//------------------------------// // A Memorable Little Pile of Silliness? // Story: What Is a Pie? // by The Iguana Man //------------------------------// “... and then you, me and the girls would have to fight the giant bunny monsters and all would seem lost until Angel came to the rescue cause it'd turn out he was their daddy and he would wag his adorable paw-finger at them until they shrank, ending their reign of fuzzy terror after destroying half the town!” Rarity glanced to her side at Pinkie Pie's bouncing form. “And you're certain that would have happened if Golden Harvest hadn't raised the price of carrots?” Pinkie nodded, her head giving exactly three bobs per bounce. “Uh huh! It's the only explanation that makes sense.” Rarity nodded along, too used to Pinkie to do anything else. “I'll take your word for it, darling. However, that doesn't make it any less irritating that I must pay extra.” Pinkie shrugged into her next hop. “Well, you could always use parsnips instead. That'd work for your Casserole and they'd last until Sunday.” “I suppose so,” Rarity replied, smiling a little and not questioning how Pinkie knew her exact meal plan for the week. The two were strolling through the Ponyville Market. Well, Rarity was strolling – Pinkie was pronking alongside her, as was her wont. The first few times they'd walked together, Rarity had been a touch unnerved by her companion's bounces syncing up exactly with her own hoofsteps, but one quickly became inured to such things when one knew Pinkie for a while. Though she did wonder if Pinkie would change tempos along with her should she decide to quicken her pace. She never tried it, of course – a lady never hurried anywhere. As Rarity looked to her side at her bounding companion, she mused a little on their relationship. Somepony unfamiliar with the two of them would assume that they had very little in common besides a general proclivity for socialisation. That pony would be entirely correct. However, while their personalities were immensely different, they didn't clash in the same way that Rarity initially did with Applejack. They were both extremely comfortable around each other, didn't really argue much and each was happy to venture into the other's area of expertise. Rarity was always happy to attend Pinkie's parties, despite them being extremely far in tone from the kind of party Rarity had mastered, and Pinkie was invariably eager to ooh and aah over Rarity's latest creation, even if she wasn't always keen to stay still and model for it. As such, they saw each other quite often, but they didn't have any regular engagements in the same way that Pinkie did with Rainbow Dash or Rarity with Fluttershy. Each had their own path in life and, though they frequently crossed over, they were rarely parallel. However, whenever Rarity went grocery shopping, she would always go to Sugarcube Corner first to pick up bread and bagels – or “bread donuts” as Pinkie insisted on calling them. This was not because she cared especially about either but because, once in a while, Pinkie would offer to accompany her during her shopping. She didn't usually need to buy anything herself, she just wanted to spend some time with “one of her best of best friends”. Rarity, of course, was all too happy to have a long and tedious task brightened up by a companion and there were few ponies brighter than Pinkie. The occasional shopping trip may not have made for an especially deep relationship, but Rarity was happy with a simple friendship with a wonderfully simple mare. “Geez, Rare, I didn't think parsnips were that good an idea!” Pinkie giggled. Rarity shook her head, a little embarrassed at having been looking at Pinkie throughout her reverie. “Ah, my apologies, I was merely a touch lost in thought.” “That's okay!” Pinkie replied. “Though, just to be safe, you should always let someone know where you're going, so they can come rescue you if you get lost again.” “I, er... I shall certainly keep that in mind.” Rarity smiled a little uncomfortably before turning to Golden Harvest's stall. After purchasing some carrots and parsnips, Rarity looked down at her shopping list. “Right, next should be... tomatoes.” “Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!” Pinkie started springing up higher and faster. “Can I get them?! Please, please, please, that's always so much fun! