Chapter 8: Wacky Wednesday
Wednesday dawns the same across planets throughout the universe. However, on one planet in a faraway system, Wednesday dawned with some slight similarities to Earth, and Metropolis Wednesdays in particular.
As the sun rose over the horizon, it cast shadows vaguely reminiscent of the skyline of Superman's city. Giant stone monoliths like towers loomed over the landscape, with smaller human-shaped stones interspaced between them.
Through the simulated city also flew a being of inhuman strength. A crooked S emblazed on the dirty blue garbed imitation Superman. A strange, voraciously-teethed alien tore down the street underneath it's "master". "Superman" and "Krypto" were patrolling "Metropolis".
"Oh no! Lo-is in trouble. Me save." With a whoosh, Bizarro turned and flew straight towards a purplish stone that beneath a crumbling "tower".
However, as he got closer, Bizarro could see "Lois" looked different. Rather than a purplish rock, it was rather a normal rock with a very short, purple-dressed man sitting on top of it.
"Finally! Took you long enough. For a Superman wannabe, you've got rocks for brains."
With a snap of it's fingers, the crumbling stone "tower" disappeared and the short man stood up on top of the rock.
"Hey there. The name's Mr. Mxyzptlk, and when I saw you stuck here on this miserable excuse for a planet I just had to stop by and right a terrible wrong."
Bizarro scratched his head in confusion. The Lo-is rock wasn't Lo-is, but a Mr. ... Mixup Man?
"What Mixup Man want?" he said.
Before the funny man could answer him, "Krypto" reached them and went to give Mixup Man a big sloppy kiss. But the Mixup Man snapped his fingers again and now "Krypto" was all the way at the other end of the street, still running towards them.
"Listen Bizar- I mean "Superman", I can't believe you let that imposter trick you into exiling yourself on this excuse for a planet. He played you, ya rube!"
"But he say me need to protect this planet because it no have a Superman to save people."
"People?! What people? This dumb rock ain't got nothin' but dumb rocks-"
*SNAP*
"Krypto" kept running.
"And you and your possessed mutt. No one around here needs saving. But right now, Metropolis is in danger and who knows what that imposter who stuck you here is doing to it."
"Huhhh?! Mixup Man is right. Me must save Meh-trop-ee-lus!"
Bizarro was about to take off, when Mxyzptlk stopped him, "Sorry to cut in 'hero', but I know a faster way to get there. But I do need a little help from you."
"Mr. Mixup Man need me help?"
"Yes. You see, the imposter who trapped you here also trapped me. I can't return to Earth. But if you (the real Superman) were to ask me to return I could take you back with me in the blink of an eye."
"Mixup Man want to go to Earth?"
"NO! YOU want me to go to Earth! And if I go, I'll take you with me. Say it."
"Uhh, me want Mixup Man to go to Earth?"
"Good enough. Superman will never know what hit him..." With a dark grin, the little purple man snapped his fingers and they vanished as "Krypto" finally made it to the other side of the street. Since his master was nowhere to be found he didn't stop but continued on a mad scramble around the corner and down the next street, slavering and growling like no tomorrow.
Neon lights flew by on all sides as the two flew through a giant city-planet arguing the whole time, one loud and blustering the other quiet and calm.
"I'm tellin' ya, you didn't prove nothin'. I could have stopped them numskulls if I'd wanted to."
"But you didn't. And besides, you can't always solve problems with force. Sometimes you need to be gentle."
Lobo rolled his eyes, "I ain't never met a problem I couldn't solve with my fists."
"Well, you've apparently ignored some problems because you didn't want to fix them."
"That system was guaranteed, life-time entertainment, and now they're going to try to make everything peaceful and junk. Eeghhhh!" He shuddered just thinking about it.
"Over there!" Said Fluttershy, suddenly pointed her hoof at a building.
In a dark corner behind a giant glowing sign, Lobo could just make out the slumped silhouette of one of the synthetic race they'd just left.
"You've got a good eye."
