~Journal Entry 0049 Page 3~
The Poisoned Barb: a hefty tome written from the claw of a not so hefty dragoness.
Remnant of Burning Ashes: an even heftier tome written from the horn of history’s most eccentric scholar.
Two different diaries.
Two different generations.
One shared language…
... and, to the best of our knowledge, only one shared reader:
Ourself.
This can not be mere coincidence.
It can only have been by the will of Seers…
… or... perhaps by the will of only one in particular.
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Welcome to another exciting episode of 'Barbara Admits Something Silly About Herself!'
I'm your lovely host, Barbara The Dragoness; reporting live from scenic Dusk's basement!
Today, as per usual, I shall be admitting something silly about myself for your never-ending amusement!
Get ready to hold your sides, because here it comes!
I, Barbara The Dragoness...
... occasionally find myself wishing I had super powers.
To be more specific, I wish I had the ability to see the future.
Cue obnoxious laugh track.
Haha, yeah. Pretty silly, right? Not only do I fantasize like a real kid, but I also want a power I already technically have!
Hah!
Hilarious!
Even better, the little future knowledge I already possess has only brought me misery! Because of it I'm constantly anxious, constantly worrying, and somedays sleeping becomes an afterthought! It's easy to imagine that more foresight will only result in more trouble, so logically I shouldn't desire having more of it... right?
Well, actually, no!
Despite the risks, I do want more of it!
I want to know what happens during season three! I want to know how many overall seasons My Little Pony ended up with too! I also want to know about all the upcoming villains, and what other dangers still lie ahead!
Most importantly though, I want to know what to look out for in my Equestria, not just the prime one...
"..."
"..."
... because if I was clairvoyant, I sure as heck wouldn't be stuck in a stalemate with Prince Artemis; Walker of Dreams, Master of the Moon, Royalty of Equestria,
and the biggest sore loser in all the land.
"Staying quiet isn’t going to get those ropes off you any quicker, Archie,” I again warn my guest, hoping for any sort of change in his disposition from my previous attempt. "Now that I know you came by yourself, time's on my side. Not yours.”
“...”
With head held as low as it could go, Artemis ignores my threat and continues to sulk.
And Sulky princes do not make for good interrogation targets, let me tell ya'.
Bleh.
How lame.
I had prepared for Artemis seeing through my bluffs, secretly working with Solaris, or being able to power through his bindings...
... but apparently I should have spent more time preparing for him to turn into a big flippin' foal!
Ugh!
So frustrating!
The worst part of all this is that it was totally within my power to predict this outcome, yet I ignored the warnings. "He's royalty," I argued. "He'll be cool under pressure!" I convinced myself.
Bah!
Curse my childlike naivety! One glance at this dude's track record would have been more than enough to anticipate this reality!
I mean, look at it! When Artemis felt underappreciated by his subjects he staged a coup just to be noticed. When he finally returned after his banishment he slashed out his brother’s eye just to show how ‘big’ of a stallion he still was. When his big comeback speech was interrupted by yours truly he took his anger out on Ponyville's foals just to flex his power. When a group of heroes stormed the Everfree forest to subdue him he lashed out at a Manticore, bullied a Sea Serpent, and started a brawl with a fabulous stallion just because a provocative yo-mama joke was too much for him to handle.
And now, after highlighting all that; his reaction to getting outsmarted by a clawsucking (I’m trying to wean off of it I swear) baby dragon in a game of wits suddenly makes a heaping helping of more sense.
Because when the only winning move is not to play...
"...”
“...”
... why even bother?
...
...
… Shrriiiikk… shriiikkk...
Using my sharp index claw, I begin filing my other set of talons.
"If you keep up that woe-is-me act,” I speak curtly, highlighting my self-manicure at every opportune; putting on a show just how much more important it was in my eyes than Archie’s pity party. "... you’re going to find yourself at the end of one of two very nasty paths.”
“...”
… Still Artemis remains mute.
"Path number one,” I begin to list, using a free talon despite my audience’s lack of attention. "will see you on a date with your dear big brother and whatever punishment he thinks is right to hit you with.”
“...”
Though Artemis’ eyes remain hidden behind his lowered mane, the small shiver the rest of his body just produced suggests to me that a punishment does indeed exist, and that it’s clearly a nasty one.