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh?” Rarity rolled her eyes a little. “If you like, Darling, but I don't know if they'll be...” “Yay!” Pinkie interrupted, leaping up into a flip and landing two stalls away, in front of the Tomato seller. “Hey there, what can I get... YOU?!” The vendor jumped back as she recognised Pinkie. “Hi again, Roma!” Pinkie chirped, waving her hoof fast enough to blur it. “Can I get three tomatoes, please?” She reached down to her bit pouch. “Oh, no no no!” Roma held a hoof out between them. “I ain't fallin' for this again. You try any o' yer dang “two bits, one bit” stuff on me this time, you ain't gettin' anythin', you got that?” Pinkie sighed and put her hooves up in a placating gesture. “Okay, okay, you win. I'm sorry about that. I'll take them for one bit this time, I promise.” She slid a coin over. Roma nodded firmly. “That's more like it.” She took the coin and handed Pinkie a bag of three tomatoes. Rarity gave a polite clap as Pinkie pronked over to her again, ignoring the “Hey, wait a minute!” coming from the stall five seconds after Pinkie left. “Bravo, bravo!” Rarity smiled at Pinkie as she handed her a bit coin. “I would say encore, but we wouldn't want her blood pressure raised too high, would we?” Pinkie giggled again. “Nah, don't worry, me and Roma are cool. Though it's kind of adorable how she thinks she can stop me.” Rarity nodded in agreement. How could one stop a force of nature like Pinkie Pie? “Oh!” Pinkie piped up, looking over Rarity's shoulder. “Speaking of adorable, here's Fluttershy! Hi Flutters!” She hopped up so her wave could be seen over Rarity. Rarity turned around to see Fluttershy canter up to them, her face and speed giving an impression of trepidation, but not fear or out-and-out panic – about a three out of ten on the Fluttershy Anxiety Scale. Which, for any other pony, would be a six, but for Fluttershy this meant that there was nothing major to worry about. “Hello, Pinkie. Hello, Rarity,” Fluttershy said, catching her breath a tiny bit. “I hope I'm not interrupting anything. Am I interrupting something? I could come back later if...” “Nonsense, Darling,” Rarity cut her off, knowing how vital it was to curtail Fluttershy's apology spirals as early as possible. “We were just doing a spot of shopping, nothing pressing.” “Uh huh!” Pinkie said. “No need to rush things at all. Unless you want to buy a time bomb from Fuse - need to get there early for that, they go off real fast.” “Er, yes,” Rarity sighed before smiling at Fluttershy again. “So, is there anything we can help you with?” “Oh, um...” Fluttershy gulped before continuing. “It's just that, well, I need to relocate some of the bunnies in Whitetail Wood and I thought I could do it in a couple of days, but there were a few early births and I have to do it tomorrow and so I'm going to miss our spa appointment I'm so sorry!” Fluttershy finished, squeezing her eyes tightly shut as she did so. Rarity put a hoof on her shoulder and smiled at her as she looked up. “That's quite alright, darling. Work comes first, as nice as it would be if it were otherwise. You take care of that and we can go next week. This week, I'll see if Twilight...” She paused, looking to the side in thought. “Oh, of course, she and Spike are up in Canterlot, aren't they? And Applejack's been tied up with keeping an eye on Apple Bloom recently, so she's not an option. And I hardly think Rainbow Dash would be willing... oh dear.” She put a hoof to her chin as she tried to think. “Well, I mean, um...” Fluttershy began, pausing for a moment before continuing. “You don't... You don't really... have to go with anyone, do you? Er, do you? I mean, you might, I don't know.” Rarity sighed. “Well, theoretically, no, but it just isn't the same alone. Particularly for our regular appointment, it's just so much more fulfilling to go with a friend. Oh!” She brightened up instantly. “I know, I could ask Cheerilee to accompany me. She's been wanting a quick word about Sweetie Belle's grades, so that would be an ideal opportunity. Not that I'm especially fond of professional talk in the spa, but hopefully that shouldn't take too long – her grades aren't that bad. Yes, I think that will work just fine.” “Oh, okay, I'm glad.” Fluttershy finally smiled back at Rarity, her posture loosening up. “Say, Flutters,” Pinkie piped up, her smile having never diminished during the exchange, “do you mind if I lend a hoof with moving the bunnies tomorrow?” “Oh!” Fluttershy jumped a little at the sudden offer. “Are... are you sure, Pinkie?” Pinkie nodded hard enough to create a mild breeze towards Fluttershy. “Uh huh! I'll be real helpful, I promise.” Fluttershy shook her head, though a smile was beginning to re-emerge. “No, it's not that, it's just... you've been helping me so much lately, you, um, you don't have to...” She trailed off as Pinkie waved a hoof dismissively. “Pfft, of course I don't have to – we were given free will, after all, so we never have to do anything. But I wanna, so