"You get pretty good at finding things after years of playing hide-and-seek with Angel on bath-day."
Lobo pulled his bike up to the side of the building and gestured to the (apparently) sleeping figure.
"Hey you! Yer Father put out a bounty on your return. Get on the bike, we're takin' ya home."
The figure didn't even raise their head as they responded in a despondent tone. "What's the point? My father won't stop the fighting. I can either die there in some bombed out ruin for a pointless war, or anywhere else on my own terms."
"Oh great, we've got a sad, mopey robot," said Lobo resting his head on the handlebars of his bike, "Listen kid, much as I hate it, the fighting's over. We just came from some boring peace talks yer father and some other guy wrapped up. Now get on the bike before I put you on the bike."
What Lobo has also failed to notice but Fluttershy had spotted, was the open panel in the side of the synthetic, the lights inside dimming ever so slightly as they talked.
Putting a hoof over Lobo's mouth, Fluttershy 'shush'ed him and glided softly onto the roof of the building.
"He's telling the truth. I helped your father and the Rogrorian's leader come to a peaceful decision."
"I can't believe you," he replied, curling up more into the shadows, "I know my father."
Fluttershy stopped a few hoof-lengths away from the sullen figure and sat down. "We all make mistakes. Your father, me, even you. But the great part is that we can get back up and try to fix them."
"I can't. I'm scared."
"I understand. I get scared too. But running away from scary things just makes them bigger and scarier. I know."
Stepping forward, the pegasus put her hoof soothingly on the robot's knee.
"I tried-" he said, "The organics said if you run away, hide from your problems, drown them in numbing chemicals, you can forget things. But they never went away. My memory banks are still there. I can't do it- I just can't."
Fluttershy hadn't moved, but the synthetic had reached forward and taken her in an almost pleading hug. She let it happen and stayed that way for several minutes.
"I afraid I can't be brave for you. But I can encourage you. Can you be brave for me?"
"I don't know how."
Fluttershy pulled back from the hug and lifted his head to look at him. "It won't be easy, but do you trust me?"
He nodded.
"Then what you need is a touch of hope for your home, a little forgiveness for your father, and just a spark of belief that things can get better. Even if it's all just a tiny bit, it can grow. I promise."
So saying, she took him by the hand and they walked over to Lobo's ride.
"The greatest power," she said, looking at Lobo as they got on the bike, "Isn't the strength on the outside, but the quiet inner strength. Though you can crush buildings or move mountains, that strength can mend hearts. And a strength that can do that, is capable of anything."
The whole ride back to Cedrix-6 the synthetic sat, hugging onto Fluttershy while Lobo piloted, quietly seething in jealousy.
Hamilton removed his glasses to clean them as he sat there. Superman had explained what happened yesterday with Doomsday and the Toyman and now they just sat there in silence.
"So how's Rudy doing?"
Hamilton replaced his glasses and reached for a piece of paper on his desk.
"See for yourself," he said holding it out to Superman.
It was a picture of Professor Hamilton from the neck up, done in pencil, while he was apparently busy focused on something else. The rich shading and smooth lines gave a beautiful, if simple, image of someone completely devoted to a mentally demanding task. The only thing that was off-normal was the small pony in a bow-tie on Hamilton's shoulder who seemed equally focused on whatever they were doing.
"I had no idea he had this level of skill," whispered Superman.
"Neither did I," said Hamilton leaning back, "And you know something else?" Superman looked up, "He says he didn't know it too. Apparently, no one ever told him he could draw."
Superman handed back the artwork, and sighed. "I don't understand it, but... I'm beginning to wonder if understanding it is really that important."
"Reconsidering looking the proverbial 'horse in the mouth'?" Said Hamilton, raising his eyebrows as Superman chuckled and winced at the pun.
"I guess my opinion is becoming 'things can't get weirder', right?"
When Hamilton didn't reply, Superman looked up to see an owl in a large lab coat gripping the back of his desk chair and staring back at him.
"Oh no," said Superman with an exasperated sigh.