"And path number two,” I continue on, raising a second sharpened talon. “will see you on a date with our friends, the Elements of Harmony, instead…”
Lifting my gaze away from my sharpening, I grant the catatonic stallion a pair of sympathetic eyes.
"... They’ll probably not be as kind to you as Prince Solaris will be, Archie. To the big guy you’re family... but, to the boys..?
"Well to the boys you’re still Nightterror Nebula; the Foalnapper.”
“...”
"... All six of them, Applejack and Elusive especially, will probably jump the gun-... er… canon- Wait that’s another figure of speech… They’ll jump to conclusions when they find you down here together with me,” I attempt to explain the best I can, using simpler terms to paint the picture. "And they’ll jump to them especially hard if I pretend to be a victim.”
“...”
Like talking to a brick wall.
"A tear here, a sniffle there...” I scrunch my face lightly, demonstrating the ease. "... That’s all it would take, Archie. Even a lousy actor like me can pull that off... B-but I really, really don’t want to do that!”
My voice switches to an honest tone as I become just that.
"I don’t want to do something so pathetic! That’s not the kind of dragon I want to grow up to be!
"So please, Prince Artemis… Please talk to me.”
"..."
... Beginning Plan A Phase 2 in three… two…
One
Standing tall on my bar stool, reaching a height almost akin to my long dead human form, I offer a symbolic claw forward in a show of peace.
“Artemis, I’ve come to bargain!
...
… D-did I quote that right? I never watched those superhero movies, but I think that’s how that line was structured... All I remember is little Nathanial yelling something like it once and making my hubby chuckle...
… Er, well... W-whatever.
Mental tension breaking aside, I go on to state my terms with the utmost confidence my stout stature could convey. "Answer a few of my questions and I’ll stay quiet on this little ‘mistake’ of yours.”
“...”
Despite receiving no response, I push the negotiation forward. "Your brother won’t hear a peep about it from me, and the boys won’t either. You’ll be able to return to Canterlot like nothing happened at all.”
“...”
"... You might even get what you wanted!” I up the ante as far as I’m willing to go. "If I’m feeling generous enough, I might actually work with you! You’ll get what you want, and I’ll get what I want… Compromise! Yay! Isn’t friendship grand, Archie?”
“...”
“...”
“...”
… Puff
Smoke exits my nostrils as I fail to smother my growing frustration.
"Don’t let him rile you.” I scold myself, wishing I was better at hiding my feelings. "Don’t let him rile you... You are in control here, Barb. You are in control.”
Darn right we are, self.
Darn right we are… Artemis is bound in ropes and chains, can’t use his magic because of a scary chocolate donut, and any attempt he makes to hide behind his title or his brother has been preemptively dashed thanks to my mind games confirming what I knew all along; that Solaris was telling the truth when he said my secret would be safe with him!
The big guy may like to mess with my head all the darn time, but his promises are usually pretty solid.
That fact alone was the clue I needed to tell that there was something fishy going on with Artemis’ little dream heist, but his nervous stammering and eagerness to hide behind his brother’s support’ were also welcome additions to the puzzle. Together they helped greatly in cramming all the remaining pieces together into a cohesive, if still somewhat confusing, whole; one which saw Archie ignoring Solaris’ orders to leave me alone in favor of doing the exact opposite.
Now that I’ve cracked this code, I have nothing but overwhelming power over this strung up, unarmed, and totally isolated stallion…
… yet I’m still extending him an olive branch like we’re on equal grounds!
How messed up is that?!
Incredibly messed up, I’ll admit, but getting Artemis to admit the autonomy of his actions was only phase one; we’re still faaaar from being done here, everypony. I may have caught the younger Prince redhoofed sneaking around behind his brother’s back, but I still don’t know the why. Who, what, where, when, and how are all on lockdown for the most part, but that final W still eludes me.
In the Dream Realm, Archie spoke with himself a lot about what he was doing but not a whole lot about the reasoning. I remember a good chunk of what he was talking about, and I recall what I called him out on back when I was still getting my bearings, but beyond that I’ve got nothin’. Hence why I’ve switched to using a ‘honey’ approach on this fly as opposed to my earlier ‘vinegar’ one. Guilty secrets tend to slip out with enough force, but hidden ones can only be offered willingly…
… That last part made zero sense.