I will. I mean, if you're okay with it.” Fluttershy nodded. “Okay, if you're sure. Thank you.” She turned to leave. “I'll see you tomorrow. Er, Pinkie, I mean; I won't see you tomorrow, Rarity... well, I might, but only in passing, but I'll see you, er... when I see you.” She gulped and hurried off before she could make things any more awkward. Rarity smiled after her friend for a moment before turning back to the market. She'd just raised a hoof to move on when Pinkie's voice interrupted her. “Hey, Rarity?” Rarity frowned a little, confused at Pinkie's unusually subdued voice. “Yes?” She asked, looking behind her slightly. “What about me?” Rarity turned back to Pinkie, her confusion deepening. “Um, in what context, darling?” “When you were going through people who could come with you to the spa, you didn't mention me.” A hint of worry began creeping into Rarity's thoughts. “I thought you wanted to help Fluttershy tomorrow.” Pinkie nodded, though a little slower than usual. “I do, but I didn't ask till after you'd decided who to go with, but you still didn't bring me up. Do you... do you not want to go with me?” She asked with a hint of unease. Rarity's eyes widened. “Oh, no, no, that's not it at all, Darling, it's just...” She trailed off as a series of images flashed before her mind's eye: “Hello, and velcome to...” “Hey, I don't get it! How are we supposed to have fun here? There's no balloons, no snacks, no decorations... “Er, perhaps you have misunderstood exactly vhat ve- “No, don't worry, I can fix this lickety-split – this kinda thing is what my Party Cannon was made for. Literally!” “No, Miss, please don't-” BOOM! “So, ve generally start with a mineral bath to-” “CANNONBALL!” “No, vait!” SPLOOSH! “Now, just lie here and ve'll get started on your massage.” “Lie? Why would I need to lie down? You're good at massages, right?” “I certainly like to zink...” “Exactly, so you should be able to do some massagening while I'm standing up, shouldn't you?” “Er, vell, it's theoretically... “Ooh! I know, we can do challenge mode – you stay on my back and do a massage while I'm dancing!” “Miss, I really don't zink- AAH!” “Now, zese are our mud baths. Just lie back and...” “Hey, how deep are those?” “Oh, deep enough to take most ponies. Vhy do you...? “CANNONBALL!” “And we just sit here and take in the steam. If you need any more, just ask them to splash some more water on the bed of hot rocks.” “Say, Rarity, why do they call it a bed of rocks, anyway? It doesn't look too comfortable to sleep on and it's on top of something else, so it's not like bedrock. I mean, it's not anyway, cause bedrock's all one big rock that's really big and flat and isn't really one rock but a whole bunch of them all smooshed together into one, but the point is that's not really a bed, is it?” “Well, I think it's more...” “Actually, there's layers to those rocks, so it's really more of a pool of rocks, isn't it?” “Well, I suppose, in a sense, but I don't see what... Pinkie no! “Pinkie Yes! CANNONBALL!” “No, don't- OH SWEET CELESTIA, IT BURNS!” Rarity shook her head to clear away the images. “It's just, well... it didn't seem like the sort of thing you'd be interested in. Do you... That is, were you hoping to...” Pinkie shook her head. “Oh, no – like you said, I'm gonna be helping Flutters tomorrow.” Rarity sighed a little, doing her utmost to hide exactly how relieved she was. “Oh, well, in that case...” “I would like to go sometime, though.” Rarity's expression froze, along with, if her feeling was any indication, her heartbeat and her blood. As terrified as she was of making such plans, the hideous spectre of social politeness drove her forward towards what she was sure would be her doom. “Oh. Er, well, I, er... would you like to come next week? Or... perhaps the week... after?” She finished in a whimper. Pinkie scrunched her face up in thought for a moment. “Hmm... nah, I don't think it'll be in the next couple of weeks.” Rarity's terror reduced by a tiny fraction. “Oh! So, when would you...?” Pinkie shrugged. “Dunno. I won't know when I'm gonna feel like it until I do. But, when I do feel like going, I can tell you and then we can go within the next couple of days, does that sound alright?” “Yes. Yes, that sounds lovely,” Rarity replied in a bald-faced lie. “Okey Dokey Lokey!” Pinkie chirruped before looking at her bare ankle and gasping. “Oh, look at the time, I need to get back to Sugarcube Corner!” She dashed off, her voice somehow remaining to say, “See you when I see you for the spa!” Rarity didn't reply, however. She simply stood in place for a few seconds before her haunch fell to the ground. She stared off into the middle distance. “Oh dear.”