"Oh yes! I'm back Supes. And I'm not falling for anything this time. This time, I'm gonna make sure you're too distracted to trick me again."
With a snap of his fingers Mr. Mxyzptlk and Bizarro appeared in the lab, one laughing hysterically, the other looking around confused.
"Huh? This am not me home. Where am me?"
"This yah Super-rube is Metropolis, your true home. And that dweeb right there is trying to keep it all to himself. He even convinced you to stay on that other planet with that demented dog of yours."
"Wait here Professor," said Superman, standing up, "I've got a pest to deal with. You broke your word Mr. Mxyzptlk."
"No I didn't. "Superman" told me I could come back."
"You know Bizarro's not me."
"Bizarro?" The imp donned a comically large pair of glasses, "Well what do ya know, the resemblance is uncanny. Say, while I'm here, why don't we go a few rounds, just like old times?" He dodged around in mid-air, shadow-boxing his shadow.
"Umm, what me do now?" Asked Bizarro.
"Duh, attack the phony-baloney you dummy!" Yelled Mxyzptlk, pointing at the Man of Steel.
"Would you mind holding this for me Bizarro?" said Superman, calmly handing him a small gray pegasus figurine.
"Good morning!"
"Oh boy! Me get pony!"
"Hey!" shouted Mxyzptlk, pointing at Superman, "That's not fair."
"You broke the rules Mxyzptlk, therefore, I don't have to play by them anymore. Here, catch."
And with that, Superman deftly underhanded a pink and purple pony wearing a propeller beanie towards Mxyzptlk.
"Oh no you don't!" He dodged.
With a whirring sound the pony's hat revved up and she executed a 180 degree turn back around towards Mxyzptlk, her hooves outstretched in a friendly hug.
"YAH!" Screamed Mxyzptlk as he popped out and back in on the ceiling looking down (or rather up) at the Man of Steel on the floor. "You're gonna have to try better than that to-"
The pony did a 90 degree vertical inversion straight towards him. Her hug would not be denied!
Superman just stood there, his arms crossed as he watched the imp try with all his might to redirect the friendly equine affection being directed his direction.
"Why you no-good, cheating, son-of-a-grncybkl!" Snap after snap went ignored, literal spacetime static, glitching, folding and popping around her, but nothing could touch her as she continued her adorable advance.
After several mad dashes around the lab, he gave up trying to stop her and instead transported Superman and himself to the other side of town.
"Now, where were we?" He asked.
Superman calmly uncrossed his arms and pointed behind Mxyzptlk.
"Oh, please Superman that old trick-" Mxyzptlk paused as Superman's calm expression and an impending sense of cuddly doom washed over him.
Glancing behind him he let out a shout of terror, transformed into a rocket and launched into the air mere inches away from the oncoming hug.
"YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THE FRIENDSHIP," shouted Superman to the rapidly diminishing form, then he raised his hand and bumped knuckles with the outstretched hoof before she faded from view.
Faster than a speeding bullet, Mxyzptlk shot up and away from that cuddly monster Superman had sicked on him.
He was a 5th dimensional being, he could outrun any- Why was there a door coming towards him?
Slowing his flight, he watched as the door opened and through it came the neigh-unstoppable nightmare.
He halted and redirected his course, but she was still after him.
With another pop he was out of Metropolis, far out at sea. Nothing around as far as the eye could see but open ocean.
Nothing but water, water, more water and... a kazoo? The plodding buzzing undertone seemed to be creeping up on him from below. He looked down and saw a shadow under the water getting closer.
*POP* The wind and snow cut through the high-altitude of Mount Everest, two climbers wearing goggles, warm clothing and oxygen masks looked up at the tiny man as he glanced left and right like he was being chased.
There was a flash of something pink, he dove to the ground and vanished with a puff of snow as the two climbers looked at each other.
*POP* Utter silence. Stillness. Not a breeze, just the cold vacuum of space and the soft texture of lunar regolith beneath his feet. He scanned the horizon all around him. Nothing could get him up here on the moon, whatever it was needed air. Right?