Sorry about that, but I can’t really think up a better way to describe my thought process on this.
Let’s just say I know how secret keepers think and leave it at that.
"Artemis, I don’t want to get you in trouble,” I attempt once again to be civil, hoping that the third time will do the trick. "Please just talk with me and I promise everything will be alright.”
“...”
… Okay, no more Mrs. Nice Dragon.
Time to twist the knife.
"Please don’t throw away your second chance, Artemis!” I beg with wide, watery, and innocently youthful eyes. "You deserve to be happy too!”
Oh god I can feel the sugary sweetness seeping out of my very pores!
Bleh, disgusting!
Can’t believe these are my real feelings for this big dumb horse…
...
...
… Sigh…
... Look… Truth talk. I don’t want to admit anymore of this than I already have, but despite my seething hatred for what Artemis did to me both now and when he was Nightterror...
… in my heart of hearts I still deeply care about him and his sad fate-
N-no, I'm not lying this time! I do, really! Honest!
I even have the receipts to prove it!
If the events of this world’s series premier are still fresh in your mind, you may recall that I openly wept when I heard that this jerk slashed out his brother’s eye! Obviously the very act was horrifying in and of itself, but, more than the implications, what really saddened me was the thought that the two princes might never mend their relationship because of it!
Kind of melodramatic in retrospect, I’ll admit, but it’s not like I can lie and say that I didn’t cry; you saw the truth yourself! Heck, I’ll even go and embarrass myself further by admitting that I was still a little weepy about it a full week later!
Trying to explain to Dusk why I was sniffling during a random moon rising was not fun, let me tell ya’.
So, anyways; it took me awhile to meditate on why I acted like such a, well, girl in the heat of the moment, and why it bothered me so deeply after the fact... but once I did the answer became blindingly obvious:
It was because Artemis will never see his friends again.
It was because Artemis will never see his original home again either.
It was because Artemis will never see the flowers he planted grow, or the plans he made fulfilled, or the love he fostered bloom; all because one poor decision ripped him from his old life and forced him to restart in what’s practically another world…
… Ringing any bells yet...?
… No?
It’s okay if it doesn’t, because I’m about to spell it out anyways:
I cried for Artemis last month because on some subconscious level I had likened his plight to mine, and wanted nothing more than to see him rise above it...
... Prepubescent mood swings are the absolute worst... Hah… Buuuut I guess I can’t blame this infant body for all of my wild emotions. Loving too quickly, and hating too late, was always my most crippling weakness during my human years, so why would it be any different now?
Hopefully the former part of my quirk shined out brighter in my plea than the hateful latter, or else My Little Interrogation isn’t going to work nearly as well as I was hoping. Ultimately I don’t want to punish this pony if I can avoid it, but I’m not going to let him trot all over me either! He may deserve to be happy, but so do I! It took me a loooonnnng time to come to that realization and I’m not about to forget it now!
So enough self-justifications and enough prodding; the balls in Artemis’ court now, folks.
What will he do with it, I wonder.
What will he do...
“...”
“...”
… Shuffle
Ah.
There we go.
At long last, after what felt like hours, Prince Artemis finally lifts his head back up. His no longer swollen eye peeks out from the strands of his mane, reminding me a lot of Butterscotch’s own in a way.
Unlike with that gentle giant, however, the alicorn’s glare is anything but friendly.
“...”
"Artemis…?” I ask cautiously, standing at attention atop my barstool. "Are you ready to talk now?”
“...”
M… Maybe it’s just a trick of the dim lighting in this dark, dank basement…
… b-but, for a split second there, it looked like I was staring at Nightterror’s iris instead of Artemis’.
Gulp
Oh boy.
"Fine,” grunts the Prince, producing his first bit of noise since I called his bluff. It nearly gives me a heart attack, and almost makes me shriek, but with the gritting of my teeth I succeed in hiding my surprise… I think.
"Fine?” I parrot neutrally, granting the chained pony the floor.
"Fine,” Artemis repeats in the same spiteful way, accepting his defeat at long last. "We shall cooperate…”
My smile is warm and full of relief.
