//------------------------------// // Short: Guard Duty // Story: Papers, Ponies, and Attitude // by Yellowtail //------------------------------// March 4th, 2023, Wednesday I yawn as I finish up my breakfast on our refurbished couch. My wife and son are still asleep, and I hope I don't wake them up. It took hours to get Stripes back to bed, and I'd hate to make my wife wake up to put him back to sleep. I smile to myself as I think of how precious Stripes is. Holding my plate, I hop off the couch and head to the kitchen. I silently put up the dish and go to the front door. I stop to look back and envision my family, getting ready for the day. I smile a little more and sneak out to go to work. It's almost three, so it doesn't surprise me when I can't really see much when I walk out. The sun's not up yet, and I already have tons of stuff to do. I calmly walk to the Border, passing street lamps, apartment buildings, and garbage bins. It's a rather nice morning. I finally see the Checkpoint's walls coming closer and sigh. Another day, another bit. As I walk up, I can see various guard ponies marching to their posts as shift change begins. I frown a little, noting that I might be a bit later than normal. I guess the extra time I spent on breakfast was a bit much. I mentally shrug, I'm sure no one really cares. I stick the last piece of armor, my helmet, on my head as I walk down a corridor from the Barracks. Ever since the Battle for Manehatten, I was given a rather nice promotion that I actually liked. I always joke about how I'm never promoted, but it's not true. I always had a chance to go up the chain, but I didn't want to since it would normally mean I have to be shipped off somewhere. I know, it's a bit selfish, but I'm stubborn like that. I snicker to myself as I finally get to my post. It's funny, normally I would have to be running errands for someone right about now. It's been so long since I had to run an errand that it's almost nostalgic to think about it. I perk up as I remember that there is some paperwork I need to pick up from Clipper. I immediately start walking toward the office building. It's almost four thirty, Clipper is normally here around this time. In no time at all, I find myself walking into the building, immediately seeing the slightly renovated office. The carpet's orange, and there's a computer at Clipper's desk in the back of the lobby. Clipper sits behind her desk, already sorting through papers while occasionally sipping from a cup. "Morning Clipper," I greet. Clipper looks up and smiles. "Hi Spearhead! How are you?" She asks. "Oh, I'm good, I just need to-" I am suddenly interrupted by the office door swing open and slamming into the wall. I jump out of my skin and just barely manage to stop myself from grabbing my weapon. Out stumbled Anon, with bags under his eyes. He stretches his arms, earning a couple of loud pops as he yawns. "Anon? What are you doing here-" I stop and gag as the smell of smoke hits my nose. "Whisk got mad at me," he says simply, rubbing his head. He already has his regular attire on, but it's all wrinkled a little. "Uh, how?" I ask. "I accidentally left a cigarette on our coffee table, which caught on fire," he says casually. "I couldn't sleep on the fucking couch, so I came to work early. I managed to grab two hours of sleep." I chuckle and shake my head. Anon's always a weird guy, but probably one of the nicest I've met. I turn my attention back to Clipper, who's looking through some envelopes. "Anyway, Clipper, do you have any messages or documents for me? I put in a request about two days ago for the roster of rookies we're getting soon,” I say. Anon passes me, going for a coffee maker I have failed to notice on one side of Clipper’s desk. Clipper hums and goes through the envelopes again. “... No, doesn’t seem like it,” she mutters. I sigh, sagging my shoulders. “Two fucken days for a roster you wanted three days ago?” Anon guesses, pouring in some creamer into his mug. “Yep,” I say. “Hm... Want me to put in a word?” Anon offers. “I tend to have a way with words.” I shake my head. "No, it's fine, they'll get in trouble on their own." With that, I March off as Anon turns to Clipper. "So, about those files of pool noodles..." I stand by in the courtyard, next to Anon's office building in front of the Wall's entrance. I notice various guards coming in to patrol the area, showing absolutely stoic faces as they do their duty. I frown as I look at the sky to see it's almost noon. Sergui should have been here by now. I finally hear the sound of an armored pony rushing up to his position next to me. "A bit late Sergui," I note as he catches his breath. "Sorry, there was a cart wreck on my way here," he explains. "The stupid 'self-pulled carts' are so new, that I didn't know what to do when they asked who's fault it was." "That doesn't excuse your tardiness," I warn. Sergui salutes before taking his place beside me "Come in boys, I need some help with this fuck," Anon's voice crackles from the walkie-talkie. "This dude's a damn jackass." I look at the device in confusion for a moment before remembering what jackass means to him. "Uh, sure, will do." I nod towards Sergui and we head towards the booth. I open the door to find a pegasus shoving a papers in Anon's face. "What do you mean I can't say it!? I have the z-word pass!" "Shut the fuck up, go the fuck away!" Anon yells back. I give a glare at the entrant as I hear the argument. I come up to the pony, clearing my throat. "Alright