The sun came out from behind the Earth and it's light fell across the atmosphere-less moon and it's single occupant. He raised his hand to squint into the blinding brilliance and was just able to make out something coming towards him, the sun behind it like a halo.
Superman sat on the edge of the tower, looking out over Metropolis as he waited.
*POP*
"Superman I give up. You win!"
The imp snapped his fingers and they were back in the laboratory. A dazed professor was picking gray feathers out of his hair.
"Everything's back to how it was. I'll go back home and never bother you again- Hey! Where'd your doofus double get to?"
Bizarro and his pony were nowhere to be seen.
Superman shrugged, "Doesn't matter, at least he's in good hooves."
With one last quick look around Mxyzptlk gave an angry wave of his hand and vanished, "Ah Phooey! I hope ya'll rot in boredom without me."
"What did I miss?" Asked Hamilton, holding several feathers in his right hand and scratching his head with his left.
"Nothing you haven't seen before," said Superman turning around, "Did you happen to see where Bizarro went though?"
"Whoo?" said Hamilton with a wide-eyed stare.
Martha poured their guests another glass of lemonade.
"Thank you."
"Yes, thanks nice lady."
The strange, malformed imitation of their son had shown up on their doorstep no more than five minutes ago, but the full-sized mailmare Derpy on his lap had assured them they were just taking a break to think. So Martha had decided to let them be, aside from some refreshments.
"Why pony make things better?" asked Bizarro biting down on the glass.
"Isn't that what friends are for, to make things better for each other?"
"But you am with Superman before you help me. Me am not Superman, Me am Bizarro. Me can't save Lo-is. Me can't even save rock Lo-is. Me not know what me am."
"You don't have to be a superhero or a main character to be a good person," said the wall-eyed gray mare, putting her hoof on Bizarro's shoulder.
"Of course not," said Jonathan from his seat on the porch.
"It was a little scary when I learned everything wasn't about me, but I've found my own way of being the best I can be in the background. You need to find what you can do best in the background."
"Me have powers LIKE Superman, but me am not him. Me am villain?"
"Not if you don't want to be. Do you want to be a villain?"
"No, me am want to be hero, but me am nobody."
"No One's a nobody," said Martha, coming back outside to sit with her husband.
"Well me feel like nobody."
"You need to find your REASON," said the pegasus, perking up.
"Me Reason?"
"Yes, for example my Reason is Dinky and Sparkler-"
"What about the Doctor fellow you were with the other day?" Cut in Martha. Derpy blushed.
"Oh, we're just friends. He takes me on adventures in his time machine."
"Time machine..." muttered Jonathan chuckling.
"It's true, we went on a trip to this planet and there was a big battle going on. We weren't able to stop it, but the Doctor said he left them with a prophesy that another would descend from the sky and bring peace. When I asked him about it afterwards he told me it was because of a fixed point in time and the pair of boxes. That always confuses me, but I think he knows what he's doing, even if he makes a mistake every now and then."
"Me AM mistake," said Bizarro.
Derpy grabbed Bizarro's face, "Look me in the eyes."
"Pony eyes are funny."
"Exactly. I've always looked like this. Some make fun of me, some have tried to shut me up or put me down but you know what I learned through it all?"
"Me not know," said Bizarro.
"You can't let not being perfect stop you from trying."
The Kents nodded. "She's right."
"When we adopted Clark, we had no idea what we were doing."
"Jonathan!"
"It's true honey. I never thought he was an alien, Russian maybe, but not an alien. But we did our best and I think he turned out alright."
"But how me try?"
"That's the question to ask!" Said Derpy, standing up, "Why don't we go try to find an answer?"
So saying, Derpy shrunk down, Bizarro picked her up and took off... right through the roof of the porch.
"Uh-oh, me sorry."
"Don't worry, Clark put quite a few holes in the house when he was starting out as well."
As Bizarro and Derpy flew off into the sunset, Martha turned to Jonathan.
"Would explain why her Doctor friend dropped off the wood and nails yesterday."
"True."