“Good-”
"After thou answers one question for us first,” the alicorn cuts me off spitefully, clearly having forgotten his place. Ooohhh how easy it would be of me to simply say ‘no’, and let the dude flounder about in the wind...
... But, unfortunately, I can’t.
Despite my earlier threat, time isn’t really on my side either! Everything I said about the boys was just a bluff of my own meant to strengthen my position; I have no clue how they’ll actually react to seeing a Prince of Equestria strung up to a chair like this!
For the sake of keeping my secrets secret from as many prying eyes as I can control, I’ll have to play fair here even if I really, really don’t want to.
"Okay, I’ll answer one question for free first, Archie,” I compromise with a nod of my head, and a folding of my arms. "Just one though. After that it’s tit for tat.”
“Oh? Thou says such too?” Artemis answers back somewhat relaxed, to my surprise. “Hmph… We assumed only brother Sol and ourself still used such old sayings.”
"... He understands ‘tit for tat’ but not ‘words right out of my mouth’?” I grumble to myself, exasperated. "Good grief… Was that your one free question, your highness?”
"Hmph,” said highness huffs again, this time a little more indignantly. “Obviously not. Would thou really punish us so severely for simply wanting to lighten the mood?”
"That depends,” I answer back just as indignantly. "Was that second one your one free question instead?”
"... No.”
"Then ask it already,” I offer with a rolling of my eyes, as well as my wrist. Hope a ‘hurry it up’ gesture isn’t too much for his thousand year old brain to handle.
Thankfully it appears that it’s not, as with a straightening of his posture the Prince assumes a much more regal and attentive seated stance.
"Our question is as such,” he booms, shaking nearby beakers ever so slightly. "Please answer it as fair and honestly as thou deems appropriate.”
"Alright,” I confirm, preparing for the worst.
Whatever this is, I doubt I’m going to enjoy answering it (somewhat) truthfully.
Yay compromise...
"Did thou truly thrash us so thoroughly under thy own power,” is how the question begins, and already I think I know where this is going. "Or was this perhaps simply the foreseen outcome?”
Oomph.
Yup… Knew exactly where that one was going.
"Did you really beat me fair and square, or did you cheat using your Foresight?” is basically what Archie is implying, and I suppose that's a reasonable question for someone who thinks I'm a Seer to ask. Interestingly he seems to be tiptoeing around using the S-e-e-r word outright, which I’m grateful for due to Plan B related reasons... but maybe Artemis is trying to get me to break that specific dam first...
… Well, whatever the reason, I guess I should, in my opponent's words; 'answer it as fair and honestly as thou deems appropriate'.
"Hmmm nope!” I beam, tongue sticking out cheekily. “It was aaaallll me!”
Oh no.
The literal child deemed it appropriate to answer the question inappropriately.
Who could have seen that coming~?
"...”
Oh Artemis does not like my teasing one bit.
Haha, good.
"Now don’t go turning into a big sad foal again, Archie,” I giggle unabashedly, reinstating my dominance. "Remember, the clock is ticking~”
"We are well aware,” Artemis snorts, not allowing my taunting to bother him. "We are well aware… hehe.”
Wait…
… Did he just chuckle?
Oooohhhh that can’t be good.
"What’s so funny?” I fire back immediately, not allowing the oddity to go unnoticed. "Imagining the face your brother will make if I hoof you over to him? I can see why you might find that funny, haha!”
"Hehe, no,” is the alicorn's flat, humorless reply. "That is not what we are finding so humorous here, young Barbara.”
Grrr… He’s baiting me towards something, but I can’t figure out what...
... To quote Gleaming Shield's late, great, O&O Paladin; "the best way to uncover a trap is to trigger it."
Truly words to live by.
The Paladin didn't, but still.
Well, here goes nothing. "Then what?” I cautiously ask, my face a mask of bored indifference.
Artemis’ lips twist upwards into a toothy grin thanks to this.
"Will that be thy first question?” he retorts slyly, throwing my earlier jab right back at me.
"Hmph, touché,” I concede fairly.
Totally walked right into that one.
"Thou art truly Sir Dusk Shine’s assistant,” Artemis rolls his eyes for my return quip. "Thy impressive vocabulary is proof enough.”
