//------------------------------//
// Regarding the Distance of Stars 
// Story: Atychiphobia 
// by Ice Star 
//------------------------------//

once upon a time
You had a little filly who wanted a hearth's warming 
and with it
a gift like no other
to spend her day
with the Light of her life
who she flew to like a moth
orbiting
You 
even when it hurt her

she wanted this so badly
her feelings burned after her in the halls
leaving all the smoke You should have seen

because she
loved You
hated You
wanted You 
to sit with her
for a day
say everything was canceled 
but the time You would spend with her







like a Mother would 








together we could have 
had such memories
that went beyond a few hours
when You would hoof me my gifts 
with a smile 
and tell me how we had 
two and a half hours
before 
You had somewhere
and everywhere else in equestria to be
instead of getting to play with me
 

every time the little filly
told You to stay just a little longer
and every reason why You should have
You found another way to tell her no
leaving her in a pile
of everything she hadn't wanted
because of how duty calls first
or so You always said 

she only ever tried 
to find ways to keep busy when You were gone
but the Sun's nephew had a family 
and Her shadow would take holidays off
only because You told her to


so i was alone
for most of every hearth's warming 
with nothing but gifts 
from You
grandmother
Your shadow
the cards You made Your nephew send me
{don't think that i couldn't tell}
{or hadn't heard the way You pleaded-demanded him}
{for the 'sake of the holiday' and how 'she's just a filly'}


with only a big empty castle
full of places to hide
to spend her time
is it any wonder
she would find 
herself 
getting lost
in all the spaces 
You never let her see 

what better than a room
bearing a golden lock shining 
under dust 
above the gray heart
of a rarely traveled hall
to enchant a filly feeling so discarded

one look through the keyhole
gave her preview to a world of dust
dancing over and around
everything inside she could not see 
except for shades of a rainbow
pale and faded
that beckoned her as nothing else had 

with no wards on the door
(something so odd for You) 
the lock melded to her magic's fire
until she could push it open 
and step inside
somewhere that hadn't been secret enough 
to a single, curious filly 
was the skeleton key to
when Your words and silence
wielded in equal measure
had been enough for everypony else


i had stepped into
somewhere filled with hundreds of presents
all wrapped up by Your meticulous hooves
in papers that You would choose 
their bows weighed down by dust
and under it all
not a single name listed on each

when i checked the receipts 
folded under each
by a hoof i knew too well
i marveled at how 
for over three hundred years 
You bought gifts for nopony
 

now they had fallen into her hooves
this treasure trove 
of gifts numbering 
over nine hundred
their mystery far too tempting 
for her to ignore
knowing these belonged to nopony
other than she who claimed them 

pulling back layers 
of paper that had once been like petals
plastered with preservation spells 
making their delicate sheets glitter
resistant to time
if not to dust
but new in the little filly's heart

from within clouds of tissue paper
she pulled some most curious things


untouched books of poetry
crystal inkwells carved like shooting stars
gowns in all covered in night scenes 
made bright by all the gaudy colors You loved
quilts sewen with the tiniest jewels 
cut just so
to shape constellations
and telescope lenses worth more than grandmother's house


from one particular box
the lonely little filly 
found an ursa minor 
bearing a soft coat of twinkling stars
two shining black button eyes 
and a tiny velvet nose 

despite all its festive trimmings
Your little filly knew how to recognize
a toy that was as abandoned as she was 

so she let hours slip by
cradling the star-beast idly 
and clad in a dress too long for any mare
she could imagine 
with an unused silver tiara on her head
pretending she was a princess too


by the time You found me
i had my hours of fun
lost and alone
in the very halls i lived
where i was always reminded they were Yours
and the guards were to check in on me
as gold-clad, official foalsitters i never needed
or wanted

You had me drop everything
betrayal stuck under Your perfect plaster face
leaking out through Your haunted eyes
as You told me to put everything back
remove everything i had put on
only after You had spent enough time
sobbing
asking me if i knew what i had done
while never telling me what that was

i left that room
You had me never speak of it again
the next time i found the door 
it had been warded of lonely fillies
with magic to keep everypony out 
and cold new locks to defy my fire
like i was Your no-good grave-robber


she had never seen You cry before
nor did she ever see it again


in silence
You finally taught me something
how to fester without drawing attention
my most important lesson
right there
took me years to master



from there
i pretended hearth's warming day could still be
happy