, not used to the sensation of being brushed by someone else. As time passed, she grew comfortable enough to relax her muscles. She let out a yawn, finding the methodical pulling of her hair to be quite relaxing. It didn’t help that Anon had applied some of his knowledge from the previous day’s spa visit to massage behind Fluttershy’s ear. As per usual, Anon felt all of his cares slip away as he immersed himself in his cozy circumstances.
“Your animals were in good hands.” Fluttershy remarked quietly, lying her head down on the arm of the couch. The comment caught Anon unaware, who was left to ruminate on its meaning as she dozed off. Anon looked down at the yellow mare, who quietly snores in his lap.
Maybe I’m trippin’, but I don’t think I hate being here anymore. Anon thought in silence. As much as he missed home and his cat, Cat, being in Ponyville wasn’t the existentialist slog that it was a few months ago.
Anon nearly jumped out of his seat when a sudden flash filled the room. Fluttershy was nudged awake by the reaction, her head shooting up. In the center of the cottage, stood a bizarre creature, one unlike anything Anon had ever seen. It was a mismatch of different animals, all strung along an elongated torso. The creature stretched himself, to the point of his limbs literally coming off of his body.
“Ah, why hello, Fluttershy!” He bellowed, eyes closed as he stretched. “I do believe it is our regularly scheduled tea time.” Discord stopped stretching to finally see the mare in question lying in the lap of someone he had never seen before. The three all shared in a silent, awkward moment.
“Uh...I can explain?” Anon sheepishly grinned, unsure of whether he should be scared, confused, or apathetic to this sudden appearance. Discord looked him up and down, wearing a frown. At last he sighed.
“Ugh, I can’t be bothered.” He announced before snapping his fingers. Suddenly, a white flash engulfed Anon’s vision.
When he came to a second later, he was several feet above the river under Fluttershy’s bridge. Anon immediately felt bile rising up in his stomach, just before comically dropping into the river.
Luckily for Anon, who couldn’t swim, the river was only a couple feet. Unfortunately, that also meant he had a rather unpleasant fall on his behind. He heard the laughing of a small creature, of which he quickly identified as the bunny from earlier.
“The fuck are you-“ Anon began, before his cheeks suddenly bloated. He vomited into the river. When he finished, he noticed his discharge was rainbow colored and sparkling for some ungodly reason. This made Angel double over in mocking laughter as Anon watched the vomit course through the river away from him.
I take it back. I wanna go home.
Have Tea with Fluttershy? ☑ (Don’t send me back to that cottage…)