"Flattery will get you everywhere but out of this basement, Archie,” I resume the debate, standing tall over him thanks to my barstool. "So, for the sake of getting things moving, yes; ‘What’s so funny about me thrashing you’ will be my first question for today.”
Definitely not my first choice, but it’ll have to do.
"We doubt thou will comprehend.”
Ugh.
This insufferable horse.
"Try me,” I insist, not backing down. "I think I’ve proven to be just a tad smarter than you thought.”
"Hmmm, true,” Artemis nods agreeably. "We have certainly underestimated thee time and time again this day…
"... Very well,” he at last relents. “What we found most ‘humorous’ about thy reply wasn’t by common definition ‘funny’, but more… relieving.”
Again with the baiting…
Why?
What is he trying to get me to do…?
"If I wanted my answers in the form of riddles,” I groan loudly, making my displeasure known. “I would have talked to your brother instead!”
"Why would thou seek his words when thou can simply converse with thyself?”
…
…
… Huh?
"Huh?” I repeat my inner thoughts, having clearly missed something.
Artemis responds by chuckling once again, confuzzling me further.
"The sight of thy confusion is most humorous as well, hehe,” the alicorn snickers, enjoying the sight of my, er, confusion. "And just as reassuring!”
“What is?!” I suddenly bark, having failed to keep the words in my head where they belonged. “If you have something on your mind then flipping say it already!”
Damn this baby bod and its inability to hold a poker face for more than two minutes!
"Language, young lady,” Double damn this bod. “That is not the kind of tongue Solaris’ prized protégé should be using,” Artemis continues to lecture, raising my blood pressure and-
Wait.
Pause.
Rewind...
... What was that last part?
“Solaris’ what now?” is my eventual question, after I took a much needed moment to mentally run back the last minute and confirm that, yes, I did in fact hear that correctly.
Again Artemis simply chuckles.
"His prized protégé,” repeats the Prince, smiling toothily. "We trust that thou knows the meaning behind the word? It is what granted us comfort that our failure to probe thy mind was not thwarted by mere destiny, but by pure skill instead!
“Thou art indeed brother’s faithful student, Barbara The Dragoness.”
“...”
“...”
“... Hahah.”
“... Hehe.”
“Hahah.”
“Hehehe”
Hahaha!”
“Hehehe!”
“HAHAHAH!!”
“Heheh-”
“That is the dumbest thing you’ve said all day!”
Artemis’ laughter ends at the same time as my own...
… though I take frustrated note that his cheeky smile is still present and bright.
"Dusk is the faithful student, Archie,” I argue perhaps a little louder than necessary. "I’m just the assistant! Like, I know him and I are both shades of purple, but come on... Did I tie your ropes too tightly or something? I think you might be losing brain cells!”
"Our mental faculties are fine, dragon,” Artemis replies just as snarkily, grin never weaning. "Perhaps it is thy own that are in need of reevaluation?”
"I doubt it,” I snark back even harder, trying to end this worthless discussion and get back on track.
"Then why art thou suggesting that brother has never instructed thee?” asks Artemis, not dropping the subject.
"Because he never did,” I shrug quickly, again attempting to end this meaningless line of questioning. Why is he so hung up on thi-
“Thou art Solaris’ Squire though, yes?”
“Um… y-ye- Ahem… Yes,” I answer meekly, turning away; not wanting to look at Artemis' stupid face anymore. "B-but it’s just a title!” I tack on immediately afterwards. "Solaris never taught me a darn thing!”
"Then how did thou gain insight into the River and the Stone?”
Another arrow hits its target.
"H-how did you know abou-,” I cut myself off before I can finish, both remembering his earlier eavesdropping and realizing that I’m playing right into his hooves. "Shut up! That’s completely different!”
"Is it though?”
"Yes!” I bark, accidentally spitting green embers. "T-that was… different! He was giving me advice at the time, not a lecture!”
"We fail to see the difference, Squir-”
"Well there is one,” I huff, raining in the pyrotechnics. "Just like there’s a difference between being his student like Dusk is, and his Squire like I am!”
"Truly?”
"Yes!”
"Art thou certain?”