buddy, you've had your fun, come on." As I try to grab the pony, he tries to turn to me. However, he turns so quickly, he smacks himself with my outstretched, gold-clad armor. He falls to the floor, unconscious. I look up at Anon. "You saw that right?" I ask, not entirely sure that what I just saw really happened. "Yep," Anon says, unsurprised. He snickers as he looks up at me. "You know, I bet my people would still consider that police brutality," Anon muses. "Um... Okay?" I say. He waves it off and gestures for me to take the entrant away. I nod and use a hoof to lift him and place on my back. As I walk out, I hear Anon call for the next entrant. Sergui, waiting outside, looks at me in confusion as I walk out. "Did he say he had a z-word-" "Don't," I warn, still walking. Sergui and I finish up throwing yet another detained entrant into the cell, a hippogriff with a bad attitude. "I would have gotten away with it too! If it wasn't for you guards and your monkey!" He calls. I roll my eyes as Sergui and I walk back to our posts. "I'm amazed at how few detainments we've done today," I note, walking out of the Checkpoint's jail building and into the courtyard. "Yeah, this is pretty new," Sergui says. "Sir!" A guard from somewhere calls. "Celestia damn it," I mutter quietly to myself. I guess I shouldn't have jinxed myself. I turn around to find a guard rushing up to meet us. "What's wrong?" I ask. "Sir, we have a bit of a problem at the other entrance," he says, saluting. "At ease, I'll look into it." I turn to Sergui. "Go back to your post, I'll catch up, alright?" He nods and walks off as I start following my fellow guard. At the other entrance, a lot of griffons and guard ponies are looking at a big cart, which is lead by two griffons. I frown as I remember this exact scenario happening about two or three years ago. I think that's when Anon started smoking. I shake my head. I can't ask Anon for help, he'd get too mad before I even finish explaining what's going on. "Alright, what's the hold up?" I ask as I walk up to one of the griffons. "Sir, thank you, you see, we're having trouble with moving this cart. We think someone might have accidentally broken one of the wheels, and we need to repair it." I nod, taking in the information. I can't really use our resources for this, since it's technically Anon's call, though I doubt he'd care. However, I want to play this safe. "Alright, we'll help move the cart," I say. I turn to face any nearby guards. "I need two or three strong ones, on the double! We need to help move this cart!" I call out. Immediately, a couple guards come up. "Go to the back of it and try to push," I order. They both salute and hurry towards the back. It's nice, not having to repeat myself. The respect I got from the battle for Manehatten lingers on to this day. I'm still not quite used to it. "Thank you sir, you truly are a Knight," one griffon says before they move along. I frown as I hear that title. Truth be told, I don't believe I deserve it. I think back to the event, remembering how I had to be told by someone to do something right. I inwardly sigh and just smile at the leaving griffons. At least I succeeded. I am proud of that much... I groan as the soldiers in front of me shift uncomfortably. We're sitting in the courtyard, near the office building. "So, you're telling me," I start. "That when someone gave you a letter to me, and you didn't give it to me, you figured that it would be wise to just stick it in my lunch bag." I take out the letter to show that it is soaked in water that had spilled inside the bag. "Exactly why did you think that was the best course of action?" I ask. Before they can answer, my radio crackles again. "Yo, we have a fucking dumbass trying to threaten me with a banana." I start to answer it, but stop as I realize that Sergui can handle it. I start to continue berating the guards, but I remember that it's Sergui that might handle it. I groan and shove my lunch into one guard's hooves. "Hold this," I say, turning to go deal with the problem. I walk a small distance before opening the door to find a strange sight. Anon, holding his hands up, a moose, holding a banana up, and a hole on a wall in Anon's booth. "I am not a donkey!" The moose yells. "Spearhead, help, this fucker's insane!" Anon says. The moose's banana glows and a Lazer shoots out, narrowly missing Anon as he ducks. "What the hay!?" I tell, drawing the moose's attention. However, before he could react, I jump forward and slap the banana out of his hoof before punching him. The moose stumbled back and lowers his head. Quickly, he starts charging at me with his antlers pointed at me. I quickly side step, which allows him to run into the magical barrier and stumble back again. I deliver another punch and knock out the moose, making his body fall to his side, unconscious. "Holy shit," Anon says, putting his hands down. "I think that's the coolest shit you've done so far." I chuckle and throw the creature over my back. "I think it was too!" I say, laughing a little. I walk out as Anon announces the temporary closing of the Checkpoint for maintenance. I snicker as Sergui catches up to me. "Hey, what happened?" He asks. "I disarmed and neutralized a moose," I answer, snickering even more. "What was he armed with?" He asks. I chuckle more and more. "A, hehehe, a banana," I say, before laughing loudly. Although the banana was dangerous, that was certainly still entertaining in hindsight. Just another day as a Royal Guard, I guess.