“Yes!!” I shout, whipping my head back towards Artemis' own; growing angry. "Squire is just a title! One I had to have to stay in Canterlot and nothing else! Solaris’ hasn’t taught me squat!”
Stop stop stop stop thinking about it!
Ugh! Why is this pissing me off so much?!
It's just words, damn it!
Just... words...
... Words suggesting that I'm Solaris' trained pet... but just words.
I'm not his pet.
I'm nopony's pet, especially his.
I trust him for advice, for guidance, but he doesn't lead me! I’m a self-made woman, damn it! I'm the girl who rebuilt her identity back up from freaking scratch! I'm the girl who survived the Bluebelle's torture unscathed! Solaris didn’t teach me a damn thing, or even lift a hoof to help me when I was at my lowest!
The very suggestion that he’s responsible for any of my hard work is beyond insulting! Hell, Madame Red taught me more junk than that big, manipulative, flankhole ever did!
I’m not anyone’s protégé!
I’m not anyone's student!
I’m the one in control, damn it!
It was all me-
"But thou strung us along the path of a conversation of thy own making,” Artemis points out 'innocently', knocking me out of my inner rant. "Though already aware of the truth, thou still felt it appropriate to whisk the words from our own lips…
“... Surely a familiar scenario, we assume?”
...
... F… F-familiar?
"Thou did such knowing full well how lowly the feat would strike us down,” the alicorn continues to point out, ignoring my staring. "Knowing full well how cornered we would become, and how powerless...
“... Hah!
“Most nostalgic indeed!”
… Nostalgic?
"In such a weakened state, we would have become most susceptible to thy silken words , and more willing to take thy peace offerings...”
"..."
“... We would have left for Canterlot ‘free’ and ‘agreeable’, as is thy goal,” Artemis accuses, voice now sweetened with venom. "As is thy objective! And… we almost fell for it completely…
“... if we hadn’t possessed the experience necessary to overcome this provocation!
“Déjà vu can be a most wonderful ally, wouldn’t thou agree?”
Déjà vu?
Experience?
Objective? Goal? What... w-what is he-
?!
No.
N-no no. He’s… he’s implying that I... I'm...
“S-shut shut shut up shut up!” I bellow out atop my chair, almost chasing away all the basement’s shadows with my throat fire.
Artemis’ vision just materialized in my mind’s eye.
And I hate it with every fiber of my being.
"No need to get feisty there, dear,” the stallion easily sees through my threat, cackling wildly. “We meant only to grant thee a compliment!”
My emerald flame grows even hotter.
“Shut up!” I hiss, leaking fumes as my thoughts turn red. "You… y-you don’t know a thing about me!”
In response to my heated, furious rebuttal; Artemis grins darkly.
“No, we certainly do, Barbara,” he speaks softly, almost compassionately, as my ire washes harmlessly off his coat like a brisk shower. “We certainly know one thing now with crystal clarity…
“... And we realized it from the moment thou called us ‘Archie’.”
!!!
No no no no no no no no no
Why did I- no, use his- no
D-damn it.
Damn it all.
“D-don’t say it,” I try to scare, biting back the inferno in my jaws. “Don’t you dare say it!”
But Artemis was no longer afraid of me.
Thus he finished his cruel remark without a hint of fear in his words.
“Brother trained thee well."
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Whoever said “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is the biggest liar in the whole damned multiverse.
Words can be lethal when used effectively, and Artemis’ were just that.
It's no secret that I’m Solaris' Squire, and have been so for a couple of years now at this point. As a result of this unique arrangement, I've interacted with him far more often than the average Equastrian citizen ever does, but I never thought much of it until today.
Our conversations were always centered around Dusk’s growth and studies, with my own life being seen as an afterthought, so I always viewed my title as being nothing more than frivolous; just a legal formality necessary for a dragon to be accepted within Canterlot’s walls. It's only been recently that things have changed between the two of us upon the discovery of my “Seer” gift, and even as late as this morning I was struggling to define what our relationship even was.
But now I can no longer deny the truth.
My mixing of fact and fiction, my methodical pacing and tone switching, my attempt to tower over my subject while offering them sweet nothings...
My Squire status was never for show.
I am Solaris' faithful student.
The way I had tricked Artemis into admitting his ruse was exactly the same way his brother had tricked me into admitting my episode knowledge. I had copied the process near flawlessly, as if I was channeling the big guy himself during the act. I was even calling Artemis “Archie,” just to complete the image.
Using Solaris’ own nickname for his little brother only felt natural to my tongue.
Even when I attempt to ignore these similarities, and chalk them up to being nothing more than flukes, I can’t. Rallying Red Gala’s help during the Longest Night, pushing Butterscotch towards his crying friend, convincing Dusk not to go overboard when I leave tomorrow; I've had a real knack for getting ponies to do what I want as of late, haven't I? That's definitely not a skill I possessed during my assistant training days.
There's only one other person I know of capable of pulling strings like I can...
… and I’ve been having tea parties with him ever since I was five.
How could I've been so blind?
The very idea that my mind was compromised, and that I was becoming as controlling and two-faced as Solaris, rocked me just as Artemis wanted it to. Instead of preparing for a counter offensive I was too busy retracing my steps, and replaying my thoughts, just in the vain attempt to figure out the meaning behind it all; to try to guess what endgame Prince Solaris had been cooking up while I was so unaware.
I hate admitting how lost in my own head I became after that single exchange, and how close I came to losing right there and then. Artemis’ counterattack had worked just as intended, and in hindsight I'm more impressed than angry by the feat. One tiny peek inside my turbulent memories, and a few throwaway insults I had aimed at Solaris, was all that tied up pony needed to devise a deadly piercing blow against my composure. He may not be as skilled in the art of the silver tongue as his older brother, but it was still real stupid of me to discount the fact that he grew up alongside the OG Chessmaster.
One does not live in close proximity to Prince Solaris without picking up a few tricks, as I now know all too well.
As I write this in an attempt to quell my nerves, I find my thoughts still drifting back to that dark discovery. To be so deeply railroaded and not even realize, to be so thoroughly transformed without my say; whether Artemis knew I would still be hurting long after we parted ways I’m unsure, but the possibility that he did frightens me greatly. This fear also discourages me from ever wanting to mess with him in the future.
There's little doubt in my mind that a rematch would only end up rendering me powerless before him yet again...
... But that train of thought reminds me that I was already in that sort of mindset back when our battle first began. Thinking it was impossible, thinking that my odds were beyond minimal; that rationale alone was the whole reason behind why I accepted the risks in preparing a Plan B!
Two on one scuffles tend to see more favorable outcomes than one on ones do, after all.
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Fump
A great, furry weight laid itself solidly across my shoulder before I could give Artemis the charbroiling he so rightfully deserved.
Its appearance startles me greatly, but I will myself not to address it.
Artemis’ mad laughter blinds him to the hidden happenstance.
“... Hm?”
“... N-no… No I’m… I-I’m fine… Thank you.”
“... Hm.”
I tap the weight gently, pushing it away. Once I did, I didn’t grant the shape any further attention, thus allowing it to fade into the shadows undisturbed.
This is not how I'll fall apart.
I'm still in this fight.
Taking in a giant breath of air, masking the sound of any possibly creaking floorboards, I let low a deep and powerful sigh. “Hoooooo...
“...
“... You done with your chuckling yet, Princy?”
Artemis’ laughter dies thanks to my words.
Confusion swiftly returns to his features.
“That’s a cute little theory you have there,” are my opening lines, as my mind races to complete the rest. “And one that might be just a teeny, tiny bit true…
“... but how does that change the situation, Artemis?” I state plainly, having come to what should have been my original defense. “How does that get you out of here, hmm?
“Were you hoping I was going to cry?
“Were you hoping I was going to break down and let you win?
“Newsflash, your highness, I’ve survived more than you can possibly imagine.
“It’s going to take a lot more than mud throwing to get me to back down while I’m still clearly in the right!
“So… let me ask you again…
“... Just what were you hoping to get out of tearing me down?!”
My chest rises and falls with my panting as my rant subsides, as too my rage.
Yes I’m still standing tall on the chair, and yes it’s still reminiscent of how Solaris towers over me in such talks... but I’ll just have to ignore those details for now.
I’ll cry about the implications later, once I’m done punishing this despicable stallion for his crimes against my peace and well being.
Artemis’ ears rise in shock thanks to my shouting, having not anticipated such a passionate comeback from such a tiny half-pint. His mask is lousy too now, and soon enough I’m able to tell just how much he’s struggling to resume his earlier predatory grinning.
Can’t believe I almost fell for such a blatantly fake tough guy act… and I can’t believe how accurately I can tell that it is fake...
… That… That must be thanks to Solaris’ trainin-
No.
Not going to think about that now.
Later, Barb.
Later.
“W-we… ahem,” Artemis struggles to start, holding onto his brave face like it's the spider's thread out of hell. “We did not mean much with our accusation…
“... We simply desired to distract thee long enough to feel out the harmonic matrix assigned to this inhibitor ring!”
Wait wha-
“BEHOLD THE FRUITS OF OUR LABOR!!”
With that room shaking blast of the Royal Canterlot Voice, I nearly get sent flying off of my stool as it tilts over completely. Gripping my purse strap with my claws, I land on my tail just in time to witness Artemis’ horn ignite in an overwhelming display of arcanic energy.
Oh... Lovely... He has a destroy-inhibitor-ring spell.
Of flipping course he does.
The darkness arounds us recedes as magic begins to saturate the very air. The scales running up and down my body vibrate uncomfortably as the spell twists and turns before my eyes, slowly melting the worthless donut into even more worthless dough. Upon contacting the glowing grooves present in Artemis' spiraling horn, the sugary substance breaks down even further into motes of dust and ash.
Horseapples. Destroy-inhibitor-ring spells apparently vaporize donuts too...
... Tsk
Knew I should have used a bagel instead.
Artemis' crazed eyes, meanwhile, remain entirely focused on the fading ring's demise. His brow narrows determinately as he funnels more magic into the spell, strengthening it. "Thou have made a grave error this day, Barbara!" he spares me a moment to gloat. "Thy juvenile grievance with our brother has robbed thee of thy victory!"
Said the pony whose own grievance with Solaris robbed him a thousand years of his life.
Kettle be black yo.
"And now our little game is at its end!" he laughs madly, watching with bated breath for the 'inhibitor ring' to disappear fully. "Soon we shall witness that which we need! That which will lead us out of this accursed darkness and into the light! That which will surely remind brother of our import-"
"Speaking of light," I cut the maniac off casually, aiming to distract. "Fun fact, the lights down here aren't sound activated. You need to hit a light switch like you do with the ones upstairs."
My attempt doesn't work completely, and instead only results in Artemis producing an annoyed grunt of acknowledgment and little else...
... But then the seemingly random trivia takes root inside his mind.
There's a danger hidden in my words, he can tell; his widening eyes convey this fact quite well... Though it would appear that he lacks the brain power necessary to decipher the puzzle fully.
Now I'm not saying that Artemis is dumb by any stretch of the imagination, perish the thought! He may be crazy, but stupid is the last word I would use to describe the pony himself. All I'm implying is that his focused brain is too preoccupied maintaining his 'harmonic matrix' to spare a second towards the solving of my riddle, even if doing so might save him an impending headache.
His loss, I suppose... Oh, and in case you're totally lost, here's the riddle in its entirety so you too can experience existential dread alongside Prince Artemis:
If the lights down here in the basement aren't sound activated...
... then how did I turn them on earlier with the snapping of my talons?
WHOOP!
The answer, as you've probably already guessed, was Plan B.
I mean, duh.
Slumping over in his seat, the Prince of the Night once again finds himself on an express way trip to unconscious city. Having become the victim of an unseen hindleg strike to the back of the skull, his alicorn magic abruptly ceases, thus allowing all the built up ether to dissipate harmlessly around us.
Shuffle shuffle... Clip clop clip clop
No longer needing to carefully monitor her steps, my partner-in-crime removes herself from the shadows and trots over to my side.
Reunited, the two of us quietly watch the remains of the inhibitor donut fall off Artemis' steaming horn, and plop unceremoniously onto the wooden floor beneath him.
"..."
"..."
"... Well," I tiredly address the only conscious pony left in the room. "That was a close one."
With an exhausted sigh of her own, and a slow nodding of her head, Plan B answers my sentiment with a short yet confirmative decree of
"Eeyup."